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was thinking...

i was thinking and well... i realize that well... i can't understand the whole concept of love at all. i get the dictionary definition, but what it really is i have no idea. this emotion in me is messed up i guess since i really don't think i feel it at all. i don't think that what i used to call love is really love. not sure what it counts as, but its not love. yet another thing i'm going to have to try to work out.........

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today was um...

well i was called into the guidance department today, and was questioned about a variety of things including how i felt, how things were at home, and how i was feeling at school. she seemed eager to help me, and i could tell she was struggling with the information i was giving her, i know she is only trying to help. I spilled everything basically that i felt comfortable sharing, and watched as she made careful notes about everything, feeling scared almost to the point of numbness throughout the

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things didn't go as planned

well i did go to guidance department today, but things didn't go as planned. i guess the counseler didn't grasp what i was telling her and took it all in stride and recommended that i simply pay it all no mind and it'd get better. incapable person that is all

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gosh i feel dumb...

not feeling too much like myself today, got some math homework covering things that we worked on last year and have just totally blanked on all of it. it looks like a foreign language to me. its not just math homework either. its every subject. i am looking at my homework as if it might as well be written in chinese. i don't know what is up today, but i literally can not think at all. i think im done with this homework, i'll just take the F and move on...

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first week of school done and....

it was a pretty good first week i must say. i have had my ups and downs all through it, but mostly ups i like my classes (most of them) and my schedule, and i am glad i can see some of my friends once again. Gonig to be pretty busy this weekend, so ill be on today to conpensate for that. Today, i saw something in my child psych class that made me sure that i am leaving ASAP. i'm not sure if i mentioned all of my responsibilities here, but they are as follows: the class is basically more of a

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First day of school

Well today was my first day back in school and ill admit that it was very hectic and stressful, but not so much so that i was phased that much by it. most of my teachers seemed nice, but my math teacher was sort of freaking me out by telling me how hard the class was going to be once i reached senior year. but this too wasn't enough to really get to me, ill worry about taht during senior year. Got through all of my classes today pretty well, even my child psych class, with all of the females.

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Orientation was terrible :o

the first orientation today for my lil bro and sis was fun, met up with some friends and stuff, but the second one today for my class....... the second one was terrible. this was the orientation for the class that i didn't even sign up for, "Child Psychology/Education". As soon as i walked into the class with my sister and dad, they all automatically thought that my sister was taking the class and were sort of shocked when they figured out that a male was enrolled into it. throughout the entire

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Doctor visit on Friday

well i just found out today that i am having a doctor's visit on Friday for a physical before school starts, a little bit later than expected but still good i guess. now that this is confirmed, i have no idea how to bring up the topic with my doctor about getting set up with a therapist. i am only with her a few minutes (an hour tops) and really would hate for this moment to slip by, since i think it would be so much easier to do this now with my doc than with anyone else a bit later. so um i

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a bit of a falling out...

today was good until mom came home from work, then it took a turn for the worst. earlier on the telephone, she told me that we would be going to an amusement park tomorrow, and i told her that i was going to stay home and do some of my reading, and she said it was fine. however, when she arrived home, she told me to get ready for the trip tomorrow and i reminded her that she said that i didn't have to go and i could catch up on reading. then she started arguing about it, and basically things spi

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They're at it again... :'(

well, my day was just going a lot better, things were quiet and nice and i was finally getting a bit of relaxation time, i knew it was too good to last. I was just trying to get some more of my work done and i hear my parents raising their voices, and i knew what was about to happen... mom and dad got into yet another physical confrontation, this time over someting trivial no doubt that escalated into a terrible sight. I don't want to get into much detail about what exactly went on, but i am sur

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Going into a state of depression?

I don't expect anybody to read this, but here goes... Over the past few days, not really sure when this exactly started, i have been noticing that i seem to be getting into a more and more depressed state. I have been eating even less than i was before and have no intentions of doing so any more often at the moment. I have been sleeping a lot lately, probably about 5 hours during the day today, just wasting the day away. For some reason all of a sudden i feel very "dirty" i guess is the word to

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