Argh. I don't know what I see a psychiatrist for. Do you?

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

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[Luna-]

You may find that the pdoc (psychiatrist) will ask questions - then you just answer.

My psychiatrist did a bunch of blood tests; they're medical doctors so they ought to check physical things. I'd mention the hormones possibility if I were you. I have an underactive thyroid, which causes depression, among several other things. Saw a new pdoc recently, she re-checked my thyroid and it was low again. A simple tablet sorts that out.

There may be medical and/or mental problems, which can be treated and it'd be in your own best interests to be open. Of course you don't want them to find worse, but what if they find something they can treat? Even my bipolar (which I didn't enjoy being told I had) is treatable.

Good luck!

[LaLa]

Hello,

It's all so very individual... But the feelings about the 1st session are probably very similar in many people. This confusion you describe and fear that it will be useless... I can only tell you what I have done, others what they have done - and then maybe you'll choose some inspiration.

I've written about 6 pages about my problems and gave it to the p/doc. I supposed him to read it there, but he didn't, he wanted me to say something. As I've already mentioned in many threads, I was crying all the 50 minutes I was there, so I was almost unable to talk. So... it seems to me I didn't tell "anything". But, of course, I did. Some babbling about "my bad moods" and like "all the world is falling on me", "I should come here 13 years ago" and so on. I was unable to tell him that my main problem were my almost ever-present suicidal ideations (this was, of course, in the letter). He asked me a bit about "who I am" (PhD student, married) and then mostly about "how I am feeling right now" - this was almost annoying, I didn't know to "name" my feelings; I only told him: "I feel ashamed."

So... as you can see, it can be ... how to name this??? "Very special"

I'm sure in your case it will be at least a bit better; you would feel at least good about "not being so "awkward" as LaLa" ...

But seriously: Good luck! You have time now to think it out and... I'm sure you'll find a way to manage this appointment so that it will be comfortable to you.

P.S.: Luna posted while I was writing. I have a comment: It depends a lot on the doc. Mine was sitting still and waiting me to say something. He asked me only after some time, when he saw I didn't know what to say more.

[Luna-]

It DOES depend a lot on the doc. I guess my pdoc was a very biological one. My new one feels more balanced to me.

Another thing I'd suggest is writing down a few things beforehand - things you feel you want to say, questions you want to ask, that sort of thing. Then if he sits and looks at you expectantly, you have something to talk from.

I seem to remember crying my way through and telling him I knew there was nothing he could do for me because I was beyond help....

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

I think I’ll leave it for a couple of days and hope it just happens to fall into place.

I can’t really make sense of those 20 minutes yet other than it’s not enough time to do anything properly and somehow I’m already annoyed, cause it’s still going to be fucking difficult. I’m really tired of trying atm. :-/

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

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[LaLa]

Hello again!

The 1st thing that came to my mind reading your post was my idea (already present in my mind before) that I can't imagine that you wouldn't be liked by "somebody" you'd like to date (as you've mentioned in another thread), because you seem so witty, in a very special way, so intelligent and original, ... and we surely can't see all your qualities here.

But now "back to the topic":

You hate lists. Me too. In my case, writing lists is not so bad, but then... to do what is written... it's always such a problem! I have several lists in my laptop, related to my work, and... the only thing I do with them is that sometimes I add an idea... But this therad is not about me - I always "forget"

So... maybe you like writing - ? It seems so from you posts - at least it's obvious that you can write very well and can express your feelings in a very eloquent way. So what about writing a long text instead of a list? As long as you need. Write everything (well; at least "the core"... ) you'd like to tell the psych. if she had unlimited time for you. Then give it to her (and it could be used also for any other psychiatrist or therapist you would possibly see). What do you think?

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Somethingorother,

Your first meeting with your psychiatrist will include lots of questions you will be asked. Usually, the first meeting takes a lot longer than twenty minutes. Why do you believe it will be so short?

You do not need to go to the meeting with any lists unless there are prescription meds you take for any type of condition.

