YOTH Posted June 28, 2019 Report Share Posted June 28, 2019 As many of you already know, my friend Tom who I met in this forum died last year after taking his own life. What many of you won't know, is that not only did he kill himself, but he also murdered his wife. When it happened I was in complete shock, they were most loving couple I'd ever had the pleasure to know. This news was immediately met with an unfair and ignorant backlash from people and news outlets, who didn't know him or his wife calling him a wife beater and an abusive husband. This couldn't have been further from the truth, he was an amazing and loving husband who would have done anything for his wife, but after 4 days without sleep (Insomnia caused by a new medication he was on) he had a major psychotic episode. What makes this whole event so sad, was on the night he murdered his wife and to took his own life, he was at the A&E begging to be sectioned. But he was told to go home, even though a nurse had highly recommended he be sectioned for his own safety. Hers and Tom's wife's pleas fell on deaf ears and the mental health team cut him loose. By 9am, they were both dead. After many months of inquests, the coroner found that the NHS was at fault and Tom was ruled to have had diminished responsibility. Massive avoidable failings were brought to light during the inquests, and the nurse on call that night even testified that the mental health team had not only failed them both, but had actually laughed when his wife mentioned his penis anxiety. SPS slowly wore Tom down until I didn't even recognise him. 4 days with no sleep was just too much...a culmination of societies apparent God given right to torture another human being over something he couldn't help. After the ruling, his wife's family finally knew the truth and they were buried together. I miss him. jazz and LaLa 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted June 28, 2019 Report Share Posted June 28, 2019 That's so terrible and so very sad ... And... they laughed at SPS??? SPS should be a part of the standard curriculum for all medicine students - how come it is not?? (A naive question, I know ...) Thank you for sharing the truth with us. I wish all people working at A&Es learn about this and never let something like that happen again. How do you feel, YOTH, how are you coping? Take care. jazz and YOTH 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpless_loner Posted July 2, 2019 Report Share Posted July 2, 2019 I'm speechles.....😪 YOTH 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
u.r.what.u.is Posted July 20, 2019 Report Share Posted July 20, 2019 Dammit, dammit, dammit. YOTH, thank you for your post, and you have my thoughts right now. YOTH 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YOTH Posted August 1, 2019 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2019 On 6/28/2019 at 5:31 PM, LaLa said: That's so terrible and so very sad ... I'm ok, I've done a lot of forgiveness work, a few times over. I don't want the rest of the year to be a focus on what went wrong. He was worth more than grief and mourning, so I'm trying to remember them both exactly how they were before. I just really don't want another guy to feel like he has nobody and do something permanent because of sps. LaLa 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YOTH Posted August 1, 2019 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2019 On 7/20/2019 at 5:41 PM, u.r.what.u.is said: Dammit, dammit, dammit. YOTH, thank you for your post, and you have my thoughts right now. Thanks, man jazz 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YOTH Posted August 1, 2019 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2019 On 7/2/2019 at 10:07 AM, Helpless_loner said: I'm speechles.....😪 It's pretty messed up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
llbaker Posted August 2, 2019 Report Share Posted August 2, 2019 12 hours ago, YOTH said: It's pretty messed up. Horrible! On 6/28/2019 at 3:31 AM, YOTH said: But he was told to go home, even though a nurse had highly recommended he be sectioned for his own safety. Hers and Tom's wife's pleas fell on deaf ears and the mental health team cut him loose. By 9am, they were both dead. What does "sectioned" mean? YOTH 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YOTH Posted August 27, 2019 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2019 @smallguy commited Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
llbaker Posted December 1, 2019 Report Share Posted December 1, 2019 On 8/27/2019 at 3:14 AM, YOTH said: @smallguy commited Oh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Under5 Posted December 1, 2019 Report Share Posted December 1, 2019 Yoth, the story is so sad. I hope you are okay. YOTH 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YOTH Posted December 1, 2019 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2019 5 hours ago, Under5 said: Yoth, the story is so sad. I hope you are okay. I'm ok now, it took a while. Going back to Edinburgh this Christmas, it'll be 2 years since I last saw him there, thought I'd let some balloons off. I still miss him, but I'm in a better place with it, as good of a place as I can be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toosmallforcomfort Posted December 1, 2019 Report Share Posted December 1, 2019 On 6/28/2019 at 12:31 PM, LaLa said: SPS should be a part of the standard curriculum for all