Bring me solutions! Not problems!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Recluse and Nearlydead,

Nearly, why do you need surgery? What is the problem? Do you really have a parasite? It might be interesting for you to ask the nurses and doctors if they think you are small. They' will be inspecting you anyway.

By the way, Nearly, you must realize that the reasons for you being a social recluse have nothing to do with the size of your penis.

Allan:confused:

[nearlydead]

Hi Recluse and Nearlydead,

Nearly, why do you need surgery? What is the problem? Do you really have a parasite? It might be interesting for you to ask the nurses and doctors if they think you are small. They' will be inspecting you anyway.

By the way, Nearly, you must realize that the reasons for you being a social recluse have nothing to do with the size of your penis.

Allan:confused:

Surgery is required to correct phimosis, which is naturally occuring and not due to ballyanitis.

Medical professionals would describe my penis as normal, as they only recognize MP as small, all other penis's are regarded as normal. Same as medical professionals do not recognise a large penis. 3 women have told me to my face that I am small, another 4 have told their friends, and my former friends they thought I was small. Measuring myself at 4"X4" is small.

Dr Schwartz do you think a 4"X4" penis is small?

My being a recluse is as a direct result of my size, because size is the root of my depression. No matter how much I change my thinking, I will still have a small penis. By convincing myself that size does not matter is fine, untill the next woman who laughs or go's on to tell my social circle that it is small. Its the ridicule and sympathy that gets me the most. Couple that with performance anxiety impotence and you have the perfect reason not to engage with the world as a man.

Recluse and Irma, good to see your both here.

[IrmaJean]

I'm sorry about the insensitivity of some of the women you have been with. But why give the words of others so much power?

ND, if I've asked this question before, I apologize for repeating it. If, in your mind, you have decided that you are "small", how does that perception attach to your person? What is it about the perceived size of your penis that defines who you are as a person? I asked you before to share what you like about yourself. I know even from our limited internet contact, that you have a good sense of humor. What else? Aren't other aspects of yourself important too?

[nearlydead]

I'm sorry about the insensitivity of some of the women you have been with. But why give the words of others so much power?

ND, if I've asked this question before, I apologize for repeating it. If, in your mind, you have decided that you are "small", how does that perception attach to your person? What is it about the perceived size of your penis that defines who you are as a person? I asked you before to share what you like about yourself. I know even from our limited internet contact, that you have a good sense of humor. What else? Aren't other aspects of yourself important too?

The comments have so much power because they are true, I have a small penis, women know it and then tell their friends and then it becomes common knowledge which leads to endless teasing, which with men ends with me punching them or with women, ends with me just walking out of the room and life. I have made three different social circles, only then for women to let it be known I an small, which lead to humiliation on a grand scale. People do not laugh at those unfortunate to have lost limbs etc. but a small penis is hysterically funny. It is not I who has decided I have a small penis, it is women to decide I am small, because I am small in comparrison to their other lovers. Even though I am small I have had good sex with some extremely attractive body concious women, models included. But the humiliation every time I drop my trousers is excruitating. The fact that this is then made public and a topic of conversation and derission among my peers in intolerable.

What do I like about myself? I have a dry sense of humour, I can talk and entertain a room, women say I am charming, courteious etc. My face is attractive in a "Bank robbers pit bull" kind of way, scarred but friendly ish.

My bad points are many, the vast majority of which, with hard work could be addressed. But this size thing has been with me since I was 13, and is proving immpossible to beat.

Unlike Rec and LL, I have at least been out there and scored some expeirence, I know even though I am small the majority of women I have had sex with have come back for more. However women do "kiss and tell" just as us men do, and it is this humiliation that I have allowed to ruin my life.

I cannot stand in a room full of men and women and listen to them taking the piss out of my size and ignore it as just "Fun".

[IrmaJean]

The comments have so much power because they are true, I have a small penis,

If you see this as the truth why then does this perceived truth mean so much to you? If this part of you were different would it really change the heart and soul of who you are as a person?

...women know it and then tell their friends and then it becomes common knowledge which leads to endless teasing, which with men ends with me punching them or with women, ends with me just walking out of the room and life. I have made three different social circles, only then for women to let it be known I an small, which lead to humiliation on a grand scale. People do not laugh at those unfortunate to have lost limbs etc. but a small penis is hysterically funny.

I am very sorry that you have been treated with such cruelty. I am always saddened to hear of insensitive behavior such as this. Usually anyone who deems it necessary to deliberately say hurtful things to another person is attempting to push away their own insecurities about themselves. This behavior reveals something about them and likely has more to do with them than it does with you.

