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Remind me?


Luna-
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Remind me again why it is important to go on...? I have forgotten.

I seem to be on a slow slide downhill. Nothing happened to cause it. Things just slide, I get out less, I sit on my bed most of the day, I don't wash dishes, the kitchen is a mess, I don't shower very often (Last time was saturday. I suppose that it is not too bad. The time before was tuesday, I think.) There doesn't seem any point to doing any of these things. I spend the days and the nights in the same clothes and can't remember the last times I changed my bed linen.

Last weekend it was too much to update the Weekend thread. Yesterday I fetched suicide out of the cupboard again and sat and thought about it all day. Do I have enough medication to finish me off? Maybe if I wait till just after I have fetched my month's supply. Is it lethal enough? No-one would miss me. I could be dead for weeks before anyone notices. This is the grim reality of my life.

I have made an appointment with my therapist this morning. Could only get one in a weeks's time. Have not seen him since January, I think. I am only due to see the pdoc in October. My BP is supposedly stable and I only go every 6 months for a med check.

But yeah, I forget why living is so important. Why is it again?

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It's important to go on because everything is finite, even depression.

Despite its assurances that it plans to last forever.

So take suicide out of the cupboard one last time, go over to the toilet, drop it in and flush.

It's true: if you're isolating yourself, no one may notice for a while that you're gone, but that's not even close to not missing you. Maybe they miss you daily, but they assume you're doing what you need to do. One of the hard things, when you're depressed, is to avoid giving others the impression that you want your space.

So thanks for telling us, Loonie, and for making an appointment with your therapist. We don't want to lose you.

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Thank you finding. You can't really insist with the receptionist, she is a young girl and very sweet but she can only fill empty slots. But I saw your message and then phoned him on his cell, hopefully he will phone me back today or tomorrow. It's hard to be assertive, when really I can't claim that it is urgent. It is acute now, but it is also just another day in a row of bad days. It's not as if I don't know this territory.

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"Coming soon to a head near you ..." :-)

If instead of plunging, you've had a gradual slide, it makes sense that it might have snuck up on you. But as you say, you've met this ogre before; you know his weak spots (between the knees is always a good one.) Take care of you, okay?

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Life is a cycle. Bipolar is not unique, just larger swings.

The good times in between recur also. I know that's not how it feels now, but there's no cycle without an upswing in it too.

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What part of the word "crisis" is allowed to mean "not urgent"? Just because a thing has happened before, or the thing is temporary, doesn't mean it isn't important. Most torture is quite brief; I still recommend stopping it when possible. :-P

There's a reason they recommend that medical people not treat themselves ...

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