Nothing has changed

[CantGiveItAway]

Ive known women that would never, ever go around and try to shame or humiliate someone they loved or go make fun of them to there friends or whoever about something that really bothered them or caused them pain and if a women made fun of me for any kind of reason like that, I would think less of her because a good woman or someone worth being with wouldnt do something like that and I refuse to think that most adult women go around making fun of guys dicks.

And if you must know the size of my dick its probably like around average. Sometimes it might be alittle below or alittle bit bigger, im not really sure because it changes like 100 times a day lol. Its not something that I think about and I never measured it except once or twice when I was really young but if I had to say I would say its average but I like mine though, I think it has a good look to it:) I think alot of guys dicks look alittle off to me for one reason or another but not from the length or width of it though but if I did have a really small one or didnt like mine for some reason I would have to go about doing some things alittle differently and Im sure I would be self concious about it and wouldnt want to just get naked with anybody and have a bunch of one night stands or be able to do certain things like a "regular guy" does it because I know exactly what youre talking about but so what, I dont just go around and have abunch of one stands and I dont think im missing much and I dont have a long sexual history eiether.

Edit: I hope that I dont sound like im undermining anyone or making light of the situation because I do know that its caused people tremendous pain and I know that me saying this isnt going to make it all better.....It's just my perspective.

[samesame]

You cannot tell which women will go and let your secret out. You can screen them to a certain extent, but you cannot gaurantee a women wont tell. I've been ot outed as small on at least 3 occassions by women that I know off.

Once your social circle find out, then the ribbing and humiliation begins from your friends. Yeh, I know there not really my friends and that women is not worth bothering with etc. But thats just platitudes, the end result is everyone you know finds out your small. I have had to change social circles three times, starting life anew because of this reason. Trust me, from expierence I know humi.liation or total solidtude is the only choice.

[CantGiveItAway]

Im sure you know that sometimes when guys or people get together they make fun of each other, sometimes just out of boredom and alot of times with not real intent and sometimes with people it is with bad intentions but even then they dont always believe what theyre saying and could be saying it because theyre insecure about something themselves. Just because theyre outgoing or a bit of a jerk doesnt mean theyre not trying to cover up something or hurting in some way and dont you think how you felt inside caused you to react someway and might have made the situation worse then it couldve been. If you had felt diffrently inside at the time about it and reacted differently, do you think they still all would have rejected you or that you still wouldve felt like you had to reject them because of the pain it caused you. And heres another platitude:), good friends are hard to come by, alot of people just leave when trouble happens for you or your of no use to them anymore. It may seem like just a platitude but it doesnt make it less real. There are more paths to choose from then just shame and being solitary.

[samesame]

Whatever peoples motives are, doesn't make any difference to the amount or result of public knowledge and humiliation.

The result is the same. As a small man, if I engage with women sexually, I will have to at some point expect to be outed.

At that time, I only have two choices, accept the humiliation as part of my life, or run away and avoid it.

I have now lived in total isolation for the last 11 years. While not a life worth living, it is still better than standing in a pub on a friday night listening to a woman standing there, shouting out to everyone " get your cock out, show everyone how small you are" and then the 3 or 4 years after where every argument, debate, conversation, interaction ends with "yeh, but you've a small cock" I chose to walk away from that life.

For us small men. the only change we can make is how we think. If we get ourselves into a mindset where we can convince ourselves that a) "I dont care what a woman thinks of my penis" and " I dont care if people humiliate me over my penis size" then we can live a life. However thats as sensible as telling a man with no legs, he can be a world champion arse kicker.

[IrmaJean]

What about friends and socializing, ND? Are you doing any of that? You do have a lot to offer and others would appreciate that. I know my voice goes round and round with the same things, but you know I've always been in your corner. Are you working? how are you feeling about yourself in general? Answer only what you feel comfortable with.

[flander]

My non work social contact is mainly with people online.

[samesame]

Irma, Im back to square one again. The factory decided I wasnt good enough and took someone else on. If I socialise, the questions will start, why no job, kids, money, friend, girlfriends, what have you done in the last 11 years? Its easier and less humiliating to just wait for death.

Im surprised your still here, you must have the patience of a saint, listening to us lot moping on about the same old stuff. Nothing changes for the better.

[CantGiveItAway]

This is part in response to your last post under mine so bear with me because I didnt feel like trying to learn to use the quote box on multi quotes:o

2 - Cant you be alot more discreat with who you have sex with and only do it with people you think you can trust?

3 - And if someone was worried about being outed around there friends couldnt they mainly just look for girls outside there social circle and if there friends tried to force women on them or try an force you to persue girls you could act like you met a girl somewhere and were seeing her then you wouldnt be so pressured to get girls when your hanging out with them. You would just have to look for girls alone. And what if you were outed and that didnt have to be the end of the world and you had a way to deflect any kind of ribbing that went on.

4 - a) I can think of alot better places that I would look for to have a better chance of meeting someone I really liked then a pub on a friday night.

