Planning. I'm not good at it.

[IrmaJean]

Victim, I hope you feel better soon. I enjoy the autumn and early winter, but I wish it did not go on for so long. Autumn and Spring are my favorite seasons, though I would choose Summer over Winter.

Work ethic. I think you have to do it for yourself and not for others, who may be impossible to please. I work in a convenience store with food and coffee. It's very physical and non stop, but I take personal pleasure in making things look nice. I have been very fortunate to work in a healthy environment too for many years. It's difficult enough to do a job as it is; I can't imagine working in a toxic environment.

[Victimorthecrime]

Thanks Beth. I believe I am seeing some improvement today, hope I am not just deluding myself. 

Trying to remind myself that life is short and to not get too caught up in worries and regrets because there comes a time when none of it matters.  

 

[Victimorthecrime]

I am home 🏡 sick 😷 today and tomorrow so just babbling here.  

My one friend has been nice and indulged me w long phone conversations so kudos to him.  He doesn't work, lives on subsidized housing, food stamps, SSI disability for mental health, Medicare/Medicaid plan, discount on his electric bill and a bus pass 🚌... Don't worry I help him out plenty, help him run errands w my SUV 🚙.  

I sometimes think I should sell this house and move into a cheap apartment. The only problem is there are very few cheap apartments around here and the ones there are - trust me there is a reason. I could rent a room in a house but it has been decades since I had roommates and not sure my anxiety could handle that. 

Oh well, so it goes.  

[Victimorthecrime]

It is unlikely I will sell the house. I had 2 really bad experiences w landlords trying to keep my security deposit.  Also other people in the building can be hell.

The only way I see it happening is if I hit really hard times financially. 

Another thing for me to consider is that someday I may wish to take out a reverse mortgage to help me live.  Obviously you need to own a home to do that.  

Other ramblings: there are some positives in my life.

1) Other than this cold/flu thing I am healthy.  

2) My diet has been pretty good - cutting way back on eating meat. 

3) I have all-but stopped drinking. 

4) A while ago I mentioned having pain in my right shoulder and the update on that is that it is not gone BUT is much less painful then it was.  I am able to sleep in any position, have little problem reaching up for things, and have long stretches of time where I don't even think about it.  

5) Even though I dislike my company I am still employed. If they ever do shit-can me I will get severance and unemployment and together that would cover a year.  What I need to do is plan a little better for this contingency and while I have a lot to do it is starting to take shape. 

[Klingsor]

Victim, for what it's worth, I don't think you should sell your house. I've been living from apt to apt to rental house to apt for the last 10 years and it sucks. The money I've spent on rent could've bought a decent home already. The leases are written to protect the property owner, and you're at the mercy of your neighbors and the landlord. That's basically all I'm working for right now, is to buy a small house somewhere that I can call MINE and have relative peace and quiet. If you need advice on how to improve things, just send me a PM, maybe I can help. And no fucking way would I live with roommates again. I'd rather be homeless. 

Glad other things are better for you,, hope you have a nice week. 

[Small]

I'm glad you're feeling better Victim. I hope you get to enjoy the time off regardless of feeling ill. Maybe treat yourself to something good. Well done on the improvements - the one thing that would make my life much worse would be adding alcohol to it. If you're not cornered into selling your house then it probably isn't the best idea. 

[Victimorthecrime]

@Klingsor - LOL about the roommate situation.  My problems in the distant past w roommates centered around their friends.  These loafers that are just glad to be away from Mom & Dad and wanna make your home their home.  

[Victimorthecrime]

Tired of having this cold/flu dominate my life I got a haircut today and also spent 1.5 hours having coffee ☕️ w a friend at Starbucks.  I am sick of being sick and going into work tomorrow come hell or high water.  

[Small]

I had a haircut last month. I wrote out a post regarding it but deleted it. The hairdresser cut my hair too short, which really has ruined the past month for me. I usually cut it myself but thought I'd treat myself. I'm picky about the length because I'm trying to grow it out so we decided on that before he got started. Anyway it's way too short. 

[Victimorthecrime]

No sooner will I find a decent stylist then they will leave the salon.  So far so good w this latest one.  Believe me, I don't want anything special; just don't want to look ridiculous.  Don't want small children to point and laugh "mommy that man looks like a bum!".  

[LostBoy]

On 11/26/2017 at 2:54 PM, Victimorthecrime said:

@lostboy1 - are you in sales? Why so much travel?  Trying to think why someone would travel for business. Perhaps to meet w customers or attend meetings at a regional office of your firm but video conferencing is phasing that out. It could be to attend strategy and project management sessions or give presentations.  

My company poo-poos travel except for high level executives. Even training is done on line.  It is ok w me I dislike business travel.  I used to travel for a previous  job. NYC was a blast back then.  

 

@Victimorthecrime - I'm a mid-level director. I work for a Senior Vice President and I have several managers who report to me who work in various locations. I do quite a few contract negotiations as well as visit with customers and suppliers quite frequently so this is where most of my travel comes from. I have been traveling for business the past couple of weeks and I leave out again on Monday for one last trip before the end of the year which is why I haven't been on here as much. I also travel to our corporate headquarters roughly every other month and I travel internationally about 4 or 5 times each year. My travel now is about half of what it was 3 or 4 years ago so I am very thankful for that because I was gone more than I was home for several years. I got very tired of that much travel. I spent roughly 6 months in Shanghai, 2 weeks at a time, about 4 years ago and this was on top of my other travel. I hated that with a passion.

