i guess my first issue i will discuss with them is family, since that seems to be a big problem as well

omg. A man has an ability to assert his will if another man tried to rape him. He is STRONGLY considering therapy.

If here were responsible, he would find another means of employment until he has done YEARS of EXTENSIVE therapy.

Give me a fucking break. The reason you like children so much Ehren is cus you can't interact with adults. How about trying now? How about speaking on your own behalf, right here? Not up for a discussion. What if I told you I was 8? would that be young enough for you feel competent?

Damn, you're much braver then I am. I would have bullshitted something that early on.

Well, with my first therapist, I wasn't very brave. I've never been so nervous in my life. My heart was pounding to the point that I felt my stomach "thump" with every heartbeat. I was sweating like HELL. I couldn't catch my breath, and everything was said in a trembling voice.

My current therapist has a quality about him that you feel really calm and not judged by him. I actually felt comfortable telling him about my problems.

Jai, Ehren is in a very similar situation to me. I have a really difficult time interacting with people my own age, and my therapist believes that this is why I grew a connection to pedophilia.

The truth is that even if we were to fix our social anxiety and grow strong relationships with people our own age, that wouldn't necessarily kill the attraction.

Is a straight man likely to rape another guy? No. Why is it different for a pedophile? An exclusive pedophile isn't likely to rape an adult. He's also unlikely to rape anyone else outside of his age of attraction.

I'm standing behind everything Jai said here. I kind of sheepishly suggested something similar not too long ago--that there's maybe some delusion going on with this whole "it's ok for me to be around children because I'd never hurt them" business. Especially with how many of you seem to be emphasizing how very very much you care about children (often, it seems, to an extent greater than most parents and in a way that mimics the type of attachment some express towards their significant others). This whole thing fucks with my head quite a bit because I seem to keep being temporarily convinced that it's all ok. But I kind of have a history of being lead astray by the whole "I care about children and I just really love you" line. It STILL confuses me. But I'm kind of thinking it makes sense to say point blank that there's something wrong here. There's some delusion going on. I'm sure my uncle felt perfectly justified in his actions and affections as well. He cared about me oh so very much. He said so. I believed it. I'm sure he wasn't lying either.

i guess my first issue i will discuss with them is family, since that seems to be a big problem as well

Inf

I think that is a good idea hun.

I know how harsh it is living in a environment where there is almost constant argueing and fighting

That comment was slightly too personal and I don't feel comfortable having it up right now so I'm removing it.

Pseud, it's very strange that we feel this way, I'll give you that.

But please note, we know that molestation is wrong. We don't try and justify it, and frankly, I hate that innocent children are being molested. It's true, we feel abnormally close to children, but that doesn't mean we pose a threat. Would you rape your significant other? Then why would we rape children?

Is a straight man likely to rape another guy? No. Why is it different for a pedophile? An exclusive pedophile isn't likely to rape an adult. He's also unlikely to rape anyone else outside of his age of attraction.

There's this thing called "statutory rape" where an adult engages in sexual relations with a minor. it isn't foreceful. It's illegal because the child is too young to understand and there is a huge power differential. A pedophile doesn't need to hurt a child to have sex with them. They just need to befriend the kid and make the kid feel special. On some level, the initiation of the sexual relationship with a child might look no different than the initiation of a sexual relationship with an adult. it can happen naturally and progress naturally. To say you are only attracted to a very specific age range and as long as you work with kids just outside of that age range is absurd because if you are attracted to children at all or feel you have strong urges that lean you towards wanting to engage that way with them, who's to say your attractions may not slide to other age groups? Also, who's to say you will not now be more likely to encounter children you are attracted too--older or younger siblings who come by, or perhaps if you are working with kids and your work assignemnt gets changed.

That's called manipulation. I know about manipulation. Ehren knows about it. Inf knows about it. We all know that it's wrong. We all know that children can't consent to sex. They can't consent to something that they can't grasp.

I am sometimes around children. When I went to the beach last time, I was surrounded by them. I didn't fantasize about raping them. They were in no more danger than if I hadn't been there at all.

mm--you say it's wrong and you know it's wrong, but you've fucking admitted to watching child porn and whacking off to thoughts of sex with children. cognitive dissonance. google it.

Ehren--whatever your reason for social anxiety or feeling uncomfortable around peers has absolutely NOTHING to do with your potential risk of harming children by being a pedophile. It is not an excuse. It might suck, but it is what it is. We all have problems. That's not an excuse for being negligent in placing yourself around children when it is unsafe. If that causes you depression--then get help for the depression. Don't use the children as your source of healing. That is not their burden.

Alright everyone, I'm off to bed. Goodnight.

That's called manipulation. I know about manipulation. Ehren knows about it. Inf knows about it. We all know that it's wrong. We all know that children can't consent to sex. They can't consent to something that they can't grasp.

I am sometimes around children. When I went to the beach last time' date=' I was surrounded by them. I didn't fantasize about raping them. They were in no more danger than if I hadn't been there at all.[/quote']

statutory rape. google it.

I've never fantasized about raping my ex girlfriend, but I certainly had plenty of sex with her. And that didn't happen by my manipulating her with evil intent either. It happened because I cared about her and loved her. You are here saying you care about and love children.... a lot... Where do you suppose that leads?

mm--you say it's wrong and you know it's wrong, but you've fucking admitted to watching child porn and whacking off to thoughts of sex with children. cognitive dissonance. google it.