But the humiliation every time I drop my trousers is excruitating. The fact that this is then made public and a topic of conversation and derission among my peers in intolerable.

Maybe in your "presentation" you are exhibiting behavior that doesn't reflect self-confidence and this makes you more vulnerable to such comments from others. Maybe try feeling proud of your body? if you present yourself as awesome, you are more likely to be received in the same way.

What do I like about myself? I have a dry sense of humour, I can talk and entertain a room, women say I am charming, courteious etc. My face is attractive in a "Bank robbers pit bull" kind of way, scarred but friendly ish.

I can totally see that. Charming and courteous are great traits to have. Maybe allow yourself to "soak up" some of your own goodness?

My bad points are many, the vast majority of which, with hard work could be addressed. But this size thing has been with me since I was 13, and is proving immpossible to beat.

It's true that you can't change your body. Why not then try to accept and appreciate it? It's a part of you. Why be so harsh on yourself?

However women do "kiss and tell" just as us men do, and it is this humiliation that I have allowed to ruin my life.

I cannot stand in a room full of men and women and listen to them taking the piss out of my size and ignore it as just "Fun".

I can't help wondering if maybe there is something deeper with you around being put down. It seems to be where a lot of the pain in this lies with you...in the the judgment and disapproval of others. Sometimes stuff from our past resonates very powerfully through our experiences in the present. Just a thought...

I hope you feel better, ND.

[lifeless existence]

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Edited January 10, 2010 by lifeless existence

[Recluse]

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Edited January 11, 2010 by Recluse

[lifeless existence]

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Edited January 10, 2010 by lifeless existence

[Recluse]

Exactly Lifeless, women now perceive average as small. For this reason, how could I ever be able to have a relationship beyond paying for it?

[lifeless existence]

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Edited January 10, 2010 by lifeless existence

[IrmaJean]

Not every woman considers these things. I never would. There must be others out there like me.

[Recluse]

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Edited January 11, 2010 by Recluse

[IrmaJean]

There are also likely some women out there (such as myself) who aren't influenced (or who are often in fact repulsed) by what the media tries to influence the public with. The media doesn't and never will make decisions for me. I've never taken much stock in what is supposedly culturally acceptable in terms of appearance either.

As I mentioned once before, I experienced nerve damage after the birth of my third child...nearly 8 years ago. I still find being with my husband very pleasurable even without full sensation. If anyone truly loves who they are with, they are going to enjoy the experience because it involves a shared intimacy and closeness. I know I've said this before, but it's the intimacy and connection that makes sex so special. You are being with a person, not a body part. To be truthful, if I was given the choice of being in a relationship with a man who was 100% sexually dysfunctional, but displayed character traits that I found very valuable or a man who had adequate sexual function but an unkind personality, I'd choose the man with valuable character traits every time. Sex is nice, but the mind and heart mean everything. I have little doubt that some other women share my beliefs. Even younger women, Recluse. It just seems you knock yourself out before even stepping into the ring. How can you be sure how any one woman will react to you? Past events don't have to dictate what will happen in the future. I hope that you will continue to try.

Edited December 17, 2009 by IrmaJean

[Recluse]

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Edited January 11, 2010 by Recluse

[nearlydead]

Hi Irma, thanks for the response. I'm sure it can be frustrating talking to us sometimes as we have very negative ideas and attitudes about our situations. I agree that it is possible that there are a small number of women out there who would not care. The problem is, the chance of my meeting them is rare and I would have to face countless interactions of rejection and humiliation before possibly finding that person. As Nearlydead speaks of how he lost three different social circles due to people finding out about his problem, I would have to meet women who had no knowledge of my social circle to avoid suffering the same ridicule and teasing that Nearlydead had to go through. I know my friends would not stop hanging out with or liking me if they knew of my problem, but men tease each other in jest, and having people know that about me and tease me for it is something that I refuse to ever deal with.

You are right when you say that I can't be sure how any one woman would react to me. I just know that the majority of them would be disgusted or derisive and that there would be no guarantee of meeting that one who would accept me.

Hi Rec,

Remember I have slept with 50+ women, I am smaller than you and I can tell you from real world expeirence that the majority of women do NOT care about size, do not go telling tales. The vast majority of women I have slept with have had a good time and come back for more, they have not been disgusted or derisive. I really believe size matters to us, far more than it does to most women.

Of the women who did tell tales, two of them I cheated on, so did have a reason to tell, some of the others may of told people for some unknown reason to get back at me.

