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Closed threads and reposts


Lindamomof7
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Well first I would like to say thank you Danni for closing a new thread that was created because enigma wanted to reply to the other closed thread. It should never have been allowed.

Second, you want to tell me that I cant react to someone who writes some clearly triggering and misguided posts and then not expect someone to get really angry especially since it was allowed to be posted and not closed??

Your kidding me too??? Well I see the forum has become a place of posting that is inconsistent with its guidelines and the general safety it is suppose to provide???

And yes I will always react if someone is allowed to post when it was suggested it stop when it concerns me.

So I see the guidelines are not equal to everyone?

Well then I will be nice here and say you all can go ahead and shove it....

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Linda,

I just sent you a PM explaining my decision to lock the thread.

I also let you know but will also type it here because others may not realize that they can do this.

Of course you are allowed to react if you see something triggering or that you feel is inappropriate but there's a better way to do it than using profanity.

You have the capability to report posts that you find offensive. When you do this, all moderators get an email to prompt them to come and review a thread. This is not a guarantee it will be locked. We all have different things we struggle with and some of these things are in direct conflict with the struggles of others. We want this to be a safe and healing place to all. We just need to find a way for those concerns to coexist in a mannor that allows everyone to get the support they need.

The statistics and point of view that eNIGMA is expressing are real. They are out there and there is a growing movement that follows his train of thought. He has the right to his opinion just as we all do. I'm sorry you find it so triggering. I guess the best thing that I can suggest is what I do. If there are topics that I know will be triggering for me, I just stay away from them......I don't even read them. There are plenty of people around who will follow each thread on this board and take the action that is needed.

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From the EX moderator...... I think everyone has the right to express themselves.... like you say we all have issues or we would not be here... this should be the most tolerant place.... not saying that someone who offends.. ( like I guess I did) should not be called on it... but I do not think they should be shut down......

WE as a group should allow and and over look some things because we ALL have mental issues.... ( except for the ones that think..... they are therapists.... you know who I am talking about but send you PMs that make no sense) ( not talking about Mark)

I was here from the beginning.... when they did not have any moderators... I think I have proven that I can play nice... but who is to say I will not have a bad day??? Do not all of us????

Just my 2 cents..... JT

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi JT,

You can and do play nice. We do tolerate a lot. Its just that sometimes things get a little to heated up and we need to try to keep things calm. You are an important member here and we want you around and what you point out about everyone here having mental problems is true.

How are you doing these days?

Allan :rolleyes:

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To chime in here for a second, even though I'm officially on "mental health" break from my "mental health sanctuary" (can't sleep, haven't eaten, and I just punched my friend in the face over an argument about the conjunction "haven't" (We're in a metal band, and we were somehow arguing about conjunctions like it was a Spinal Tap 'where are they now' outtake, ffs)).

Anywho.

This is obviously just an opinion, but I feel that there needs to be more consideration made when locking a thread, and more compassion from those who would deny that person a safe place to open up. And I literally mean "a safe place". As in, if they open up anywhere other than the internet, they'll get curb-stomped.

Realistically, only one of the above can be handled through admin moderation alone. The difficult part is how to establish which aspects of a triggering topic can and cannot be discussed, and whether or not to differentiate between triggering 'opinions', triggering 'facts', and just plain 'ol hateful speech with the intent to hurt.

Maybe those distinctions are already made, I dunno. I'm still new here, and am not one to downplay the difficulty of moderating forums.

I'm just exhausted, miserable, and in the mood for narrating my life through cheesy analogy, so bear with me.

PS I have a dark sense of humor. Mostly out of necessity. This story should not offend anyone in any way, it's just a loose representation of what it's like to be me that hopefully shows some of you that I'm not all stats and nerd-rage.

*yaaay story time!*

Let's pretend for a bit that I live in a world where everyone's told that 2+2=5. If you believe anything else, you're the absolute scum of the earth - lower than the rapists and murderers. And here I am, wishing so hard that I too could believe that 2+2=5. I tell my friends I do. I tell my family and co-workers I do. I laugh along with them and make jokes about the people who think otherwise, while inside I die. I am absolutely horrified. I hate myself because I know that I am hated by my loved ones.

