Thy Enemy.....Small Penis

[Desolate Ronin]

I'm 30 years old and I've had sexual relations with 12 women in my life. When I was a teenager, I never had a problem with dating and sex. It came natural I guess. I started to notice a change after high school though; women matured more and I assumed they've seen a lot of shape and sizes of penis to a clear idea of what they want and don't want. I never paid too much attention when it came to my size but after high school, it started to spread around to what it seemed like a network of girls, that their efforts with me would leave them disappointed. That's when my focus took on a life of its own. My buds built me up and put me on this pedestal as if I was a lady killer, but the truth was I did ok. My confidence started to take a major downfall when I asked this girl out who I could tell was very interested in me. I asked her to have dinner and see a movie with me; she wanted to say yes but her face painted a different picture. I politely asked her "why not?" She wouldn't say anything but I could tell she was holding back. I pressed further and her reply was "Well, I do like you. You're funny, nice, and handsome.." I was like "But??" She replies "I just cant date a guy with a small dick." I was confused as hell. Baffled really. So I asked her where she heard that from and her reply was "I cant say." It never once dawned on me my equipment was small, I mean I knew it was never big but I thought it was average. Soon enough, my OCD kicked in and I started to do research on below, average, and above average penis sizes. I grabbed a tape measured and got myself hard. I came out to be 4 inches long and 2 inches thick. It kept replaying in my mind over and over again like a broken record. Every time I was at a party, my anxiety hit me like a jolt of lighting because when ever someone would engage with me conversationally, I felt their eyes stare at me in judgement. I left town, enrolled into college, and felt like I had to start over but college was exactly the same...maybe a little worse, because at this point the women were more mature and have been around the field a bit. I somewhat remember having to get really hammered for me to get naked in front of a woman because the alcohol made me fearless and unaware. After awhile though, it women on campus started to talk and the group of girls that was once blowing up my phone wouldn't give me the time of day. I remember their was this obnoxious fat girl who loved emasculating men all the time. When see caught wind of the gossip pertaining to me, she used it like ammo. We would be in a social setting together and she would say some ignorant, politically incorrect statement and I would call her out on it. She'd come back with "Someone getting upset now, is it because you have an oversized clit??" She was such a bitch to me. Again, a girl would be interested in me and she would destroy my chances by saying "You don't want to waste your time with him!" The girls would always be like "why?" The fat girl's comment would be "He doesn't have the right sized tool for you, honey." So my sex life was like a ghost town with a bunch of tumbleweeds rolling about. I developed a horrible drinking probably which was a chaos in itself. Any women who approached me, I would act disinterested because I knew if I let one of them in, then it would be another round of ridicule and rejection. This girl I dated in college cheated on me and left me because I have a small dick. I was dealing with alcohol issues, rejection, depression, and self hatred. I ended up self destructing which led to attempted suicide. This beast was created. It caused me to hate myself. I caused my heart to turn cold. It caused me to fear and hate women even though I knew it wasn't all them. It allowed me to become my worst enemy. I moved on and started to use Tinder as a way to fill my sexual needs with a woman I knew I was never gonna see again. I got back into the dating pool after a year and a half of casual dating. I dated this woman, Nora. We dated for three months and I thought "Hey, this girl is different." On the third month, I found out she cheated on me and was planning to break up with me. I couldn't put myself through it anymore. My thoughts would encompassed that I will never satisfy a woman or woman for that matter. M heart was telling me to throw in the towel and focus my energy and life on my dreams and goals. I finally thought to myself that it was time to shut the door on the whole "White Pickett Fence" idea. I missed a lot opportunities with beautiful, smart, and funny women because I had to keep myself safe. I would how a little interest,  but once it started to lead to bedroom stuff, I'd instantly shut down and act uninterested. This journey so far as made me cold, stoic, and unromantic. The strong notion of dying alone is becoming more and more certain with each and everyday. Now I walk this lonely, gray, celibate path and now are faced with two options: Suicide or to leave a body of art, work, and creative reputation as my legacy for all of my life. How can I get over this self-torture. How can I jump free of this obstacle. 

