Your typical vent about penis size

[rmp]

Hello.

 

First of all I would like to apologise to everyone because I know how annoying this topic can be to some people. I am not sure this will even be approved and posted since there are usually a lot of posts related to this matter and I won't be surprised if mine gets rejected. Nevertheless I need to vent about it.

 

Penis size has been a big problem in my life. I hit puberty around the age of 13 and I started masturbating soon after which naturally coincided with the discovery of porn. Until my mid teens penis size wasn't really a problem so there's not really a lot to mention. I was a normal and happy kid.

Fast forwarding until the age of 16.  

At 16 I had my first girlfriend. My insecurities started around that age and I believe that the main cause for that to happen was porn. I was a regular "consumer" of porn. By the age of 16 I believe I had already seen basically a bit of everything porn had to offer. I used to masturbate a lot during that period but I don't really think it reached the point of becoming an addiction. I believe It was just my uncontrollable hormones and my high sexual desire. Anyway... That girlfriend was the first person ever to whom I shared my insecurities with. For a 16 year old I think she handled the situation quite well at the time in all honesty. She didn't bully me. She didn't jump into conclusions. She probably thought things but was patient and supportive. She was also the first girl/woman that saw my penis fully erect. I remember that when she saw it she said that I wasn't small and if I was small she didn't want to know what big meant. I kind of believed in her despite knowing that there was no way for her to know for sure because she wasn't that experienced. Although she managed to calm my insecurities with it. Maybe she was bullshitting me. I am aware that's a possibility but back then it worked. It didn't "heal" my doubts and insecurities but it did make me feel less pressured about my member (with her).

We eventually broke up and after that I've never been the same. I fell into a deep depression. I couldn't finish high school because of it and I didn't have any other partner until now (age 22). I had 5 years of very intense depression with panic attacks in between (which were the worst part because my panic attacks were similar to seizures and it used to mess with my blood pressure). I've been fighting slowly. Finished High School last year. Had my first job and met my current girlfriend. 

 

I am drifting away from the main topic. Don't worry. It starts now.

 

I became obsessed with penis size. Paranoid. I kept watching porn and comparing my member over and over and over again.

 

-It reached a point where I measured my member everyday multiple times a day.

-I was ashamed of my size.

-I was embarrassed of being naked in the locker room although I never hid myself. That's something I take a bit of pride in.  

-I don't pee near other men. For some reason I can never do it. I can never pee if I feel like I'm being watched. It's ridiculous.

-I don't go to the gym because I am tired of comparing myself to others. I do it unconsciously and I am tired of it.

 

Clearly I believe I developed a "small penis syndrome" but I don't think my insecurities are badly supported. The truth is I am indeed small so my insecurities weren't born out of thin air. These are my measurements approximately:

BPEL: 15cm-16cm (The lowest I registered and the highest respectively. I don't know if I measured it wrong sometimes or if I was biased but 14cm is definitely the lowest I registered while fully erect.)

NBPEL: 14cm - 14.5cm

GIRTH: 13.5cm - 14cm

 

So as you can conclude I am on the smaller side. And it has been a very complicated war against myself. The struggle to accept things the way they are. I am well aware that things could have been worse but that thought isn't enough. I tried talking about it with therapists and how deep the problem is but the hints I dropped were probably not loud enough for them to deduct that there was something serious about those insecurities. Truth is I can't talk about it unless someone pushes me to do it. It's a miracle I am doing so right now.

 

To make matters worse I cannot last too long in bed. I am sexually active with my current girlfriend and unless I use those condoms that make you last longer then I can barely last 1 or 2 minutes. Sometimes even seconds. To be fair the relationship is Long distance and we only see each other every 2 weeks. Sometimes we don't have sex. I believe that maybe with some more practice I would improve my time. Plus I do all sorts of things to train my muscles down there. Kegel exercises. I try to last at least 10 minutes while masturbating everytime. I do exercises to my muscles while peeing (which can cause injuries even). I am trying. It doesn't help that I am a very anxious man and I truly believe that anxiety plays a big role in this department. If I am not okay in my mind then that will affect things. Fortunately it never affected my erections yet. Gladly I am still like a 16 year old.

 

This seriously depresses me because I am a fool for love and all I want is to feel like I am what my partner wants and needs. To feel like I can be the best for her and I don't think I will ever feel like that with anyone. Maybe she does indeed feel that I am enough and that I am what she needs and wants but I can't accept it and that's my problem. Not hers.

 

Men that are on the smaller side like me experienced it. They've seen through their own eyes and felt with their own mind how women feel pleasure with above average members. I will never feel what that is like. I am tired. There's so much more to talk about this yet but I can't do it. I am aware that the character of a man shouldn't and isn't defined by the size of his penis but it does make an impact in my opinion.

 

Like that saying goes "Good men don't come with good dick". I am not by any means classifying myself as a "good man" but I see truth in that sentence.

I don't know how to fix this problem. 

 

Thanks for reading and, again, I am sorry. I am just your typical insecure man about his penis size... Jesus... I am really weak.

 

 

[rmp]

All edits were made due to grammatical or structural mistakes.