All I can think about anymore is how everyone ends up with that number. I'm obsessed! Why not some other number instead? I can't ask that question. Ever. There is something wrong with me for even thinking it. The depression and stress literally destroy years of my life. I fail out of college. I get fired from every job I've ever had because of sleep problems and anxiety. I don't date because I feel it would be selfish of me to bring that kind of baggage into a relationship. I am alone. Purely and utterly alone. It becomes more and more difficult to keep track of all the reasons not to live, while the reasons to continue this rotten existence dwindle. The best you can find to keep yourself around is that, if you died, no one would notice for weeks because you never leave your home anymore. And when they did, you'd be embarrassingly ripe and stinky. Most importantly, your pets would have died of starvation. And you love your pets an awful lot. So you suck it up.

So I search and search for answers, but the answers I find confuse and further frustrate me. Different parts of the world seem to have different solutions for 2+2. I see a variety of numbers! There are some that may still not make complete sense, but I don't care about that right now. I only care that there are numbers other than 5! In fact, some of their numbers have significantly improved the health and quality of life for everyone in their society. Why hasn't anyone noticed this? Why does everyone still see 5 as some moral goal post? The news says 5. The government says 5. Everyone says 5, 5, 5, 5, 5! People are going to prison here, and lives are being lived in shame - my life is being lived in shame - but no one seems to notice that 2+2 is merely whatever the people in power want it to be. Whatever society has told you it is. Whatever the textbooks say.

Now I'm really losing it. I must be crazy - This has to be what crazy feels like. Not being a doctor, I'm not familiar with the different brands of crazy, but I've definitely gone shopping at one of their outlet stores on a buy 1 crazy get 1 free sale weekend.

So I find this place. Oh thank God. It takes me 9 months to get the courage to create an account. 9 months. And then I couldn't resist anymore. If I didn't rant about this soon, I was going to stab myself in the face repeatedly until I hit something important enough that my arm stopped working. So I make my account... spill my guts out in your new member's forum... my darkest and most embarrassing of secrets... I'm at the most vulnerable I've ever been in my life... I talk about wanting to be a girl as a kid, ffs. I talk about being in love with Ariel from The Little Mermaid growing up. I knew all the words. I still know all the words. I cry every time I see Nala and Simba together. I'm 33. Do you know what would happen if I said these things in front of my friends? I awkwardly detail my most intimate of feelings. I finally get to ask questions, and discuss the things I've seen in my research on 2+2 with a community that won't judge me for being inquisitive, frustrated, angry, scared... Maybe even a shoulder to cry on for once in my damn life...

... Only to be told I'm disgusting. I'm a f****** sicko pervert. You can't talk about that here. It's offensive.

2+2=5

The End

Linda, I hope that helps put it in perspective from my view, and I'm absolutely sure you could tell me a similar story from your point of view. I'm not here to belittle your pain. If I did so by trying to explain myself or relate my frustration to yours, then I apologize. But I do have a story. We all do. I know I try to rationalize, but that's because I feel no evil feelings. I'm not a bad person. I'm extremely sensitive and kind. I'm in constant conflict with what I feel in my heart, and what is acceptable to the world around me. I have many questions which are not easily answered. I see different things because I'm desperately searching for them. Me punching my friend in the face was out of character, to say the least, and I felt the need to come back here and make amends before I kicked a baby. Or stabbed a puppy. Because I'm obviously upset about this situation.

I am not someone who can just accept being hated. Or storm off from a fight angry. If I died in a car accident, I'd be super pissed off that I didn't get to fix things. I'd totally haunt your forums and mess with your sigs. I have huge issues with rejection. I need to be acceptable to people - to a fault. I will do anything. I subconsciously adjust my speech, mannerisms, and topics of conversation to exactly what others around me are more comfortable with. It's like a survival instinct for me. I'm very good at it.

Lately (the past 5 years or so), however, I've been more in-your-face with my views of religion, for example. And politics. It's become easier for me to distance myself from what others want, but I'm still over-compensating when I do. Lack of experience with my own individuality I suppose. Resentment. Get me online in a forum where I can just vent? I'll spout facts and seemingly "vulgar" philosophy all day. They may be rooted in reality, and may be sound arguments; harmless in intent... but I present them in such a way that I'd never have the courage to do in real life. I'm actually very timid. I find it quite amusing that I scream into a mic in my spare time.

