Nothing has changed

[flander]

I think it would generally be a good idea for people here to make clearer distinctions between the things they've actually experienced and what they think likely to happen.

Also I wonder if there is a way a woman could leave you that wouldn't make you assume it's because of your penis size.

what I've experienced and people can be very blunt and honest when they think the person they're talking about won't find out about it.

[IrmaJean]

I'm going to give you my personal perspective. The above description is not what I need or want when I am with my husband. What I want is to be held, cherished, valued, appreciated, treated gently, loved. I've brought it up many times before, but because of nerve damage I have been anorgasmic for nearly 9 years. I still enjoy being with H very much. Expressing love and sharing isn't about body measurements or performance. It's about opening yourself up to someone, unfolding in front of them and being seen...completely seen. If you are with someone who doesn't respect or value this, that person is the one who loses out. It's a gift. What would make me happy is being held, accepted and loved...and being able to express the same care for my partner. Keep looking and try not to lose hope.

[malign]

People can be very blunt and honest when they think the person they're talking about won't find out about it.

I would suggest that those are exactly the circumstances where people are also likely to exaggerate or lie, to make themselves seem better somehow, to the people they're talking to.

I would make the same comment about the blog entries you quoted. Why do you feel like people with no accountability whatsoever are more likely to tell the truth than, say, all the people you've talked to here? I know I've never been involved in anything like what they described, either. Yet I somehow continue to live ...

What it all comes down to is that people that shallow don't deserve to have their opinions listened to. People with depth will see you, not some body part.

[flander]

Well, it's safe to say I'm not the type of woman you're looking for then. Neither are other women I know, but I suppose teenage boys wanking in front of their computers could be worth a thought. But of course I started using the internet when half of the girls were still boys trying to make it more interesting, so my views are a bit old-fashioned.

one wouldn't think a middle aged female bookworm would be like that, but it appears that many are.

I've found that my damn cat is a more reliable companion than any woman I've yet to meet. It snuggles up to me when I'm not feeling well and checks on me to make sure that I'm not dead when I'm sick. It certainly didn't leave me alone when I had pneumonia and was hallucinating because of the pain meds to go screw a 'friend' like my ex did.

[malign]

But isn't this "generalizing from ones", flander?

Your ex acted badly, and your current cat acts nicely.

Neither of those generalizes to all women, or all cats.

I think it's perfectly appropriate being angry at your ex's behavior.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

one wouldn't think a middle aged female bookworm would be like that, but it appears that many are.

I've found that my damn cat is a more reliable companion than any woman I've yet to meet. It snuggles up to me when I'm not feeling well and checks on me to make sure that I'm not dead when I'm sick. It certainly didn't leave me alone when I had pneumonia and was hallucinating because of the pain meds to go screw a 'friend' like my ex did.

I'm admittedly quite drunk at the moment, but it goes back to the same question, doesn't it? IS your penis size the reason or do you THINK your penis size is the reason?

Whootsies, I actually didn't intend to post here again. Also, I haven't been drunk any other time this year. Important thing to point out as a daugther of a drunkard, you'll understand.

[flander]

that is certainly the extreme, but the others haven't been much better.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi flander,

Those quotes you posted are not what real people are about. I agree with Malign and, in fact, with everyone who has responded to you. Why are you so very cynical? Is it possible that you have met the wrong type of women?

Allan

[lifeless existence]

I've come across countless numbers of similar quotes, so if those quotes aren't what real people are about, then there must not be very many real people left on this planet.

[IrmaJean]

Well, I'm definitely real.

I can remember back in 1986 how I would continue to rewind the videotape and watch the ball go through Bill Buckner's legs over and over again. Back then it was fairly heartbreaking for me and yet I watched that replay for weeks. Of course this is no comparison, but the point being, why do we at times seem to seek out exactly what hurts us? It's curious really.

I haven't read stuff like that very often, nor have I seen stuff like that very often. It feels fairly demeaning of the act to me, though that is admittedly a personal reaction. At the end of the day, if you're looking for a long-term partner, you will most likely (and every relationship is different of course) not have "pornographic" type of intimate relations 4 times a day. This is largely fantasy. Your life partner is ideally a best friend who loves and accepts you as you are. You share the good days and the bad. You sit with them when they're hurt, sick, angry, down. You go through unemployment and bills and leaky roofs. You button up their shirt when they can't do it themselves, you go to work for them when their back hurts, you recognize that they had a bad day at work the minute they walk in the door, you wait up to be sure they got to work safely in the snow storm, you sit with them at night and watch the latest episode of your favorite tv show, you make dinner together...Relationships are about sharing and being there with a person day after day. That's what love and caring is about. Not penis size. Not performance. Togetherness. sharing. Opening your minds up to the possibility of this might shine a light on what is truly important in life and love. Consider your gifts. Kindness. Caring. Sense of humor. Intelligence. You're human beings. Not objects for women to "rate". All of you deserve acceptance and love. When you feel that from within and truly believe it, things will begin to turn around.

If this stuff upsets and hurts you, then why do you keep reading it? I don't want to upset anyone and no need to respond...but maybe something to think about.

[lifeless existence]

We don't seek out hurtful stuff to read. We're looking for reassurance that we're okay the way we are, but what we find are quotes like that. If you do a search for "penis size" or "small penis" and start clicking links hoping to find reassuring comments from women, you inevitably wind up reading blogs and discussion forums filled with quotes like the one flander posted (and that one is actually pretty mild compared to a lot of size-related comments I've read).

[IrmaJean]

But what about my reassuring comments? Don't they count too?

You are okay the way you are.

