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Help for my teenage Son


RG01
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Hello all.

I am 48 with 4 children 18,16,14. and the Youngest at 5 I am married.

My question I hope someone can answer is a delicate one and I hope that some helpful advice may help me to understand how to deal with the problem and how to cope. We are at the end of the line with this one. My 16 year old boy has some sort of attraction to being a baby he's been buying nappies and bottles and has some bibs too. Some of these used to be his younger brothers I recognise them. He has never openly told me or his mother his desires or discussed it with us. I noticed a problem about 1 year ago I found torn plastic pants in the bin I asked about this to all and it was denied. So I left it at that because I didn't know where they came from. Next thing I noticed was about a month ago a delivery docket for adult nappies to this address. I discussed it with my wife and we didn't say anything at the time I hoped that who ever it was would come and approach us. The latest development last week my (16 year) old son Ryan (not actual name) had a moment of insanity the only way I can describe it. My wife myself and 14, and 5 year old went out for the day as promised for fun movie and shopping except we arrived home half way through the 14 year old took sick. As we arrived home my youngest child went on ahead while we carried bags shopping and checked on 14 year old I couldn't believe my ears when the youngest came out again and asked why Ryan was in a highchair being fed and dressed like a baby? I was livid I didn't know what to say or do. My wife has more level head went ahead of me to try and figure out the situation. It was true 18 year old was feeding Ryan baby food in highchair or had been up to our arrival. I have never raised a hand to my Children and love them dearly. I didn't know what to do in this situation I didn't want go in myself. I was frightened that I may over react or completely lose it. It really threw me. I finally come in and seen it for myself. My wife was trying to calm Ryan down he was crying and kept saying he didn't want us to see him like this that he was gonna tell us but couldn't pick his moment. His older brother had told him to tell us and try to explain to us his feelings and desires. He found out one day when he walked in on Ryan dressed as a baby in his bedroom. Ryan hadn't heard him come in apparently this was approx 1 month ago. Ryan had calmed down after about 20 minutes. My wife kept a cool head probably better than I would have done. She then asked him why he told her it had been going for quite a while but he didn't know how to tell us. he couldn't explain why he wanted to act out at being a baby but knew he wanted to. After chatting to older brother he ordered some items and Ryan paid him for them. The delivery docket was a hint from the older Son for Ryan to come clean. He didn't want to tell us it was Ryan's place to do that. I calmed down also about 45 minutes later and listened while my wife chatted to Ryan although it look very surreal my 16 year old Ryan sitting in a highchair his face and bib all messy.I asked then has he anything to say about it Ryan then asked since this was now out in the open could he be more open and have some of his meals as a baby? My Wife said we will have to discuss this further. He said that this has nothing to do with real babies or children but something he likes and also said he doesn't feel that it's harming anyone. What do I do will he grow out of this? Is it something that can be cured? Is it something I should let him experiment with or what? Your thoughts and help would be greatly appreciated on this I am all out of ideas.

Thanks in advance

RG01

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Hi RG01, and welcome to our community!

I'm sorry you are going through some confusing times. We are a support community and not therapists, so our comments cannot take the place of seeing a psychologist.

That said, we can still support you in what you are going through. It sounds like you and your wife are doing a good job of trying not to overreact. I'm no expert on fetishes, but is a very human thing to suffer from anxiety and to reach for whatever comfort or relief we can find, and at 16, there might not be much ability to reason or process what is going on inside.

How are Ryan's coping skills for the challenges of life? Does he have hobbies or things he does well? Are there things he is worried about? Being on the edge of adulthood could be bringing out some anxiety.

Again, congratulations on seeking more information and help, and not just "losing it" by feeling freaked out by his behavior. Your family clearly cares about one another!