[Victimorthecrime]

@Desolate Ronin - hello.  Thanks for listing you age, it helps put things in perspective for me.  I am 26 years older than you and in my day women didn't talk like that, at least not publicly.  Things have changed apparently.

Also I wanted to compliment you on your writing - terse and effective.  

I have so many thought swimming in my head it's hard to start.  

1st a disclaimer: I don't claim to be an expert and my opinion is just that.  

Question:  have you been looking for a woman for a committed relationship leading to marriage or more for just fun and sex and that kind of stuff?  Because I see all sorts of guys in relationships and getting married and I find it improbable that they are all a girthy 6 and better.  Then again I have heard it said that women marry the lifestyle and not the man so who knows.  

Unfortunately what I personally have found is that in this world many people will look for reasons to not like you.  It's just that simple.  And like it or not they are entitled to their preferences.  Whoever said "all is fair in love and war" hit it out of the ballpark.  

If you want to pursue romance my advice to you would be to tell them right off the bat "if you're looking for a porn star you might be disappointed".  Or something to that effect, whatever works for you.  

 

[Desolate Ronin]

I'm always looking for a relationship that will lead into something serious when it comes to that point. I take everything in stride and if things happen then they'll happen. The women I've dated were always looking for a trophy boyfriend, and that was never my thing. I come from a humble upbringing but carry myself confidently when it comes to my personality, but as I stated before, when it comes to physical part, I always lose out because of my size. Sex is really important to women, and it doesn't matter how nice I am, how much attention i give them, or how much I do to over compensate for what I lack. Size trumps over everything else. I'm selfless in the bedroom and I make everything about pleasing the woman. To them, it don't matter how gratuitous I am, It's a numbers game. I spoke to my uncle, which was really uncomfortable, and he said "Dude, you just have to keep putting yourself out there until you find a woman who accepts you and your entirety. In shortest term, put myself through humiliation and rejection til I find the right one. 

[Victimorthecrime]

I am sure your uncle was well meaning and I kind of see what he means but I don't subscribe to that advice because how do you know if someone accepts you in your entirety and by the time you go through all that and get there are you even someone worth having?  The humiliation and rejection you refer to takes its toll.  To pretend otherwise is delusional.  

So what's the plan?  

[TheDane]

First of all.... welcome on board. My story is similar to yours in many ways.... I am 35 however and hav been with the same number of women as you, but not quite as romantic\Lord Byron'esq as you from what I can read. Before we know it there will be guys in here responding to you that you are fine and everything is going to work out for you(they are usually speaking on their own behalf because it has for themselves).

Unless you are able to endure the humiliations of being rejected you arent going to find a girl..... but it's the only choice. I myself am licking my wounds from being rejected because of my size right now. It always hurts..... prior to that it was 8 or 9 years since I had intercourse(you heard me correctly 8 or 9) And it's complicated because I do hate women too. Not always rationally....... I have been told.

 When I read about that fat girl you write about I became so angry. I know there is no good comeback from what she said, but you must have said something about her size, please?

Something tells me that you are American.......and something tells me you made the first mistake of the small penis guy......shitting where you eat. You simply can not date or try to hook up with girls you work or go to school with. A hard pill to swallow..... trust you me I know.

If you ever want to talk pm me. 

[Desolate Ronin]

4 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

I am sure your uncle was well meaning and I kind of see what he means but I don't subscribe to that advice because how do you know if someone accepts you in your entirety and by the time you go through all that and get there are you even someone worth having?  The humiliation and rejection you refer to takes its toll.  To pretend otherwise is delusional.  

So what's the plan?  

I don't know. Be a celibate like monk I guess by putting all of my sexual frustrations and self loathe into my writing. Maybe some good will come to that. I just don't have the stomach to be humiliated again. When I'm ready, I'll go back out there and try it again. 

[Victimorthecrime]

I noticed you were a good writer.  What other kind of writing do you do?  

[Shrimp Fried Life]

I'm 60 and I don't think I've even spoken to 12 women never mind have sex with them. Sorry but I'm not in the position to give you advise. I never got to put myself through the rejection and humiliation. I lived vicariously through other guys.

