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a bit of a falling out...

inferiority

Entry posted by inferiority

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today was good until mom came home from work, then it took a turn for the worst.

earlier on the telephone, she told me that we would be going to an amusement park tomorrow, and i told her that i was going to stay home and do some of my reading, and she said it was fine.

however, when she arrived home, she told me to get ready for the trip tomorrow and i reminded her that she said that i didn't have to go and i could catch up on reading.

then she started arguing about it, and basically things spiraled into her going berzerk and yelling loudly about things that were irrelevant to the current issue. for instance she brought up the fact that she paid for my calculator, until i reminded her that i paid for half of it and she paid the other half.

so in short, it appears that i am going to be going to an amusement park tomorrow against my will tomorrow and getting farther behind. its not this so much that bothers me, its the fact that she can say one thing and do another, and nobody is there to stand in her way.

it is things like these that make my resentment towards her grow and grow.

EDIT: dad is different in that he has to be provoked first before he acts like this, and mom usually is the provoking person in every confrontation between them.

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pseudome
Well, it's really complicated. It's like I DON'T really believe everything I said, I felt dirty while I was around children before. Why? What made me feel dirty? I wasn't really beating myself up. The post was half looking for the answer to this question and half sarcastic.

whoooooosh.....you missed my point....

one more time: How would it feel to NOT say things to beat yourself up?

Think of it like this: The thought pops into your head that you are bad and you want to call yourself a dirty idiot. But you don't. You refuse to call yourself that. How does REFUSING to do that make you feel?

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Musicman
whoooooosh.....you missed my point....

one more time: How would it feel to NOT say things to beat yourself up?

Think of it like this: The thought pops into your head that you are bad and you want to call yourself a dirty idiot. But you don't. You refuse to call yourself that. How does REFUSING to do that make you feel?

And that's kind of what I was getting at :o. I felt dirty before' date=' but I wasn't really [i']CALLING myself dirty.

And this is pretty related what I posted in your blog before ;) (except now, I don't feel I'm beating myself up.)

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Musicman
nevermind. I give up.

In simple terms, I don't feel like I'm beating myself up tonight. I'm not feeling depressed. I'm not feeling upset. I guess I felt dirty because I FELT like I was supposed to feel dirty. But I'm not telling myself that I'm scum like I used to, and I'm also not saying that I'm dirty.

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pseudome
In simple terms, I don't feel like I'm beating myself up tonight. I'm not feeling depressed. I'm not feeling upset. I guess I felt dirty because I FELT like I was supposed to feel dirty. But I'm not telling myself that I'm scum like I used to, and I'm also not saying that I'm dirty.

sigh.....you really missed the entire point I was trying to make...but I suppose it's time to let it go.

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Musicman
awwww, what have cats ever done to you - to make you dislike them?

Dogs are man's best friend. Cats? I feel like they'd turn in their masters to the police for some food. They seem egotistical :o

Nah, I don't dislike cats. I just don't care for them. But, you know, I'll pet one if it walks by.

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pseudome
Pseud' date=' I'm sorry, but I just don't understand it. Now I'm really interested to know what you meant :o

But I understand if you're not up to it.[/quote']

I really don't know what else to say other than: read the actual words I wrote instead of skimming and assuming you knew what I was saying before reading the actual words themselves...

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SweetSue

[nah - i aint tryna change the subject little bro - erm, what is the subject ???? Im kinda high as a kite, they are giving me higher doses of meds now im not pregnant - anddddddd, its hard to concentrate for too long - hense the silly pictures coz well - they are about the only thing that makes sense to me :P:o]

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Musicman

Pseud, I read through your previous posts, and if I may quote you:

Yeah, while it may be true that pedophiles shouldn't be around children and what not, you said all of this in a negative way toward yourself. How would it have made you feel to have NOT said this?

I think that's the key. First off, let me say that I wasn't skimming your posts. If someone is offering me advice, I don't skim. If, however, we're involved in some useless, fun discussion, I may skim (though truthfully, I don't skim often because I don't absorb information well.)

Now, as I said, I think this quote was key. Correct me if I'm wrong, but was this going back to the whole thing about how I shouldn't label myself a pedophile? I know, I really shouldn't. I just want to find a label so badly. It's partly because I just want to know what my problems and potential fixes are. I think it's also because of my desire to fit in with a group.

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pseudome

fuck fuck fuck...really? Ok, I was going to stop, but....eh.... I was not asking why you want to label yourself or call yourself names, I was asking HOW IT WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL TO NOT CALL YOURSELF NAMES.

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