I didn't reeeally get help in therapy until I was out of college, in my 20's. That's when I got help to get out of the enmeshment I was in with my family, and to start getting a workable, functioning identity. I wish my parents could have gotten me into therapy when I was suicidal at 17, but they didn't believe in it. They pretty much stayed embarrassed by me.

did you tell them you were suicidal? my family is embarrassed by me too because i'm not normal. i'd never tell them that i'm suicidal though even though i am because they would just tell me to shut up and stop talking crap and looking for attention. even when i move out nothing's going to change. i'll still be me and i'll still have the same stupid name and i'll still feel the same way.

Well, for me, I reached a point when I changed. And yeah, my family didn't care that I was suicidal.

i'm sorry finding. i'm glad that you were still able to find your way even though you didn't have their help.

See there, Blossom, your heart is still alive. And thank you. Someday.... someday maybe soon... you will have a heart for you, for your abandoned self. Your family will make you feel such an idea is just selfishness. When that happens, when it is not an idea but a reality, you will know it is nothing like that. Having a heart for your abandoned self, and for all the aspects of you, is your authenticity.

If you can do it for you, you can do it for others. If you can be authentic with you, you can be authentic with others.

You can then find your way.

i hope that happens sometime.

and i'm sorry if i made you sad too finding:( i didn't mean to remind you of everything you've been through.

Talking about that time in my life with you is not sad when I think of how things turned around. The times before that point were terrible. I don't think I would have made it to your age if things hadn't changed. That's why I get so concerned for you and for starry. That can hurt very much

thanks for caring finding. i think about killing myself A LOT. but i don't know if i would ever actually go through with it. if things dont' get better soon i'll have to do something.

Well, I hope you include your abandoned self in whatever it is that you do. Together, so much is possible..... divided.... the slightest thing is too hard. [i hope that makes sense a little]

that makes sense. sometimes i don't think of my abandoned self as being real:(

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh that hurts soooooooooooooo much to your abandoned self No wonder it feels so empty inside for you. Is your back to her? If so, consider you might have learned that from home. [it's entirely possible that everyone in your house has their back to their abandoned selves...... I don't know. Is anyone authentic?]

i don't mean to turn my back on her. it just happens.. i don't know if anyone's authentic. i don't think so. i hope my sister doesn't get screwed up like me:(

[phone call.................. ]

that's ok finding, i should probably go to bed now anyway even though i really don't want to:( thanks for talking and listening to me tonight. i'm not sure when i'll next be on here again because i dunno if i'll have an internet connection in college:(

Oh Blossom, that was a big phone call.... I hope I'm not too late to wish you well this weekend:( Please take care at that festival. I don't want you getting hurt in all the craziness!!! I know you will have some internet connections some time at school, but don't hurry. Get back to us when you can. We love you so!!!!!!!!! Good things are in store for you, even if you can't feel it right now. Take care Ladybug Blossom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks finding:) [i'm still not asleep..........]

Have fun at festival, Blossom!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here's a raincoat for ye!!!

thanks finding:) that's my most favouritest colour in the world!!!