On 12/14/2018 at 10:32 PM, Desolate Ronin said:

The strong notion of dying alone is becoming more and more certain with each and everyday.

This is where I am.

[Desolate Ronin]

7 hours ago, lifelongvirgin said:

I'm 60 and I don't think I've even spoken to 12 women never mind have sex with them. Sorry but I'm not in the position to give you advise. I never got to put myself through the rejection and humiliation. I lived vicariously through other guys.

This is where I am.

I know how I'm coming off and I know it seems greener on my side of the fence, but once you experience sex, it's something you never want to lose. It's even greater with someone you really care about. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate the sexual experiences I've shared with these 12 women, I'm just saying it's hard especially since I'm thirty and everyone I know around me is settling down in committing relationships. People start to investigate and put labels - he's weird, he's gay, etc when the truth is there's not a damn woman on this earth who will see past my size and see how great I am. 

[Shrimp Fried Life]

I read stories like yours and then I read some other guy say I have a small penis and I've been with many women and only a couple have ever said anything. So I'm not sure how to explain it. Maybe it's location. Maybe the women where you live have a different attitude than women in another state or country. I don't know.

 

The only choices seems to be to (as you said) put yourself through the rejection and humiliation over and over till you find one that truly doesn't care or do what I did and live a life of hell alone and frustrated until you die.

[RonaldU]

Hi.

I don't want to question your experience and what you suffered, because if it happened, it happened.

But, are you 4 inches BP or NBP? I'm always perplexed at how 5" is ok for most woman and 4" ruins your life, how can that be? 

[Victimorthecrime]

2 hours ago, RonaldU said:

I'm always perplexed at how 5" is ok for most woman and 4" ruins your life, how can that be? 

I don't know anything about life being ruined but just in point of fact 4 must increase by 25% to reach 5.  Think how happy you would be if your income, intelligence or life expectancy increased by 25 percent.  

[RonaldU]

10 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

I don't know anything about life being ruined but just in point of fact 4 must increase by 25% to reach 5.  Think how happy you would be if your income, intelligence or life expectancy increased by 25 percent.  

Well, in %, as this are (in general, not talking about penises) small figures, yes, it's a pretty big increase.

But if you think about it in inches or cm, it's almost nothing, many people won't be able to tell if an object is closer to 4" or 5" 

[Victimorthecrime]

32 minutes ago, RonaldU said:

Well, in %, as this are (in general, not talking about penises) small figures, yes, it's a pretty big increase.

But if you think about it in inches or cm, it's almost nothing, many people won't be able to tell if an object is closer to 4" or 5" 

@RonaldU - sorry dude math is math and the numbers tell a different story.  A 25% increase is a 25% increase, no matter what the object.  If something inside your body suddenly took up 25% more area I think you would know it.  

As for your statement that people can't tell the difference between 4" and 5" - a) that is based on nothing except your opinion, you have no data to support it and b) again, we are not talking about visually. We are taking about a physical increase being felt inside one's body.  

The concept is known as proportion.  

[RonaldU]

@Victimorthecrime I get your point, but the effects of it are also debateable

You can claim, in general professional community does, that size (and specially small size changes like 1") doesn't have any physical effect on pleasure. You can agree or disagree, but is debateable, no data supports that size matters either appart from a % on women's oppinion.

Same thing goes for b). It's debateable whether you have the sensibility inside your body to perceive such size change. There are more factors than size, that's why not all girls care or like same sizes.

Maths are maths, and 25% increase it's 25% increase. But what that means in intercourse is not maths.

[Victimorthecrime]

Fair enough @RonaldU I agree no one can accurately predict another's subjective experience.  

Your original statement was you were perplexed how some could say 5 is ok and 4 is not and I was just proposing one possible reason why that might be the case.   

All good.  Have a great day.  

 

[TheDane]

Women today want men who are honest, rich, intelligent, tall, humorous, romantic, eksotic, erotic, energetic, good looking, itellectual, empathic, good fathers, adaptable, bold, brave, confident, considerate, funny, friendly, adventurous, dedicated, creative , emotional , helpful.........etc. 

