Ok, I did it. It was really weird...images of me when I was small kept popping into my head. I feel nice and sleepy

YOU DID IT!!!!!!! Thank you, brave Blossom You did not turn away from her. You are so awesome!!!!!!!

Now if you need to sleep, that is fine. Just remember, that you could do it. It is OK to be with you. It really is.

Did I really do it?!!!!!!!!!! What else can I do to not turn away from me? I'm too excited to sleep now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Finding, you're a genius!!!

There are many variations, but you experienced the basic gist of it. Stay with yourself, right here, right now, in what you are feeling. Don't run. Be brave. Moods tend to be about running AWAY from something. But that observer thing that happens, observing you in your body, breathing in, breathing out, pulls you into right NOW, right where you are at. You are not running away when you do that. And if you can listen, truly listen to you, and write it or draw it or put it into music, it will "sing" and you will feel it and be OK being you. And you can take that ability with you doing anything. You can mindful breathe and go for a walk. You can mindful breathe and do the dishes... anything!

That's cool! where did you learn all this stuff? I didn't mean to abandon myself. I didn't realise I was doing it and I'm sorry that I did ..

Does all this mean I can't drink anymore....?

Well, are you drinking to turn your back on you? If so, can you see how that hurts you?

I learned this stuff from therapy;)

OOOhhhhh!!! Well, yeah....it always makes me sad in the end.....but it makes me feel really happy aswel!!!! Does all this mean I can't listen to "bad music" anymore?

Well when you come down you return to the sad you that you left behind...because where could she go, she's you afterall....

Hah!! Do you leave you when you listen to bad music? Some people get in touch with their sadness when they listen to music, and then they feel better because the music helped them express it.

It's a pity the abandoned me can't get drunk with me...

Yeah, I think I do leave me. When I listen to my music it's because I am trying to block everything out, especially my mother's voice! My ipod comes in handy for this! I think ipods are very addictive. . It makes me feel better when I'm listening to it but then when I stop I just go back to feeling normal.

THAT is good work Blossom!!!!! It is so insightful!!!! You rock at this therapy stuff

Yep, your mother's voice needs to get out of your head. I'm so sorry life handed you that. But you know, it is what it is, and you have choices now. You didn't when you were just running, but now you do.

Haha you're funny:)

It's not as bad as I thought it would be being at home alone!!! I kinda like it. It's very peaceful. They rang me earlier and they kept talking negative talk and I think that was what made me feel sad. When I was younger I remember feeling so confused because I didn't know why they didn't like me. I remember one time, I think I was about 5 and my mother slapped me across the face and I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong.

That is very hurtful stuff, Blossom. "Confusion" is the main word I would use to describe how I felt at home too. It took me YEARS to get unconfused. This is the gist of what worked for me: Don't run away from you!

I'm so glad you can feel your peace. That truly means you are at home, do you see?

Yeah I see. Only one more week of peacefulness and then they'll be home.......... I can't wait to move out.

Do you think animals can sense when we feel sad?

Animals can sense sorrow, they also know when a person is lying, according to a book I read. Amazing!!! I go even further, I believe my rock friends know when I am sad:)

You do need to move out. Step by step, it will happen.

Yeah, I often think that rocks have feelings too. and trees! I wonder what it feels like to be a tree... I think trees are beautiful! I think animals are sent to us for a reason. I remember a few years ago I was going through a really really bad patch and wasn't dealing with things well. I had important exams coming up in school aswel and was stressed. and my kitten had just been killed. I was really unhappy. and then I was in town one day and this stray kitten tried to get in our car so I brought it home. and she made me soooo happy. she was my cat soulmate but now she's dead aswel. She could definitely sense my feelings.

I can picture you working toward a safer future for you and your cats:(. Some day you could have a set up that was not near a road, or a place where your cat could be happy staying inside. And you too, you would be safe in the inside too.

I dunno why it's always my cat's that get killed...it really sucks, especially the part where I have to carry them in from the road, dead. it's horrible. and then the image keeps popping into my head and that's probably why I can't sleep anymore. my friend who lives next door to me has had her cat for 15 years now and she isn't even an indoor cat!!! I'm just very unlucky.

That is very sad, Blossom. Your luck can change. Don't run away from the you that is sad about this. It is sad!!!!!

I'll bet your friend doesn't have a barn full of cats across the road that her cat wants to go to.

Oh well that's the thing!!! the barn is across from her house aswel!!! She's just a really smart cat!! She comes down and visits me sometimes.

I dunno if I can be sad about it. I've been pushing the thoughts of all this out of my head and I havn't cried over it yet. I don't know how to face it. and I'm not sure if I want to anyway. I hope this doesn't mean I'm abandoning myself again.... I just don't want to be sad again.

You will know when you are ready. That is a big one to face. Maybe do some light and easy things for now, and be patient. No one can handle everything all at once!!!!!

I've got to go for now. Are you OK?

Yeah I'm ok, I think I'll go for a nap. thanks finding:)

You are more than welcome. Congratulations on being so awesome with you.

I dunno what is wrong with me now........... I feel sooooooooo nervous and my heart is beating really really fast....

Ooo, well, sit down and relax if you can.

Then, can you identify when it started? (And how much Diet Coke you've had today?)

I'm already sitting down. I'm so nervous that my hands are shaking... this is strange. I had about 3 big glasses of diet coke but it usually just makes me hyper, not like this!!! I'm not even a teensy bit hyper right now...

It started about 20 minutes ago.