Not replying to threads.... PLEASE POST A REPLY

[Lindamomof7]

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[randomperson]

You know me I write a bunch lol.. feel I post too much sometimes.

I don't want to come across wrong but I figure some writing is better than nothing.

[IrmaJean]

In truth, it's mental exhaustion that sometimes keeps me from replying. I'm a wife, mom, worker and am now also taking some college courses. If I'm going to add a reply I want it to be a meaningful and well-thought out reply. There are also times when I feel I don't have enough knowledge to give an adequate or proper and helpful response. Most of time it's just that I'm tired. I think in the My Quest For Normal thread, I may have felt I would be intruding in some way, but then maybe that's part of my "stuff" coming out too. I was thinking about this last night too and will make an effort to read and reply to a wider variety of threads as my energy allows. Take care, Linda.

[Lindamomof7]

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[malign]

Okay, in the spirit of helping someone whose post gets viewed but does not get a response, I'm going to try to list every reason I can think of.

First off, the search engine indexing robots probably can't think of anything to say. ;-) At all times while the site is up, we have guest accounts which are actually computer programs. These programs are how the search engines, like Google and MSN, find new web pages. The robots' accesses count as views, but they don't seem to reply much. And, anyone who found the site via a web search should be grateful that they exist.

Next are people. There are probably almost as many reasons as there are people, but I'll try to point out some obvious ones. These are intended as examples, not necessarily reasons that I personally have for not replying.

Say you know exactly what the person means. You might not reply because a) you have no better idea than they do what will help; you may have an idea, but fear that you won't phrase it in a supportive manner (i.e. you might be triggered, yourself); c) your own self-esteem might be so low that, despite knowing a possible answer, you're afraid to give it.

Say you don't know what the person means, because human experiences do tend to vary over a fairly wide range. You might not reply because a) you don't even understand the question, and are afraid that saying so might seem insulting; or you might believe you understand the situation, but don't understand why it's a problem.

Looking at it from a different angle, it takes a lot less time and thought to read a post than to reply to it. This is magnified if the potential responder is a slow writer or typist; also if they are particularly empathic, because they have to deal with their more vigorous emotional response before responding.

In my case, I attempt to at least skim everything that gets written here, though not necessarily immediately. As you can imagine, that is time-consuming, but my task is first of all to ensure that the content is not abusive or spam. If I were to reply to every post I read, every other post would be mine.

A community as large as ours will tend to divide into smaller groups. Most of us cannot afford to belong to all the groups. As long as support is available in each group, there is no reason to belong to them all. A similar dynamic may lead people who don't usually reply within a given group to feel like they have to ask permission.

First posts are different; they are the welcome by which the community will be known. I think it would help to point out again that any community member can add to the new poster's reputation and allow them access. That does not require a Moderator.

I admit that I'm one of those who viewed first, without responding. It's possible that I'm just rebellious enough to want the freedom to choose what I answer.

This is possibly the last piece of the dynamic to consider: just because a person posts, and some people (even most people) read without answering, it doesn't mean anything about the poster, necessarily. We often assume that the response we get, in life, is all about us. But, in fact, every interaction is a combination of stimulus and response, and we only control the outgoing part. The response says more about the responders.

[58corvette]

Many of you know me. And I will Continue my Own Quest For Normalcy.

The Best To All!!!

Sincerely; Me ; )

[randomperson]

..sometimes I am afraid I am saying the wrong things. I am no expert on any of this just giving opinions.

[tash28]

I don't reply to many threads because I feel that it may not come across as I'm being supportive even tho I would mean it to be supportive and caring, I feel to scared to reply to a thread because of self worth or someone else would be able to give better support and advise.

Just because I dont answer a thread this does not mean I dont care as I do wish everyone well.

Hope this dont sound to silly

[shanrucas]

Good topic Linda, one worth while in discussing. I can only speak for myself, I have noticed that I haven't responded to many threads as I once did and can say its because of sheer exhaustion and not sure that I would express myself very well in trying to say what I mean. Especially lately, I wasn't even going to log in today since I am Mentally shutting down.