The trouble is as small men going dating we can never tell which girl will keep her mouth shut, whether size matters to them or not, every woman we sleep with has the power for ever more to ruin our lives with one word. But you have to believe me when I say the majority dont care and dont tell.

Even though I know the majority do not care, I know that every woman that has seen my penis knows that I am small, for me that shame is the problem. My problem, not thiers. For the women who do truly have a problem with size, will only probably be happy with the 8"+ guys, meaning average or over would be no good anyway. So fuck them.

You made the point earlier about the internet. Agreed young women and mens perception of size must be greatly screwed by the images all over the net of huge cocks. About 90% of men cannot measure up. This is why most small dick comments come from the younger women, because they have the least real world expierence. I think this is the type of bull shit you heard in your younger years, coupled with the internet images of huge cocks, I can see how you would feel the way you do. You say that you use porn, thats fine, but I would recommend making it a rule that you only watch genuine Amatuer porn, as this type of porn has a higher proportion of average guys. Unfortunatley amatuer porn also features a higher proportion of fat birds, which means you are gonna have to become a "Chubby Chaser" in order to help yourself:eek:

[IrmaJean]

I really believe size matters to us, far more than it does to most women.

I would have to agree with you on this, ND. My question then is why does it matter so much to you?

I just wanted to add that I think it's great that you guys have others to share your stories with and hear your feelings about this on the forum. I just get uncomfortable when any of you repeatedly degrade and hurt yourself. I don't believe that is beneficial in any way for anyone here. It reinforces the bad feelings that you have about yourselves. I'm hoping that the first change any of you might make would be to be more gentle with yourselves and to treat yourselves with respect. All of you deserve that. Everyone deserves that.

I'm editing this again just to add that I'm not implying that any of you have done this here recently, but that it was meant as more of a "in general" type of thing.

Edited December 17, 2009 by IrmaJean

[nearlydead]

Ida said: I can't help wondering if maybe there is something deeper with you around being put down. It seems to be where a lot of the pain in this lies with you...in the the judgment and disapproval of others. Sometimes stuff from our past resonates very powerfully through our experiences in the present. Just a thought...

Being judged as small, and then having that disapproval expressed as a put down, has always cut the deepest, because I have no answer for it. However the small penis put down is the only one which I have allowed people to put me down with. In any other situation I have an answer for and handle confidently, no one gets away with putting me down over any given subject except for this size thing. This is a major reason why these negative put downs have so much power over me, I have no answer for them because it is true I have a small penis, and that fact is humiliating. A fact I have no power over.

My life would have been completely different if everytime I was ever put down by women or men about my size if I had replied "So what, who cares" and had actually believed those words.

This is an insight Irma, that has given me something to consider seriously. I should be able to deal with this size put down as efficently as I would deal with any other put down.

thankyou Irma, you should be doing this for a living. Thanks.

[Recluse]

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Edited January 11, 2010 by Recluse

[nearlydead]

I think the west must be full of young women who's initial sexual expeirences must be a let down for them. Most of these young women's first view of an erect penis is almost cetainly from the internet. Having seen there huge cocks as teens and discussed these monsters with thier peers, who knows what strange ideas they have about what a normal penis looks like.

I am certain this is why there is so much female negative talk about small penis's on the net, usually from girls who have had absolutely zero real world expeirence. But once they have slept with maybe 5 or more guys they must realise that 90% of men are under 7".

I have read that articule about "focussing on our pleasure" every morning for must be a month now. Its slowly starting to sink in a little to the point where I am now starting to give the idea some wieght.

The thing with using prostitutes is fine. If you think its a stratergy to help you move forward then great, go with it, any progress is better than none.

One stratergy I used when I did have friends would be to go out with them into a club and pull a girl on my own. A girl outside of the social circle, one who did not have a friend that my mates would be interested in. That way I could date the girl, then fuck her without any comebacks to my social circle. Thats one way to get some action, you could start just by dateing and dumping before sexual contact as a way to build confidence in small steps.

I would think that meeting women online through a dating site may be another stratergy. Away from your social circle, meet a few online, chat to a few, then go for a drink with a few, then move things on in steps. Recluse I can hear you saying "yeh, but what about when they laugh at my cock" I promise you 99% of the girls wont. 95% of those girls will enjoy the sex. If you do get a bad one, then it is only you and her that will know about it. You're friends need never find out. I hope you dont think I'm preaching, I'm just trying to think of ways to help you/us move things forward.

Curtailed: That cartoon about sums up the bad days. Humour, however black, is good. Get your post count up, perhaps we can learn something we can all benefit from. Same goes for you Lifeless.