Such is my duality. Anyhow, I think I still need a break from talking about me for a bit after this. I'm supposed to be getting to the doctor's for a note that says I can go back to work at the middle school I work at. Ha! Go figure, right? Talk about shit luck for me to get assigned to a damn middle school for 5 years, where I'm one of the only cool adults that listens to heavy music, screams in a band, wears black, has control of all the computers in the building, and plays tons of video games. Awesome. Just completely awesome. :(

Fuck my life, seriously. My medical leave ends in a couple of days. I haven't collected a paycheck in a month. I'm just about broke. I'm bereft of spirit. I will be fired the next time I'm late for work. Like I have been from every other job. I'm intelligent, I'm talented, and I am cursed. I'm tired of this cycle. I really am. I just can't do it.

I'll be around - probably chiming in to at least cheer other people up here and there, rather than bring everyone down with my crap. Damn, I need a haircut too... but first... a nap. So tired...

So damn tired.

ps Oh yeah, Luna - Sorry for digging into you kinda hard as well. Though, I felt one of you deserved my verbal flogging at the time. And I was trying to be sensitive to Linda. So you won by default. <3

Edited by eNIGMA
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The trouble is, eNIGMA, that this isn't a discussion about arithmetic, or even statistics, really. I don't think that the majority of people who replied to you, elsewhere, were trying to discuss how the legal system treats pedophiles.

Most of them, though they may not have mentioned it, were working from the opposite of statistics, from the ultimate "anecdotal evidence", their own experience with being molested as children. And I'm sorry, your statistics about underage pregnancy didn't address even a little bit the idea that earlier sex education might have prevented the ordeal that these people went through.

Now, I'm all for sex education. I just don't think that educating the victim is going to help a child very much in a sexual situation with an adult.

I'm sorry that you labor with these urges. Many people do. And I'm glad you don't act on them. Many people do.

Yes, it's hard for us to moderate a place like this, with so many diverse needs. It becomes a lot easier for us when people manage to keep their calm. There's a lot of stuff in the world that can hurt our feelings. Everyone has a right to defend themselves. But they have a responsibility to remember that other people hurt, too. There's usually a way to speak up for yourself that doesn't involve trashing the other person. And believe me, I'm talking to people who replied to you, as well as to you.

With everyone's cooperation, this can be a place where we all learn, where we all feel safe. Without that cooperation, no amount of moderation will get us there.

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And I'm sorry, your statistics about underage pregnancy didn't address even a little bit the idea that earlier sex education might have prevented the ordeal that these people went through.

Then their ordeals are not relevant to my discussion by your own admission? And therefor the thread was locked for no good reason?

I can literally sit here and do this all day. But I'm not interested in mincing words with you. Can't you just accept the damn apology for what it is and stop trying to justify people slinging insults at me for merely opening up and discussing facts?

I didn't deserve it. And you damn well know it. But I do understand it. Of course I understand it. That's the world I live in. That's my hell. And that's probably why people like me turn into the monsters you see on the news. Remember that next time you see it. Think to yourself, "wow, I wonder if this guy had a place to open up - maybe a shoulder to cry on... maybe he'd have kept his humanity".

You've already made it abundantly clear to me you have no interest whatsoever in someone discussing this here. It is a safe place for the victims of crimes only. Not for me to find any answers to my questions or any sympathy for my sleepless nights.

Are we done talking about this now? Do you need anything else from me? Should I rent a fucking airplane and fly a banner across the world that says how much of a disgusting human being I am? Jesus.

Why don't you get a hot poker and brand me while you're at it. Give me a nice big ol scarlet letter or something. Burn me at the stake. It'd be preferable to anymore "The trouble is, eNIGMA" replies after I spill my guts out for you, yet again.

Jackass. You know what? I can't do this. Sorry for being born a piece of shit everyone! Really sorry! I'll be working up the courage to eat this bottle of sleeping pills and drink this fifth of jack soon! Your kids are all safey safe!

Fuck you - Fuck you -FUCK YOU

Edited by eNIGMA
death is preferable
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I guess you're done talking about this, now, though I don't know why.

I accept (and accepted) your apology, that's why I'm still talking to you.

Yours isn't the only side to the story, that's all I was saying.