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Thank you indeed findingmyway

I am hoping by talking to others on this forum that something similar has happened before and how it was dealt with. I haven't been off with Ryan he is a good person he's interested in gadgets operation and sometimes repairs for his own benefit. He told us that he wants his fetishism or fantasy whatever it is to be allowed around the house on certain occasions not all the time but he tried to explain as best as he could that he likes the feeling of being a baby and treated as such. This is the problem my wife is a little better at coping than myself. She seems to be under the impression he'll grow out of it or move on and to give the odd concession. Perhaps to some of it and his older brother is of same opinion. I'm not sure. The 14 year old is Ok with it too it seems. Am I wrong?I just don't know how to react I am glad that I didn't over react and yes we have a great family unit. This is why the surprise that he never came to us before I always told any of them anything they needed to talk about no matter what either mother or myself would listen and try to help in whatever way we can. My oldest soon likened it to cross dressing or being gay or something like that that would it be more accepted if he was. He is still our son, he has a point. So what is my next move do I try to achieve a partial agreement or do I put my foot down and say no way no how. Thanks again

RG01

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Are you able to see a therapist at all, RG01? Just wondering if a professional could give you some pointers.

Sometimes with something like dream interpretation, which can be a similar process to fantasy interpretation, a helpful approach is to list all the things that come to mind about the motif. I don't know what a 16 year old is capable of with this, but having him describe what he associates with babies, diapers, being fed, etc, in a nonthreatening way, might lead to hearing what this means for him. Once you know that, it can lead to those needs or meanings being met in another way maybe, and he will learn about himself.

Again, I am not a therapist!

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Are you able to see a therapist at all, RG01? Just wondering if a professional could give you some pointers.

Sometimes with something like dream interpretation, which can be a similar process to fantasy interpretation, a helpful approach is to list all the things that come to mind about the motif. I don't know what a 16 year old is capable of with this, but having him describe what he associates with babies, diapers, being fed, etc, in a nonthreatening way, might lead to hearing what this means for him. Once you know that, it can lead to those needs or meanings being met in another way maybe, and he will learn about himself.

Again, I am not a therapist!

Thank you again Finding my way

advice very welcome.

Today my wife and myself went to see a therapist a reputable one a fair old distance away we managed to get an afternoon appointment. we told him everything we know and told him about the whole lot as much as we could. The therapist did say that infantilism is not unheard of these days however there have been very few studies to determine the cause and/or the solution. He said that he would gladly take on the case but Ryan is the one that has got agrees and that unless he agrees to counselling then we are fighting a losing battle.He also agreed that while such activity is not what we would call normal it's not as out there as we think. and he is not harming anyone but himself. There were a few different ways of going about this predicament 1st was to make our house ours again and make Ryan retreat to his room if he wants to act out his fetish let it be on his own. Without any help from family members. No highchair in our living space or any other baby stuff. 2nd was to let Ryan be a baby for an agreed period of time but monitor his behavior and make notes keep records of everything. If it's not too difficult or too out of our comfort zone dress him treat him as a baby ask questions and see how he behaves with wife and myself giving into his fetish. 3rd is to try and encourage different activities for all the family to get involved in like treasure hunts outdoor stuff swimming sports game also cinema. But really we do this already we are very rarely home because we spend a lot of time with the children at the parks and the pools etc. I don't know how this sounds to you but it wasn't what I expected. I am now unsure how best to deal with this how do I approach him with these suggestions. Thanks again for the advice really appreciated.

Take care

RG01

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It sounds like the therapist didn't help much for putting your mind at ease, or maybe you need a little time taking care of you? Do you need some space to process how this feels for you, so you can be more objective with your son later? It is difficult to find yourself in what feels like an out of control situation. Is it a little like this, you don't understand what is happening with your son and you're not sure what to do and not sure how to feel? That would be very hard!! :(

I'm just wondering if you could name your fears about this so that you can process them a little.

My opinion is to stay connected and open to listening to your son, but you still need to be listening to you too or you'll feel nuts.

We are here for you, RG01!

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It sounds like the therapist didn't help much for putting your mind at ease, or maybe you need a little time taking care of you? Do you need some space to process how this feels for you, so you can be more objective with your son later? It is difficult to find yourself in what feels like an out of control situation. Is it a little like this, you don't understand what is happening with your son and you're not sure what to do and not sure how to feel? That would be very hard!! :(

I'm just wondering if you could name your fears about this so that you can process them a little.

My opinion is to stay connected and open to listening to your son, but you still need to be listening to you too or you'll feel nuts.

We are here for you, RG01!

Thank you so much your kind words mean a lot.

