Resolute Posted March 2, 2015 Report Share Posted March 2, 2015 mts, there's nothing wrong with your english skills, really. sometimes you write quite well. post 490 for example, is well written.i can actually relate to some of your struggles with getting things done; i have the same problem, and it takes me ages to do what a normal person can do in a day or two.anyway, don't be too hard on yourself, and oh yeah, ease-up on the booze. mts 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victimorthecrime Posted March 2, 2015 Report Share Posted March 2, 2015 i can actually relate to some of your struggles with getting things done; i have the same problem, and it takes me ages to do what a normal person can do in a day or two.I can relate too. Anyone who took psychology 101 might remember a famous study where they divided drowning rats into two groups: the 1st group were rats that a previously been nearly drowned but saved at the last minute. 2nd group were just thrown into the water along w the 1st group and the point is the 2nd group of rats just gave up and drowned at a certain point while the 1st fought and struggled on to survive, presumably waiting to be saved. The lesson is that if drawing on past success an organism believes success is possible then it will work hard, stay in the fight, keep struggling much longer than one that has known only failure. A think a lot of guys who are seen as lazy are guys that no longer believe success is possible. I have a close friend that had a full time job lasting 2 years ten years ago. All the rest have been a series of part time jobs, completely unemployed for the last 3+ years. I cannot convince this guy to apply for a job as a security guard or retail clerk or anything. He is convinced either he won't get hired or it won't work out. Resolute 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victimorthecrime Posted March 2, 2015 Report Share Posted March 2, 2015 I have treated myself to a second beer as it happens. Enjoy. Good rest tonight them tomorrow morning back in the saddle; washed and happily peddling to the bank and unemployment office. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resolute Posted March 2, 2015 Report Share Posted March 2, 2015 I can relate too. Anyone who took psychology 101 might remember a famous study where they divided drowning rats into two groups: the 1st group were rats that a previously been nearly drowned but saved at the last minute. 2nd group were just thrown into the water along w the 1st group and the point is the 2nd group of rats just gave up and drowned at a certain point while the 1st fought and struggled on to survive, presumably waiting to be saved.The lesson is that if drawing on past success an organism believes success is possible then it will work hard, stay in the fight, keep struggling much longer than one that has known only failure.A think a lot of guys who are seen as lazy are guys that no longer believe success is possible.I have a close friend that had a full time job lasting 2 years ten years ago. All the rest have been a series of part time jobs, completely unemployed for the last 3+ years. I cannot convince this guy to apply for a job as a security guard or retail clerk or anything. He is convinced either he won't get hired or it won't work out.exactly. and being seen as lazy only adds insult to injury; as if we weren't suffering enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victimorthecrime Posted March 2, 2015 Report Share Posted March 2, 2015 exactly. and being seen as lazy only adds insult to injury; as if we weren't suffering enough.Agreed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mts Posted March 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 - Victimorthecrime 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victimorthecrime Posted March 5, 2015 Report Share Posted March 5, 2015 mts: maybe ask yourself "what do I have to lose?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victimorthecrime Posted March 5, 2015 Report Share Posted March 5, 2015 A bit like the old Monty Python skit No Time Toulouse Actually not like that at all, that was silly... mts 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mts Posted March 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 = Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Resolute Posted March 6, 2015 Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 Man, these "value" beans are so disgusting. I don't know if they're just badly cooked, or made in some Star Trek style food replicator, or if it's the genetically modified ingredients or beans themselves, but they make my stomach growl.lmao. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Guest Klingsor Posted March 7, 2015 Report Share Posted March 7, 2015 . mts 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted March 7, 2015 Report Share Posted March 7, 2015 Regret can have different connotations too, I think. In this sense, with the definition you provided, regret could be about feeling loss for not having done something you wish you had. Using myself as as an example, I feel regret for not expressing to my mom how much I appreciated and loved her before she passed away. I don't view this as a wrongdoing on my part, though; it's more about a sadness for lost opportunity and for her not hearing the words. I think those words (guilt, remorse, regret) can have different meanings/connotations for different people depending on the situation involved and the unique individual.Shame is a deeply painful feeling. With guilt, feelings may be more about our behaviors and actions whereas, with shame, feelings may be tied to our sense of self.This is my personal interpretations of the words. Others may have different views.Sometimes I "take a trip to Disneyland" when I write or get lost in a sentimental movie. I think it's okay now and then to take a break from the stress of life as long as one does not become immersed in fantasy. I know it helps me to step back and take a break at times.I hope today is okay for you mts Resolute and mts 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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IrmaJean Posted March 7, 2015 Report Share Posted March 7, 2015 I'm a bad person now you knowI don't see that at all, mts. I do hear that you don't feel good about yourself. I'm sorry you feel this way. When my mother died I wasn't there on the final day because I was having too many panic attacks to be around my family, she died with all her family around her except for me. I chose not to go, I can't believe I made that desicion. I apologize if my post brought back painful memories.I hear you that is painful and you feel regret. It sounds, though, like you needed to care of yourself that day. Perhaps she would have understood this? Also, she died knowing that I'd already ruined my life, I think she gave up on me by between ages 24-26, and who could blame her. I think she felt that I was as good as dead already. At this time I looked extremely unwell, and she probably thought it was only a matter of time before I drank myself one bottle too far over the line. Given that someone with my weight could drink 1+ litres of vodka per day it was a miracle I was even alive. I also think she knew how much I hated myself. Humans sometimes think they know what another might be feeling or they may even sometimes project their own feelings onto others (I've done both myself), but there really is no way for us to know what another person what might be thinking or how they are feeling. Maybe she felt compassion? I remember one day I was sitting in a place where I always used to sit and drink, and she saw me there one day while she was out in the city. She just sat on a bench nearby and watched me drinking. Eventually I saw her and we chatted, I said I was waiting for a friend and she asked if I wanted to come with her for some reason or another. I said I couldn't, and she walked off, while I sat in the place I'd sat for the last 14 years, drinking. That was the last time I ever saw her until she was dying in the hospice. It was definitely one of the saddest moments of my life, I try not to think about it much. I'm very sorry about your mom, mts. There was no way for you to know that day that it would be your last chance to walk and talk with her, though.I have loved ones who struggle with addiction. Life can be very challenging and we can all only do our best. I hope you won't be too hard on yourself.My mom died when I was across the country. She had been sick for some years. I couldn't make it back in time. One change I made as a result of what happened is to more openly express how I feel to those I love. I've (mostly) made peace with what happened, but there are still times...I was thinking about when I have trouble dealing with angry feelings; perhaps it helps to write down argumentative situations, then when alone, reading aloud the arguments, while allowing myself to feel as much anger as is needed. Like an actor practicing for an audition or a lawyer for a trial; after all, how can the most socially anxious or timid of us be expected to deal with the most emotional situations when we have so little practice?Have I posted this before? Lol I'm probably repeating myself. I've thought about how this could helpful to me. I have a great deal of trouble sticking up for myself.Perhaps, this is helpful to anxiety in general; practicing for situations, rather than worrying about them.I have trouble being assertive and sticking up for myself too. I can relate to that. It helps me to write my feelings down. I process my feelings that way and sometimes I may even find a distortion or two when reading it back. I have the greatest difficulty coping with anger. The trick for me is to try and slow things down, take a step back from my feelings and breathe with them, without being reactive. Doesn't always work, but I keep trying. I think everyone has to find what works best for them and that can take practice (as you mentioned) and trial and error. Not always convenient when we are in the middle of situations, but I'm sure you do your best to navigate through them.Take care, mts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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