My so called life

[Small]

It sucks man. I have the life experience of a 20 year old. Who celebrates birthdays anyway? Pretty people? Successful people? Young & stupid people? I fucking mourn on mine. Worst day ever. I *have* to go to my parents for a dinner party thingy because they host it every year even though they know I can't stand it and only turn up out of obligation. 30 though. That's a tough pill to swallow man. How was yours?

[Resolute]

well, i'm 33, and the last 3 years have sucked the most for me. don't get discouraged by shitty experiences tho. i have a feeling your mileage will vary.

[TooOld4This]

Don't know if this will give you any hope at all, Draco and Resolute, but:

my very-pathetic life started to turn around after i turned 30.

I think the 20's are overrated.

I think entertainers have their best years in their 20's,

so naturally pop culture is full of their attitudes toward the 20's (and afterward).

But that means pop culture is reflecting the point of view of only one highly-privileged segment of society.

Let's not drink that Kool-aid; 30's and 40's may be the better decades of life for most people.

Which would mean that your best years may be right around the corner. Hang tough.

[Resolute]

thanks for your optimism and encouragement 4t. my life has no chance of improving, and that's due to two things; one is my unchangeable genes and circumstances, and the other is my extraordinary ambitions. draco, on the other hand, has a much better shot at some sort of happiness. his expectations are much more "reasonable", and something tells me that he'll witness a dramatic improvement in his circumstances in the foreseeable future. i, too, hope that the best years of his life are yet to come.

[Small]

I think all that masturbation has given you psychic powers lol. On a serious note though, I vaguely remember you posting about what you felt were realistic & unrealistic expectations. If I correctly remember, you said that by definition happiness is the absence of pain henceforth by reason it is only fitting to reject everything that doesn't fit this literal definition, ergo apply maximum exertion for small and uncertain rewards. Could you expand on this?

[Small]

Triple post. Hatrick.

[Small]

Weird one lols

[Small]

The reason I bring this up, is because it might be worthwhile challenging this thought system to see if a more refined pattern emerges. Sometimes, not always, we can reach goals by taking numerous small steps which might seem inadequate, but done repeatedly can result in serious progress. A big step is always ideal obviously, but oftentime are seldom available. I had to address this too because I'm pretty sure my reinforcement system has a weak and inadequate connection between exertion and reward, even now, and sees it as punishment.

What I'm trying to say, is that fair or not, there are almost always numerous obstacles in the way of any personal goals we might have, and even then it isn't always what we expected. The options are to adapt to this, or to exile yourself. Other than people born into money, the vast majority of people with a favourable standard of living took small steps to get there. I know that the majority of them probably had some naturally existing attributes allow for this drive, but I'm sure you can imagine that many rose from unfavourable circumstances and battled adversity to improve their conditions, if even a little.

It might be worth challenging your thoughts, maybe drawing a brainstorm and see if you're able to perceive the variables a little differently. Sometimes these elaborate thought patterns are built around defence mechanisms which conceal an actuality to create a micro-delusion that in which a current behavior is deemed as fitting so not to unveil unbearable anxiety around stagnation, and instead misplace it. This defence mechanism might also protect us from the physical and mental exhaustion of working hard, especially if work is more strongly conditioned with punishment than reward.

I know you've clearly remarked on what you're un/willing to accept but you might see small transitions in expectations as you overcome these defences. It could be worthwhile to look into this, but because you're current schema is so comprehensively unwilling the first few steps will hurt like a bitch. I'm not trying to give you advice or anything, but it could help to look into it.

[Resolute]

what you say might apply to some people, but certainly not people like me; why? well, for one thing, i don't necessarily deny that minimal change is possible for me under certain circumstances, but any worthwhile change, if at all possible, would take a very long time at best. if i had the fountain of youth in my possession, it might make sense for me to consider pursuing my goals (or at least some of them). but since i consider the forth decade of a person's life to be the last tolerable (under favorable circumstances) decade (no offence to those who are past their forties), i see no point in pursuing anything that i know is beyond impossible for me to achieve before i hit forty (so i can at least enjoy the fruits of my labor for a few years before i hit fifty), i truly see no conceivable point in pursuing anything but death. even tho i've said this before, i'll say it again, i'm not the type of person who can let significant things go, and certainly not something as significant as having absolutely no youth (a non-miserable youth). whatever "pleasures" or "joys" old age has to offer, it's crumbs compared to what a great youth can offer. i think you know by now that i'm not the kind of person who's willing to put any effort in exchange for scraps.

[Small]

My point was, that this person (in regards to your collection of expectations & standards) isn't necessarily a constant deep rooted persona and I actually believe it's a working schematic version to conceal anxiety inducing triggers. IMO he can be changed by confronting the thought patterns, to the point where Resolute 2.0 has lower standards and expectations. I'm sorry if I'm coming across candidly, it's late and I'm rushing my responses a little. All respect intended.

[Small]

I get your point about age sensitive goals though. I'm getting old and it fucking sucks.

[Resolute]

i'm not offended. i'll have to give your post a bit of thought tho, before i demolish it lol.

[Small]

Demolition Man lol

[Resolute]

I get your point about age sensitive goals though. I'm getting old and it fucking sucks.

yes! "age sensitive goals". why couldn't i word it like that?

[Resolute]

Demolition Man lol

you like that one? i wouldn't have thought so.

[Resolute]

My point was, that this person (in regards to your collection of expectations & standards) isn't necessarily a constant deep rooted persona and I actually believe it's a working schematic version to conceal anxiety inducing triggers. IMO he can be changed by confronting the thought patterns, to the point where Resolute 2.0 has lower standards and expectations. I'm sorry if I'm coming across candidly, it's late and I'm rushing my responses a little. All respect intended.

wouldn't lower standards and expectations make him "resolute -2billion.0" (minus 2 billion point 0)?

anyway, what is this "confronting" of which you speak?