As for people being hestant in posting in my Quest for My Normal,,I say my normal, since normal is different for everyone. I wish they wouldn't feel that way, whenever I saw someone new posting I was actually excited to see and meet this person, the more support and suggestions are always a welcome, I never met or intended the thread to be an exculsive club. We are all here for a reason, and we are all individuals with different personalities and because of this someone can see an issue at a different view point.

[Lindamomof7]

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[Symora]

That's an interesting question. For me it is often that I just don't feel like talking, but rather I'm in listening mode. I get a lot out of what others post, it helps me get perspective on things, realise I'm not alone going through things. Sometimes I feel like I'm reading interesting short stories, I love hearing people open up about themselves and getting insight into other ways of seeing the world.

Then at other times I feel I have something to contribute, or I just feel like interacting more. It also has to do with the subject for me, some things resonate with me more.... I guess it`s like Malign said, there are as many reasons as there are people out there...

[Guy Out There]

I can like many others, only offer my personal reasons for not replying to most threads...

More recently i am struggling with many issues in my mind, replying often seems like an overwhelming task and it would seem an insult for me to make a post which was of no use to anyone reading it (especially if they needed help)..

I used to post a lot and reply to new members who hadn't got any responces but now i just don't have the energy, if your one of the members who have left me a nice post and i haven't thanked you for it then i send my apologies, the reasons above are mostly behind this.

Thanks for raising an interesting discussion...

[finding my way]

Linda there is a part of me that always feels like I am butting in and not really a part of a conversation. That's a transference from how I felt in my family growing up. There is a part of me that is exhausted by words. I am more right brained than left brained. If I see a long post, I sigh, just because of the energy it takes to get through all those words! I am also working 2 jobs right now, so my energy is less anyway. Mostly I feel I am overhearing conversations... if I feel I have something to offer I give it a try and try to do so without attaching to outcomes so it is a free offering. I never know if I am contributing or not, so I just do my best.

Feeling "connected" on a site like this is a tricky thing. You never really know what people are thinking, just like in the 3D world. I try to honor, whether silently in my heart or with words if I have them, the attempts people are making to heal. I try to listen to my own stuff and attend to that too.

[Lindamomof7]

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[58corvette]

Of course I would respond to ya Linda. For me you have not only been helpful in So Many Ways; But the Voice of Reason & Logic. You are right on the mark; many, many Times. With All My Respect.

Always The Best To Ya.

Sincerely; Jim

[Lindamomof7]

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[58corvette]

I was'nt going to Reply. Just for S_ _ts & Giggles. : )

Seriously; For me it just depends on a few factors. For one I try my best to be courteous. I think that's important?

And if I feel it's Relevant; I may be able to Help or just offer someone the Knowledge that im listening, can Relate & care in the best way I know how.

But I dont always reply properly or as in the case recently reply back if I feel a reply or responce will not help in any way & could make matters worse.

So for me it Varies. I do know one thing; weather People respond or Not or write a lot or dont. It does'nt make any of us any less important, relevant, knowledgeable, or intellegent. We al have Brains, Emotions & Feelings. Some of us weather it be Male or Female may feel restricted. Ego's; Testosterone or Machoism as you mentioned; We all have to watch being Judgemental & many have a fear of being Judged. But I do Notice Myself Many People View but dont reply & some have stated there reasons why.

Intimidation, Envy. Female Issues that are basically between females. But like I said the most Important thing for me that I learned is not everyone see's Eye to Eye or expresses themselves in appropriate ways. We All Make Mistakes. And this Site is Truly a Microism of the Real World.

So although I try to remain Courtious, Obviously im a bit more Cautious in Certain aspects here. Kind of Unfortunate but part of this Real & Virtual Reality World Of Ours.

I Rambled Long Enough On That. But It's All Good.

[CantGiveItAway]

I get really overwhelmed by what people are dealing with sometime and I cant just jump from post to post all the time and put my feelings into it. I might not know what to say at the time or how to type it or feel its my place to just jump in especially since Im new here. I can be really self righteous at times and I dont want people to think that I know it all or that I think I know it all because I DONT. I dont really worry how im going to be interpretd because even if I sound like I think I want it to sound people still might not take it that way but I feel I can clear up what I meant if someone is bothered or unsure with where I was coming from or trying to say. I only mean to be genuine and give support. I think people could care less what I have to say but I just say it anyway if something comes to mind but I never just ignore a post I read or not care or not listen. It just takes alot out of me to post sometimes.

