SweetSue Posted September 19, 2009 Report Share Posted September 19, 2009 HI EVERYONE,THOUGHT ID START THIS THHREAD, COZ WELL WE COULD ALL DO WITH CHEERING UP FROM TIME TO TIME.I DONT KNOW MANY JOKES AND THE ONES I DO KNOW ARE PRETTY LAME, BUT I WILL GIVE IT AGO, AND WELL I HOPE YOU GUYS DO TO.ANYWAY, TAKE CAREJj:rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted September 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 19, 2009 A LADY WITH A FROG STUCK ON HER HEAD COMES INTO THE DOCTORS OFFICE,WHEN THE DOCTOR ASKS WHATS WRONGTHE FROG REPLIES "I GOT SOMETHING STUCK TO MY BUM"i told you it would be lame !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OCDmom Posted September 20, 2009 Report Share Posted September 20, 2009 I borrowed this from the Backyardigans: What's a dog favorite snack?Pupcorn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted September 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 20, 2009 The three bears returned one sunny morning,from a stroll in the woods to find the door to their little cottage open.Cautiously,they went inside,after a while big daddy bears' deep voice boomed "who's been eating my porridge !"mummy bear gave a yelp "whos' been eating my porridge !" she said.Little baby bear rushed in "forget the porridge, someones nicked the d.v.d. Player !" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted September 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 20, 2009 A boy called the Doctor"Doctor, Doctor, come quick, my younger brother has just swollowed my pen""I will be right over..... What are you doing in the meantime ?" the Doctor replied."I'm using my pencil ......." said the boy.Take careJj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OCDmom Posted September 23, 2009 Report Share Posted September 23, 2009 Girl: Doc! My brother swallowed a can opener!Doc: When did this happen?Girl: A week ago.Doc: Why tell me just now?!Girl: Because we need the can opener... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomatty Posted September 23, 2009 Report Share Posted September 23, 2009 Husband and wife get in a huge fight and give each other the silent treatment all night. Not about to give in, before heading to the sofa for the night he puts a note on the wife's bedside, "I have a flight at 5 A.M. Please wake me up."Next morning he wakes up on the sofa and looks at his watch. It is 8:30. He then sees a note on the coffee table; "Wake up asshole, it's 5:00" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted September 23, 2009 Report Share Posted September 23, 2009 Grandmas don't know everything... Little Tony was 7 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her :'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sex, darling.'Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sex. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.' Allan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted September 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 24, 2009 Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole, when his neighbour peered over the garden fence. Interested in what the cheeky faced youngster was up to he politely asked,"What are you up to there Tim?""My Goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully without looking up, "And i've just burried him."The neighbour was concerned, "Thats an awfully big hole for a Goldfish, isnt it ?"Tim patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "Thats because hes inside your cat." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daveuk Posted August 15, 2018 Report Share Posted August 15, 2018 Okay here is mine A woman and three men in a carriage on a train all talking and soon becomes arousing so the woman goes "If you gentleman are kind enough and give me £5 I will show you a part of my leg" There all give £5 and she shows them.part of her leg So she says "if you gentleman are kind enough again and give me £10 I will show you part of my theigh" Same happens again her getting richer She goes again and a third time If you gentleman are kind enough again and give me £15 I will show you where I got my appendix taken out. Same again their give her £15 and she points out the train window and says over there past the trees and past the mountains in that hospital that is where I got my appendix taken out LaLa 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daveuk Posted August 18, 2018 Report Share Posted August 18, 2018 Saturdays Joke News flash The police have evaded Catherine Zeta Jones house. They found Heroin, Cocaine and LCD they still looking for the forth Daughter. Victimorthecrime 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daveuk Posted October 1, 2018 Report Share Posted October 1, 2018 Three nuns go to heaven and meet St peter at the gate. So Peter goes before I let you in I need to ask.you each a question He goes to each one Peter - nun 1. What is the name of the first woman ? Nun. Eve Peter says yes that is correct you are in Peter - nun 2. What is the name of the first man ? Nun 2. Adam Peter says yes that is correct you are in. Then he says to the third one right since you are the mother superior I am afraid it has to be a little bit harder Peter - mother superior. What did eve say when she first met Adam ? Mother superior . ooh that's a hard one Peter says yes that is correct you are in. Victimorthecrime 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victimorthecrime Posted December 16, 2018 Report Share Posted December 16, 2018 Cop: seen anything unusual? Me: a dolphin with a hat once Cop: I mean around here Me: Nah they live in water Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victimorthecrime Posted December 23, 2018 Report Share Posted December 23, 2018 There's this guy going around dipping his testicles in glitter. Its pretty nuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daveuk Posted December 25, 2018 Report Share Posted December 25, 2018 Christmas jokes Q. Why did the strawberry get a lawyer ? A. Because it was in a jam. Q. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall ? A. Dam Q. What is a pelicans favourite TV show ? A. The Bill jazz 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daveuk Posted January 4, 2019 Report Share Posted January 4, 2019 What you call the three Tenors without Pavarotti ? Twenty Quid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted March 22, 2020 Report Share Posted March 22, 2020 https://www.boredpanda.com/quarantine-coronavirus-jokes/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daveuk Posted June 7, 2020 Report Share Posted June 7, 2020 You hear about the guy that got thrown out at lockdown ? He got locked out What is the opposite of lockdown ? Locked up Victimorthecrime 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victimorthecrime Posted July 31, 2020 Report Share Posted July 31, 2020 Telehealth therapist: how often do you exercise? Me: three times. Telehealth therapist: three times what? A day? A week? A month? Me (getting defensive): Ma’am I’ve answered your question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klingsor Posted July 31, 2020 Report Share Posted July 31, 2020 Why did the cow jump over the moon? The farmer had cold hands Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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