LaLa Posted November 7, 2013 Report Share Posted November 7, 2013 How are you, M.?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endlessnight Posted December 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2013 Thank you all for your kindness. Knowing I am in your thoughts means a lot. Hugs to you all. I haven't been on here in a while because I am having different health problems, physical and emotional/mental, but you are in my thoughts also. I hope you all know that.MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE. MAY THIS COMING YEAR BE ONE OF PEACE, BOTH INSIDE OF US, AND IN THE OUTSIDE WORLD! TAKE CARE LOVELY PEOPLE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted December 24, 2013 Report Share Posted December 24, 2013 It's good to hear from you, M. So sorry you are having struggles. I wish for peace too. Happy holiday to you as well and take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted December 30, 2013 Report Share Posted December 30, 2013 Happy to hear from you, M. All the best to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endlessnight Posted January 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 1, 2014 Happy New Year to everyone. I hope this coming year is one where we can learn to accept ourselves and be happy with what we are and what we have - me especially! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted January 1, 2014 Report Share Posted January 1, 2014 Happy New Year dear En!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted January 1, 2014 Report Share Posted January 1, 2014 Happy new year, everybody! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endlessnight Posted January 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2014 I wish I could stay in bed for the rest of my life. Not have anyone want anything from me and not want anything from anyone. That way I wouldn't let anyone down or they me. I know this is why I sometimes sleep 12 hours and I think I could sleep longer if I allowed myself to. Bed is so warm and safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endlessnight Posted January 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2014 It's 2:15AM and don't want to turn off the laptop and go to sleep. I probably won't get up tomorrow before 12:00PM. I keep saying to myself, go to sleep M., go to sleep. But I don't. I'm still here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 9, 2014 Report Share Posted January 9, 2014 Maybe you'd like to talk or share some company with a friend before turning in? I'm sorry I missed you, M. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endlessnight Posted January 9, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2014 Thank you Beth. I didn't check back here, but I was up till 4:00am. I lie in bed with my laptop and jump from one place to another just so I won't have to sleep. I missed work today because of it (I have a part time job right now). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 10, 2014 Report Share Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) Are you uncomfortable with sleeping, M? It's good you have a part time job. Do you get any enjoyment from working? I know working can help lift my spirits. I hope today is okay for you. Take care. Edited January 10, 2014 by IrmaJean typo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endlessnight Posted January 10, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2014 I don't want to close my eyes at night, Beth, then in the morning, I don't want to open them. I would rather work than not, but I am not getting much enjoyment from it. I've had tendinitis in my wrist for a month and a half now, my dizziness came back, then I got bronchitis. I am still getting over the bronchitis, the tendinitis won't go away, but thankfully the dizziness has finally gone, after months of it. So as usual, my salary has gone on medications and doctors.I do have good news though. My beloved niece has given birth to a baby girl. She and the baby are both well. They are staying with us, because here if a woman has a baby, she is supposed to spend 40 days recovering at her mother's home usually.Yesterday we had visitors to see her and her baby, and I was so tired because I hadn't slept until four. Some of the visitors didn't leave until 5:00am, but I had gone to bed before that, I couldn't stay up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 Sure hope you are feeling better, En! And congrats on the new baby!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted February 4, 2014 Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 How are you, M.? I'm sorry we weren't in touch for quite a long time... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endlessnight Posted February 15, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2014 Hello LaLa. I'm doing okay. How are you? I woke up today and asked God to help me to connect. I asked Him to help me to be able to overcome the disconnect I feel. Most of the time I am like a leaf being blown around by the wind, and I don't seem to care. I have no desire to land anywhere so I let myself be taken wherever the wind wants me to go. I don't know if that makes much sense to anyone. It's how I feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted February 15, 2014 Report Share Posted February 15, 2014 Hi M.I may have asked before, but have you ever tried any mindfulness practices? Maybe something such as sitting with your eyes closed, listening to your breathing, feeling the energy in your body and the life from within? I don't know if any of this might help you feel connected, but maybe it helps to be inside of the moment? What has felt connective in the past?Have you ever considered getting a small pet? Maybe even a fish, or something to help you connect and feel purpose?Thinking of you, M. Good to hear from you. Victimorthecrime 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted February 17, 2014 Report Share Posted February 17, 2014 Hello, M.,I'm very glad to hear from you!I'm sorry I don't have much time now, I'll write more later Take care and hugs to you!