When others know

[nearlydead]

Every woman you sleep with is a smoking gun waiting to eventually tell the world. If you sleep with women, then eventually your social circle will know you are deformed, they may humilate you or they may not, but they will know, and you will know they know.

No point in saying "those women arent worth knowing" "theyve got their own problems" etc.

How are you supposed to live with the knowledge that everyone knows your deformed?

[AmericanPsycho]

It's not a deformity. You need to quit beating yourself up for something that isn't you fault. Sometimes life will deal you a really shitty hand of cards and you'll just have to play them. You need to learn how to make the best out of a bad situation.

If you put as much effort into finding solutions to your problems as you do whining about them you'd be a happier person. It also helps having a sense of humor.

Edited April 22, 2012 by AmericanPsycho

[IrmaJean]

Hi, ND. It's good to hear from you. Sorry you are still struggling with this.

How are you supposed to live with the knowledge that everyone knows your deformed?

I understand that you feel that you are deformed, but this is your perception. Also, why give so much power to the opinions of others?

How have you been feeling? How are things?

[Wastedlife]

I would have to move far far away, if people knew I have a small penis I could not exist in that circle of people. To live with this shame is hard enough, but if everyone else knows and laughs behind your back would be crushing to the highest denomination possible.

[nearlydead]

Years later and I'm still in the same boat. 20 yrs since I last had any female contact.Not left the house other than to work or buy food.for the last 11/12 years. A total miserable recluse with the same mindset. Stuck with "learned helplessness" 

There is nothing I want. All effort is pointless as the risk does not justify any reward. Cannot commit suicide due to elderly parent. Once dead then I can go, that is the only plan.

My biggest life regret, is that I did not commit suicide 40 yrs ago.

[jazz]

Sorry you are suffering so badly 

[Victimorthecrime]

@nearlydead thanks for coming back and updating.  

I am in a similar situation. My mother died in 2006 and I was taking care of her for about 10 years before that.  

I live alone and don't socialize enough or have good support relationships.  I keep going because I want to. Not for any other reason.  I won't insult your intelligence w my lame advice but I do wish you well and hope things get better. 

[IrmaJean]

ND, it's been a long time... I remember you well. It's good to hear from you. I'm sorry you continue to be in so much pain. 😢

[Shrimp Fried Life]

On 2/6/2019 at 12:52 AM, nearlydead said:

My biggest life regret, is that I did not commit suicide 40 yrs ago.

Mine too. I just think of all the pain. loneliness and frustration I could have avoided and I wouldn't have missed very much at all.

 

If we could only take comfort in the fact that we as a group provide so many women with the enjoyment of mocking us.

[FloridaDood898]

I'm sure it must suck but I really don't think death over something like small genitals should really be a rational solution. There's probably a million other worse things someone could have and you don't see most of them offing themselves.

[Shrimp Fried Life]

There's a lot more to it than just having a small penis.

[YOTH]

20 hours ago, FloridaDood898 said:

I'm sure it must suck but I really don't think death over something like small genitals should really be a rational solution. There's probably a million other worse things someone could have and you don't see most of them offing themselves.

Suicide isn't a rational solution in most circumstances, but it doesn't stop men doing it at an alarming rate. Depression, anxiety and general mental breakdowns can lead to suicide. SPS is no exception. If anything, it's a hotbed. A lot of us in here have lost someone to SPS related suicide, it's no different or less important than any other mental illness. 

[FloridaDood898]

You sure its this common? you make it sound like its a predominant reason. I have known my fair share of people who are under endowed and none of them have ever even considered such an extreme option. I'm not saying it doesn't take a serious toll on a mans mental state its just I can think of lots of worse things out there but ok.

[Shrimp Fried Life]

Curious as to what you think is worse

[FloridaDood898]

having no legs for example or one arm or some kind of disease or sickness that'll slowly wear you down over time until you die. Is a million other worse things.

[Victimorthecrime]

Cancer, paralysis, blindness, imprisonment.  

There are guys that don't ever even go on a date much less have sex and still lead happy lives.  There are guys that just live to do the few things in life that they love. For example being outdoors, going to concerts, working at 'do it yourself' projects, working earning a high salary, being on-line, spiritual pursuits, the company of friends and family, working out, playing music etc etc etc. 

[FloridaDood898]

55 minutes ago, Victimorthecrime said:

Cancer, paralysis, blindness, imprisonment.  

There are guys that don't ever even go on a date much less have sex and still lead happy lives.  There are guys that just live to do the few things in life that they love. For example being outdoors, going to concerts, working at 'do it yourself' projects, working earning a high salary, being on-line, spiritual pursuits, the company of friends and family, working out, playing music etc etc etc. 

amen

[Shrimp Fried Life]

There are guys who are in prison who have had more sex than I have.

 

Women don't mock guys who have one arm or some kind of disease or sickness.

6 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

 

There are guys that don't ever even go on a date much less have sex and still lead happy lives.  There are guys that just live to do the few things in life that they love. For example being outdoors, going to concerts, working at 'do it yourself' projects, working earning a high salary, being on-line, spiritual pursuits, the company of friends and family, working out, playing music etc etc etc. 