I suppose my main issue/fear is how much will my comfort zone allow. I want to do my upmost to help Ryan but i'm frightened of getting it wrong I was told by the therapist that there maybe a possibility that Ryan could if forced to retreat to his own space become withdrawn and feel neglected or an embarrassment to the family so where to now. I am sure it will all work out ok in the long run but I am scared of failing my Son if that makes sense.

Thanks again your advice is indeed most welcome and appreciated.

Take care

RG01

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Hello, RG01. I'm glad you joined our community. Welcome.

I have been reading along and I would like to add my support to you. I have three children myself and I know it can be so difficult at times knowing what is best for them. There is often not a simple answer, I don't think. You are concerned about your son's well-being and you want what is best for him and this says a lot. I do hear your fears. Your expressions make perfect sense. I have felt that fear too of failing with my own kids. You love Ryan and you are doing your best by him. You've consulted a therapist and are considering your options. You are considering his feelings as well. Sounds as though you are doing all you can to help your son in this. Maybe in the long run, that kind of care and environment means more than any single choice of response to a specific behavioral issue. I'm not sure what might be best for Ryan and your family. Maybe it might take some time to know what helps most. We are here to support you along the way, RG.

Take care.

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Hello, RG01. I'm glad you joined our community. Welcome.

I have been reading along and I would like to add my support to you. I have three children myself and I know it can be so difficult at times knowing what is best for them. There is often not a simple answer, I don't think. You are concerned about your son's well-being and you want what is best for him and this says a lot. I do hear your fears. Your expressions make perfect sense. I have felt that fear too of failing with my own kids. You love Ryan and you are doing your best by him. You've consulted a therapist and are considering your options. You are considering his feelings as well. Sounds as though you are doing all you can to help your son in this. Maybe in the long run, that kind of care and environment means more than any single choice of response to a specific behavioral issue. I'm not sure what might be best for Ryan and your family. Maybe it might take some time to know what helps most. We are here to support you along the way, RG.

Take care.

Thanks so much I suppose all I need to know really is that I'm doing the right thing if I allow Ryan his wish. I am so confused I love my children dearly and do anything for them.

Take care RG01

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Relationship confusion is extremely painful :( For me it brings me into such conflict with myself, too.

From what I'm hearing from you, you just are not comfortable with going along with Ryan's acting out his fantasy. Is there a loving way that you can tell him that?

I've been thinking about the fact that this is posted in sexuality issues. Has this been a sexual act? It has to be such a tricky transition, being a close knit family and then the little ones grow up and become sexual and have personal lives that are their own and must eventually leave the family and have their own family. How to manage all of that necessary separation and still stay connected as family in the all grown up sense???

I was also thinking about what to model for Ryan. Whether or not this is about sex, Ryan needs to learn about how others feel when he wants them to do something. He needs to know that sometimes people will say no thanks when he wants them to do something. And that it doesn't mean he is being rejected as a person. Maybe he can reflect on how he would feel being asked to do something he really did not want to do. So tricky! Because it has to be different from the kinds of things we all have to do even though we don't want to, like go to school or go to work or do chores, etc.

Are there other role playing games your family could try that would be comfortable and fun? Charades? Some kind of middle ground that you could try.

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Hi thanks again for the reply I only posted on this heading because I couldn't think of which heading to put it under that is purely an accident on my behalf. However we have an agreement. Tonight he is to be a baby with help from 18 year old boy we are trialing it for the weekend and he has agreed to see therapist as well I will get weekend out of the way first then see what challenges await us. He is being bathed at the moment and then big brother is dressing him and getting him ready for dinner I will feed him beside me at table and give bottle too just before bed. We shall see how he gets on and indeed us ourselves. My wife decided to allow in the end she is prepared to give it a go. We started taking notes as required by therapist. Older boy got cot down from attic and all the bits that go with it. Wish us well I think we gonna need it I thank all of you again for the advice and support I will keep you updated take care

RG01

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Welcome to the forum, RG01. There are any number of reasons that your son may have these interests and is partaking in said behavior. It could be a case of infantilism (a paraphilia in which the individual likes to think of him/herself as a child), but I think that's not very likely. It sounds like simple age regression to me. I admittedly don't know much about the topic. I will say, though, that whatever his reasons are, be supportive and no matter what, do not shame him. I guarantee you that he already feels badly enough about these feelings and desires, and he'll only grow to resent you (and possibly himself) if you make him feel worse about it all.

