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My so called life


Small

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I almost burnt down my flat last night when I forgot to turn off my grill. I made a toastie before bed and by chance I wanted a final cup of tea before I slept. Went to the kitchen to find it full of smoke and who knows what would've happened had I gone to sleep.

 

Made the mistake of telling my parents and instead of consoling me everyone thinks I'm a clumsy incompetent piece of shit. Anyway, been feeling a bit ill too and feeling pressure at work. The next 3 months will be intense :( On the bright side I've been preparing for the zombie apocalypse after a bad dream. I'm watching all the decent Zombie films & taking notes.

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I'm glad you're safe too. I'm sorry your family was not supportive. :( I have left the stove on, more than once, but I am fortunate enough that there are others at home and someone else caught my mistake. It could happen to any of one of us.

I hope the pressure at work eases and you feel better soon. 

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I'm trying to get into the habit of unplugging electrical appliances when not in use because it's easier to remember. I hear about these accidental fires taking lives and never imagined that it could happen to me. Work is blah and my days are depressing. Evenings and nights are worse. I'm in a perpetual state of regret, sadness, apprehension. Trapped in this dark void. I live there. It's made me a prisoner.

 

It's funny because everytime I'm around jovial people in pleasant situations I feel nauseated by the blinding light they bring. I prefer the shadows, I thrive in shade. Ignore me. I'm having a moment.

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Yeah I feel you. Im under a lot of pressure to knock this project out the ball park, and it's pretty much my maiden swing. Have never done something like this before. I'm lucky & blessed enough to have my job come naturally to me, because not everyone is that fortunate. 

 

I don't know though. It's still draining and time consuming, and I put a lot of pressure on myself which doesn't help the angst. If it isn't perfect, it's shit, so I obsess over every little detail tirelessly until it's right. Just over a year ago I worked long enough to buy food.

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IMO, to love my craft, I must devote myself until I hate it. When I'm full of the bitterness of familiarity, it is then that I have tasted the love of my work. How can I love what I do until I hate it first? And how do I hate it if I don't love it enough to perfect it?

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6 hours ago, Small said:

I'm trying to get into the habit of unplugging electrical appliances when not in use because it's easier to remember. I hear about these accidental fires taking lives and never imagined that it could happen to me. Work is blah and my days are depressing. Evenings and nights are worse. I'm in a perpetual state of regret, sadness, apprehension. Trapped in this dark void. I live there. It's made me a prisoner.

 

It's funny because everytime I'm around jovial people in pleasant situations I feel nauseated by the blinding light they bring. I prefer the shadows, I thrive in shade. Ignore me. I'm having a moment.

Is there something about your potential inner light and joy that is difficult to look at or consider?

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Well that would suck. I'm the only person I know that's trying to prepare for them. How's that for a life lesson huh? Anyway, you'd better hope I'm not a Zombie because I'll be sure to sniff you out Res and have you join my happy campers. 

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