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today was an awful day. i went shopping with my family. never again. the whole car journey up and down was awful. you know who kept shooting dirty looks at me. she was probably complaining about me aswel. i just couldn't hear because i was listening to my i-pod. it was a bad bad day.i'm tired of her constantly nagging me. she won't leave me alone. i'm tired of having to hide in my room. i don't know what to do anymore. i'm tired of feeling the same way everyday and i'm tired of typing the same thing everyday. that frustrates me a lot. i wish i could somehow relax myself enough to let go of the bad feelings. i don't know how because nothing works for me. i don't think my mind wants anything to work for me. it wants me to stay feeling bad and i don't know why it would want this. part of me wants to do something to make me feel better though. it's as if i'm kinda split in half, and each half is fighting the other. it's stupid. maybe if i were to go to bed early that would help me not have to think. ok i'm going to bed. even though it's not early. it's late. oh well...


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Just take things one step at a time. When you are caught up in all sorts of concerns, like how you are feeling, how your parents are treating you, and everything else in your life that has your attention, the world can easily become overwhelming. As you are about to continue with a big step in your academic career as an undergraduate, a good piece of advice is to start thinking actively.

University/college level courses demand active reading on the part of students to interact with the reading material, and to better understand the principles and perspectives applied. Active reading simply involves asking some timely questions while reading in order to extract the main points effectively: What argument is the author making? What evidence is used to support this argument? Does the author try to address counter-arguments against his position? Are these counter-arguments mentioned in the text or do you have to infer them?

As a first year, active reading will be a bit unfamiliar, but you will get better as you practice. The same is true when you try to think actively about your life. One begins by thinking about something that has their attention, and asking what in their world they wish to change. In the vocabulary of GTD, the answer to this question is called a project or outcome. Remember to keep the answer to this question focused on short or near term issues, and in one sentence or less. Then, when you have the answer to this question, ask what is the next physical, visible action to start the project.

This keeps you focused on the next step to take, encouraging you to marshal your thoughts for a specific purpose as opposed to letting it drift. Certainly, I can only imagine what you are experiencing right now, Blossom. But, I do know based on your posts that you have been inundated with all sorts of snarky, mean spirited messages from your parents and whomever else. If you do allow your mind to drift, it will likely drift to these messages and explore their meanings. Your best bet is to focus on starting your first year of university as smoothly and as quickly as you possibly can. This means thinking about anything you need to change to wrap up any loose ends left, and to decide on anything that needs doing whenever you have free time. Do not stop until there is absolutely nothing left that needs to be done on your part.

Do you have phone calls to make? Have a place of residence set up? Know when orientation starts (freshers' fair?)? Do you need to get contact details for any friends you want to keep in touch with? Need to arrange transportation? Do you know the layout of your new campus? Who is your advisor (career counselor)? When do you need to make your tuition payments? When is the deadline to withdraw from a class without penalty or fees? Can you get your syllabus early? Know who your professors are? When does the local cab service call it quits for the evening? Does your place of residence have wireless internet? Wired internet? Need to set up a Skype account to make long distance calls? Paper? Pens? Staplers?

This is just brainstorming, you don't actually have to answer each question all at once. The point is that when people are making you feel bad, they are holding you back. There are things in your life – important things – that need doing and these people are just trying to keep you from doing your life's work! The work of one's life need not be defined with the detail of a biography, you just need to know when someone is holding you from doing it! Carpe Diem!

If you wish to respect and honor your parents, do so only when you gain a strong, defensible position. You look up to them and they treat you with disrespect and hurtful words. Like the lions of myth who toss their newborn cubs 10,000 fathoms deep, you need to throw yourself into university. Meet new people, different cultures, other ways of life, and learn as many skills as you can. This life of going from day to day being the subject of scorn and living in fear is not all there is in this world.

I ended up writing a sermon! I am long winded :)

Going to bed early is not bad. As the Asians often say, early sleep, early rise.

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and thanks guys, i do feel a little better now that i've slept but a little anxious about the whole starting college thing so soon. . i'm not sure if we'll have to do any active reading in art college. i'm hoping we won't!! they never even sent a list of supplies to buy. just a letter saying when i'll be starting. this is so bad. my manager put me down to work all next week after the festival. she migntn' be able to let me off on such short notice. i havn't even gone college shopping yet. just festival shopping.and i won't get a chance now because i'm working until friday, festival until sunday and somehow i have to have to move to college on the sunday aswel. this is a disaster!!!

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i've never even seen this accomodation. what if it's a dump..:) this is so scary. what if i don't get nice housemates..? they might make my life hell. i hope my computer works down there. it's going to be so weird not being at home anymore.

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WAIT hold on. whew. i think i was getting ahead of myself. it's not this weekend i'm starting, it's the weekend after. i thought it was this weekend!!! it's still the same weekend as my festival though.:):(:(

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It's normal to feel this way, especially when a person struggles with depression. Just be easy on yourself and try not to get too carried away with negative thoughts. From what I've been reading, people that have been down or are in negative environments can develop a brain structure that inhibits them. The great news is that you can change that, but it takes being patient with yourself, and not getting too locked in to your negative thinking, because that is what is blocking you from getting to a more stable and grounded outlook on your situation. All of us struggle with this to some degree, so you're not alone!!!!!!! I'm bumming out a bit too, about the work year starting up. :)

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I KNOW I'm not ready :)!!!!! The craziness has already started. Looks like there are a lot of reassignments and changes that will mean a great deal of work. I start back Monday but I have a long meeting today, and other stuff this week....


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That's the thing. It is a matter of perspective. I don't want to be one of those people that thinks everything's unfair. Life is a struggle and takes effort-- it just does. You're a big brave ginger artful dogg!!!!! I'm a ... a.... something something!!!! :)

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:) You are so fun :(

[malign's a demented bunnie]

.................... today I'm starting to feel like a jungle punk;) My face is painted green and I've got green feathers tied in my hair. Aiyeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I can swing through trees, so watch out!

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i tried to be a demented bunny yesterday but it didn't work. malign says my ears are the wrong shape:(

is your face really painted green?!!! and have you really got green feathers tied in your hair?!!!:) if i had facepaint i'd paint my face red with black polka dots!!!

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