For some time now, I've known someone in his mid-20s who is very much into age regression. He was active here for a brief time. He's specifically interested in the thought of being a toddler, perhaps around 5-years-old. From the way he describes it, it sounds similar to someone with gender identity disorder or gender dysphoria. In the sense that people feel like they are born into the body of the wrong sex, it feels to him like he's really a child inside of an adult's body. I imagine it must be a very painful existence. If you'd like, I can try to have him talk to you. We're no longer in contact for various reasons that led to a bit of a falling out, but I've been meaning to patch things up with him, anyway. If I can, I'll send him your way.

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Would you like me to move your thread to "General Support?" It is up to you, but I thought to ask.

Wishing you and your family well, RG.

I don't mind at all if you think it would suit that discussion heading better than this one that would be ok Thanks

RG01

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Welcome to the forum, RG01. There are any number of reasons that your son may have these interests and is partaking in said behavior. It could be a case of infantilism (a paraphilia in which the individual likes to think of him/herself as a child), but I think that's not very likely. It sounds like simple age regression to me. I admittedly don't know much about the topic. I will say, though, that whatever his reasons are, be supportive and no matter what, do not shame him. I guarantee you that he already feels badly enough about these feelings and desires, and he'll only grow to resent you (and possibly himself) if you make him feel worse about it all.

For some time now, I've known someone in his mid-20s who is very much into age regression. He was active here for a brief time. He's specifically interested in the thought of being a toddler, perhaps around 5-years-old. From the way he describes it, it sounds similar to someone with gender identity disorder or gender dysphoria. In the sense that people feel like they are born into the body of the wrong sex, it feels to him like he's really a child inside of an adult's body. I imagine it must be a very painful existence. If you'd like, I can try to have him talk to you. We're no longer in contact for various reasons that led to a bit of a falling out, but I've been meaning to patch things up with him, anyway. If I can, I'll send him your way.

if you know someone with a bit of inside knowledge that would be excellent and thank you for the helpful advice

take care RG01

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Hi All Ryan has been allowed his little side all weekend we decided to allow given that he's agreed to seek help from a professional psychologist and we didn't have any problems at all. We have all chipped in the 5 year old has been told that something is wrong with Ryan in his head and and a doctor is gonna try and fix it soon. We thought this best to explain this way that maybe a 5 year old would understand better. Ryan has been a baby all weekend and probably will for next couple of days till we get an appointment with the psychiatrist. It hasn't really affected us as much as I thought it would. I know it goes against all you would think is right but he's happy and that has to count for something. We have him sleeping in the cot and using some of the clothing he bought himself like babygro's and onesies he is using his own nappies. Feeding is formula Ryan thinks his little side is between 6-8 months so we are trying to tailor the parenting for that age group. Pureed food is my wifes own food mainly no salt and fairly bland stuff. She freezes cubed portions for reheating. The changing is left to me and my Wife we had agreement that it would probably be better if we did it. Ok my wife tells me that Ryan is to be his proper size tomorrow he wants to be 16 again.(don't we all). I didn't hear him say this. He knows he's still going to a professional psychiatrist he's ok with it. Ok will keep you informed as to what was said at the therapists we have been keeping notes as well.

Wish us luck

All the best

RG01

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Hi all.