Oh.... but if he has a big penis they are lenient on those demands.

On the other hand, if has a small penis. He could have all the afforementioned characteristics. to no avail.

I am sure there are some readers both male and female who now solipsistically thinks. "Hey I am not like that", or "my GF is not like that" . hence to that there is no truth to this theory. And I need to defend women from this outlandish idea.

[Shrimp Fried Life]

1 hour ago, TheDane said:

Women today want men who are honest, rich, intelligent, tall, humorous, romantic, eksotic, erotic, energetic, good looking, intellectual, empathic, good fathers, adaptable, bold, brave, confident, considerate, funny, friendly, adventurous, dedicated, creative , emotional , helpful.........etc. 
 

There must be a LOT of disappointed women out there. I don't know any guy that fits that description.

[RonaldU]

12 hours ago, TheDane said:

Women today want men who are honest, rich, intelligent, tall, humorous, romantic, eksotic, erotic, energetic, good looking, itellectual, empathic, good fathers, adaptable, bold, brave, confident, considerate, funny, friendly, adventurous, dedicated, creative , emotional , helpful.........etc. 

Oh.... but if he has a big penis they are lenient on those demands.

On the other hand, if has a small penis. He could have all the afforementioned characteristics. to no avail.

I am sure there are some readers both male and female who now solipsistically thinks. "Hey I am not like that", or "my GF is not like that" . hence to that there is no truth to this theory. And I need to defend women from this outlandish idea.

My personal experience is contrary to that.

I've talked honestly to many women in my life about penis size and I can distribute them in 3 groups:

- The ones that care A LOT about size and less than well above average won't be enough for them
- The ones that care about size, but they will work with what they have and it's not the most important thing for them
- The ones that doesn't care about size

All of them are right, all of them have the right to have their preferences, and no one lies, because there is not an universal answer for this.

But what I've seen, even with girls of the first group, is to break-up with very well endowed guys for other reasons, even if they said sex was awesome, and I've seen it many times.

When some girls say "size matters" we always understand "size the is most important thing for me". Also "size matters" sentence has a lot of grays. For some is "the bigger the better" but for many others is "between this and that", and that's usually around average. But there are also a lot of "no more than this".

[TheDane]

The solipsistic approach par excellence ..... thank you for exemplifying it.

To be fair I forgot to add this diagram.

They should be allowed to have preference....unfortunately all the pretty girls have a mysterious tendency to prefer the bigger ones. 
The rationale seems to be "why should I settle for this"?

And then I dont want to hear anything about intimacy, feelings and other bs when in 9/10 it boils down to penis size.

It's quite odd that you have spoken to a lot of girls about your penis size(I take it's small since you are here).
I dont think you'll find many people in here who has done that.

Turning to solipsism myself I can say that I have spoken to zero girls about my penis size in my 35 years and I have been in a 1-year-long relationship.

 

[Victimorthecrime]

Solipsism - had to look that one up. Haven't had philosophy here since the days of determinism.  

Hope your one year relationship turns out well @TheDane.  

 

 

[Shrimp Fried Life]

14 hours ago, RonaldU said:

- The ones that care A LOT about size and less than well above average won't be enough for them

- The ones that care about size, but they will work with what they have and it's not the most important thing for them
- The ones that doesn't care about size
 

While this is true you can be assured that all three groups would "prefer" to avoid guys with small ones.

[TheDane]

8 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

Solipsism - had to look that one up. Haven't had philosophy here since the days of determinism.  

Hope your one year relationship turns out well

Thanks......It was a long time ago....I havent being doing so well with the lady folk the last ten years.

As you can hear I am a very bitter person.

[Sickandtired]

I've normally found the women who are most vocal about being cruel to men with small dicks are women with a lot of anger. Two women at work were like this. One was fat and couldn't lose weight, the other was ugly. Women who feel ignored by men, tend to harbour more resentment. 

[TheDane]

Are you new Sickandtired? havent seen you  before.

another englishman.....I wonder where all the Indians, japanese or even Germans and italians are?