Why would you put up with that? Didnt you think you deserved to be with somebody that wouldnt treat you like that? I wouldnt want to have any part of a woman who would resort to try and really hurt me when having arguments. If it wasnt your dick it would probably be something else she could find and thought would really affect you.

Why should you care if someone puts you down about anything, if you felt like you were being the person you were inside, the size of your dick doesnt make you who you are. Most guys dont care how big other guys dicks are but they make fun of them because they are assholes. You are not less of a man because of it. You do know that dont you?

And if you already know that you will never change the size of your dick (unless something like extenze works or something gets developed of some kind) and you can never control what people do if they know, and you know that you are not less of a man, then all we need to do is come up with and find a way for you to handle any kind of attention that you attract from it. We can do that and we will find the answers.

[flander]

4 - a) I can think of alot better places that I would look for to have a better chance of meeting someone I really liked then a pub on a friday night.

OK. Start listing them.

[samesame]

Finding women outside of a social circle is the best stratergy I have used for finding women.

Finding women who dont care, or wont tell, is not the answer. As we are always prisoners of another person whims, moods, reasons. It only takes one, then the secrets out, and humiliation begins. For any deformed man, any women he sleeps with is a ticking time bomb, waiting to go off.

The only cure is for me to believe "nothing anyone thinks or says about my penis has any meaning to me"

I've discussed this idea of "complete dismissal" before. Peoples negative opinions or statements about my size only matter to me, because I emotionally buy into the negative statements that people say about my penis.

People can say "im short, tall, fat, have a big nose etc, and I dont care because I dont buy into what they are saying.

At 4X4", how do I emotionally buy into the mindset that says "nothing anyone thinks or says about my penis has any meaning to me"?

Perhaps I should examine my thoughts and feelings around my penis for truth or fact. Then once examined come to a different conclusion. Unfortunately, I have a small penis there to remind me that anything I say or think positively is a lie. Constantly reinforced by ridicule from the media, women I have slept with and negative comments from friends I once knew.

To be truly happy with my penis, I must first go completely insane.

[CantGiveItAway]

You dont have to buy into the fact that "nothing anyone thinks or says about my penis has meaning". You have to buy into the fact that your not deformed or disabled and have many different aspects of yourself to give and a woman shouldnt just see a dick when she sees you. You can be totally fine with a 4x4 size, thats perfectly doable. Some women have prefrences to having a larger one like 7 inches or something and some wouldnt be content unless it was like 11 or 12 inches and thats completly okay but do you think that the guy who has 7 inches thinks "Damn, what I would give and if only I had a cock 11 or 12 inches or maybe just alittle bigger so then I could REALLY feel better about myself and feel the manliest of them all". I always actually thought less of a bigger dick because I thought "Damn, I dont know what woman would want to deal with that. But some women do and good for them because I dont think just because you have a huge dick you should have to suffer alone either. But I bet there are men who are self concious about that too and think they are deformed in some way. Im sure guys with bigger ones have experience some rejection from it and made woman feel uncomfortable in a worse way because its probably really hurts for a woman whos not ready for that or if a man thinks he can just stick it in there and satisfy her. But most women arent thinking about the size of your dick when they think about being with a man. Do you really think it is some privelige to have say a 4.5 or 5 or 5.5 or your life would be so great if you could only just stick your dick an extra inch or two inside a girl. You are not a coward, youve just been put down, and experienced some terrible things and thought deserved to have these feelings. Youve been fooled (by the media, other people, yourself) on this false reality that dicks are more important then they really are. I can already see good qualities in you and you could have many great things that you could give to people and that they would feel blessed to have and the 4x4 or 5 or 6 inch dick wouldnt be one of them they were thinking of or something they see as a positive or a negative.

[EricDavis2]

How does one go about finding a Psychiatrist or Psychologist to deal with small penis syndrome? I have no idea how to find someone that might be a specialist in this area.

My fears, depression, self-loathing, lack of confidence, and multitude of other problems that are deep-rooted due to this 'syndrome' is something that I cannot deal with by myself. And being the age that I am, it may be too late for me.

It's a last resort, but I am so overwhelmed by it all, I know I need big time help. I once tried a psychologist to help me with my shyness, but it failed for 2 main reasons:

1) Because of the shame I have, I never brought up the subject of my penis size, so it was probably unfair to expect the person to fully understand my situation.

2) Whatever little confidence I had when hearing about an idea that might help me disappeared the instant I left the office. I give up very easily because I am so overwhelmed by it all.

It would be a miracle if someone could help me beacuse I can't seem to help myself.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Hi Eric,

I thought I'd quote a post from another thread that might be relevant for you also and I don't know if you saw that. I suppose you could for a start try to find therapists that do CBT nearby and see what that gets you.

(Also, I think psychiatrists are generally more for medication, psychotherapists are for talking.)