[58corvette]

Well Said & Thanx; it is appreciated!!!

[Lindamomof7]

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[randomperson]

Yeah myself sometimes I wonder if I should post or not. And I understand why others don't post. I tend to write what i am feeling often.. and so many times that gets me into trouble lol. I worry I seem bossy or as others have said like a know it all.. when I just type what I feel trying to help and give support.

At the same time that is why I do write.. I realized sometimes it helps just to know someone is there.. that you don't have to be perfect or know all the answers.

[58corvette]

Well Said. : )

[mscat]

I know that I am gulity of reading posts and not responding. A lot of times I just do not know what to write , or how to respond at all. I use to be a lot more active in this community. Just not as much anymore. I have threads started and then the same few people reply all the time. then , think that I should not reply because I had not in the first place.

I may not relate to a thread either and not post at all. Even in the last few threads I have made , their have always been the same few people replying.

I will feel like people just do not give a damn. Then I think those who are responding are usually the members who have been around for a while. I was , however, pleasantly surprised that newer members responded to my last thread.

[spiritual_emergency]

My online activities (here and/or elsewhere) meet a number of important needs/desires for me:

1. The need to meet with, learn from, and share information with other individuals who have had similar experiences.

2. The desire to offer support to other people who have gone through or are going through similar experiences.

3. The need to continue learning and growing for my own reasons.

4. The desire to create, i.e. by formulating, sharing and exploring ideas; writing that incorporates music, metaphor, poetry, color, and (sadly, not here) imagery.

These must be balanced against other needs and desires, such as:

1. The need to tend to practical needs including work, sleep, chores, errands, and socializing with friends and family.

2. The need to have time to myself to reflect, think, digest, question, be.

3. The need to balance my own needs and follow my own interests.

Two factors that impact all of the above will be my energy levels and triggering potential.

In terms of energy: Reading takes less energy; making a public post takes more energy; engaging in a private dialogue takes more energy still -- for me. Depending on what else is happening in my life such as extra chores, additional studies, visitors, increased hours at work, a family crisis, a flu bug, etc. -- all of these will affect my energy levels. I've learned that I need to pay attention to them. I've also learned to feel comfortable with giving when I'm capable of doing so and allowing myself to rest and rejuvenate when I'm not. Sometimes, I can still end up pushing myself into a thinned state at which point my body will take over and force me to rest.

In terms of triggering: Occasionally, a discussion will produce a strong emotion within me. I'm having difficulty with one particular thread in this environment -- a thread that has been largely written by me. My discomfort is not related to something anyone else has posted. I've gone back to that thread a few times since and there's still a very strong emotional charge there for me. That's affecting my desire to post in this particular locale. I need to be patient with the feelings that have been stirred up in me and work those through. I tend to do that sort of thing best on my own, and quietly.

Anyway, those are my reasons.

I would hope anyone reading this (I apologize for it being so long, fmw) would be able to appreciate that if someone doesn't respond to their post, it might have nothing to do with them or their ability to generate a response of some kind. More often, it has more to do with the person who's reading.

~ Namaste

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Everyone,

I don't think any of your respond too much. I don't even think any of you seem "bossy." Of course, that is my experience of the community and of each of you.

Having said that, I thnk its fine to not respond if you are not in the mood, exhausted, needing to step back, etc. Just like in the outside world, there are times when someone is quiet and does not respond. Its OK.

However, if you are feeling that you are writing too much, meaning that some of the rest of us think you that about you or think you are too bossy, why not ask us about that? The nice thing about here is that you do not have to stay in the dark about things like this. If you are thinking something like this, and ask, we will respond with answers. Its OK to ask for feedback, just like Linda did on this thread. This is a very important question, in my opinion.

Frankly and honestly, there are those times when I have to step back because I am feeling exhausted, over-whelmed or not in the mood. In fact, there are those times when I wonder if some of you just do not want to hear from me. Oh yes, and I'm supposed to be the "big expert."

Allan

Allan