No one's justified "slinging insults", in either direction. I thought that was the bulk of what I said.

There's usually a way to speak up for yourself that doesn't require you to trash yourself, either. I'm sorry you interpreted my words that way.

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I hope you won't do that.

I understand how angry you are. I apologize if I made that worse.

Suicide (something I've contemplated a time or two myself) isn't courageous.

Living is what's hard.

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I exist. But I'm not alive. My organs are compelled to do their squishing and gurgling. But my body as a whole is not living any sort of life.

Rough night last night. Had everything ready to go. And I definitely know that if/when I get the courage, I'm killing myself to The Cure's "Burn". I've always wanted to die to that song. It's beautiful. "So lay back down and close your eyes... sleep a while, you must be tired". I'll take my iPod and pills out to the park and lay there watching the stars and just be done.

And in the morning someone will poke me with a stick and steal my ipod. But I won't care by that point.

Last night I got sidetracked writing about the best night of my life. I had hoped that would put me over the edge since it involves a horrible ending years later, but it had the opposite effect and I just couldn't feel anything. Which was better than feeling pain, but then it made me want to watch the new episode of "Lie To Me" instead of kill myself. I did take too many Ativan and passed out at least.

So here I am. I'm rather disappointed, tbh. But tonight's another night.

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*Luna puts up her hand*

I’d like to propose that we begin a discussion on how we can avoid these kinds of situations from happening and developing into more pain. Heaven knows we all have enough pain already! I’d like for us to make it so that every single one of us has a space and a voice. I believe we have the capacity to do so. We need to brainstorm and discuss HOW.

I’ve opened a new thread for this discussion in the Feedback section. (Don’t worry, I’m not closing this thread. :()

Anyone care to join me? This way, please. :)

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Enigma,

JustTrying also has a saying that she posted in another forum: "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

It sounds very much to me that you need to go to the emergency room of a local hospital or call 911, tell them you are suicidal and they will take you. This is so that you can get the help you need. We do not want you to hurt yourself.

Why do you hate yourself so much?

Allan:(

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Dear Enigma,

I have a warm place in my heart for you. Have been struggling for days for what I believe. This is what I came up with, based on my experience, and some reading. Forgive me if my words aren't perfect, my intent is towards everyone learning to live together, every one equal respect. Find ways to work out our differences. To understand more about human behavior requires naked honesty and for that the soul needs acceptance from friends, family and peers. Defining behavior from the outside looking in is about the same as the iceberg out of the ice vs what's below. My main experience with mental illness is that no matter how hard I try to do right, i do wrong. Am learning skills of self nurture and also learning to think instead of always react and agree. Am aquiring a broader perspective, and learning consequences for things I do because I haven't always been aware of consequences until very much later.. and often with serious regret. Please, I vote you stay and talk with us and listen with respect. Asking questions and respecting not to write about anything near inflammatory, which regards a lot of behaviors. Save those for your therapist like we all need to. The things I'm saying are coming out to you from my heart. I don't often risk strong opinions in public at least. I hope we all can work this out. Again, am not a professional. This is opinion and advise from, I hope to be, a friend.

Some people who need a forum for their views are victims of abuse themselves, often at very young ages, while the brain is still developing, and it does cause issues.. I know, every one says we make choices, I don't argue that. Brains are complicated and I think at times make choices for us. Sex at a young age can cause compulsions, beliefs, whatever. Your world is altered, Then, when finally. we do start looking at our behaviors, we are appalled at damage done to others, or potential, and the brain wants to react as if another trauma, and denial sets in. Of this I am pretty sure, again, reality comes in layers.

Our strongest tools lie in honesty and compassion. Protecting children will come when other people have answers like we need for mental illness.. We all are far away from center often. If there is a forum of acceptance, we have opportunity to comment, possibly affirm and validate feelings and speak about what happens to victims, what really happens in mental illness. Have had to think a lot about this. People do get angry and swear and blame. If we look at those behaviors as symptoms of pain, and address validation of feeling, and identify issues, storms will calm and conversations will begin again. Most people I believe have intelligence, just not tools to function effectively in mainstream society. Each family is it's own culture, and often each family has it's own language, involving word choice, voice, body language and common knowledge and myths that separate all of us to a degree.