[IrmaJean]

You're welcome, ND. I'm very glad that your mind is open and that you are willing and able to see the gray areas in this. There has always been something about your sense of humor that makes me smile. I totally get that "bank robbers' pit bull" description of yourself. Exactly as I'd imagined. And thanks for the encouraging words. I am very seriously considering going back to school for this.

I just heard my whole life that having a small dick is a deal breaker and that having adequate equipment was the most important aspect of sexual relationships for a man.

Maybe it's time to loosen this falsehood from your mind and give it a toss. You seem like an intelligent guy and I recall you saying women found you attractive. I hate to think of you only interacting with prostitutes for meaningless sex. Don't you think you deserve to engage in a meaningful relationship? Are you afraid to try? I still find it very difficult to believe that so many women are focused on just this one aspect of you. For me personally, in my relationship, I honestly never gave it a thought.

Recluse, I'll ask you what I asked ND. What aspects of yourself do you like?

Edited December 18, 2009 by IrmaJean

[lifeless existence]

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Edited January 10, 2010 by lifeless existence

[Recluse]

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Edited January 11, 2010 by Recluse

[IrmaJean]

I wish we could get that cartoon removed.

[nearlydead]

Thinking on this "put down by the judgement and disapproval of others"

Im not sure why or how this line has hit me, but it has.

Any body who puts me down with any other type of comment is dealt with using wit, charm, authority or threat/voilence, and usally dismissed.

Having had women say to my face "you only have a little one" "is that it" etc I usually deal with it by making a joke of the comment. Because if you let someone know it bothers you they will go at it harder or they will be sympathetic. Either way it is a conformation that women see my penis as small. Even when a few of these girls have said, "dont worry about it, it suits me, bigger boyfriends have hurt" etc. The plain fact is... they see me as small first, not just a penis.

When the cat is then let out of the bag and becomes common knowledge amongst your male freinds then it is a different kind of humiliation, because even if they do not say anything, the still know it.

The penis is not like any other part of a mans body, it represents the physical part of being "A man" The large penis is worhipped amongst nearly every civilisation on earth, from the modern west to tribes in Africa and new Guine and the far east. If you offerd 99% of the male population the choice between having and inch removed from thier penis lenght or losing and arm, eye or leg they would choose to keep thier penis and lose the rest. There is something deep within us men that makes the penis and size integral to who we are. Im certain that every man on the planet regardless of size would welcome having another inch added if he could.

I think that every mans soul, character, being, his perception of manliness, his inner beleif in who he is based on his penis size. Unconciestly for the men who are average or large, because it is accepted as ok and there for not a problem that they need never think about. Where as the small man is concious (I wish I could funking spell that word:mad:) and aware that his penis is small

Since finding out at the age of 13 that I was small, every decission I have ever made in some way involves my penis size. Conciestly or unconciestly size is ever present in my mind, having a small penis as the bedrock of my soul means that every trait of my character, what it means to be me is built on an unsurmountable flaw at the centre of my being.

If anyone out there has an answer for this problem, I can offer them a recently pickled Bris

Edited December 18, 2009 by nearlydead
Ramberling twoddle!

[IrmaJean]

The first thing I want to say, ND, is that...whether you want me to be or not...I am very proud of you for digging deeper into this and trying very hard.

The plain fact is... they see me as small first, not just a penis.

I find this statement very telling. So what it is you're saying is that your person feels small?

There is something deep within us men that makes the penis and size integral to who we are.

I hear you, ND, but I want you to try and identify what feelings around the size of your penis in actuality make you who you are. It's about the feelings behind this more than the actual size. What feelings within yourself would having a bigger penis arouse? Say tomorrow, doctors came up with surgery that could safely lengthen your penis. And let's say you went and had this surgery done and very suddenly felt better about yourself. Do you think those feelings would have been contained in a mass of tissue or do you think they would in reality come from within you? What is inside you is you.

I think that every mans soul, character, being, his perception of manliness, his inner beleif in who he is based on his penis size.

You have identified something very important here. Now I want you to think about how and why you feel the size of your penis is tied to these beliefs. What is having good character to you? What perceptions do you have about "manliness"?

Conciestly or unconciestly size is ever present in my mind, having a small penis as the bedrock of my soul means that every trait of my character, what it means to be me is built on an unsurmountable flaw at the centre of my being.

You perceive it as a flaw, rather than accept it as a part of you which doesn't define you. I want to think more about everything you've written here. You're a courageous guy, ND, and your openness is admirable.