memories

[Guest ASchwartz]

Endlessnight,

You are not a "useless person."

No we haven't given up on you and we never will and I never will. I am sorry your think such awful things about yourself. I want to encourage you to start questioning these negative things. As I said in my article yesterday, we are all to ready to expect disaster or catastrophy. All of us need to start thinking about an including the good things in our lives. Its not all negative.

Not one of us means to ignore you, not ever. Yes, it happens that we don't get to a post. Sometimes its preempted by someone elses post and yours gets hidden. Be persistent and post again. Its not you, its us and the way the Internet works.

Also, make up a safe place in your imagination and go there in your imagination. It works and you can make it as wonderful as you wish. I know, I do it to help me in those awful moments that all of us have.

Allan

[IrmaJean]

I thought about that a lot but I was unable to remember a time when I felt completely safe and that was a realisation that I didn't really want to have. Now I have to face up to that and go on from there if I can. I'm not sure how to do that.

Perhaps it is a time for self-nurturing then, EN. You might try finding a place where you feel completely safe and offer yourself the comfort of this.

I stress over the smallest things to the point of obssession. The job is still a good one but my feelings of insecurity have really had a negative effect on my job performance and I don't know what to do!

I get stressed over work stuff too sometimes. I think because I want so badly to do a wonderful job, that I allow for no weaknesses. Something to still work on. Have you tried focusing on what you do well and embracing that? Offer yourself the space to have faith in your abilities. I hope that expressing your feelings here is helpful.

RP, I have to say you seem to be such a gentle and kind person. I'm glad you are here and a part of our community.

I hope both of you have a serene day. Take care.

[randomperson]

Thank you for such kind words.

You know one thing this forum has taught me is how much people do think alike. I never heard people open up in real life like they do here. It is nice knowing others inner thoughts, hopes, and pains because it shows how we are not alone. Society has made mental health a stigma.

Even my own mother made this statement: no woman wants a 'weak' man.

It is considered weak to show you are human and can hurt, especially for men.

I think this has become a real problem that secretly eats at most of us.

We hide our pains from others because we think they don't care and cover it up with vices. For some they use substance abuse be it drinking or whatever.. others like me have negative defense mechanisms that blanket the issues away. I wish we all would open up and be ourselves like we are here.. life would be so much better.. so much easier.

Edited March 3, 2011 by randomperson

[Endlessnight]

Randomperson, it would be wonderful if we were able to open up to others in real life the way we do here. I know I find it very hard to touch anyone or be touched in real life, on here I hug all the time! ((((hugs)))) I agree with IrmaJean...you do seem a kind and gentle person. I'm glad you are here too.

IrmaJean, as always, your gentle words are like caring hugs to me, that's how I imagine them.

Hi Allan. Thank you for your very kind words. I'm sorry if what I wrote sounded like I was talking about this forum, I did not mean it that way. I was talking about my own insecurities in general and not here in particular.

When you say 'make a safe place in your own imagination,' what do you mean? How do I do that? When I was younger I would imagine that I lived in the clouds. it was lovely and peaceful there. Is that kind of what you mean?

[randomperson]

Y'all are making me blush.. thank you!

When I hear about the 'safe place' I can't help but to think of scene from Happy Gilmore and snicker a bit. The idea is to picture things in your mind that make you more relaxed.. better times. If you like the beach go there mentally.

Not only will it help ease the stress in some cases it might improve your golf game

Edited March 3, 2011 by randomperson

[Endlessnight]

Hi. I am so frustrated with my health situation and was wondering if anyone has any advice they could give me.

It's been months now since I first got sick and each time I feel I might be getting better things seem to get worse. A week or so ago we had dust/sand storms for a few days which brought my asthma back. I started wheezing, was out of breath and lost my voice again so I went back to the ENT doc last week (I had been taking Vibramycin 100mg once a day,the doc had lessened my dosage from twice a day the previous week). Anyway he put me on 1g Augmentin twice a day for ten days. I know that is a high dosage plus I am now taking six medications in the morning, two in the afternoon and four in the evening. I am so fed up with all of it. I feel that all the different meds, the antibiotics in particular (as this is my sixth antibiotic in the space of four months), are weakening my body instead of strengthening it but I also feel I should follow my doc's instructions, so I kind of am at a loss as to what to do. Can anyone please give me any feedback they might have on this.

[finding my way]

That's a lot of meds!!! How much longer for the antibiotics? I hope they are over soon!!!!

[Luna-]

Sounds lousy, EN.

I think taking several antibiotics in a series does weaken your body - mainly by killing off the good bacteria in your gut that help you to digest and absorb nutrients from food. (The anti-biotic doesn't discriminate and kills off both the good and bad bacteria.) Your body does recover from this, but it can be rough while you're taking the antibiotics.