We do a lot of meetings by teleconference/video conference but my company still sees value in face-to-face meetings and this is especially true when it comes to suppliers/customers.

When I first started traveling I enjoyed it but it became old very quickly. I also have a habit of getting "down" when I travel due to the fact that I'm not a big socializer so I spend a lot of time in a hotel alone. That gives me too much time to think or to drink.

[Victimorthecrime]

Yep. Totally get it @lostboy1. Also it is hard to eat right when you business travel.  Young single guys that are type A extroverts might enjoy that much travel but not too many others.  Glad it is slowing down for you.  But it sounds like there's a buck in it so gotta take the good w the bad I suppose.  

 

[Victimorthecrime]

This funny. Earlier today I sent a FB message to an old friend and he responds back "hey I drive for Uber now and am right down the street from you. Let's go to lunch".  So that's what we did.  It was fun.  Plus at least it is someone I am back in touch with.  

[Victimorthecrime]

Got together w another friend today so that was fun.  

I managed to insulate 2 more windows this weekend and only 2 more to go and I am done for the season.   I also made it to the grocery store too so not lacking in provisions.  

There was a lot I didn't get to but that is ok because it was due to catching up w friends which takes priority.  

[Small]

How many friends you got?! 

[Victimorthecrime]

2 but got back in touch w a 3rd on Saturday.  

I used to have a lot of "friends" but it can be a mixed blessing when you are a busy person.  Friends start blowing up your phone w "let's do this, lets do that" and I have trouble saying no to people and the next thing you know I am: spending too much, eating too much, drinking too much, sleeping too little and accomplishing too little.  

[Small]

3 sounds like a good number. I currently have 1, but as you pointed out i find friends to be a distraction (in person). Quite a burden to go out & spend money when I'd rather be at home. But they are a blessing too.

[Victimorthecrime]

Weekend update:  feeling a weird combination of grateful and melancholy.  

We are expecting snow and I am just so glad to be feeling decent and to have a warm house and a stocked pantry and just being able to chill and do the few things I want.  Grateful that I have been doing good on my semi-vegetarian diet and a general sense that while I face some real challenges - this house, job insecurity, aging, and a pitiful support system - I am mostly up to the challenge and what I am not up for is going to just have to be what is until such time as I am able to get a handle on it.  

Feeling a bit melancholy mostly due to FB and you tube seeing people traveling, enjoying nature, concerts, friends etc. Also I see these guys deploying skills that I don't have w technology and handyman skills that I never developed.  There's this guy that lives in his solar powered van that he built himself and makes money on line and travels etc and it makes me both jealous and feel like an idiot by comparison.  He's not some pathetic wage earner worried about getting laid off.  

[Victimorthecrime]

I have a day off today thank God. It is 25 degrees here coming off an overnight low of 18 and we are expecting snow.  Tired.  No big plans at the moment.  

[Small]

Nice. Hope you get to do something calming. We had a snowday here on sunday. I believe we got about 6 inches. My sister phoned me on Sunday morning inviting me to the park with them to "build a snowman". By the time I got there (unarmed) I was met by 8 people throwing a shit load of snowballs at me. Needless to say they hadn't bothered with the snowman. Well my fault - "One does not simply walk into Mordor"

[Victimorthecrime]

I think YOU were the intended snowman ⛄️ ha ha

Not a bad day. I ran a few errands and was actually in a good mood as I bounced from place to place exuding a jaunty self-confidence ha ha I wish.  

I am eating healthy, did some squats which has become my go to exercise and I recommend it to everyone, took a short nap (too short), and I am just chilling, occasionally looking out at the snow ❄️.  Unless I somehow get inspired I probably won't do anything productive other than thinking things over a bit.  

What's everyone else up to?  

[Small]

Thinking can be productive & there's no time for indoor chilling quite like a snow day. I need to buy a couple of Xmas presents so I'm stressing over that. I've ordered my friend a chess board which I'm hoping he likes. Doing a bit of work while reflecting on a few recent events. Just a normal day really.

[Small]

1 hour ago, Victimorthecrime said:

I think YOU were the intended snowman ⛄️ ha ha

I was unintentionally brilliant at it 

[Victimorthecrime]

My life in a snapshot:  felt good yesterday physically & emotionally, got a good night sleep, woke up this morning w raging sinus pressure and sinus headache that had thus far crippled me.  

It's not a huge deal because I am waiting for another couple hours to pass before shoveling snow and cleaning off the car but it's very unpleasant and undeserved.  My whole life has been like this. No sooner am I making progress than a giant granite block falls in my path.  Under these conditions planning is all but impossible.  So it goes...

[LostBoy]

20 minutes ago, Victimorthecrime said:

My life in a snapshot:  felt good yesterday physically & emotionally, got a good night sleep, woke up this morning w raging sinus pressure and sinus headache that had thus far crippled me. 

I'm glad you felt good yesterday but hate that you are feeling rough today. i think if I lived in the NE I would be continuously sick with all of the poor weather in the winter. On top of that, winter time in the north is almost depressing, between cabin fever and the grey skies it would be enough to drive my mood down.

On top of that, the thought of having to shovel snow before I could even leave the house would be enough to drive me mad. I like a nice relaxed morning, anyway, and to wake up to feeling "trapped" and knowing that I have work to do before I can even begin to go to work would really piss me off.

Take some meds for the sinus pressure and hopefully you'll be feeling better this afternoon.