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How do you get over being stupid?


dvnJ22
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It took me 7 years to graduate high school, in my defense I had problems with ADD, bi polar, and my deformed knee which needed surgery. I was never good at spelling, math, science - history, and writing where the only subjects I was good at. Never went to college, and people hold it against me. I try, and have intellectual conversations with people, but fail, and they make fun of me.

How am I supposed to gain self esteem while being so stupid?

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Just some minor thoughts:

- I've almost completed a postgraduate study at university and still feel very stupid... It's not always a matter of education.

- If you'd like to learn in a more accessible and flexible manner, you may try some Massive Open On-line Courses (MOOCs), like on Coursera.org, for instance. They are often very eye-opening and bring also the possibility to anonymously practice communication (in discussion forums) with your peers - students from all over the world, all ages, ... It can be a very enriching experience and it might help you also to improve your self-esteem in this regard.

Good luck!

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There are many ways to be intelligent that have nothing to do with book smarts. Plus you may have gifts in areas you haven't even discovered yet. I was lucky to be a B/C student throughout school, but then during my own therapy, I discovered that I was smart in psychology. I went back to school online and got all A's for several years straight. Go figure! I hope you won't ever close the door on yourself, dvn, and what you can accomplish. I hope you can have faith in yourself.

Edited by IrmaJean
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I can't argue because I don't know you. You may be "mentally, intellectually, and physically inferior" (although I don't like the word because it implies a too negative meaning which is inappropriate here), but that doesn't mean you're worse or unworthy or something like that. I know that there are people who treat you that way; yes, there are also people who, for instance, laugh at a handicapped person or bully him/her, ... there are many misbehaving people and... we might say that say THEY are stupid (and sometimes also evil), not you because of your disadvantages. But it's up to you not to let them stop you from searching for your useful abilities, for your own ways to find and enjoy your proper qualities. I know it's hard in circumstances when others discourage you and/or make fun of you. But maybe sometimes you're trying "to be smart like them" and that's what funny to them; yet you might doing better by "being yourself" and focusing on something you like and you're good at - or want to be good at - becoming it needs mainly patience and practice.

What about the MOOCs?

I'd recommend you this book - the author used to be "the worst in the class"all his childhood (he had big difficulties even with learning to write!), most of his teachers were hopeless with him, ... but he became successful - a great teacher, helping pupils with similar difficulties. It's really a must-read for all teachers and for all "bad students" = those used to think about themselves as "bad, stupid students". He explains that there's not such thing. (There's only a bad approach of the teacher, ...)

School Blues by Daniel Pennac (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_Pennac)

http://www.amazon.co...c/dp/1906694877

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I can't argue because I don't know you. You may be "mentally, intellectually, and physically inferior" (

I have bi polar, ocd which makes me mentally inferior. I am physically inferior because of I have to post in sps forums, and because I was born with deformed knees caps. I am intellectually inferior because of being stupid. That's what I mean.

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There are many ways to be intelligent that have nothing to do with book smarts. Plus you may have gifts in areas you haven't even discovered yet. I was lucky to be a B/C student throughout school, but then during my own therapy, I discovered that I was smart in psychology. I went back to school online and got all A's for several years straight. Go figure! I hope you won't ever close the door on yourself, dvn, and what you can accomplish. I hope you can have faith in yourself.

I don't want faith! I want facts. People aren't equal, people are better then some, and people are better then me. I don't want to accept myself, I don't want to be myself, I want to destroy myself.

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I can remember a time during my therapy when my therapist mentioned that a person who gave to others would naturally have good feelings about giving and maybe that was part of why the person gave. I had rejected the notion that this was part of why I liked to give because I had always equated that (my feeling good when giving to others) with selfishness. So to consider my therapist's thoughts, I had to look at "selfish" in a completely different light than I had for my entire adult life. Doing so, even just allowing the different thoughts momentarily, brought up all kinds of conflicting feelings for me. I felt very uncomfortable and I wanted to hold onto the view I had always had because, despite the fact that these views caused me pain, I was used to thinking this way and anything different just seemed wrong.