I've explained this situation over and over to you. The truth is that I don't care if you fucking believe me or not. I didn't know how wrong it was! When that reality hit me, I went looking for help! I'm attracted to children. Does that mean I'm likely to rape them? Give me a fucking break. I'm also attracted to women. You know what, it would be a LOT easier for me to manipulate a child into having sex with me than convincing a woman. But you know what? I know it's wrong, and I won't do it. Is it dangerous for people with BDSM fetishes to be around others?

Don't pass judgement on me that my therapist hasn't. He knows me better than you. He agrees that I'm not a threat to children.

No joke musicman...thats most pedophiles. Your therapist didnt have to dig deep for that revalation. Ehren is NOT in the same position as you.

Listen carefully. Your analogy of one straight guy raping another guy is assinine. For starters this is Ehren's attraction. CHILDREN. Just because at this moment he does not experience any attraction to these particular children does not mean they are not what he is attracted to.

Strike 1-working with children

Now what if Ehren was attracted to adult men, and worked in a school teaching adult men? He is still in a position of authority. Our society would still condemn that as abuse of power.

Strike 2- position of trust (from parents, from the kids, from everyone)

What if Ehren tried to brush up against one of his adult male students upper thigh? If that MAN didnt want another man touching his junk he could say "step the fuck off mother fucker!' and assert his will to defend himself. The reason children are classified as VULNERABLE, is because they do not have the ability to do that.

Strike 3- Vulnerable sector- easy to predate upon

Now thats 3 strikes. Plus your telling me "he feels real bad about it.' What? Ya he should. He is making iresponsible decisions.

But, that's ok....cus 'he's THINKING about going to therapy.' uhhh..thinking about it?? Wow, he really is a noble fellow. No shit he better be thinking about therapy...thats just to function in the world, not to grant him permission to work with kids.

If he we're making rational decisions, with the welbeing of those kids who 'are his only friends' as his priority, he would not be teaching.

What he is doing may not be illegal, its just highly selfish and unethical.

A Selfish, unethical, pedophilic teacher. That's every parents dream come true.

You are here saying you care about and love children.... a lot... Where do you suppose that leads?

Here's where I differentiate from Inf and Ehren. I don't think I could ever be "in love" with a child. I could with an adult, but not a child. I still have a very deep love for children, and I care about them so much. I CARE about them enough to never put them through pain or harm.

I'm pretty sure my uncle didn't think he was ever doing anything wrong either. Again, google cognitive dissonance.

Here's where I differentiate from Inf and Ehren. I don't think I could ever be "in love" with a child. I could with an adult, but not a child. I still have a very deep love for children, and I care about them so much. I CARE about them enough to never put them through pain or harm.

I cared about my girlfriend very much too. Would never rape her. Wouldn never want to hurt her or harm her in any way. I loved her. And even without rape or manipulation or anything, we still had sex.

Well Jai, Ehren could have simply not ever have gone looking for any help online...

He knows that he has some serious issues going on. He's actually considering seeing a therapist. That usually turns into "He's actually seeing a therapist." When I first came here, I said that seeking therapy was out of the question. He has a smaller gap to make.

Don't go judging him and giving him harsh truths. If he receives therapy (which I'm convinced he will,) his therapist can tell him what is appropriate and inappropriate.

Don't pass judgement on me that my therapist hasn't. He knows me better than you. He agrees that I'm not a threat to children.

MM,

To be fair you have seen your therapist all of what for 3 hours.

a few of us have sat with you regulary on all nighters - I reckon we know a lot more about you than you realise hun.

And...... no one is judging you.

I cared about my girlfriend very much too. Would never rape her. Wouldn never want to hurt her or harm her in any way. I loved her. And even without rape or manipulation or anything, we still had sex.

But that's still COMPLETELY aside from the point. I know that doing ANYTHING sexually to a child is evil.

MM,

Ehren is older than you - and is an adult - he is perfectly capable of speaking for himself.

Isnt that you now making judgements about how Ehren is feeling ?

But that's still COMPLETELY aside from the point. I know that doing ANYTHING sexually to a child is evil.

Consider this: There's some new law that's passed that for whatever reason would make it illegal for me to have sex with my girlfriend. (for the sake of argument, let's pretend she and I are still together...). but...I love her and care about her and she feels the same way towards me and sex is a natural extension of that love, so...we do it anyway because it doesn't feel wrong to us. We just keep it secret so no one knows...

I've been PMing Ehren and talking with him. He's been hurt by this whole conversation, and feels like he's going to spiral if he continues. I advised him to stop responding here, and he agrees that it's best.

Furthermore, while I'm not Ehren, we suffer with similar issues, and I've gotten to know him a little bit over the last few days.

Consider this: There's some new law that's passed that for whatever reason would make it illegal for me to have sex with my girlfriend. (for the sake of argument, let's pretend she and I are still together...). but...I love her and care about her and she feels the same way towards me and sex is a natural extension of that love, so...we do it anyway because it doesn't feel wrong to us. We just keep it secret so no one knows...

Well that's okay because you're both consenting. The child is NOT consenting. I love children enough to not hurt them. And truthfully, I love them enough that I'd distance myself from them if I ever found it necessary.