Hi Tantulus,

You are welcome to ask me questions in the forumn or by PM (private message) and I will always try to answer.

In my opinion, cognitive behavior therapy would be a good idea for you and in relation to the small penis issue. However, it would be really important to let the therapist know, at the very start of therapy, that small penis is the issue and that you want to focus on help with that.

You need to find a therapist who specializes in using cbt. Not all do. There are clinical psychologists who are trained in this and use only cbt. There are a few clinical social workers who do. Some therapists might tell you that they know cbt when they really are not trained in it. You need to ask before you choose a therapist.

Allan

[Fedup]

Just been thinking. I sometimes have people asking what's up with me and why I've never had a girlfriend and they never consider the issue of penis size. Maybe it's a sign that we place too much emphasis on it?

[samesame]

I agree we do put too much emphasie on it. From my expeirence most women dont seem to care nearly as much as we do. But how do we demphasie it for ourselfs?

[Fedup]

I've no idea. I think only having a regular girlfriend can help but even then you may drive her away with your insecurity issues. I have a girl on my facebook who I could pretty much have sex with if I put any effort into it. I'm holding back though because I barely know her and I'm not sure how receptive she would be to my penis size. Any "regular" guy would have had sex with her by now.

Going on a different tangent. I tried on a fancy dress outfit on yesterday and it was very tight around my penis area and you could basically see what I was packing. For work On Friday I'm going to have to wear a different costume to walk around the streets in. I'm praying to gods it's not as tight.

[samesame]

You could put a thin rolled up sock down your shorts if you're really worried. I used to wear one daily for many years.

Then I realised no one can tell you're erect size when its limp. Testicles rise and fall with tempreture, penis's expand and shrink as well.

Wearing tight clothes is really not a problem for us, even though its an insecuritie. I went from wearing a sock down my shorts to working in my swimming trunks and wetsuits for 10 years, sometimes diving in cold water, with 9 women on a hen party on Crete. So I would'nt worry about it.

Interested to know what job you have, that means you need a costume. Batman? Superman? Doorman?

[Fedup]

Promotional work for gyms. It was a Superman costume I tried on the other day but will be Mr Incredible on the streets. Supposedly people are more keen to take your leaflets of you when you're dressed funny.

[flander]

I saw a TV show that was supposed to be a comedy about some woman who discovered that all the guys she had slept with were dying strange deaths. The writers went for the low blow right away with the first guy who she said was the worst lover she ever had because "he was hung like a squirrel and had the tiniest little balls...they were like two flesh marbles in a coin purse".

so much for being a comedy.

[samesame]

When I touch or see my little cock, I just hate it, full stop. It looks stupid, like a cartoon caricture of what a penis should be. Cant see why you would be surprised that society thinks scum like us are funny and ripe for humiliation. Its not like weve lost a leg or something.

Just make sure you dont breed and pass on the faulty genes. The world dont need anymore ordinary people, let alone the depressed and deformed.

[Recluse]

I could not have said it better myself.

[CantGiveItAway]

Just make sure you dont breed and pass on the faulty genes.

I couldnt disagree more...If someone wanted to have a family and be a father, they could be just as good a dad as anyone and help bring there kids along to be proud of themselves regardless of whatever there appearance might be and help show them they have worth in being who they are and whats really important like how they carry themselves in what they do and treat other people.

[IrmaJean]

I agree with Can'tGiveItAway but do not wish to aggravate you in this, ND. I think that anyone might fear their children experiencing a similar pain to their own and I can understand this. I watch my own daughter struggle now with social anxiety and I realize this tendency was passed on by me. There are no guarantees in life. I also have a child who is a social butterfly. What we do is provide a child with the opportunity to live life. It will be their life and may in fact take a very different direction than our own. Snuffing out potential does just that. My opinion, ND, and never intended to upset you. You know I care about you. I respect your feelings about this, but I also feel this decision is an individual choice.

[samesame]

In 50 years the earths population will be 20+ billion. Here in the west, everyone thinks its thier god given right to breed. Regardless of what they breed. Its this reason that you see people passing on genetic disorders knowing that thier child is going to live in pain, contributing nothing to society, all paid for by the taxpayer.

This view of life as sacrosant comes about from the religons. Great idea to keep breeding drones when most died before the age of 5, or died after the age of forty.

Theres too many weak, stupid and deformed people on this planet, being kept alive for no good reason. Its the same religious bull that stops us having the right to die. As medicines get better and better, our western populations get older and older. I think it is fair to say thier are far too many elderly people being kept alive by drugs with little regard to their quality of life, or thier right to die with dignity.

I suppose the chinese are cruel because the state has been trying to control its population with a one child policy.

[IrmaJean]

I understand that you have very strong feelings about this, ND. You have an opinion in this and I hear you. I was expressing mine, too, and never intended to upset or aggravate you with my words. I can't control the choices you make any more than you can control the choices others make.

I have 2 little nieces who are from China and were adopted by my brother and his wife. Very sweet little girls.