feeling sad and I need some advice

[Lie_low]

Thanks Cathy and finding my way. Today--trying to fight off the urges--it has been rough. I understand Cathy, (about hating yourself, and wanting to punish yourself) and somehow I do feel better knowing I’m not alone in that. I have made it this far, maybe I can make it through another day without si. thanks.

Edited September 8, 2009 by Lie_low

[mscat]

How are you doing today Lie Low? hope thigs have settled down for you, and your ok. Contuning the fight to not give in to the urges of Self Injury is a real struggle. your doing very well for yourself.

cathy

[Lie_low]

Hi Cathy, thanks for asking. Still feeling a bit down today. Pushed to my limits. I guess you don’t realize how much you rely on something to cope until you go without it for awhile. I got into a little argument with my sister, and that rarely happens. I guess not injuring is making me a little irritable? Anyway I just got back from riding my bike around the neighborhood for about an hour. I used to avoid riding at night because I thought it was too unsafe, but maybe it’s still better than injuring? I don’t know, none of my other alternatives work quite as well. It helped me to bring things down a bit.

[SweetSue]

HI LIE LOW

ITS GREAT YOU DOING SO WELL ON YOUR DAY COUNT. 20 DAYS WELL DONE.

I KNOW ITS NOT EASY FOR YOU, BUT KEEP UP THE DETERMINATION TO NOT SI , IT GIVES THE REST OF US HOPE, THAT WITH A LOT OF WILL POWER AND DETERMINATION WE CAN REACH OUR GOALS.

TAKE CARE

Jj

[Lie_low]

I just have this knot in my stomach that won’t let me be. I don’t even know why I am feeling like this. I honestly can’t think of any reason. I just wish that I could make it go away—this familiar feeling. I hate how I can sometimes throw away all my hard work in a moment of weakness. I’m weak right now and I’m afraid that I’ll give in and screw things up again, just to feel better. and I imagine the how disappointed I would be with myself if I did give in. but still I wonder why I even try, my body is full of scars anyway, and no one even knows that I’m injuring anyway. Therapist wants me to reach out to others when I am feeling bad and to call him before I act on the urge to si, but I have never been able to do either of those things because I’m too embarrassed. Yep, I’m that much of a loser. I feel so stuck. So I guess I’ll go for a bike ride. It seems to work better than anything else. I guess there is nothing left to do but try.

[Lie_low]

oh dear. i forgot to mention that nobody said giving up si would be easy. one foot in front of the other, right?

[SweetSue]

HI THERE LIE LOW

YOUR RIGHT NO ONE SAID IT WAS GOING TO BE EASY .

KEEP UP THE DETERMINATION, AND HARD WORK, WERE ALL BEHIND YOU .

YOU ARE NOT A LOOSER

FAR FROM IT ,ALL THIS HARD WORK YOUR PUTTING IN IS PROOVING TO YOURSELF AND SHOWING EVERYONE WHAT A WINNER YOU CAN BE AAND ARE

STAY STRONG

TAKE CARE

Jj

[malign]

Meredith, nothing about being embarrassed makes you a loser. Plus, you reached out to us! That's something.

I hope you feel better.

[Lie_low]

Thanks. I want to let you guys know that I appreciate the encouragement. It really does help.

[finding my way]

What are you listening to these days, Lie_low?

[Lie_low]

Well, since you asked…

A fine frenzy—coming around (the new album came out last Tuesday!)

Adele—right as rain

The Killers—the world we live in

Coldplay—everything’s not lost (I realize this one is old, but I just now realized how wonderful it is, and I use it to cheer up)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhfKkF6sgNA

Duffy—Warwick avenue

[finding my way]

I love it when you share your music:) Are you a dance fan? I love this one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZ_lr3P8b9g

How are you doing with you today?

[Lie_low]

Thanks finding. I will listen to it on by bike ride today. I’m removing the ticker from my signature because unfortunately (and I’m ashamed to admit it because you guys have been so supportive) I gave in and hurt myself the other day so I would say that I’m feeling pretty horrible and helpless at the moment. I’m not giving up though guys; I want to stop hurting myself. On the bright side soon my therapist will be doing a group for self-injurers so I’m hoping that will help me work on stopping and maybe finding other people who I can turn to when I’m trying to fight the urges.