I don't know if maybe this is what happens with you, dvn, when you consider that you have gifts and light, but if you aren't in a space to hear that right now that's okay too. Either way, I'm here and I'd like to support you.

I don't want faith! I want facts. People aren't equal, people are better then some, and people are better then me. I don't want to accept myself, I don't want to be myself, I want to destroy myself.

I hear you. I'm listening. I do hope you will keep yourself safe. Would it help to express yourself more? Would accepting yourself feel frightening or uncomfortable in some way?

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I dvn, when you consider that you have gifts and light,

I hear you. I'm listening. I do hope you will keep yourself safe. Would it help to express yourself more? Would accepting yourself feel frightening or uncomfortable in some way?

But I do not have such things, and that is what bothers me.

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Maybe you can't see your gifts yet? Can you allow for the possibility, at least, and be open to that? Would self-connection help? What things bring you joy, dvn? I remember you mentioning that you feel connected with nature. What do you feel when you're out in nature? Did you say you enjoy music too? I'm sorry if I'm forgetting.

Edited by IrmaJean
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Maybe you can't see your gifts yet? Can you allow for the possibility, at least, and be open to that? Would self-connection help? What things bring you joy, dvn? I remember you mentioning that you feel connected with nature. What do you feel when you're out in nature? Did you say you enjoy music too? I'm sorry if I'm forgetting.

yes nature, and music.

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Modem life has become so complex thanks to legalities, technology, over emphasis on " education", endless administrative details and choices for anything you want to do. You practically have to be a software engineer to drive a car!

This has led to intellectual bullying in schools & workplaces where people who are not "quick" are devalued as human beings.

Your feelings are not unusual dvnJ22 and I feel frustrated from time to time to w the pace & complexity of all things. I have one friend who said the thing to do is to get good at one thing and just go w that.

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Dvv Let me tell you a story about my brother.

My brother has a learning disability. He grew up somewhat normally until around grade 3, when his problem started to become obvious. His friends left him, they put him on a different ‘level’, as if he as an individual was something different from the rest. It was hard to watch this happen to him. At this point he didn’t realize his problem. He didn’t understand why kids were treating him differently, or why he suddenly could not make friends. He continued to fall behind in school, and became more and more emotionally broken as a symptom. At one point in grade 4, he was found banging his head against a wall, saying that he doesn’t want to live anymore. He was starting to become conscious of his learning disability, of his own inferiority. It was hard to watch. He was just a little kid saying these things.

I remember the first time he verbally talked about his disability with me. I wasn’t going to lie to him or make things sound fluffy and nice, I wanted to give him the respect of acknowledging his issue.

I said to him, yes, you have a learning disability, and it has made things hard for you, but that just means that you are going to have to work harder than everyone else to achieve what you want, and you are going to. That was the best I could do. I felt so bad for him.

He was put in the lowest level stream in high school. But the guy decided to work, he got some of the highest marks in his class, and eventually they bumped him up a level, and he is now going to graduate, ready for a college level program, granted it will be something hands on, and abstraction free.

The guy inspires me. Because he has a learning disability, and he knows he has a learning disability, and yet he works hard to accomplish his goals despite everything, and he is able to succeed.

I never was one to put effort into anything I did. I skipped most of high school, but I passed. Then I think of him and what he could do if he didn’t have his learning disability, if his emotional strength was behind a mind free of a learning disability, and I imagine what he could become. And I realize what a waste I have been, putting no effort into anything I do.

I can honestly say my brother has changed me. He inspired me to do something with my life. The point I am trying to make is, having a learning disability doesn’t make you worthless. My brother changed me, he is going to college, he showed everyone his strength by not giving up on himself.

He had to earn this,however, if he had not tried at all, he just would have been someone with a learning disability, wherein he could make up all the excuses in the world to give up, and burden others with his problem

But instead he has learned, can provide for people around him, and he has shown himself to be a person of willpower and strength. That's worth a lot.

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