What's He Going to Do?

[LaLa]

Hello again! :-)

I was off-line for a week and will be for another since Saturday :-(. But I'm quite fine. Today, I had my last session before my theapist's vacation (one month!). I don't feel sad yet, but... I'm sure it will be hard :-( (yes, I know - "negative thinking is bad", but... stupid idealisation is meaningless, too).

I'm going to reply to this post from <<What I am learning in psychotherapy these days>>:

Went to see my therapist yesterday. We talked about where I am in the proccess. He says on a scale of 1-10 (I thought of that) he would say about a 5. Not as low as I was expecting! We also talked about the fact that the deep depression seems to hit more on the weekends when there isn't a whole lot to do, especially since the heat has been so bad (around 100 every day). He wanted to ask about the dream I was avoiding telling him when he looked at the clock and it was 3 on the dot! Whew! lol We also talked about making a goal of me visiting at least one church a month, as I really miss going, so I am visiting the Episcopalian one this week. I've never been to one like that, but I decided to just go down the list in the phone book. All in all a light session.

It's funny that we are so "synchronized"! 3 weeks ago, you had a great session, me too. Then you had a hard/unpleasant one, me too (I didn't mention it here, because I didn't know "what to say", I was sad and disappointed by myself - I had a feeling that I was waisting our time during the session, as I was unable to say "anything", anything meaningful). And this week, you used a scale in the context of your progress - and me too . But it was still different a bit: He asked me about how much can I accept myself now and I say that in the beginning, it was maybe 2 % and now it's maybe 95 (and then I said - "or maybe 80, I don't know") %. Then he wanted to know how I like/love myself and this was much more difficult and tricky and I said I was unable to tell any number, I could only say that I hated myself and now it's much better.

And in general, I can also say that it was a light session! (Except for one question which I avoided skillfully... And I know I should go back to this awful question (sorry, but I don't want to write it here :-() sometimes... but now it seem to me I can feel good about his vacation, as thanks to it I will not have to face this question at least for a month! ) I had wished to enjoy it and I've succeeded!

And "the haircut issue"... Well, I'm a bit disappointed, as it seems to me my therapist doesn't understand it well. He thinks that my husband's main "aim" is to make me feel I'm pretty and it's not all about a haircut. So he (the T) tried to concentrate on this "issue" (=that I don't consider myself pretty) and I didn't "argue" as I know we should talk also about this, but... by doing so, the "haircut issue" was almost ignored what's a pity. Well; maybe later...

[malign]

Yes, I know - "negative thinking is bad", but... stupid idealisation is meaningless, too.

LaLa, this is one of the best things I've read here, in a long time. :-)

It should be the response to every "positive thinking" guru who has ever written.

That's not to say that positive thinking is wrong. All I mean is the same objection that most people have to being told to think positive: it sounds like you're being told to be stupidly ideal.

I see it differently, lately, though. Being positive isn't being ideal, or stupid, at all. It's complete negativity, of the sort that comes over us when we're depressed, that's stupid and absolute.

A few classic examples:

"Nothing I ever do is right/can work/is any good at all."

"I can never change/never get better/never find a girl|guy."

How often we hear statements like these without blinking, yet when someone suggests telling ourselves "Things I do can work" or "I can get better", we think we're hearing outrageously idealistic nonsense. But the true opposite of the negative sentences would be "Everything I do will work" or "I will never feel bad again".

It's easier than we think, and something we can practice, to make affirmations that are positive without being ideal.

[added]This was my 2000th post. I didn't see that fact until afterwards, but the post still says a bit about how far I've come.[/added]

[LaLa]

Hi, Mark,

Thank you for your comments! It's so nice to hear from you again!

Yes, you're right. I see the difference. Thanks for pointing at it!

And it's also a nice feeling to be the "recipient" of your 2000th post!!!

L.

[tobeistohope]

Hi Lala, glad to see you are back! Hope you are not missing your therapist too much! I know how hard it is. I hope I'm not too late getting back to you!

Our therapy sessions do seem to have a lot in common lately, don't they?! That is neat.

Sorry to say, though, I have decided to stop seeing my therapist. (The reasoning is under my new thread in this section, can't remember the name I gave it lol)

Have you made some plans to keep yourself busy while your therapist is away? It might help.

Well, I am going to clean my house today, so I'd better get to it!

Have a good week!

Blessings!

Amy