You can buy capsules with freeze-dried good bacteria in them, which you can take along with the antibiotic. But you can also get them from yoghurt. If you don't have yoghurt in Saudi, there is bound to be a local equivalent of cultured milk (the good-guys bacteria are lactobacillus and acidophilus). So just make sure you eat yoghurt along with your antibiotics and it will make up for what the antibiotic is doing to your body and strengthen your absorption of nutrients from food.

And sorry if you already knew this.

[IrmaJean]

Antibiotics won't help asthma, I do know that much. Antibiotics are used for infections. Do you have a sinus infection that won't go away? How are you feeling otherwise? Are you using an inhaler daily for your asthma?

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Endless,

I agree with the responses each of us provided. I am no MD either but it does sound like you are on a lot of meds. Also, I have never heard of anti biotics being used for asthma. And, yes, antibiotics can weaken the immune system. Do you have an infection that's setting off the asthma? That can happen.

Allan

[Luna-]

Antibiotics are given to asthmatics, not for the asthma but for any nasal/sinus/pharyngial/bronchial/lung infections that may affect breathing, as these infections are more serious for asthmatics. Often, if a cold or 'flu does not clear up, it is a sign of a secondary bacterial infection which may linger on and not be killed off properly. Also, sometimes bacteria are resistant to some antibiotics so others have to be tried. The only way to know the bacterial sensitivity is to culture the bacteria and expose them to all the antibiotics available to see which will kill them - if a lab is available. So what EN is having to endure is not uncommon for asthmatics, unfortunately.

Edited March 24, 2011 by Luna-

[Endlessnight]

I wrote a long post which I forgot to save so when I hit submit it was lost as it said I wasn't signed in.

I think I had a panic attack yesterday. i don't remember having one before so i'm not sure if it was one or not. My heart was beating so fast and I felt I couldn't breathe. I felt dizzy so I had to lie down and I was unable to move for nearly half an hour. Then my heartbeat slowed down and after a while I was able to get up again. I was scared and confused because I didn't know what was happening to me.

[randomperson]

I wrote a long post which I forgot to save so when I hit submit it was lost as it said I wasn't signed in.

I think I had a panic attack yesterday. i don't remember having one before so i'm not sure if it was one or not. My heart was beating so fast and I felt I couldn't breathe. I felt dizzy so I had to lie down and I was unable to move for nearly half an hour. Then my heartbeat slowed down and after a while I was able to get up again. I was scared and confused because I didn't know what was happening to me.

I have had 3-4 in my life and it sounds like one. Symptoms vary even between the different ones I have had. But being dizzy and confused are very common when going through one.

[Endlessnight]

Hi. Random, do you think now i've had one panic attack I might get more? I hope not. Is there any way to prevent them happening? I'm sorry to hear you have had so many. Do you know what causes them for you?

Luna is right, i'm taking the antibiotics for chronic sinusitis which won't seem to get better which is why the doc gave me such a high dosage to prevent the infection getting to my chest again. I went back to the ENT doc and I told him I was feeling naseous so he lowered my dosage to 625mg twice a day for ten days, plus two other meds, Pantomax and Rhinocort.

The doc said my lungs were okay so I should probably see my pdoc about the 'attack' i had. Pdoc gave me Lexotanil to use only when needed and something called Seroquel to help me sleep.

I have been taking Seretide 250 for my asthma for around 3 months now.

Thanks everyone for your feedback and comments.

Luna....could you please be my doc? You give me a lot more useful information than they do! Thank you. (None of the many docs i've seen has asked that a culture be done.)

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Hi endless,

I had lot's of problems with my sinuses, because I'm allergic to a number of things. The respiratory doc I went to recommended using a nasal douche and I think it helps a lot. It's used to rinse your nose with salty water, so basically it cleans it.

S.

[randomperson]

Hi. Random, do you think now i've had one panic attack I might get more? I hope not. Is there any way to prevent them happening? I'm sorry to hear you have had so many. Do you know what causes them for you?

The good news is they rarely happen back to back and for me only happen during the times where stress totally overwhelms me. It passes, just think of it like a nasty cold and it makes it easier.

The first one was in college I was taking 18 credit hours, working a part time job and just took on too much around exam time I just wasn't prepared as deadlines to turn in projects came around. I had no clue what it was that had happened as my chest even started hurting.

Think I had one minor one years later but it was so minor I don't remember it.

For me the smaller ones involved being dizzy and confused in a state of extreme panic. The good news on each of the smaller ones I saw what it was went and laid down and it got better each time within a few hours.

