Deletions, A Discussion

[nathan]

What Mark said.

Deleting is lame.

[Jetliner]

..........

[nathan]

crap, I'm so sorry guys, I should delete my post.

[Jetliner]

..........

[IrmaJean]

Let's be peaceful everyone, okay?

[Amanda]

..........

[Guest ASchwartz]

John, Amanda and All,

John, without using any names, could you tell us, in a general way, some of the other reasons why people have had deletions and why it hurts?

Amanda, there is always hope. Deleting your messages, in a way, is like deleting yourself. Why do you feel so very awful?

Allan

[Jetliner]

..........

[nathan]

I apologize for my brasness Jet, it was ignorant of me.

[malign]

I realized that there is no hope and everything is pointless there is no option to delete your profile so I deleted everything I had posted. i keep checking in to see if it ever gets updated so I can delete my profile completely but so far no luck.

Mandy, you keep saying that everything is pointless, but then, it strikes me that deleting all your stuff is pointless, too. I know that I will miss what's gone.

A truly apathetic person would've just left it. So, who are you angry enough at, to go to all that effort?

[mscat]

Hi Mscat, Notmary and all,

As I am reading your posts a thought popped into my head (not an easy thing because my head is granite ), is it possible that one explanation for deleting some posts is a lack of confidence in one's own self? For example, Mscat said, she thought that one post of her's, in her opinion, "had no value."

Do any of you have that thought sometimes and what might that say about self esteem? Again, just a question and food for thought.

Also, Notmary, when you have deleted it does not make us angry. I am not aware of anyone being angry with you about anything. Please, please, feel reassured about that.

What does everyone think and what are your experiences?

Allan:)

I do not usually delete a post, however, if I do it is because I went back and re read what I wrote and it did not seem to me, that it helped anyone. Therefore , the deletion. I feel safer in this fourm writing down my feelings then talking face to face with someone. But, if it has no value , in what was written , then IMO , it ought to be deleted .Self esteem does not come to me , when I write , because that is not what I think about. I want to help others , because it helps me feel better . But when it does not seem like a good enough post to help anybody , I have deleted .

[katleen]

I like to look at what I write, for coherence, my boundaries in check,(yeeah, I'm finally learning!!!) Sometimes I sit and free write, never did before, and had just so much, I'll save it to a draft to look at later.

Sometimes I just don't think, and pour out my heart, look at it and realize that I'm crying again. It's like all of you are there while I write, but for once in my life, I can be less impulsive about what comes out of my mouth. And I can think what I think and then write it.

loves and hugs

katleen

[Amanda]

...........

[IrmaJean]

Amanda, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. You're a human being and your life has value. Would you like to talk more about your feelings around this? I know I would value every word you write. Writing is self-expression and it helps us to connect with our feelings in the moment. Sharing can be a way of connecting with others and yourself. We value your presence here. I hope that you will stay here on the site and continue to talk with us.

[confused12]

Hi Allan,

I put my hand up to deleting a specific posts of mine. For a reason which may offend people that have contributed to the later half of the thread. So I am not writing this to offend but to hopefully outline a wider prospective and to also ouline how fragile and exposed some people feel when they contribute to a community like this.

I do not feel good about deleting these posts either because it was intended to help others who were maybe having the same difficulty as myself. ( I apoligise) I deleted the post because I felt exposed and some what used that others were using my thread. It had a high number of visits and posts. I felt the thread had lost its purpose and become a numbers game but also at time general chatter. I am being judgmental here but I guess that it the hurt I am still feeling. I felt my thread was starting to become a competition with another thread as they both were moving towards 100 posts fast. This is only my assumptions and thought. The posts may have been well intended and worth while for the people involved. But I wished a new thread more specific to them was invented by them for their purpose.

I believe some threads die a natural death over time and I sure do wish mine was one of those because I know I would not have deleated in the first place.

Subsequently I did end up on a deleting mission after this exposure that night. Hence I have taken a very long time to post again. I would be considered a 'lurker' now:(. Great for the self confidence:(

I am trying hard to stick around but ..........

And nathan well all I can say is ouch once it is written it is hard to take back.

[IrmaJean]

But I wished a new thread more specific to them was invented by them for their purpose.

Confused, I'm so sorry this happened. If you ever feel a thread you started has been derailed in any way please contact a moderator and we will try to fix the problem for you.