We may have had a kind of breakthrough today. We have seen a therapist and it was a different one to the last they felt that this one would be better qualified to deal with our situation. We were there from 2pm till about 4.20pm just a bit over 2 hours. We went in and we introduced each other and The therapist sat and listened while we described Ryan. He then asked Ryan if he wanted to go to a different room while we discussed further and he said that Ryan would get his chance to talk after while we left room. Ryan agreed and therapist and Ryan left room. The therapist showed Ryan to the next room. The room that Ryan was in is the baby and toddlers room full of soft padded furnishings and a large ball pit in the corner with 3 rooms off it. All the doors clearly marked. Dvd room, Games room and Childrens and Teens Room where there is books and puzzles and and relaxing chairs. Ryan was happy to be in baby and toddlers room we could see Ryan all the time. There was hidden cameras throughout those rooms. The therapist informed us that prior to our arrival he has placed some items in various locations in that room and the other rooms also. He said these items are representative to what Ryan is about. He said that once Ryan sees these items he will be fixated and want to examine but also being aware that someone could walk in he will play safe. Ryan wasn't in there 5 minutes before he discovered a newly opened pampers packet size 6 with a nappy sticking out at the top ready for peeking at. The therapist had spotted Ryan's reaction before we had and pointed it out to us. Sure enough Ryan was fascinated by this nappy. The therapist said that Ryan is now trying to figure out would this possibly fit him given half the chance. Next Ryan turned his attention to ball pit he liked the idea of him being a baby and playing in here. Next he found 2 baby bibs laying over one of the sides slightly covered by a big square and triangle shape cushion these bibs again Ryan admired them and picked up one and just took it to another room where he could try it on and hear if anyone comes in before they see him. This therapist was spot on the money he knew before Ryan had actually done something that he was going to do it. This carried on for quite a while and Ryan had stolen the bib he fancied. The nappies he was going to have to leave that it would be too obvious. He would go and buy a packet himself. The Therapist said that this is definitely going to be a hard hill to climb and would have to be done in very small stages. Before giving us advice on how to proceed he needed to talk alone to Ryan and the Therapist left the room and returned with Ryan we were asked to wait in waiting room while they talked. About 30 minutes later Ryan came to Waiting room and said Therapist wants to have a final chat with us before we go. The therapist couldn't tell us much of the conversation between himself and Ryan patient confidentiality. However he said that Ryan wouldn't say too much to him and most of the answers were yes or no or hum hum. Ryan is going to have build a trust in this therapist and this is going to take time. Only when there is a trust there between himself and the therapist will Ryan divulge his true feelings. The therapist is going to have to try and befriend Ryan little by little. After chatting to Ryan. The last question the Therapist asked Ryan was do you still want to be a baby full time? If I arrange an agreement with your parents is this what you really want? Ryan said yes. The therapist told us and what he proposed is that we go along with it every step of the way. Allowing Ryan to be a Baby and totally a baby only in the safety and comfort of our home. This is going to be for the next few weeks so that Ryan can come to therapy and get to know Therapist better. The baby treatment unless Ryan gets sick of it first will probably last that long and more the therapist advised us. We have to be prepared for a long struggle and we should at least make Ryan realise there's more to being a baby than he thinks and that Adults can have lots of fun too. The therapist recommends getting all the older ones together for various party games Twister etc Adults only babies not allowed also include the 5 year old in some of these activities where possible. Then also play games for baby like peek-a-boo play letters and sing nursery rhymes. Make Ryan realise what he's missing out on. If he wants to be a baby then he can't chop and change whenever suits him its one or the other. Finally when we get home we were told to ask Ryan is he sure this is absolutely what he wants before proceeding with plan. We also have questionnaires to fill out at key events like when he's being changed or fed or playtime all of us are to answer these. Then the next time we see therapist we are to bring them in with us to give him an insight into Ryan's mind.

Sorry this is long I had made written notes and I have tried to explain all as best as I could without typing full 2 hours worth of text.

Anyway when we got home. Ryan looked at us and we asked him is he sure? He told us 100% sure and didn't care what he was giving up in return. So we called in the rest of the family and discussed with them the shortened version but Ryan is now going to be Baby Ryan until further notice. My wife or myself would do all changes the rest could help with feeding or playtime etc. As I was the one that was a bit hesitant at first we thought that making Ryan into Baby Ryan should be me. My Wife had no problems with it. So I took Ryan to his Nursery and laid a blanket on the floor and laid Ryan down and proceeded to remove his adult clothing to be stored until required. My wife and 14 year old made up the cot properly with the bumper set and activity centre that was indeed the 18 year old cot toy when he was a baby it's been passed down also some other baby toys also music mobile above cot . The next part started of difficult I had to keep telling myself that Ryan was a baby and I put his nappy on then got him dressed into one of his babygros at this stage I was beginning to get into the swing of it. As I put one of his legs in I would talk to him like you would any baby when dressing them Dinner was ready in kitchen so I bought Ryan in and sat him in his highchair and the 14 year old put the bib on. That's basically that until we put him to bed about 6.30 and Wife read him a couple of nursery rhymes and game him his bottles and he fell asleep fairly quickly. We have the baby monitor on and he's sound asleep still.

