So sorry

[Sissagwaad]

Thanks for the support guys.

Scared to death still, but I am trying. I just hope there is a say when I wake up and am not thinking about this all day.

Happy Easter!

SR

Nothing to fear, really, but FEAR itself.

How's about waking up and focusing on all one can be grateful for?

Fill oneself with that, continually, and there is little room for anything else my friend(s)

[soregretful]

I do have a lot to be thankful for and a lot of people who need me. I am just hopeful that someday I can see them in a relaxed light again. The advice the one therapist gave me still freaks me out a little, but I am hoping God will take care of me, see that I am a good person, and somehow relieve the burden I am feeling.

[Sissagwaad]

You're the Captain.

It helps, (self-empowerment wise,) to appreciate God is not the one making us feel our burdons.

He gives you, and each of us, the tools with which to either burdon ourselves or to experience joy in realizing the abundance provided.

It is up to each of us to, freely either recognize, and to celebrate this, or to ignore it....moment to moment.......

Practice 'roboticizing' oneself to that experience, vs anything less..... hugs L

[soregretful]

You're right about that....I made the burden myself. I just hope that I haven't turned around too late to be happy. I know what my dreams are, but even in reaching them, I question if I can be happy with myself. I just don't want this to eat away at me every day. I wish this could be like any other mistake and I could just let it go so it wouldn't bother me. I know I am forgiven but not sure how to forget.

[soregretful]

Please God,

Help me find the strength to make it through this! I only have the rest of my life. Oh, man, what a big mistake! I wish I had a redo.

[soregretful]

Keep talking to me guys!

I am wondering how the heck my life became this!!!! It helps to talk!

Thanks!

SR

[soregretful]

I am pretty sure I am on my way to hell, if I am not already there. Why didn't I realize what I was doing to myself? I wish the day would come where I could be happy with myself and love myself again. I love my girlfriend so much....she deserves so much better. Who knows what is going to happen this summer when school is out? Not sure I have what it takes to do this the rest of my life!

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

I suggest you didn't realize what you were doing to yourself, because you had no way of knowing what was going to happen.

You won't have to suffer from this for the rest of your life once you learn how to deal with it efficiently. "It" being anxiety, guilt and self-esteem issues.

S.

[soregretful]

I hope so. It is like I lived my life backwards. Should have found love for me first then worries about everyone else. Hope its not too late. I want to have my family.

[soregretful]

Anyone out there think I am chasing a pipe dream?

[soregretful]

Not sure how to work through the guilt. I am in hell and deserve it. I wish that I could just be put out of my misery like any other suffering animal.

[Sissagwaad]

Not sure how to work through the guilt.

I am in hell and deserve it. PERIOD. YOU'VE DECIDED.

SIMPLY IGNORE THE ABUNDANCE AND LOVE WHICH SURROUNDS YOU.

INSTEAD OF GIVING YOURSELF THE OPPORTUNITY TO APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE

I wish that I could just be put out of my misery like any other suffering animal.

In case you haven't noticed, animals do not 'suffer' the effects of what you are doing to yourself.

They tend to live in the present, and to appreciate what opportunities present themselves on their daily path.

They have the sense not to worry or to fret about having pee'd on the wrong tree years ago

To begin with 'not sure,' how to work through this 'sense of' guilt,(is a good beginning acknowledgement)

....then though, without bothering to explore how, or leaving yourself OPEN to receiving wisdom from within, conveniently shut yourself down and give up, with what follows???? What is this seeming incessant need to do this?

What would happen if you didn't rag on yourself so??? (please think about it)

[soregretful]

I decided to be there when I made the biggest mistake of my life. I have to live with it forever. The only joy I can have I by creating it for other people. It is not like I want to feel this way....I just made a dumb decision and nothing can erase it. Nothing can ease it. I ragged on myself when I did what I did. I need a miracle to avoid what I think has to be the ultimate decision. Living like this sucks....it is not a choosing. But a choice already made. I can't live like this with no end to the hurt. I am my best therapist and I think there is little I can do to this case but pull the plug on it. Why water a dead flower? Just let it die.

[Sissagwaad]

I decided to be there when I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I have to live with it forever. ?well? 'live' then, instead of pretending your life is over, because its only you doing this to yourself

The only joy I can have I by creating it for other people. And??? thats not good enough for you? that you have the opportunity and the ability to do that, day after day?

