Yeah, you already know what I think, star. :-)

Lots of luck, hon.

That's good that they've been loving towards you.

Hey sweetie, are you OK? I'm sorry things are so blah right now. I've got to go again, and I'm worried about you!

Don't worry, I'm just in a crappy mood. I think I'll go stick my head in the oven or something.

No, pizza in oven. Then into head. The order is important. :-)

Why are you sad at the moment?

I dunno. Don't worry finding, you go do what you have to do.

Feel like talking to me about it?

I'm not as cool as 'finding', but I know how to listen.

There is nothing to talk about. I just don't feel good.

What would make you feel better?

I'd feel better if I couldn't feel anything. I want to be numb

Does that mean you're feeling pain, at the moment?

You know that numbness goes away and the pain just comes back worse. Can you go talk to the pain, the way you did with 'finding' this morning?

I don't want to talk to the pain anymore. I want to die. that's what I meant by numb. That way I'll never have to feel like this again.

Yah, but that way you never get to feel the "up" either.

Do you want to talk to me any more? Because I've been called a pain before. :-) Been called much worse, as a matter of fact. Come to think of it, it didn't make me go away then, either.

Don't talk yourself into going away.

I don't ever ever want to feel again. I'm tired of this stupid life and I'm sorry, ye shouldn't have to listen to me. I'm never going to get better so there's really no point even talking to me anymore. I'm just a waste of space and time. I don't care anymore. So what if I can't be nice to my "abandoned self"? I hate my abandoned self and I hate me.

Wow, you do have a red-head's temper.

Please be nice to yourself. I'll listen to you as long as you like, but in the end, it's going to have be you who figures out what to do with you. Hatred will solve just as little in this situation as it does in any other.

Try love. It's far more effective.

Yes I do have a temper. I'm not going to be nice to myself. I want to hurt myself real bad right now.

Please don't. Look, you can hurt me if you like.

I don't want to hurt anyone else Malign. That's why I need to be gone.

No sweety, that's why you need to stay and find some other way to deal with your problems.

I offered myself deliberately, because I knew you wouldn't hurt another person. You're worth at least as much as I am, just by being a person. Please be as good to yourself as you would be to me.

I can't handle feeling like this anymore. The only time I feel happy is when i drink. how stupid is that? I have more bad days than I do good. I can't stop shaking. I can't do this anymore

So Blossom, sweety: do something different!

You know the drink just delays things. Why would you want to feel like crap tomorrow?

Could you try to find out whether there's anyone in your area to talk to, social services, or whatever? Or plan something with your cousin outside tomorrow, or go down to the shops, or make me something tonight, or heck, just about anything except hurting yourself more?

I don't know what to say anymore. If there is a tomorrow. there is noone to talk to .

Mmm, you don't have to think of anything brilliant to say. But I do know there will be a tomorrow. I know you can talk to your cousin, to me, to 'finding'. Do you realize how 'finding' would feel if she could never talk to you again?

There are lots of people who would miss you, Blossom, my dear.

Why would finding care? why would anyone care? There's no reason to care about me. maybe in your world there will be a tomorrow but i'm not so sure about mine.