[Smallbeans]

@rmp

your not weak at all. You were strong enough to come on here and ask for help. That takes balls. 

I’ve found on the times I can’t last long in bed I focus more on my partners pleasure. Like longer foreplay and stuff like that. 

If you only see your gf every two weeks then that gives you plenty time to try things like edging which I think really helps 

[rmp]

13 hours ago, Smallbeans said:

@rmp

your not weak at all. You were strong enough to come on here and ask for help. That takes balls. 

I’ve found on the times I can’t last long in bed I focus more on my partners pleasure. Like longer foreplay and stuff like that. 

If you only see your gf every two weeks then that gives you plenty time to try things like edging which I think really helps 

Thank you for reaching out. And yes I do try edging already but only while masturbating. I researched about it and I think I do it properly but you never know I suppose. Once again thank you.

[RonaldU]

Do you realize you are average on length and above average on girth?

[Victimorthecrime]

@RonaldU exactly right.  14cm is 5.5" of girth per Mr. Google.  Folks are free to interpret that data point as they like.  

[Wayless]

On 6/11/2018 at 4:41 AM, rmp said:

can conclude I am on the smaller side. And it has been a very complicated war against myself. The struggle to accept things the way they are. I am well aware that things could have been worse but that thought isn't enough. I tried talking about it with therapists and how deep the problem is but the hints I dropped were probably not loud enough for them to deduct that there was something serious about those insecurities.

No, you are above average.

I would suspect you have other issues that you unconsciously project on you penis.  Perhaps you are not as "masculine" as you would like?  Maybe you are shy?  Maybe you are not as assertive as you think you should be.  ......  etc.  Just guessing.  Maybe your hormones are off the mark so you feel inadequate.

Perhaps worry about your penis is more "comfortable" than your real problems.

[Shrimp Fried Life]

Obviously porn has warped your sense of what is normal when it comes to  penis size.

 

Of course it does the same thing to a lot of girls too.

 

Maybe get some counseling if you can.

[bornSolo]

you are well above average,

now you are making me (12cm BPEL) feel bad.

[Shrimp Fried Life]

On 6/11/2018 at 2:41 AM, rmp said:

These are my measurements approximately:

BPEL: 15cm-16cm (The lowest I registered and the highest respectively. I don't know if I measured it wrong sometimes or if I was biased but 14cm is definitely the lowest I registered while fully erect.)

NBPEL: 14cm - 14.5cm

GIRTH: 13.5cm - 14cm

 

So as you can conclude I am on the smaller side.

 

 

No. Average is between 5 and 7 inches (12.7cm to 17.78cm) so you are well within average size like most men in this world. If women have a problem with your penis it's their problem not yours. Also your girth is above average and that is what makes more of a difference to most women.

[TheDane]

"it's their problem not yours"........ that doesnt sound right

[Shrimp Fried Life]

Why? if any woman can't handle an average, perfectly normal penis then she has something wrong with her.

[TheDane]

and then she moves on to someone with an above average sized penis.


Who is left with the problem then?

[RonaldU]

On 1/10/2019 at 4:11 PM, TheDane said:

and then she moves on to someone with an above average sized penis.


Who is left with the problem then?

and then he moves on to someone with an average penis needs (or average vagina)

You get my point?

[TheDane]

good if you can handle the rejections/humiliations..... its hard for me personally

[FloridaDood898]

Whats this OP guy even worried about? he's well within the realms of the norm. I think anyone actually trying to compare their members size with "actors" from porn movies will immediatley feel inadequate. Why did you spend so many years fretting over something like that when the whole time you were medically average? strange.

[LaLa]

Hello FloridaDood898,

I approved your post, mainly to admonish you a bit for your "insensitive tone" and explain to you the meaning of "SPS" - as not knowing what it means probably caused your reaction:

https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20070601/small-penis-syndrome-common

Quote

Small-penis syndrome is the anxiety of thinking one's penis is too small -- even though it isn't. 

Please, feel welcome and free to share your problems and views, but I would also ask you to try to avoid comments that could sound as "ridiculizing" / mocking the problems of others. I've been also sometimes perceived as similarly insensitive or uninformed on the SPS forum (as I also think that "size doesn't (and shouldn't) matter"), so I know how hard it it for some to read, mainly if it's written in a tone that sounds even mocking. It's like yelling at a depressed person that "why are you sad, you have so many reasons not to be!?". I don't say that expressing your opinion, like that this problem has been intensified by porn, is wrong. I even agree with you. But the fact that you don't understand the suffering is not a reason to criticize and/ or mock the sufferers. 

(Sorry for such a long explanation, I just try to make sure you get me right  .)

 

 

 

[FloridaDood898]

K that wasn't my intention by any means. Guess its all more in the mind really than the penis. Apologies.

[Wayless]

On 6/11/2018 at 4:41 AM, rmp said:

Men that are on the smaller side like me experienced it. They've seen through their own eyes and felt with their own mind how women feel pleasure with above average members. I will never feel what that is like. I am tired. There's so much more to talk about this yet but I can't do it. I am aware that the character of a man shouldn't and isn't defined by the size of his penis but it does make an impact in my opinion.

