Deletions, A Discussion

[Luna-]

I think sometimes one might feel inclined to delete things fearing an outburst or lashing out at from someone else. It does happen here and it's not pleasant.

[Symora]

I usually delete the next day, when the emotion has passed with regards to a subject. Once I reread myself, I realize I was a bit off in my response, or I feel I was too focused on my own perspective and not really adressing what the other person was concerned about....

Sometimes I delete because I just don't like what I had to say and don't find it useful anymore - I needed to get it out, for me, but ultimately it served no other purpose to the larger conversation ...

[Guest GingerSnap]

I just went to a thread that I hadn't been to in awhile and someone had deleted what most likely may have been harsh posts about something that I said or so I am guessing.(I have enough drama in my life without adding to it.) So, being left to fill in the blanks, I am just going to leave the website again. I deleted a couple of really early posts that I made in the beginning and I think other people do that because after typing it out and running it through your head - instant horror and for me, what if someone reads this and figures out who I am - I have known so many people across the US.:eek:

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Ginger,

I really wish you would not leave the site. People are not going to know who you are. It is true that people react with strong emotions and that make any of us feel really provoked. In reality, there is not threat here and you and all of us are anonymous. Us therapists (me, etc) are not anonymous. I am all over the internet with my articles and my private practice. You are not exposed that way.

Keep things in perspective, put a check on your emotional reactions to things here. Remember, you are reading about the problems Other people have.

Please stay.

Allan:)

[AndreaB]

I don't delet message post but I did delet all my blog posts twice and now all I have is 1. I deleted them b/c they r shameful to me

[Guest ASchwartz]

I believe its important that we return to the discussion of deletions. Of course, it is blog posts that I am referring to when I mention deletions. It continues and, therefore, remains something we need to better understand.

What motivates people to delete their posts? What are the fears and doubts behind some of the deletions. It seems as though lots of emotional pain causes at least some people to remove their posts.

Allan:confused:

[Guest GingerSnap]

I still think that you pour your heart into the post and then you proofread it and sheer horror sets in as it just all hits you - bam! Also, let's face it, a lot of these issues that we come to discuss and I am definitely talking about the issue that brought me here - what if, I know it might be extremely remote, but what if someone figures out that is me. I don't worry about it that much at this point but I am extremely careful not to give my current location or enough about anything to be identified and this should apply to everyone in nearly every situation on the internet. I still think when you write it down, it may be the very first time that you are admitting it to yourself.:eek: And, I have noticed that it seems that most that delete their posts kind of regroup and come back in and post. Sometimes, you just go back and filter yourself if making a comment to someone else. That's what I think anyway.

[Aaron.X.C]

I delete stuff if I'm afraid I said the wrong thing, or if I'm shamed by what I wrote. Or it's too personal.

[Lindamomof7]

Well Allan, I edit at times because I forget to preview before submitting so I see some typo mistakes and then fix them

As far as deletions, I have done a few in the past. I think sometimes we get caught up in expressing our thoughts and if we are on a post with quick response with each other then I think sometimes we can say stuff that is meaningfull at the time but then later on realizing there was maybe too much personal info layed out for the world to see.

I have deleted some blogs, those are scary sometimes because of the moods we can be in when we post a blog. And again it might have felt really good to write a very meaningful post at the time whether it is positive of negative but realizing it is left out for anyone to go back to read at anytime in the future I think can be a little scary...

[notmary]

I deleted some posts this morning. They were written last night when I was having a very difficult time. They left me feeling very vunerable and unsafe. I deleted them because I needed to feel safe.

[IrmaJean]

I've deleted every blog I've written, but I haven't written any for some time. It's in the non-response, especially if I've put my heart out there. When I'm offering some of the deepest aspects of myself and get no response, it reminds me of feelings of insignificance, of not being noticed, of being unimportant and not mattering. All of those feelings are based on my situational experience while growing up and they don't represent the truth. But...the not responded to posts feel like neon-light reminders of those deep, painful feelings that I can't bear to look at...thus the deletions.

[Calla]

I hope this doesn't come across as rude.....but I don't quite get what is so hard to understand about this subject. Especially as most of us keep saying the same thing over and over for 9 pages. What do you want us to say Allan?

