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About being small and being small


curtailed
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You might've, but I don't understand it yet.

The Dilbert cartoon has someone pointing out things that don't make sense about the job, and the employee ends up rationalizing them away to feel better.

How is that similar to women telling you that size doesn't matter? Does it somehow cause you to rationalize in some way that makes you feel worse?

I'm afraid I probably missed something.

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Curtailed, I'm not sure there really are any facts in this. It all seems to be about perceptions, beliefs and opinions to me. I can't speak for any other women, I can only offer my personal opinion, which represents my truth in this matter. Size would would not matter in one way or the other to me. I'm sure I've said this many times. My other truth being that I dislike that you and the others on this board are in pain about this. Why is it that you seem to want to prove that my way (or anyone else's way) of seeing this is wrong? I want you to feel better about yourself. I truly hope you want the same.

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But the dog tells the guy the absolute truth!

It's the worker who can't handle that truth, and has to invent a deep love for his job, just so that he can keep doing it.

To me, it suggests a possible defect in your bullshit-detector? You heard what Beth said. I don't believe she's shitting you, personally. She may be unusual, but so what? She exists, and therefore, so do others like her.

Or is it easier to tell yourself that it's all bullshit, so you can stay right where you are?

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I'm a woman, well a lady actually :)... and agree that most women don't give a hoot about size, I think it's men that worry about size, an manliness thing. I've been around women a lot as you might imagine :) and I've never heard a woman say size matters. Sure, we joke about it, but in a real life relationship it does not make or break a relationship. Women are more into romance, foreplay, all that good stuff around the act of sex, so I don't think your perception is accurate. In sexual matter, what I was looking for was lovin, affection, intimacy, the big picture, the equipment is not the main concern....;)

Edited by Symora
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I'm sorry, LE, I might have been a bit too direct.

But I agree with Beth: I wish you guys could be more gentle with yourselves. Even if other people are stupid enough to call you names, it's painful that you've taken over and call yourself names, now. It's painful because I do it, too, to a different degree and for different reasons. This world is full enough of suffering, as it is; it hurts to see people adding to their own burdens.

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And let's not forget that she's only had one partner and hasn't experienced a range of sizes like most women.

But, LE, I know what I'm about and this stuff isn't it. Being with many partners would never change the person I know that I am. I take much more stock in a caring heart and an interesting mind than anything else. (which, btw, you have both) There are others like me who could recognize your gifts.

How are you feeling, LE?

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Malign Said: Or is it easier to tell yourself that it's all bullshit, so you can stay right where you are?

This is the trouble with deep depression which we all have expeirenced for long periods of time. I think there is an element of comfort associated with depression. It is easier to just live with it, than it is to talk back to the negative thoughts and fight depression.

Lately I'm up an down like a yo-yo, but by conceistly forcing myself to at least consider alternative points of view, I am feeling a little better sometimes.

I bet £50, all of us are checking this forum everyday hoping for something new to say/read on the subject, hoping for comfort or answers. But just reading the same "woe is me", size matters, size doesnt matter gets a bit old, and worst of all, unproductive.

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That's just it, ND, there isn't that much new to be said.

Sure, periodically, you guys have to vent, because you're being subjected (or subjecting yourselves) to incredible pain. And we'll be here to give you our contrasting view of things. This forum still serves multiple purposes.

But what's needed most is exactly what you're doing: relentlessly questioning things you believe, trying things you believe might be impossible. That takes a lot of courage, and I can say, without a trace of humor, that it makes you a bigger man than I am, that you're doing it.

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This is the trouble with deep depression which we all have expeirenced for long periods of time. I think there is an element of comfort associated with depression. It is easier to just live with it, than it is to talk back to the negative thoughts and fight depression.

I definitely hear you about this, ND. Any kind of change can be frightening, even when it's a potentially positive change.

Lately I'm up an down like a yo-yo, but by conceistly forcing myself to at least consider alternative points of view, I am feeling a little better sometimes.

Good for you! That is great to hear. A little bit at a time, ND.

I bet £50, all of us are checking this forum everyday hoping for something new to say/read on the subject, hoping for comfort or answers. But just reading the same "woe is me", size matters, size doesnt matter gets a bit old, and worst of all, unproductive.

Yes, I know what you mean. I feel like I keep repeating myself as well.

You're a smart guy, ND, and I admire your spunk and courage.

What do you think you might read on here that would offer you some comfort? What would comfort you? Only if you want to share...

I just can't delude myself into believing something contrary to a conclusion I have drawn based on a mountain of evidence. To do so would be setting myself up for a major reality check and a world of hurt, and I hurt way too much already.

But hope, LE, gives you a chance. I am very sorry that you're hurting. :)

Best wishes for a better 2010 to all of you.

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Another new year.

I think this thread has many key thoughts, highlighting both reality and perceptions, and the complexity of the situation. In short: A man can feel bad about himself, or he can feel good about himself. What part the fallos plays in its role to his emotions is for the man to first learn to understand and second, to deal with. It is a voyage into the human mind. We have to remember we have many emotions and they are all there to trip us into not changing the way we exist.

Personally, 2009 meant the end of my last intensive therapy burst and the beginning of taking small steps as a responsible adult. I'm starting 2010 by making certain lifestyle choices and actively choosing where I put my proverbial money. Having come this far only means I'm going to be working extra-hard to keep this ship afloat. I have started feeling like reading again after a long slumber, and have also been engaging in old hobbies. Though, to be honest, I feel I need to think about the things I am good at, in order to conserve enery. Choosing ones battles is wise, I think :cool:

I am going to keep reading and posting in the meanwhile, until I feel I have a cleancut and polished recipe for The Curse. Also, I feel we are already holding the keys without realizing it. 6 billion people currently living, and God knows how many generations? Someone with this problem has to have been both happy and succesful.