[finding my way]

It's a dance routine, so ya gotta watch (or not ). I know things are challenging for you right now. A support group sounds like a very good idea. Some of these things are so ingrained and go so far back that we absolutely need other people to help us through it. Hey, have you been cooking or sewing lately? Weren't those hobbies, or was it cooking not sewing :confused:. I do sewing not cooking

[mscat]

Thanks finding. I will listen to it on by bike ride today. I’m removing the ticker from my signature because unfortunately (and I’m ashamed to admit it because you guys have been so supportive) I gave in and hurt myself the other day so I would say that I’m feeling pretty horrible and helpless at the moment. I’m not giving up though guys; I want to stop hurting myself. On the bright side soon my therapist will be doing a group for self-injurers so I’m hoping that will help me work on stopping and maybe finding other people who I can turn to when I’m trying to fight the urges.

lie low,

Trying to overcome SI is a struggle, and sometimes their will be slip ups. Falling down, pick yourself up, clean up your injuries from the fall, and began again.

Recovery is not easy, and not always going "cold turkey" is possible. I have talked to many people about trying to stop SI. It is so difficult because we have used this as a coping method for so long. That when things become overwhelming the urges to SI start coming up , the more stress , the more their is an intense desire to self injure.

Start the ticker over, and keep going again. I think it is an excellent idea to joining a support group for Sier's ! Is this going to include DBT? This is the most effective method right now, for Sier's , I know it is taught in a group support setting. I have not tried that, because I am a grouch, and don't like to be around groups of people or people much in general .

However, I've recieve info about DBT , and know others who have benifited from it .

I will be supporting u on your journey to recovery. I am proud of you. Look how far you made it! Don't get to hard on yourself for the slip up . I know sometimes after the slip up, sier's trying to stop feel terrible and guilty . Making SI again harder to fight off. take care of your wounds, and enjoy your bike ride.

cathy

[Lie_low]

Thanks Cathy and finding my way. It was actually my idea to start the support group because I was feeling so stuck and alone in this struggle and really frustrated that there were not any si support groups anywhere near where I live. I don’t know if my therapist will include DBT skills in the group, but I think that sounds like a great idea!

[Lie_low]

Since I have not been around here in quite awhile I thought that I would give you all an update. I have been injury free for two months and sober for three months. It is very hard work! The self-injury support group is going well. It has helped me to open up to others for the first time in my life and I’m grateful for that. I started a different antidepressant two months ago and it has made such a big difference. I feel better than I have in a very long time, maybe ever. I was very skeptical about medication because I had already tried three antidepressants, with little to no effect and plenty of unpleasant side effects. I’m so glad that I gave it another shot! Because this time it’s really helping. But I’m feeling down today. I have been thinking about my scars. I am filled with regret. And I wish so much that I could erase them from my body. It would be so much easier to move on.

[finding my way]

Those are awesome gains, Lie_Low!!!!! Congratulations!!! I've been wondering how you were!!!!!!!

[Lie_low]

Thanks finding my way! I really want to thank you and everyone who encouraged me to seek help when I first came to this community looking for advice. Deciding to finally get help for my problems was one of the hardest, but also one of the best decisions that I have ever made. Thanks everyone for your support! It really means a lot to me!

[Lie_low]

I’m starting a new job tomorrow. I’m very nervous and afraid that I will have trouble coping with all of the stress. I also recently started dating. While I’m excited about all of the progress that I’m making I’m overwhelmed with anxiety and nervous about trying to do all of this while remaining sober and injury-free at the same time.

When I quit self-injuring I said goodbye to it. I ended my affair with self-injury. Literally. I bet that sounds strange doesn’t it?

I didn’t say goodbye because I had to. No it wasn’t do or die. There is no such thing as bottom. I thought there was. I was waiting for it. The truth is, no matter how far you fall there is always room to fall further still. I was waiting for someone to notice and drag me out of it. To make sense of it. You see if there wasn’t a reason then all I have is the grief and the loss. And maybe that’s all that I do have. I didn’t say goodbye because I had to. I said goodbye because it was time to move on.

[malign]

I agree with essentially everything you said, Lie_low, but I thought of a slightly different angle. You said that you were waiting for someone to notice and drag you out of it. I would suggest that someone did: you. :-)

Congratulations.