The others happened within the last two years with all I have been through. Only one other big one. It was when I found out about everyone dying and still hurting so deeply from my break up.

I was literally dizzy for hours hurting physically (I forget the details) and almost started hallucinating. Thought some odd thoughts during it like I was going to die that week. Never experienced anything like it nor want to again. It was also when I was on the nerve meds so I think it effected the panic attack some and made it worse. That is what the particular medicine did to me is amplify any emotion I had. So it was like an amplified panic attack.

I have only had 2 major panic attacks and a few others so small I do not remember the details.

The positive thing about it for most they are very rare and do not happen often.

The key is to reduce stress as much as possible.

Edited March 25, 2011 by randomperson

[Endlessnight]

Thank you for explaining in more detail. Last night I took 1/2 Lexotanil and I slept very well. Today I am feeling calmer than I have in a long while. I don't have the constant feeling that there is something I have to do while at teh same time being unable to do anything. I wish the Lexotanil weren't addictive. I want to feel like this all the time!

[Luna-]

Oh EN, I'd be a hopeless doctor, but thanks. I am better at information than diagnosis and treatment. Although I have learnt a fair deal about psych meds from being on so many over the years.

Do you have physiotherapists in your area and do they do ultrasound? I ask because that is what I do with my sinus infections. I have given up going to the doctor for antibiotics as they don't seem to help, and now I go directly to the physiotherapist. She does ultrasound with a little wand-like thing that she lubricates and then runs back and forth over the sinus areas on my face for 10 mins or so. Then she does diathermy for another 10 minutes or so. Diathermy is a fancy name for two round "plates" that radiate heat onto my face. (Could sit in front of any heat source) Apparently the ultrasound knocks the mucus loose and the heat then liquifies it so it can drain. 3-4 sessions of that and I'm fixed up. Just mentioning it in case you can investigate it there. I don't think doctors know much about it, mine didn't. Physiotherapists are clued up about this kind of thing.

[Endlessnight]

Luna, I doubt very much if the physiotherapists here do what you described. It sounds like a good solution though. My doc told me this was the last course of anti biotics he would put me on. He said if this didn't work then we might have to consider surgery. I don't want to have to do that so i'm hoping the Augementin will get rid of it for me.

Thanks everyone for your suggestions and help. Take care.

[Endlessnight]

I turned 55 today and i'm feeling so lonely. I am used to my birthday not being celebrated so I don't really know why i'm feeling sad and down. Maybe realising that there is no one to share my birthday with, knowing I am now closing in on being 60 and feeling that my life is almost over with nothing to show for it. I'm feeling sorry for myself and whenever I do I feel guilty as though I have no right to complain or be sad about anything. I know that's silly, but that's how it's been for most of my life I guess. I've never known what it is like to be comforted by someone. To be loved by someone. I want to know that I have a right to feel the way I do and not have to feel guilty.

Edited March 28, 2011 by Endlessnight

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Endless,

First, happy birthday.

Second, truts me, 55 is young. So is 60. I'm 60 and don't feel different.

Third, we're here to celebrate your birthday. Do you hear me singing Happy Birthday? I am.

You're not alone, you have us.

Allan

[randomperson]

Happy Birthday!!! Allan is right you are not alone, you do have us.

That changed my life in a way. Always I was afraid I would say something wrong, scare people off as it has been my life..

But all of you have taken me in even at my worst.. which y'all have seen now lol. We are not alone

Also I am sure you have accomplished more than you think. Don't overlook the tiny things as in the bigger picture sometimes it adds up more than you would ever know. Example look at the people you helped here including me.

It changes peoples lives.

Sometimes one small phrase of hope of letting someone know you are listening, caring. Can change someone's life.. sometimes even save it when you have no idea. No clue how much that one positive word of kindness means.

Please know you do mean a lot.

Edited March 28, 2011 by randomperson

[Luna-]

Happy Birthday! :)

[malign]

Happy Birthday, M. :-)

You are dear to us, for what that's worth.

Age is a number. All it really proves is that you can count. ;-)

It's your actions that prove that you do count.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Happy birthday!

I very much expect to do have the same sort of non-existent celebration in a few days. I'm used to "celebrations" that basically just involve meeting friends to see a movie.

By now, they've all moved away... in the meantime one former colleague I like moved back here.. but she's away to get more educated about animal stuff... so, no, I suppose celebration would be something entirely different. Anyway, at least that way I don't get older, right? :cool:

You can be sad about anything you like to be sad about, it's not really a question of "right". I think it's more a question of when the sadness is meaningful and when it's a soldier of depression worth fighting. Sort of.