The Reveal

[lifeless existence]

David, I skimmed over your post and I'm going to read it more intently and think about it and reply to you, but right now I have to get out of here. I'm pretty much about to lose it. I'm not mad. Just really depressed and anxious. So much so that nothing short of an elephant tranquilizer will help very much, but I'm going to try to do something.

[malign]

Well, if we're going to trade "Come on's", you know full well I wasn't asking for the meaning of all life. We've just finished talking about the fact that the meaning is different for each person. The question was about what would give life meaning, to you. As you said, "what's important", to you.

I don't recall the last time I made fun of anyone I met, LE. It seems possible, again, that you're hanging out with people who aren't as nice as you are, or would like to be.

You wouldn't start as a manager, but you might get there before 40. And I knew plenty of guys like that. No one made fun of them, they supported their families, and so on. Who knows, less'n you try? ;-)

The problem is, you don't have any idea what that woman is thinking while you're having sex with her. I don't care what the survey says. She could be desperately in love and experiencing the orgasm of her life. The survey doesn't know. I know how scary the suggestion must sound, but the truth is, you'd have to ask her, to know.

[malign]

ND: wiseass. :-P

The first test is how much you want to change, so you have to start at the back of the queue. :-)

[nearlydead]

ND: wiseass. :-P

The first test is how much you want to change, so you have to start at the back of the queue. :-)

I know. I have many many problems:D

[malign]

And you have a start on the solutions.

I know, I know, I've developed a habit of pointing out the "bright sides".

Maybe _I_ have a problem ...

Is it possible to get addicted to CBT?

[nearlydead]

I think CBT is great as a "kick up the arse" to get movement in the short term. However I do notice "cognitive distortions" in my new positive thoughts.

I choose to ignore these distortions in my positive thoughts, inorder to benefit. But knowing these distortions exist in these new positive thoughts undermines thier effectivness.

This is why having changed my thoughts to a more positive perspective, I find that my feelings are still lagging behind. I can talk the talk, but cannot walk the walk.

Thoughts = feelings.

[malign]

What kind of distortions?

From what I understand, it's important that the replacing thoughts be seen to be reasonable, otherwise they won't be as effective {though I'm no expert.}

I think you've made a huge amount of progress, just getting yourself out into the world, again. You're no longer stuck with only your own input, any more.

Thoughts => Feelings

It's a becoming, rather than an equality.

[Calla]

I don't know if this is allowed and maybe I shouldn't be posting tonight because (as I have shamelessly mentioned) it is my birthday and I've had a drink.

However, LE, everything I have read from you I so completely relate to, physical similarities aside. If you ever want to talk to me please do. I relate to you very much so far and I hate the thought you feel alone.

[Calla]

Maybe I shouldn''t post on here, It feels to emotive for what my intelligence allows. I just hate seeing people in that much pain.

[malign]

You're not hurting anyone, that I can see, Calla. Unless your concern is for yourself? I wasn't clear on what your second sentence meant.

Many of us have the same reaction to the intensity of what these guys feel.

[IrmaJean]

Lifeless, all of us are here talking with you because we want you to make positive changes in your life, because we care. When you become so blinded by anger, you can't see what is beneath it and that's where there is meaning. Your anger protects you, but you need to come out from the anger and face this thing head on. One thing I discovered with myself was that when I became the most angry chances were very high what was being suggested was the truth. No one here is assessing you or passing judgments or minimizing your pain. We want you to get well, but in order to do that you must face yourself and face your demons.

[Calla]

I feel that some of what I go through can understand. And I also feel objectively I can contribute. However, on reflection, if I am not a man and I do not have a penis how can I ever add to these threads. I was wrong to think so. Sorry guys.,

[IrmaJean]

Calla, we really need other female voices here. I hope you will consider continuing to post unless it is causing you pain to do so.

[Calla]

I am just too busy berating myself for thinking I had a voice. What do I know and who @#*ing cares

[IrmaJean]

Calla. Of course you have a voice. I'm sorry you're upset.

[Calla]

ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So much I wanna say but too polite sometimes!!

[IrmaJean]

Would it help to let it out, Calla?

[Calla]

...............................................................................................................................

[nearlydead]

Perhaps its us that can help you

[Calla]

I dont think I am coming from the right angle. There are already enough "i;ve been through so much worse" people. And a worrying amount of "been there done that" people. Sometimes people just want to know that their problems and worries are ok and validated....not that they HAVE to do this and that and they are doing wrong. "experts" please sometimes recognise that.....even though you have been through "worse"

[Calla]

That may be controversial but patronising sometimes becomes irritating.....sorry.

[Calla]

Can someone tell me how I get my responses deleted please?

[lifeless existence]

I dont think I am coming from the right angle. There are already enough "i;ve been through so much worse" people. And a worrying amount of "been there done that" people. Sometimes people just want to know that their problems and worries are ok and validated....not that they HAVE to do this and that and they are doing wrong. "experts" please sometimes recognise that.....even though you have been through "worse"

I get what you're saying. I understand it completely.

[Calla]

Wrong as this will seem to everyone I like you IE purely for your ability to be offensive without trying.....I am going to have to try harder )

any tips welcome!!

[Calla]

Just seen that skynight. I drink heavily every night. One of my many "interesting traits" if I didn't post then I'd never post. Sometimes it makes us more honest. But thank you for the warning. I have realised that being here is like talking to my father. it's all my fault because I don't try hard enough. Whether I am drunk or not. x