I hope that you will feel comfortable enough to come out of lurking mode and resume posting, confused.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Confused12 and Everyone,

Thankyou for sharing how you have felt exposed. I am asking myself, and all of you, how often you feel exposed when you post? Also, what do you mean by "exposed." I have a feeling the word means different things to different people?

Confused12, please stick with us and I fully support IrmaJean in asking you to alert a moderator when something upsetting is going on.

Allan:)

[Calla]

I have deleted posts several times from here and this has been due to many reasons. I have written in various states. Often heightened emotions or alcohol have played a part. And in the cold light of day I realise I was venting something which may actually hurt or be damaging to someone. How can I welcome a newcomer in one thread and tell them everything will be ok and then the next be venting about how awful life is and how I wish I was dead. So maybe I feel the welcoming post was more worthwhile to leave. So to me it is an important thing to do and not "lame" at all. As I am trying to help people (whilst hopefully helping myself )

I have also (rather worryingly) posted things I can't remember posting...and I should point out there was NO alcohol involved at the time. This makes me feel that what I have written is not coming from a clear state of mind and so is no use to me to be "out there". And yes I feel exposed sometimes. In a very upset state I has written some detail of my past but then later realised I don't really want people to know...for various reasons. It doesn't help me for it to be on the forum.

The problem on here, I feel, is that it is not easy to delete anything you have written. So I have to edit it to "........." I think this makes it more confusing for people, instead of just being able to delete all trace. And I see this a lot from other users and again assume they have just thought better saying something.

And I'm not saying it's a good/bad thing but I can relate to Amanda. As some people will know I have tried to work out how to delete everything. I thought this would be the "right" of any user but it doesn't seem so easy. Don't get me wrong sometimes I am glad I haven't just disappeared. And like someone said if you said it to someones face or it was written in a printed form it would be there for all to see, so I guess it's the same.

[IrmaJean]

The feeling of exposed...

To me, it's being very openly yourself and allowing yourself to be seen as you are from the inside. This feeling can cause great discomfort with me as much as I both want and need to do it. I want to be seen and known, but it is frightening considering the potential rejection from having self-revealed. It comes back to fearing my own inner light and power. It's easier to be shrunken and invisible even when I hate it. It's comfortable. That's the very reason why I've taken this challenge on. Growth comes from escaping the confines of our comfort zone. One can't grow emotionally if one doesn't sometimes stretch the zones. Always a work in progress...

[goose]

I delete posts because I am afraid of being judged by others here and being rejected. I have to say that it is not exclusive to the forum, I feel that way in general.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Goose,

Thank you so very much for your honesty. Why do you believe you will be judged, whether here or anywhere and I hope you read my post on Mental Help.Net about "Self Hatred?"

Do others fear being judged, not just here, but, everywhere?

Allan

[confused12]

Hi Confused12 and Everyone,

Thankyou for sharing how you have felt exposed. I am asking myself, and all of you, how often you feel exposed when you post? Also, what do you mean by "exposed." I have a feeling the word means different things to different people?

Allan:)

I always feel 'exposed' when I post. So it was a personal challenge at one stage to post here in this commuity. It was like a kind of exposure exercise I had for myself. I have always be protective of my private life. What does 'exposed' mean to me, having information about me out in the world.

[goose]

Hi Allan

The reason I fear being judged is that people will think of me as I think of myself. I feel such a failure in many areas of my life. Much like in your article I struggle to like myself. Having said that I am having therapy; one of my goals is to accept myself.

[katleen]

Think I might be over it, at least here behind the computer.

It's fun getting to own my opinion, and be okay to express it, and just maybe someone else will relate. Am working to be more present and out of emotion in

real life, and more gentle, way more gentle. having failures and successes.

loves and hugs

katleen

[Calla]

I just wanted to add something else to this. I had a bit of a crisis the other night. Everyone was great and I really appreciate that. However, if I am looking in that subject to see if I can help anyone that thread is still there and it hurts. Just brings back the memory I guess. I'm going to that subject because I feel strong and want to help others and I just remember the pain I felt. It's there for all to see for however long. Like having some sort of breakdown recorded on camcorder and played back to you...if you see what I mean. I know it's part of who I am and what happens in my life but I'd like to forget it to be honest.

I wondered whether to read back through it to try and work out what was going on in my brain but it's too painful. Like I say, I am so grateful for everyone's help. Would just be nice to let it fade into the internet ether now that my crisis has past.