Can you clarify what problem or problems are causing you to see the psychiatrist? Can you tell us more about it?

Allan:)

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

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[LaLa]

I'm sorry I don't have time for a longer reply now, because there is a lot to answer to. I just want to tell you I didn't run away And... you may say "it's only a facade", but... it still is an important part of you . I think I can understand your feeling of being boring. Mainly "not ever having anything interesting about myself to tell people in a standard party setting". It remains me my past problems with questions like "how are you?". I felt so bad, I didn't wanted to lie, nor tell the truth ("I'd like to kill myself, I'm not worth living, ...")... I imagine in your case, the problem is that you are unable to see some positive aspects of yourself, that's why you don't know what to offer to others. You are boring to yourself, thus you act as boring with others. But I'm sure (yes, I know; I don't have any proofs, it's only my opinion and you don't have to care... ) you have qualities that you can't see and can't show now. Maybe this could be on your list: "I need to find somehing positive about myself and take advantege of it" - something of this kind.

I understand your need to have a list. What about writing it firstly here, in English, ... and then only translate it to your language?

And the therapists: I see... Please, don't take any of my questions and advises as... "something I think you should do". I write them trying to help you find out something new (perhaps, if I'm lucky) and to learn more about you. This is also the case: Now I see better the reasons of your choice.

Thank you for your answers!

Good luck!!!

P.S.: So... I didn't care about the time and wrote you much more than expected!

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

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[LaLa]

Oh, I'm so confused - my emotions are so mixed, I don't know how to start. Maybe by: :confused: :eek:

OK. So... now, when I don't have any emoticons available anymore, I'll try to write something a bit "relevant":

- Congrats to your list!!! I suppose you hate to recieve congrats on this "occasion" (I really can relate to this; it remains me how my therapist sometimes says: "Congratulations!" And I feel amost angry: "What for???" And so we sometimes discuss my "inability" to "accept" any appreciation. Now I feel I'm already able to recieve it, but... he still has the feeling that not entierly... Oh; sorry; too much out of topic, again!), but I still want to write it to you. Because you've done it!

- My confusion was about my feeling that you, in this recent post, sound, more then ever, almost like myself to me - like myself before my therapy! And I don't know if I should feel desperate ("Oh, no! Another one within such a situation, with such feelings and thoughts!!!") or glad that I can tell you "it's all managable, it's all possible to change, you only need a good therapist - I'm the proof!"... So I feel both and... it's a bit strange.

I was so full of the "NO", too. My "NO" was to my life, too (I'm so happy that you don't feel suicidal, too...). And I still am, to a certain extent. I'm sorry I will repeat myself again, but... I just want to remind it: I wanted my therapist to make me want to do what others want me to do. This was one of my main goals in the beginning. And he? He only tries to show me I don't have to do what others want me to do. He wants me to find my way and hold on my positive "dreams" or wishes (yes, sometimes I have some, but... I have always considered them to be too naive and unreachable. So I used to have mostly "bad" dreams - like I'd like for example to die or to work as a charwoman or so "as I don't have any abilities to do anything else"...).

So...

Because being functional and doing the right things for thirty years made you so wonderfully happy? Have you any bloody idea how tired I am of doing the right thing and being strong all the time?

Yes, I have the idea. It's awful! It was awful to me. I was working hard, but... what for? Not to disappoint the others, that's (almost) all. (OK; sometimes, I used to have also a happy time...)

So how can "the big change" be done? I'm not in the end, yet, so... I still don't know. But I feel so incredibly differently! For me, the 1st step was my med (mirtazapine, for the anxiety). It removed "something" from me what I had considered as "an integral part of me" - but it wasn't - it was only a removable anxiety! And then... it's almost impossible to describe. Perhaps you've read something about my therapy in some other threads (mosly in "What's he going to do?"). Maybe, as it's all so individual, it would be useless to try to explain how my therapist changed me. I only wish you to give you the hope, or increase the hope you have.

I have to go now...

