oh man. i could die right now. i feel in the mood for dying. if i died i wouldn't have to feel anymore. or worry. yeah. dying seems like a solution. too bad i probably won't die:(

well, i guess i'll go to bed now. i hate going to bed because it means falling asleep and then WAKING UP. unless i die in my sleep. that would be magic.

still not asleep. stupid me isn't sleepy atall. great.

Hi Blossom

Guess ur having a rough night. Hope ur still not feeling like dying . Thats never a good idea, it may hurt.

Why dont you try and work on your wish list a little if you cant sleep,

Or try writing your thoughts down a bit more till u feel sleepy again. It may help

Either way i for one will be glad to hear from you in the morning .

Hope u feel better soon take care and stay safe

Jj

hi blossom, I'm sorry I wasn't here to talk to you tonight

I took my cousins out shopping (they don't have cars), but I got out of the house all night so that was good.

I'm sorry everything sucks right now. I know you have trouble with putting into words what you are feeling, but you say if you died you wouldn't have to worry, maybe if you could say what you are worried about that would be a good place to start?

Are you still excited about college? (I would be)

Anyway, I hope tomorrow is better for you, maybe you won't be as confused and will be able to say what is on your mind. When I'm confused I have trouble making my thoughts come out making any sense. Anyway, I hope you are sleeping now and I really hope you wake up! Because I truly believe that you have so much in front of you that you will want to be around for. You're too young to give up although I understand feeling like you want to, I really do, it just seems like sometimes giving up is easier than getting better. Anyway, I hope your day goes okay

Yes, little one, I'm sorry no one was here for you to talk to last night. Are you feeling any better today? How are your preparations coming along?

I hope things are a tiny bit better today.

thanks everyone

What's happening in Blossom-land?

well blossom is still alive:(

Some of us see that as a good thing. :-P

Alive means you get to keep trying to make it better.

Dead means dead. No joy, no sunshine, no flowers. Ever again.

Let's stick to alive, shall we?

i dunno. i'll see what happens:(

No change from yesterday, then?

Did something happen? Related to university, maybe?

no change atall. i'm still me. and nothing happened. this is just how i am.

thanks star, that's sweet.

Blossom, of course you're still you.

Look back at your blog. Feeling bad isn't you. Sometimes feeling really good is you. I don't know why you switch. But I'm willing to bet it will.

You just have to hang on until it happens.

i'm sorry. i'm tired of waiting until it happens. and feeling bad is me. i'm just good at acting happy.

Feeling bad is a feeling.

You are a bright living girl, who just at this moment, happens to feel bad.

I'm sorry that's true; "I wish", too, I guess. I wish I could lift you out of there, lift your spirits, make you laugh again. Because I know you've laughed before; I don't believe you're that good an actress. It's just hard to remember how it feels, I know, at the moment.

What are your plans for the weekend?

You know what else is easy is to let the feelings take over. I do it too, if I feel bad and refuse to even try to feel better I could feel bad forever. Sometimes, kind of like what you're saying, I have to fake it, in order to go home. Sometimes I'll have myself so upset over something that I am a complete wreck but then my mom will call, wondering where I am, and then I realize I need to get my act together and go home. But by "faking" that I'm happy it forces me to actually feel better. It doesn't mean that everything is okay, or that I am happy, but it does mean that I don't "have to" feel as bad as I was. I hope I make sense to you.

i always have to fake being happy in work when i'm on tills. it's horrible and it makes me hate myself even more because i don't want to be fake. i wish i could feel better. i feel like i'm paralysed on the inside and i can't do anything to make me feel happy.

my plans for the weekend are to move into my new house and go camp in the rain and mud

Remember, I worked tills too. But instead of faking being happy, I just treated the people nicely because they didn't deserve to deal with the fact that I was having a crappy day. There's nothing fake about that. It's certainly not their fault.

And none of your plans has you even a bit excited?

no i'm just scared about college and really angry that it's raining..

How could college be worse than home? ;-)

And who do you get angry at, when it rains?

well, i'll be living in a dangerous area with 3 housemates i've never met before in my life. that scares me. a lot.

i get angry at me of course.