[flander]

Hi flander,

Those quotes you posted are not what real people are about. I agree with Malign and, in fact, with everyone who has responded to you. Why are you so very cynical? Is it possible that you have met the wrong type of women?

Allan

Yep, I'm batting 1000 in that respect. Like I've written in other threads, it seems like the only women that give me the time of day are ones that don't want to go out to enjoy my companionship but to con me into picking up the tab or fixing a computer. I could have just as well been the taxi driver or chauffeur for most of these encounters. Most of the time, I don't even get that far. It's also a kick in the gut when you think you've met someone nice and during a telephone conversation she drops a bomb like "BTW, if you're not at least 6 inches in girth, don't bother asking me out. If you don't know what that means, again..don't bother". (another zinger was "I already have a boyfriend, but it doesn't work out, I think I'm going to become a lesbian").

But what about my reassuring comments? Don't they count too?

Yes, but you're just another person typing into a message board like anyone else. The positive things you write get swamped by negative real life experiences, opposite arguments and contradictions (ex the same people stating size doesn't matter on one thread and then stating above ave preferences on another) by women on different sites. Like lifeless existence wrote, it's not like I actively search for negativity. It's just what is encountered.

I'm sure most people would like a life long companion and all of the things that you've written are important. (I do, but odds are it will never happen) Sex is a part of that and it is frustrating/discouraging if the other person has to pretend they're enjoying it or just lies there with a blank look, watching the clock thinking "hurry the hell up so I can go to the bathroom and/or finish the job with some gadget". This sort of incompatibility can often lead to infidelity and both certainly fund the careers of many therapists, lawyers, etc.

[IrmaJean]

Flander, it sounds as though you have encountered a lot of insensitivity. Maybe there are different places for you to meet women? Through acquaintances or social gatherings?

As to the women not enjoying sex, could it be that the incompatibility was there already and that is more about the actual reason why?

As to feeling okay for being the way you are, I do think that first (and most importantly) has to come from yourself.

[LonelyGuy]

But what about my reassuring comments? Don't they count too?

You are okay the way you are.

Being okay is not good enough we want to be great and have women really desiring us. We want to make women crazy with lust over us and do to them what other men that don't have our disability do!!

[IrmaJean]

LG, if a woman truly loves you and is in a good place with loving herself too, she will desire you...and you will be "great" for simply being with her and sharing yourself. No judgment. Love and acceptance.

I went through a time of feeling ashamed and inadequate too, but then I realized that it was where the connection was within myself. It wasn't about how my husband was responding to me. It was how I felt about myself. I can't remedy my medical issue, but I can change how I feel about myself. I am no longer feeling shame over this.

Give power to the positive.

[Athena]

... it seems like the only women that give me the time of day are ones that don't want to go out to enjoy my companionship but to con me into picking up the tab or fixing a computer. I could have just as well been the taxi driver or chauffeur for most of these encounters.

I can definitely empathize. These women sound like my ex. For FIVE years, i bought every dinner out, every special Valentines night out, every vacation, paid every bill, etc etc because my ex decided I was his personal bank account. And I could go on, but this is your thread. You can read my rants somewhere else. So why did I marry him? No self esteem. Why did I let myself get mistreated by him? No self esteem. I didn't think I could do any better. I settled for somebody that i know now i didn't even love.

Like lifeless existence wrote, it's not like I actively search for negativity. It's just what is encountered.

Once again, it comes down to self esteem. If you don't have any, you attract people of a lower calibre. Look up "The Law of Attraction". Basically, you attract everything bad in your life by your negative beliefs, in this case your negative beliefs about yourself.

So why bother listening to me when I obviously haven't got my act together? Because things are changing. I was recently given a gift. And that gift was hope. Before that I had absolutely none. Nothing would ever change, nobody could ever help me. No drug would ever cure me. I do not have hope every day, some days I am utterly hopeless. But I have enough hope now to LISTEN to the right people, not the ones who are bad for me. So please believe that things are not utterly hopeless. Seek out the people who can help you, who you have faith in, who give you hope.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Athena, you are right on target, well said.

Allan

[flander]

Flander, it sounds as though you have encountered a lot of insensitivity. Maybe there are different places for you to meet women? Through acquaintances or social gatherings?

I work most of the time, weekends are spent with my son, and vacations are for visiting my mom. It is not going to happen.

[Athena]

I work most of the time, weekends are spent with my son, and vacations are for visiting my mom. It is not going to happen.

Flander, what do you do for yourself? What about after work?

[flander]

waste time on the computer, sometimes watch tv, and sleep

[Athena]

Well, sleep sounds like something good that you do for yourself. Do the other two REALLY make you happy?

[Vinwalt]

Merry Christmas my fellow sufferers of this "little" problem that is so non conducive to having a normal happy healthy productive life. All I know is I didn't get what I wanted for Christmas. All I wanted was to have a massive stroke and die. But god continues to mock me. I don't think I am far off though, as my pupils have been different sizes for the last couple days and this persistent headache and dizzy spells seem to be getting worse. I fucking hate Christmas. I wish all the whores that have contributed to my emotional and psychological abuse/trauma could experiemce the same. I hope I have not doomed my sons to the same miserable existence. Well theres my tear soaked rant for the day....................

[flander]

Well, sleep sounds like something good that you do for yourself. Do the other two REALLY make you happy?

it passes the time and I learn about other countries. A show called 'Cheese Slices' has been kinda interesting.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Vinwalt and everyone,

Don't you think its a matter of finding the right person? There are women here who are letting all of you know that they are not the way you describe your experiences. Like Malign said, perhaps you are generalizing and, I will add, perhaps you are selecting, over and over, the same type of woman?

Allan