Thanks for keeping my thoughts alive :)

PS. There was somewhere a website that motivated this thread. It said: size does matter, but it would matter a whole lot less for smaller men if they weren't in the constant crossfire of small dick jokes and people telling them size doesn't matter. The reasoning was that only this way can these men learn to handle the situation and stop being sorry for themselves. Accepting and dealing with the situation can't happen unless you have observed and oriented to reality...

I can't find the site but I'm sure it'll turn up sooner than later.

"Know well what leads you forward and what holds you back, and choose the path that leads to wisdom." --Buddha

Edited by curtailed
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I like your hopefulness, Curtailed. I'm happy to hear that you want to engage in old hobbies. ;) Keep talking with us and let us know how you're doing.

LE, your pain and despair has riveted with me from the very beginning. I wish I knew of some way to help you see some light.

My H and I slept through the coming of the new year. And now I'm off to work. No parties for us. Yet somehow his snoring seems a blessing to me right now. You never know where joy is to be found when your mind and heart are open to seeing it. You know where to find me if you need to talk.

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Irma Said: What do you think you might read on here that would offer you some comfort?

Answer:

PERSONAL AD

ATTRACTIVE BILLIONAIRESS, BLONDE HAIR, BIG TITS, SEEKS MAN WITH SMALL PENIS AND RECLUSIVE PERSONALITY, MUST LIKE WHISKEY

Truth: I want a job and some friends.

LL, Last night I sat here listening to my nieghbours party, while watching the billions around the world celebrating the New Year on TV. Exactly as I have done for the last 11 years. The only difference this year is that I have realised I do not have the courage or strength of will to commit suicide. So as a consequence I have decided to fight. I aint got much, so Im concentrating on little battles. From splashing me face with water in the morning, through to policing my thoughts. Its shit mostly, but a little better than when I was where you are now.

The hardest part is to make a start, however small, be well mate.

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Another new year.

I think this thread has many key thoughts, highlighting both reality and perceptions, and the complexity of the situation. In short: A man can feel bad about himself, or he can feel good about himself. What part the fallos plays in its role to his emotions is for the man to first learn to understand and second, to deal with. It is a voyage into the human mind. We have to remember we have many emotions and they are all there to trip us into not changing the way we exist.

Personally, 2009 meant the end of my last intensive therapy burst and the beginning of taking small steps as a responsible adult. I'm starting 2010 by making certain lifestyle choices and actively choosing where I put my proverbial money. Having come this far only means I'm going to be working extra-hard to keep this ship afloat. I have started feeling like reading again after a long slumber, and have also been engaging in old hobbies. Though, to be honest, I feel I need to think about the things I am good at, in order to conserve enery. Choosing ones battles is wise, I think :cool:

I am going to keep reading and posting in the meanwhile, until I feel I have a cleancut and polished recipe for The Curse. Also, I feel we are already holding the keys without realizing it. 6 billion people currently living, and God knows how many generations? Someone with this problem has to have been both happy and succesful.

Thanks for keeping my thoughts alive ;)

PS. There was somewhere a website that motivated this thread. It said: size does matter, but it would matter a whole lot less for smaller men if they weren't in the constant crossfire of small dick jokes and people telling them size doesn't matter. The reasoning was that only this way can these men learn to handle the situation and stop being sorry for themselves. Accepting and dealing with the situation can't happen unless you have observed and oriented to reality...

I can't find the site but I'm sure it'll turn up sooner than later.

"Know well what leads you forward and what holds you back, and choose the path that leads to wisdom." --Buddha

Youre right, the only cure for us is in the mind. For me its finding some plausible arguments, then more importantly to actually believe that those arguments are right. Keep posting, its good to share with a fighter.

I'd be interested to know more about the therapy you have had, and how it has helped you? was it NHS?

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Your in the club Curtailed, membership is free and for life. At least you are talking and thinking about change, which is the first step in the fight.

Its about finding an argument, then trying to back that argument with reasoned thoughts, rather than just giving in to one all consuming negative conclusion.

For example: Yesterday I viewed the girls forum of Cosmo Magazine, they have a thread about penis size. The 1st page is females saying that anything below 8" is small, plus other degrading small size statements. So I argue that some of the girls are probably young and inexpierenced only 1% of the male population is 8" plus there fore bullshitters, some may be angry, some dont know what 8"'s looks like (Bearing in mind most women struggle to park a car) Some may actually be telling the truth and only like 8", then no good to me.

The arguments are weak, but it is better than JUST thinking all women hate small men. (Incidently the 2nd page of posts is either women saying size isnt that important, or posts slating the negative posts, quite an spat breaks out between a couple of the girls.

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Why not try with getting the job first then, ND? I have a feeling friends would follow. You have such a great sense of humor. The world seems a bit cheated with your being reclusive. I feel this sometimes with my 13 year old daughter. She's much like I was at the same age...socially anxious and inhibited out in public...but with me she's quite lively and amusing. The bummer of that being that no one else gets to see this side of her. I feel a fun side of you beneath this pain and depression. Maybe try sharing that with others. Getting out there and finding a job might also help you feel better about yourself, I agree. I know all of this is easier said than done, but it's great that you are trying.

About the girls in the magazines...I really think that it's possible that some of these women are "talking the talk" and don't really mean what they're saying. Does that make any kind of sense? It's a behavior displayed as some kind of attempt to "be cool" or whatever. Maybe similar to the way a guy might brag about sleeping with a bunch of women when he really hasn't and wouldn't even necessarily want to. They say what they think they're expected to or supposed to say and it is not in actuality based on the truth. Just throwing that out there as a thought...

Edited by IrmaJean
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