oh I have those feelings too, when my dad shows how caring he can be, or just treats me like an adult. But really, it's not your fault they treat you bad and of course that would make anyone angry or upset and being that ordinarily they're not nice to you, no wonder you get mad, anyone would. my dad was good to me tonight, and I was glad but sometimes it makes me wonder, how bad is he really? maybe it's just me who causes the problems. But something tells me that's not the case.

The toughest thing when I was in this situation was to form an identity apart from the identity I had being with my family. Who I was in my family was not a viable life, it was an impossible life. If I had support, I might have figured something out. But I didn't. Each family member let me know that the problem was with me.

All I can do is tell you both what had to happen for me, in order to step across the line from impossible to possible. I had to form an identity with other people, other experiences apart from my family. I had to find support and interactions that had enough positive things going so that I could grow and live. For me that meant college and therapists and friends and pets and nature and art and most of all spiritual growth.

The interactions you have with your family keep reinforcing a very, very limited idea of who you are and who you can be. In time you will see that they do that out of their own pain, but that insight doesn't do much to fix the problem. It just gives some perspective. You need better relationships than this in your lives. You need to know there is so much more to life than this, and it IS possible, not impossible for you to get there. For me, it was IMpossible as long as I confined myself strictly to who I was inside my family.

I'm so very sorry star and Blossom, that you have this pain to go through....believe me

Are you doing OK Blossom?

Are you eating ice cream right now???

hi finding, no i'm in bed.

oooo sorry, did I wake you up?

nah, i've been awake for ages, i was just messing around on the laptop.

Do you think we could learn programming like malign says? Maybe you could animate a flying ginger dog and have her wings flap?

maybe but i don't think i'll be very good at it. i can't even do sudoku.

It sounds difficult to me too. Have you been reading Twilight?

i tried to read it but i lost interest so now i'm not reading it anymore.

You sound very blue:(

i'm always blue:(

I'm sorry, sweetie did anything happen recently?

Can I ask you about Halloween over there? paula says that's when you shoot off fireworks. Do you carve pumpkins?

i'm tired of life and i am permanently blue. yeah there's fireworks and bonfires and most families carve pumpkins and then children dress up and go trick or treating.

a Halloween bonfire sounds very cool!!! Does anyone in your neighborhood do that? [that might cheer you up a little]

sometimes my neighbours have bonfires and fireworks. yeah it's cool. last year i went to bed for halloween.

I thought you were a present! Did you sleep on your wrapping?

we ccelebrated halloween in my art class the week before because we get a week off for halloween holidays.

Oh I see.

Were you able to see if drinking water helped the dizziness?

what do you do for halloween? i drank some yesterday but i still kept getting dizzy in work.

I do all kinds of activities with the kids at work. A favorite is crawling down a long dark fabric tunnel looking for eyeballs. We do pumpkin carving. I love roasted pumpkin seeds. Little crafts with ghosts are fun.....

[would vegetables help? *yikes!*]

ye do fun stuff! we're not allowed to carve pumpkins or anything like that at home in case we make a mess:(

i hate vegetables..

Ohhhhhhhhhhh THAT's what's going on. If I couldn't make a mess, I would have to be hauled away in a straight-jacket. EVERYTHING I do makes a mess. That's why I seem to always be cleaning my house:rolleyes:. I think I would give up too, if I wasn't allowed to ever make a mess:(.

EVERYTHING has to be perfect in this house. it's torture because i like making messes too:(