Good luck with your appointment!!!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Somethingorother,

What I want you to know and understand is that, bottom line, Everyone is ambivalent about whether or not they want to get better. We are accustomed to our neuroses and emotional illnesses. What are we going to replace them with if we no longer have them? At least, that is a common question people ask whether consciously or unconsciously.

My next comment is "tongue in cheek" or meant to be somewhat humorous but serious as well:

Going for a PhD is a practice in masochism and misery. The primary reason why I finished mine, many years ago, is that I wanted to get past the misery. I knew that abandoning it would leave me equally miserable.

You are taking too long. You need to get it done, in my opinion. You are using it as a weapon against yourself and its a very handy weapon for self inflicted pain.

What do you think?

Allan

[LaLa]

Going for a PhD is a practice in masochism and misery. The primary reason why I finished mine, many years ago, is that I wanted to get past the misery. I knew that abandoning it would leave me equally miserable.

How true!!!!!! ...

P.S.: Me, I'm not sure if I would feel equally miserable after abandoning it... Maybe my problem is that I think I would feel better! (By the way; I finished my Introduction (26 pages) and now it's already two weeks and... I can't "follow up"... My therapist would like me to be glad that I have the Introduction, but... I can't see any positives on this fact. I told him: "That's like when somebody knits a pullover and he has finished the sleeve. What's the purpose of a sleeve if the pullover is not complete??? Why should he feel good about it?" And he said something like "but the pullover can't be without a sleeve, ..." and so on. But he didn't convince me . But I know; this is not a therad about me!)

[danni]

Allan,

That is so true about PHD. I'm midway through the dissertation and have abandoned it for about 6 months now. It was the right decision for me at the time. I may get a second wind with it and finish it but I can honestly say that I'd be OK if I don't get it done too. The letters behind my name will not change who I am or how I do my work. I'm justa as good a therapist with a masters as I would be by finishing that dissertation.

I think it's such an individual chioce though. I've never been all that impressed with hiearchy and am more in line with the servent leadership concept. It works for me and my employees seem to have better morale with it than they had when I assumed the director position. For others I work with, it's so much a part of their identity that they would be lost without putting LCSW or PHD behind their name.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

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[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Something and Danni,

I agree with you, danni, the reaction to working towards a PhD is very individual. I sense that the three of us are among those who find it to be a misery. Others do not. I also agree about hierarchy. What is can do, if completed, is, maybe, open more doors?

Something, if going for the phd gives you structure then you may fear completing it for fear of not having that structure any more. However, the phd may give you some good employment oppts, maybe?

Thoughts?

Allan

[IrmaJean]

This is informative conversation for me since I have been considering my options. It's a long road for me, as I am only about halfway to a bachelor's degree and would have to get a master's after that.

Much of what I'd heard and read indicated that a Phd is necessary to get any kind of valuable employment in this field. Maybe I was wrong in this? I don't care about letters either. I want the opportunity to do something meaningful which could help others.

I apologize if I've gotten off track here...

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

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[LaLa]

So you didn't even talk about psychotherapy?

Is she also a therapist, or only a psychiatrist?

I should take some pills

And will / do you? Because you said you didn't want any, so I wonder if you are going to give it a try...

Anyway; good luck again! It was an important step to see her for the 1st time, but... now many hard "steps" are waiting for you... But I'm sure you can do it. I wish you to want to, not to give up, and... to succeed!

L.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

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[LaLa]

If it wasn't my thread, I wouldn't be posting, but as it is mine, I can moan as much as I like.

Yes, you can! And you can show us your sulking as well; I don't worry about the effects on myself!

But more seriously: I hope you feel better today... And... I hope the meds will work for you well...

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

vanishing.....

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Something,

It is good that you are having these tests done.

As for you comment that "I don't like this day either," let me explain a little about cognitive therapy. That sentence or thought is very self defeating. You are convincing yourself that the Whole day will be unlikeable. Not true. Maybe part of the day, maybe a few minutes, but, not the whole day.

Allan

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

vanishing.....