[Small]

Yeah I loved it as a kid but haven't seen it since. Back then it was all about Stallone, Arny & Van Damme.

[Resolute]

... Back then it was all about Stallone, Arny & Van Damme.

ya i remember.

[Small]

Hm, let's think of an analogy. So a defence mechanism is like a dam, built to keep water at bay which in this case is anxiety. Over time, as the defence mechanisms are built, the parts of our minds that are free of this water becomes our functional personality. These dams have labels on them to keep you out, because your mind doesn't want you Consumed with anxiety if you cross the defence and into the water. These labels become automatic responses which belong to the cognitive dissonance family of reasoning. It is essentially a made up reason that your mind has manufactured for you to keep out.

So in this case, you've reached a Dam that is concealing anxiety surrounding let's say, working. Your mind knows that it would take you, and it, a great deal of effort and time to work with little immediate rewards, since the reward mechanism for working is obviously weak. To keep you away, it assures you that working for crumbs just isn't worth the effort and so long as you buy this, you don't have to confront the bullshit working life.

The cost is though, your cognitive schema adopts this as a value, which shapes resolute 1.0 into who he is. This water produces massive exertion, and tends to leak out into areas that already cause anxiety but haven't been effectively defended, which is what we call displacement. Anyway, if you decided to confront the notion that's it's pointless to work for crumbs by rationalising the benefits, the dam is brought down and you're immediately Consumed with anxiety. This rationalisation is met with stubborn resistance though so it might be difficult to substantiate the obvious connections between work and benefits.

If you're able to succeed (brainstorming is powerful) them you'll be full of anxiety, dread and apprehension for quite some time, but because this dam is down, what lay behind will become a functional part of your personality, forming a new version of you. Also,.the label "hard work is pointless" disappears over time so this is virtually eliminated from your schema. Knock down enough of these defence mechanisms, you'll lose enough labels and create enough new pathways to reveal the Resolute 2.0, who has more fitting standards, expectations & all that fun stuff.

Overtime this water spreads, and becomes absorbed into pockets of healthy anxiety. By the way, this is why I didn't like the "if you can't change the situation, change your mind" idea because this is a self imposed label which leads to a defence mechanism being built. Additionally, some people produce more anxiety than others due to their subconscious structures, which have been semi-permanetly shaped by nature & upbringing.

[Small]

In my particular situation, Draco 2.0 isn't the happy guy at the office. My subconscious is conditioned to illicit a fear response to work so I tend to feel anxiety on the job. It's obviously more shallow than a dam, and although I see logical benefits of work my instinctual response is always negative. Overcoming defence mechanisms doesn't prevent anxiety leaking into your conscious pores from the subconscious psyche, it just stops the build up of it, and keeps the individual having values that most rationally fit their situations instead of micro delusions to justify their avoidance.

I find my life difficult and I probably always will. I hate work, dislike people and am in a constant melancholic mood. I worry too much, I'm always sad & I'm a pessimistic git. I do make a conscious attempt to Overcome my defence mechanisms though, because the only way to be free of something is to embrace it imo. So I'm not saying you'll be a life loving hippie, I'm just saying you might have more fitting values.

[Small]

Anyway I've been rambling. I won't delete my posts but seriously Resolute do whatever you're comfortable with. We all have our limits & I'm not in your shoes so essentially I'm talking shit. I only shared my thoughts on the subject because I went through that transition although the particulars aren't the same as yours. Hope you're okay mate

[Resolute]

thanks for the thoughtful posts, and thanks for not deleting them. i'll have to reflect on this matter some more i guess.

[Victimorthecrime]

I get your point about age sensitive goals though. I'm getting old and it fucking sucks.

I think this emphasis on 'goals' that had been hoisted on us by the elites to keep us out of trouble and produce for them has caused a lot of suffering and bitterness as people wake up and realize they are chasing ghosts.

Guys don't be worried about age in your 30s. The best years of your life lie ahead of you. There are guys twice your age that enjoy the hell out of life.

I will give you this caveat: time really speeds up the older you get. I think back to HS and college and each year seems like a decade but the time since 1995 to now seems 10 years.

PS - if I don't respond it because this site is being difficult.

[Resolute]

I think this emphasis on 'goals' that had been hoisted on us by the elites to keep us out of trouble and produce for them has caused a lot of suffering and bitterness as people wake up and realize they are chasing ghosts.

Guys don't be worried about age in your 30s. The best years of your life lie ahead of you.

well, the years ahead of us sure won't be truthful lol.

There are guys twice your age that enjoy the hell out of life.

what could they possibly be enjoying? physical abilities (health, sex drive, stamina, energy, strength, etc.) start to decline as you hit 30, so by the time one is in his/her 60s there can't possibly be much left. this applies to those who had something to begin with. those like me, on the other hand, who had nothing even in their teens and twenties, imagine what they'd be like after decades of declining from nothing.

I will give you this caveat: time really speeds up the older you get. I think back to HS and college and each year seems like a decade but the time since 1995 to now seems 10 years.

unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), this process has already started with me since about a decade ago.

PS - if I don't respond it because this site is being difficult.

i'm sure if you're gentle, patient and understanding, it'll be very "compliant".

[Resolute]

re post 371, i've thought about what you said a little bit, and i believe that while it might be somewhat true, it's still too much of a hassle, and i'm simply too tired to keep starting over every decade or two. one thing that you need to keep in mind is that there are no guarantees of any rewards, even in the long run, in which case, the person would end up even more broken than before, which makes such attempts irrational. not only might the person not be rewarded, but he might even end up in much worse shape than before.