medicine students - how come it is not?? (A naive question, I know ...) Here in the States, psychology is taught for one semester in medical school and offered as an elective. Body dysmorphic disorders are covered, however, SPS was not part of the curriculum at the time I went to medical school. I am doubtful that it is covered, except for an inclusion on a list of BDDs in the OCD category. Very sad story. I wonder which medication perhaps led to this. YOTH and LaLa 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YOTH Posted December 1, 2019 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2019 @Toosmallforcomfort Zoloft. Another guy from here is on it and it causes insomnia. Considering Tom already suffered from severe insomnia it was a stupid choice of medication. As it turned out, it was a fatal choice, but of course his doctor won't be held accountable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toosmallforcomfort Posted December 1, 2019 Report Share Posted December 1, 2019 I'm on the generic form, 50 to 75mg alternating days. Some insomnia, but nothing severe. However I tend to sweat a bit more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klingsor Posted December 1, 2019 Report Share Posted December 1, 2019 3 hours ago, Toosmallforcomfort said: I wonder which medication perhaps led to this. On 6/28/2019 at 2:31 AM, YOTH said: the nurse on call that night even testified that the mental health team had not only failed them both, but had actually laughed when his wife mentioned his penis anxiety. YOTH 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toosmallforcomfort Posted December 1, 2019 Report Share Posted December 1, 2019 It has been clearly documented some individuals that exhibit suicidal ideations do not commit suicide ironically due their severe depressive state. Once they start antidepressant treatment, they can soon after get up enough gumption to actually succeed. I'm not saying that this was the situation, however, this is a well known issue. Clearly, the psychological care at this institution majorly f***** up. YOTH 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YOTH Posted December 1, 2019 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2019 @Toosmallforcomfort He was getting by with about 4 hours sleep a night on a good day before it was prescribed, so the extra insomnia tipped him over the edge. Still fucks me up if I dwell on it too long. Hard to accept when you knew the kind of guy he was, so avoidable with the right care, the right care on the night would have been enough but they failed him at every turn. This was the first medication he'd been given, so they should have been monitoring him closely. It's a waste of two nice and decent human beings. LaLa and Toosmallforcomfort 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted December 4, 2019 Report Share Posted December 4, 2019 (edited) @YOTH, sorry for such a "out of topic" questions, but I'm curious and it's intriguing: How do you know about all those details of that night, who told you? I don't ask for a name, of course, just... who was there to see / hear it and then to tell you, Tom's friend (not family), although it's sensitive information. If it was some doctor present at the ER, he/she would probably (?) try to "hide the ugly truth about the ER / medical profession", wouldn't (s)he? So who was willing to inform you about the behaviour of the people who "received" them that night? Someone from the police who investigated it? And; is it (the coroner's report) public information now or you know because you had special relationship with Tom (or the coroner)? I wonder if "people" see it and take some lesson... Edited December 4, 2019 by LaLa YOTH 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YOTH Posted December 5, 2019 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2019 @LaLa His best friend was the only other person who gave a shit, he knew as many details as I did in the beginning, we both couldn't understand it. But as more information came to light he kept me informed. He also gave the police my number so I told them as much as I knew, which wasn't much. I searched for him on Facebook at first and thankfully found him on a tribute page. The medical failures came from the tribunal held to find out how it happened and why. After being unjustly labeled a wife beater, his friend went on to BBC radio 4 after the tribunal and put the facts straight. Everything that happened is in the public domain, most of it was in the papers. But the real gritty details came out during the investigation and his friend told me a lot of it. I still stay in touch with him occasionally, he sent me a picture of their graves next to eachother. At least they were put to rest together. Klingsor, IrmaJean and LaLa 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klingsor Posted December 5, 2019 Report Share Posted December 5, 2019 This whole affair fills me with incredible rage. I’m sorry for your loss. YOTH 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YOTH Posted December 7, 2019 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2019 On 12/5/2019 at 1:58 AM, KlingBro said: This whole affair fills me with incredible rage. I’m sorry for your loss. I just try and remember the good things about him, I've felt enough rage to last a lifetime. LaLa 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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