I've spent the last 40 years of my life doing things I loved in a vain effort to counter the way I felt inside. Didn't work.

 

No matter what "thing" you have in your life that has the possibility of making your life shit none of them will illicit the mocking and ridicule having a small penis does.

[Wayless]

On 2/21/2019 at 1:37 AM, lifelongvirgin said:

Women don't mock guys who have one arm or some kind of disease or sickness.

Yes, but mocking is fairly rare unless you select a brutal "peer group" or you make a woman mad about something else.  Generally, you can avoid pursuing women likely to be mocking if you wish though they are often the most attractive.  You can select shy or introverted or lonely women if you are overly fearful of being mocked.

I was fairly sexually active back in the day, but never sought or had close peer groups in which mocking could develop.  I have seen it in such groups, but not about me because I wasn't a member..

My 2 wives were lone wolves too.  We were never close to other couples or groups of people.  Always maintained arms length relationships.

We were happy until it slipped out over time neither one was orgasmic with me.  They just settled for me as they didn't like stereo-typically aggressive men.  Apparently, they didn't mind--maybe they masturbated or had affairs behind my back.  I couldn't handle it though and didn't want sex with them any longer after I figured it out.

All my girl friends were dominating and some even got into humiliating me though not directly about my dick.  I let that happen because they liked it.  It was just between us in bed.  It was more about me being fascinated with their orgasms.  I was actually thrilled when a woman asked me to "go down on her so she could come too" after a long energetic fuck that I wanted to believe had been effective.  Over a short time thereafter we evolved to 100% oral and even neglect of my orgasm.

I guess fair is fair.  She had put up with me fucking her when she didn't get off.  Later she was getting off and I wasn't.  I should remind everyone that I was a heavy drinker back in the day when I was fairly active.  I probably would have never even dated without liquor.

 

[Shrimp Fried Life]

5 hours ago, lloydbaker said:

Yes, but mocking is fairly rare unless you select a brutal "peer group" or you make a woman mad about something else.  Generally, you can avoid pursuing women likely to be mocking if you wish though they are often the most attractive.  You can select shy or introverted or lonely women if you are overly fearful of being mocked.

 

 

I was speaking more as a society like in the media (movies, TV shows and music) not on a more personal level. Even in a small social group you are way more likely to hear a small penis joke and have it accepted than you will jokes about the groups I mentioned.

[Wayless]

3 hours ago, lifelongvirgin said:

I was speaking more as a society like in the media (movies, TV shows and music) not on a more personal level. Even in a small social group you are way more likely to hear a small penis joke and have it accepted than you will jokes about the groups I mentioned.

True, but that has little or nothing to do with particular women with whom you might get involved.  What bothered me eventually with each woman was finding out they liked me for my weaknesses and not the strengths I imagined they liked.  Just like I had selected them for their weakness or "neediness", they had selected me for my lack of assertion, sensitivity, lack of sexual self-esteem, etc.

But yes, small penis jokes will be accepted in almost EVERY group.  Even people who wouldn't tell a small penis joke themselves, laugh to fit in, not wanting others to think they have a small penis or (for women) would accept one.  That didn't bother me too much, but I always was drinking when socializing and, as I said before, always kept groups at arms length.

[Shrimp Fried Life]

I don't have a social group or friends. I haven't since my early 20's. I had a few friends when I was in the Navy during the 80's but we didn't really socialize that much. The only time I ever really got to be around people was at work and it was usually males. I never dated girls at all since I was about 19. Never had sex or anything. Hardly ever even got to be in the presence of women so I was never really exposed to small dick jokes or comments in person. Probably never will now.

[Wayless]

1 hour ago, lifelongvirgin said:

I don't have a social group or friends. I haven't since my early 20's. I had a few friends when I was in the Navy during the 80's but we didn't really socialize that much. The only time I ever really got to be around people was at work and it was usually males. I never dated girls at all since I was about 19. Never had sex or anything. Hardly ever even got to be in the presence of women so I was never really exposed to small dick jokes or comments in person. Probably never will now.

Small dick jokes are common in male peer groups as well male and female groups, usually aimed at the odd man out.  Nasty pecking orders form.

[Shrimp Fried Life]

I never experienced that.

[Wayless]

5 hours ago, lifelongvirgin said:

I never experienced that.

I never experienced it either, as the victim, but observed it when "around" peer groups to which I didn't belong.  I always stood apart, aloof.  Even in sports in HS where guys actually knew my flaccid retracted to nothing in the showers and I was way behind in puberty didn't say anything because I wasn't "one of them."  If I hadn't been pretty big and muscular and hadn't shown a surly attitude and swagger they might have picked on me anyway.  They did sometimes razz each other about their dick sizes in earshot of me though their dicks were all above average as most guys' dicks in sports are.

Once 2 guys talked within earshot about their cock sizes and how they had grown since Jr. High.  They were bragging about how girls reacted to their big erections since they were fully grown.  I was sitting nearby on a locker room bench.  They commented, "Look at Lloyd listening!" and chuckled, but didn't ridicule me directly.  That was plenty, though.  I was so fascinated, I must have revealed my interest accidentally.  I never dated until a Sr. in College after I started drinking.