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endlessnight Posted February 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2014 Hello Beth, thank you, and it's nice to hear from you too. I am not feeling particularly depressed or anything like that. I wrote about how I see myself, and though I see it, and don't like it, seem unable to do anything about it. I remember telling a friend how I don't handle anxiety well, and that I let it get the better of me - though 'let it' seems wrong as I don't even realise it's happening. She gave me some advice about what I should do when I feel it coming on. It was good advice, but again, I don't realise it's coming on until it's taken control of me. I never seem to realise I'm depressed/having an anxiety attack/stressed out, until it's too late to do anything about it. The same for my disconnection. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted March 4, 2014 Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 Hello, M.,I'm sorry I'm so late here ...Most of the time I am like a leaf being blown around by the wind, and I don't seem to care. I have no desire to land anywhere so I let myself be taken wherever the wind wants me to go. I think this isn't necessary something negative or harmful, because it might "fit to" (/be in accordance with) the position expressed for instance by "The richest man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least." - I imagine it can be understood also in a non-materialistic way; if you don't wish for something particular, then you can be fine with almost anything. Well, I know; the tricky part is... to be really able not to be sad, disappointed, desperate, angry, ... about the situation one's currently in . But I wanted to point out to this perspective anyway.I don't realise it's coming on until it's taken control of me. I never seem to realise I'm depressed/having an anxiety attack/stressed out, until it's too late to do anything about it. The same for my disconnection.I believe it's something that could probably be improved.Can you remember some signs of the beginning of such states/feelings? Or when you're already realizing you're in such a state, can you then make yourself think about how it began and, perhaps, write it down? How are you these days?Have you already moved or are you still in the same town?How's the weather now in SA? (It's very freezy here, no signs of spring yet.)I'm thinking of you even when I don't communicate...Hugs,L. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endlessnight Posted March 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Dear Lala, thank you for writing. I am doing okay I think. I say ' I think ' because I feel like I'm just waiting for death most of the time. That isn't to say I feel so depressed, I don't. I feel old. I will be 58 in a couple of weeks. I've stopped caring how I look, what I wear. It resigned to my life without hope, though as I said, feeling that doesn't make me depressed, I just want to get through the remaining years of my life, the fewer the better.This piece of music always makes me cry because it expresses what I can't - about life, about feeling, about living, about all the lost hope and wishes.[media=] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endlessnight Posted March 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Oh wow, I didn't realise it would show as a video, I thought only the link would appear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted March 7, 2014 Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Dear M., thanks for your post as well as for sharing the piece of music (video is fine - but it is surprising, because "the website decides" if it shows it like this or just like a link - sometimes, mainly when there are already many videos posted, it only shows a link, even if one post it as "media")!I'm now listening to it and I think I can understand why it makes you cry - in the contexts you mentioned . It's beautiful and somehow... "promising", "showing a peaceful and joyful life" - at least I can feel it there.I love classical music, too (among other types). Is there something more you'd share with us from what you like ("no matter if it makes you cry or feel good")?If you'd like, you can find some music I shared here:I'm glad to hear you're not depressed! I realize you're not in an ideal state, but not being depressed is already something to be grateful for (I am ). I have a new idea that occurred when I was imagining you based on the description you posted (which makes also the impression that you have quite a lot of spare time - am I wrong??): Maybe you could use this time for some project(s)... as, for instance (this one I would also profit from - so yes, I admit that this is a partially egoistic idea ) writing down your life, since childhood. It doesn't have to become a real book (=published), it doesn't have to be "artistic", but... it would be a valuable work that you could share with some chosen people and perhaps writing it would bring you something positive that you cannot imagine now, a priori.Take care! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted March 7, 2014 Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 I feel like sharing some nice pictures: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted March 7, 2014 Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 I don't know why I'm often in "a butterfly mood" when posting images on the forums this month... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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