You may have to shove your feelings a litte, too.

If your feelings contradict what you want, then you have to make a decision. Time to say, I don't care if it hurts, I'm going outside. For one thing, you'll probably find it doesn't hurt that much.

i can't. it's too hard.

Then get help, sweety.

That's what people do when things get too hard.

Otherwise, once you give up and turn inward, you run out of options. You've already seen that.

Please turn outward, baby. There are so many people waiting to give you a hand.

i've tried to get help. that got me nowhere.

That just means you need to try harder. ;-)

I know you'll hate to hear that, but it's also true. Just because one thing you try doesn't work, doesn't mean you should stop trying. It means, try something else.

i'm tired of trying. i don't want to try anymore.

Again I say, though not the way you think I mean, there is no other option.

You can certainly quit trying, but even suicide is just another try. Except if that try doesn't work, doesn't make you happy and at peace, you don't ever get to try anything else.

I think you're smarter than that.

Try something that you can undo if it doesn't work.

I CAN'T. there's not one thing i like about my life right now. i hate college. i want to drop out. but i can't because it's already payed for. anyway if i were to leave i'd end up living at home again and working fulltime in the stupid shop where i work at the weekends. either way i'm unhappy. it's one or the other. i know you're going to tell me to quit my job and find a new one that makes me happier but i can't because there's a recession. i'm really confused. i wonder do i really hate everything so much? or is it my feelings making me hate everything? i don't know.

Sweety, I know. You're frozen in the part of you that screams, "I can't!" It's okay. I've been there. I can assure you there's a way out. The only thing is, I can't tell you exactly what that path looks like, for you. I do know it exists.

One thing I would try is to make a list of things you don't hate, right now. Let me know how it goes.

i hate everything.there is no list.

Silly.

Do you hate me?

Do you hate 'finding'?

Do you hate starry?

Do you hate ice cream?

Do you hate bunny rabbits, or for that matter, veggies (not to eat, but as living things)?

You're angry at something, and it's blinding you. Let it pass. It isn't helping you.

no i don't hate ye. i'm sorry i just feel so stuck.

do you hate your lava lamp?

no. my lava lamp is on right now but it's not soothing me:(

No, I know you don't hate us, baby.

Welcome back.

What you did just then, is what 'finding' calls "unblending". For a while there, you were what you were feeling. But there's more to you than that. Please try to stay with yourself, your Self, your Core, like you are now.

So, okay, you feel stuck. I can understand that feeling, and the frustration and anger that probably go with it.

But I also believe that there's stuff you can do about it, if you don't fight yourself out of frustration.

i think i'm starting to feel a little better. but that doesn't really change much. i'm still screwed.

You're only as screwed as you think you are, baby.

For instance, from where I stand, you're young, you're at a school to learn about something you love, even if the school isn't perfect, you're not sick or disabled or many other things that would make your life harder. Sure, you have problems; we all do. You also have considerable resources. You just aren't able to see them, any more than you can see the things you don't hate, when you're all tangled up in the feelings.

We're with you, little one. You don't have to be afraid. There is a life out there for you.

the therapy lady never e-mailed me back:(

Does that mean you can't mail her again?

Or go to her office, between classes, some time?

Or ask for another, and so on.

You're only out of options when you stop thinking of more.

you're trying to brainwash me..

i've e-mailed her lots of times.

if i e-mail her again she'll make an "emergency"appointment and i don't want an "emergency" appointment..

i dunno what i'm doing in art college. i don't think i want art as a career. i think i just want to keep it as a hobby. i enjoyed it more when it was just a hobby.. i want to move to america and have loads of babies..

I want to have loads of babies too

Unfortunately, I don't think I'll even have one

How come if you email again she'll make an emergency appointment? Can't you just tell her you'd like the next available regular appointment?

you can have one of mine if ya want?

it'll seem like an "emergency" if i keep e-mailing her about it.