Endlessnight Posted March 8, 2011 Report Share Posted March 8, 2011 Someone sent this to me and I couldn't stop laughing...I love John Cleese. I hope noone finds this offensive, but if they do i will remove it.Announcement: Threat Levels Raised - from the BBC - Read by John CleeseThe English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed"to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.The French government announced yesterday that it has raisedits terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday, as usual; the only threats they are worried about are NATO and the European Commission pulling out of Brussels.The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines readyto deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be all right, Mate." Three more escalation levelsremain: "Crikey,!" "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend," and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level... LaLa 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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