[Guest ASchwartz]

Good question:

There are more people involved than the numbers we have so far heard from. The idea is to encourage others to discuss what motivates them, especially in light of the fact that it continues to happen. Also, beyond the question of why people delete it the question of how to help them to not delete. Part of this is to encourage everyone to talk about their thinking and feeling before they delete.

Allan

[Calla]

Personally I'm not convinced we should stop people deleting. If you think about it moderators have the magical power of removing or closing a thread if they feel somethings shouldn't be discussed further or are upsetting. Aren't us mere mortals then just acting as our own moderators? If something we have written in a heightened state may actually be uspetting to others and indeed ourselves.

I sometimes feel like 2 different people on here, the way I write and what I say. So I can realise something I said in one state did not perhaps show the best judgement.

[IrmaJean]

If you've written something that could be hurtful to another, then deleting/editing does make sense.

I think what Allan might be getting at is hoping we don't delete our own posts due to inhibitions or negative feelings we might be having about ourselves. These are some of the reasons I personally delete so I've been trying hard not to do that when the urge comes about to do it. So in these cases, the statement then is "it's okay to be me" and leave the posts. I don't think this applies to all cases, though, Calla, as you have pointed out. And, I would think, if someone is feeling uncomfortable with something they've posted and this is causing upset feelings, then deleting is certainly understandable and okay.

[Calla]

I see what you are saying. However, sometimes "evil" Calla upsets "good" Calla so I take away the words. Just as I can burn a diary for example. It's my choice. I've registered for various website and you also have the option to delete your account or take away/change words. But not here. And I think here lies a problem. Because you just can't remove something completely and can only edit to ".........." people wonder what you have written and sometimes may even feel it was worse than it was or become paranoid about it. I feel we should all have the option to edit ourselves and stopping deleting sounds wrong to me personally.

[Calla]

I've just this minute deleted something, so I thought I'd pop across here and tell you why. Someone elses response made me feel stupid. Sometimes if you are depressed things can seem like a mountain when to other people they may be a mole hill. So people feel they have the right to make you feel bad for finding something trivial a challenge.

Any other interactive site (social networking/dating etc) you have more control over your own profile. You can block certain people from contacting you , remove things you have posted etc. I think this site should maybe offer the same thing.

[Calla]

I can completely relate to that. I have answered the same question from Allan 3 or 4 times now. But I guess he is the only professional here now, so I told myself the swamped thing too.....thats quite good for me though, to not automatically take offence!!!!

[IrmaJean]

Calla, I'm sorry you're upset. Are you feeling better now?

[danni]

I think Allan is trying to facilitate discussion for the community. He can pose questions that can prompt conversation for others who come to the thread.

I agree with from the moon... I think we have a good grasp on why people delete. Now....can we take this conversation to what are those things that may help people feel more comfortable so that they won't feel the need to???? for those of you who delete? Is there anything that could have been said or done to help you feel more secure with leaving your posts up????

[Calla]

Just so there's no confusion I didn't mean I had answered THIS question several times. I was relating to what FromtheMoon said about answering something elsewhere.

As for deletion as I say it's our right.

[notmary]

I posted something this morning that has left me feeling very vunerable. I decided to try to answer the question of what could be done to keep me from deleting, instead of deleting. I don't know if there is anything that could be said or done to make me feel safe enough to leave this message. The anxiety it produced in me is overwhelming. I know that sometimes I just have to "say" something but then as it lays there for the whole world to see, I am overwhelmed with fear.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Notmary,

Thank you for your honest description. What is it you fear? What can happen? Lets see how realistic these fears are. Other members, too. What are you afraid of, what can happen?

Allan

[Lindamomof7]

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[notmary]

Allan,

I don't know the specifics of what the fear is. I can only describe it. The fear feels like I am in some unknown abyss and I am going to fall apart in a million little pieces and never be able to put myself back together again.

the posts I delete are usually specific memories of what has happened to me. I fear that someone might read them and know that it is me. I fear the many many nameless people who read my posts and don't comment but form a judgement about me based on what is written. I know that their judgment makes not an iota of difference in my real life, but to my emotional health it does matter. Also these memories are new to me. If I reread them they make me crazy, and I fear rereading my words and thus making them true about who I am.

I guess I shouldn't post the stuff in the first place if I then get that nervous about the words, but sometimes just typing it out and having someone "hear" me brings a few moments of peace. This is all new to me... I am just trying to survive and not give into the overwhelming desire to give up on me.