As my penis is actually smaller than average, 4-3/8 (11.12cm) fully erect and bone pressed, I think I have been too dismissive of the small penis syndrome of others who are larger at times, such as I was above, though I think what I said was technically correct. 

However, I have come to realize that my main problem with sex was my lack of communication with my female partners.  I was so sensitive inwardly about my lack of endowment, I was afraid to talk to women about how they felt about our sex, what they wanted and what they wanted me to do different.  I just tried to believe sex went well for my partners, but suspected it didn't, blaming my smaller than average penis.

Part of the problem was that I wanted to believe I was larger than I was, that I was "about average" which I thought was 6".  I didn't know the real average was somewhere between 5.1 and 5.5" (12.9 to 13.9cm).  Thus, I was suffering a contradiction in my mind, feeling I must be average to participate, believing I was, but fearful I wasn't, wanting to believe I was satisfying women, but fearful I wasn't.  Afraid to talk about it.

I am old now, but back when I was sexually active, the stakes were too high for me to investigate the facts and act accordingly, whatever that might have been.  Perhaps my experience can be of some value to those suffering sps.

[TheDane]

31 minutes ago, lloydbaker said:

As my penis is actually smaller than average, 4-3/8 (11.12cm) fully erect and bone pressed, I think I have been too dismissive of the small penis syndrome of others who are larger at times, such as I was above, though I think what I said was technically correct. 

However, I have come to realize that my main problem with sex was my lack of communication with my female partners.  I was so sensitive inwardly about my lack of endowment, I was afraid to talk to women about how they felt about our sex, what they wanted and what they wanted me to do different.  I just tried to believe sex went well for my partners, but suspected it didn't, blaming my smaller than average penis. 

Part of the problem was that I wanted to believe I was larger than I was, that I was "about average" which I thought was 6".  I didn't know the real average was somewhere between 5.1 and 5.5" (12.9 to 13.9cm).  Thus, I was suffering a contradiction in my mind, feeling I must be average to participate, believing I was, but fearful I wasn't, wanting to believe I was satisfying women, but fearful I wasn't.  Afraid to talk about it.

I am old now, but back when I was sexually active, the stakes were too high for me to investigate the facts and act accordingly, whatever that might have been.  Perhaps my experience can be of some value to those suffering sps.

so exactely how and what would you have asked them?

[Wayless]

I would ask them whatever I was wondering about before, after and during.  And I wouldn't be deterred by whatever they happened to say or refused to say in response.  Hopefully, I'd be in an "oh wow" state of mind instead of "oh no", I don't want to hear state of mind.

I'd also try to talk about how I felt about what we were actually doing.

Yeah, I know I might find-out things I didn't want to hear, but that would enable me to adjust if that seemed appropriate, or move on. . .   If a woman didn't want to tell me if she was orgasming like she wanted or what she wanted, I'd hope to realize she was wrong for me instead of spending decades with her.

Once, I dated a woman for several months and we had sex fairly frequently.  I was really enjoying it, but suspected she didn't really orgasm, but notices she got hot a juicy occasionally which made me last longer.  Not as pleasurable for me, but I thought that must be her orgasm.  We never discussed the sex.

One time when she did get hot a juicy, after I came, she said "go down on me so I can cum too."  I did so and found out what her orgasm was really like.  Even then we didn't talk, but our sex evolved toward 100% pussy eating.  After more months I found-out she was a dominant lesbian, apparently training me to be like here little covey of submissive submissive girls.

She would get off on humiliating one liners some days, but we never talked about mutual pleasure.

 

[TheDane]

That is a good story...and it does offer some advice albeit there are some variables to the story that sort of disqualifies it i.e her being a lesbian.

Technically you werent communicating she was ordering/asking you to do something for her.

What I mean is. That it's a tough question to ask as thing are getting hot and heavy. "so my penis is small lets talk about how to satisfy you with it anyway"

[Wayless]

Yeah, the story is not an example of communication, but lack of it.  Had we communicated, I would have stopped seeing her early.  She had a covert agenda of me helping her out financially which I did, but in such slow motion with apparent justification I didn't interpret it as prostitution.

I was certain she was a dominant lesbian by the end of her relationship.  However, she was capable of doing whatever sexually seemed to be in her interest.  She also enjoyed feminizing men, but remarkably did it as a long term strategy.  Eventually met some of her prior men too.  They confirmed it with comments.

Well, it would make more sense to ask if she was satisfied or orgasmed or what she wanted, how her pussy felt to you, etc. not to bring-up your own insecurity about penis size.  Of course, if committed to communication, you would be open to her saying she wanted deeper penetration or even a bigger penis.  Like, maybe I should have commented on how hot that girls pussy got some times and not others.  Most likely, knowing her personality now, she wouldn't have talked, but blown me off.

I was looking for a woman that could have a vaginal orgasm with my penis.  I should have worked on whatever communication was necessary to know if I was successful, not be "too sensitive" to find-out.  Instead, I allowed her to slowly pull me into her mind set and accept humiliation in order to witness her strong orgasms.