I believe intelligence is geared for survival. Part of that is needing community. Anyway, this is my hope.

Enigma, please feel free to private email me. I admire your courage to share your views in knowing they might not be well received. Takes guts. Am not a professional, but will be a friend.

loves and hugs

katleen

Edited by katleen
talkative
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I exist. But I'm not alive.

Well, as long as those organs are still squishing, you have a shot at a life, no matter what it is that you have, now.

I'm interested to hear what a life would look like, to you.

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Enigma,

Believe it or not, we need you. I need you because you are brave to say who you are. It takes guts. You'll find yourself that way. And many others could follow. What I said up above I wrote mostly this morning, then wanted to add something, and accidently left it not posted. I finished it, said post, then read your last few emails.

Please stay. You are worth the effort it takes to be who you are,

and recognize that we are each equally part of the life's tapestry.

loves and hugs

katleen

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Guest ASchwartz

Enigma,

All of us are expressing lots of love and support for you. Are you there and what are you thinking and feeling?

A worried and concerned Allan :)

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Hi, Luna,

Did you want to move these.

No, you're fine. ;) It was only the one post I thought you might want in your own thread (also it helps give others background to understand you better.)

Please don't doubt yourself about where you post? - there is no problem. :)

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Thank you, Luna,

Coming here, coming out, is an exciting thing. You all are more family to me than anything I've ever felt. A friend recently told me, when I fear making mistakes, she to said make mistakes courageously. I cringe every time I reach out, and watch and read the forum often, for feedback and what's happening with everyone. You are all so very real and precious to me. Am frightened deeply of conflict, but the power of the fear is lessening.

loves and hugs and thank you's.

katleen

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I'm here, thanks for thinking of me. I've had a lot of downs lately. Some of it's probably my meds. At night, I just get to thinking about past relationships, and some of the better moments of my life. But that's 12-14 years ago... you'd think I'd have moved on, but I guess moving on isn't my specialty. I don't break my promises.

As to why I hate myself... It's definitely the hostility. Every other day I see something in the news about some guy getting busted for possession of CP. Going through and reading people's comments is tough, but I do it anyhow. Here's some:

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA"

"chop it off with a dull kitchen knife THEN hang him"

"While he is at that all inclusive resort for 6 years have a cosmetic surgeon come in and remove his tools of the trade!!!!!!! Now that is justice!"

"the people who put this stuff on line and and the people that download it are all nothing but scumbugs"

It's always the same crap. I can't speak up. I can't fight back. The frustration eats away at me. People have no idea what they're talking about, and have no idea how difficult it is living like this. I do what I have to do to keep my demons in check... and hope that they don't come for me next.

I hate myself, I hate my life. That's just the way it is. I have nothing to look forward to. Just more loneliness and misery. It's just a matter of time before I can't do it anymore. For now, though, things are back to a comfortable shade of gray.

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Hi again, eNIGMA! I'm very glad you're still with us! ;)

Have read your post, I'm mostly wondering about the sources of your <<news and comments>>. I've never read something like this, not because of avoiding it, but because of not searching for it. So... wouldn't it be helpful for you not to look for such <<news>> and <<comments>>? Can't you avoid these topics? It seems to me you're too obcessed by this all, what is understandable , but... harmful for you. Why do you search for this kind of information? Wouldn't it be better to focus on something what could be benefical to you?

It reminds me a bit my past "obsession" by reading about depression. I used to read about it for maybe 3-4 years and supposed myself to be depressed and it seemed to me I needed to read about it and about people who suffer from it to see that "my life is not so bad as it could be"... Now I see it was foolish! Firstly, I haven't suffered from depression but from anxiety (my p/doc explained me this mistake...), but... most importantly; anything of what I've read didn't give me anything, didn't help me with my problems!

It seems to me your situation is a bit similar. What do you think?

Take care! ;)

Edited by LaLa3
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Well, it's tough. It's in the news all the time. And I try to keep track of what people are getting for prison sentences. The choice between killing myself or going to prison for 6 years... isn't much of a choice. Knowing what they do to people like me there. And me being a sickly 130 lbs currently from not eating.

I read the comments because that could be me. No one would care that I'm actually a kind and gentle person. They'd just want me dead. It becomes difficult to ignore.

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