We have been answering questions also so it should be quite an interesting read for Therapist.

Anyway I will leave you all now again sorry about length but couldn't shorten it anymore without it sounding wrong and Ryan told us all he loves us very much and couldn't wish for a better family. <_<

Take care all

RH01

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Oh my!!!! RG001, that is a lot your family is doing for Ryan. He definitely feels your support. I'm glad they gave you a therapist that is suited to the job. Hopefully Ryan will connect with this person over time and soon. It will be interesting to see if he tires of being left out of more grown up things. Real babies sure want to keep growing and developing. More importantly, I hope he is able to connect with what all this means for him and express it to you someday.

How are you doing with your feelings? Are you able to sleep ok?

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RG01, I want to wish you and your family well. It's great you are working with a therapist and your entire family is supporting your son through this. I hope things improve for Ryan. Thank you for keeping us updated. We are here to support you.

Edited by IrmaJean
typo
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Thanks very much to both of you for your replies finding my way and irmajean. Does anyone know of any good family adult games that we could play anything as long as we can sometimes include 5year. Also some good baby games might be helpful too. Thanks everyone for all the help you all have been excellent and very supportive and we are very pleased with all your suggestions. Any other suggestions always welcome Thanks again

RG01

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OK somehow or other I managed to put up 2 posts of the same So i have edited second.

Hi Finding my way I forgot to answer your message yes sleeping ok I think that visit to the therapist helped all of us in a way. At least as you say the therapist is suited to the situation and obviously has his Ideas at how this should be handled. Speaking of which all seems going to plan. So far so good and we are all pulling in the same direction rather than against one another.

Take care all

RG01

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Hi all.Ryan seems to be happy today. I will say that since that Therapist trip both my Wife and myself feel so much like a burden has been lifted from our shoulders Last night was the best sleep we'd had in ages or feels like that anyway.

This morning Ryan woke up 18 year old bought him for breakfast for his breakfast then. I took him after for bathing and dry off and 14 year old got the clothes and nappy with rash cream ready for me to get Ryan dressed and ready for the day. It was easier this time now that I had done it once it all came back to me. Including blowing raspberries on his belly and general tickling. We are all going to sit in garden today and have some time outside. It's a well shielded and private garden and large as well. The 5 year old and Ryan were playing in Inflatable car full of play balls and the rest of us just either reading or using tablets or phones. It was a great day to sit out didn't want to waste the weather while we had it. At lunchtime then the 14 year old volunteered to feed Ryan so I prepared some baby rice and a couple of bottles of formula. 14 year old kept cleaning Ryan's face he was being a little messy but I suppose that's part of it too, Myself and 5 year old played football with 18 year old for a little while while Ryan was getting his feed. Then after about 30 minutes Ryan needed a change My wife done it this time. Then she made him go for a nap. While we all had Ice cream out in the Garden he could hear us. All the questions for today so far have been filled out by all of us except 5 year old obviously. The 5 Year old seems ok with the arrangement we are making sure that we don't make Ryan our sole interest we are aware we have 4 children and all deserve equal love and attention no matter what age they are. Also if anyone knows some family games we could play together sometimes with 5 year old others without. They have to intrigue Ryan to see what he could be playing if he was adult. This may be a sort of catalyst to help him through the growing up process. We also will play games with him too probably 1 to 1 whoever is feeding him or changing him etc. Any ideas there too may help therapist said although he can't join in adult games you cannot make him fell left out either so play baby games with him as well but make adult ones more enticing. I hope this all makes sense. Or indeed if anyone thinks of something else that we may have forgotten would be great. I got Ryan dressed for bed tonight changed and in his babygro it's definitely getting a lot easier. The weight of our back is worth it alone Thanks again all of you for your help and understanding.

Take care all.

RG01

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