It is not like I want to feel this way....Come on now, get real!!! NO ONE, no one, but you makes you feel anything you alone don't adjudicate over. You experience/feel about your actions, what you believe is proper and necessary. No one else does that. Animals don't have that creative ability, and freedom, (so far as we know). We create, and experience how we wire ourselves to do so. Its been proven over and over again.

I just made a dumb decision and nothing can erase it. So what?[/B]

Nothing can ease it. I ragged on myself when I did what I did.

and you continue to, as if it is necessary, or useful

I need a miracle to avoid what I think has to be the ultimate decision.

You are the Miracle, hello

Living like this sucks....it is not a choosing.

How you are living, now, is entirely your choice...hello

But a choice already made. I can't live like this with no end to the hurt.

I am my best therapist and I think there is little I can do to this case but pull the plug on it. Why water a dead flower? Just let it die.

What would happen, really, if you decided, to not rag on yourself, one day at a time? and thanked your lucky stars you woke up from this nitemare, having learned something valuable about yourself? Haven't you learned something valuable?

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

You might need a better therapist.

I don't think "ah, well, I usually help people, but in your case it's a waste of my time" is an accepted therapeutical phrase. I would venture that a lot of flowers look dead before they are, but I'm not actually going to move in that direction.

I would like to know if any of your therapists are familiar with cognitive therapy, because it is a method you can learn that can give you a feeling of empowerment. And it's better than a miracle, because it actually works.

I understand that you feel unworthy because of a decision you made in your past. It's true, there is no erasing the past. But you have a choice in how you interpret it. The way you interpret it now is that you made one choice in your past and it means that you will forever be unworthy of good feelings and you'll never experience joy.

I can question that, though. I can see that you answered another thread, where you told someone to get help for their issues and to form relationships. Did you do that because you thought they are undeserving of happiness or do you use double standards?

S.

[soregretful]

Its like I said,my whole joy is in trying to help other people. I am not sure what therapy is good for me. I am not mad at you guys....I just feel like crap. Maybe I am doing it to myself....I don't know. I came on here looking for support and all I can get is hope. People tell me live your life....I am.....I would look into cognitive therapy. I made a mistake......ok. but what can I do? Pretending nothing is wrong is the best I can do. Everyone says embrace each day. I reel like crap each day. If I am doibg this to myself I sure would like to know how to stop if that is the key to happiness. Right now the only cure is never having been such a dumb@$$ in the first place. I don't think I will make it past this summer.

[Sissagwaad]

Its like I said,my whole joy is in trying to help other people. I am not sure what therapy is good for me. I am not mad at you guys....I just feel like crap. Maybe I am doing it to myself....I don't know. I came on here looking for support and all I can get is hope. People tell me live your life....I am.....I would look into cognitive therapy. I made a mistake......ok. but what can I do? Pretending nothing is wrong is the best I can do. Everyone says embrace each day. I reel like crap each day.And its ok my friend. When we think 'crap' thoughts, we get crap feelings

If I am doibg this to myself I sure would like to know how to stop if that is the key to happiness. Stopping takes resistance and can be exhausting. Changing focus, thanking the incident for the lesson it provided, and allowing it to sit on the sidelines, because you've decided to play a different game, takes far less effort

Right now the only cure is never having been such a dumb@$$ in the first place. That's not a cure, thats denial

I don't think I will make it past this summer.

or? you could, if you wanted to, if you believed it would help, or be useful,

you could simply forgive yourself for being whatever,.....and human.

It's actually quite simple.

You think and believe what you do, because you believe it is right or useful.

In the school of life, its about learning, always about learning to be more discerning about what one thinks and believes. (Sometimes it helps to write out our thoughts, ideas, towards being able to separate ourselves from what one is doing as a mindless Robot, and become a mindful cruise director instead.

First one establishes what one wants.

It helps to be extremely specific, about all the sensations one aspires to draw to oneself,

if one actually wants a different emotional experience.

Once one has the course, and what the destination is going to be like, painted vividly in ones minds eye...... The focus turns to learning to trust the universe and the infinate wisdom of our higher powers, to draw to us all the ways and things we can consider pro-actively 'doing' when the ideas begin to come, all in due time.

[soregretful]

So,

All I want is to be happy! I know I can't change what I did, but even doing things I like is not fun anymore because I feel so guilty. OK, here is an angle for you.....Give me some homework. I am a teacher. Tell me what I can do every day to feel better. I am tired of people saying just live....that is not making me happy. Even being around loved ones is hard on them because I am not happy. So, if you think all is not lost, what should I do? I know really badly that I want a wife and kids, but I do not feel deserving. I do not feel deserving of living actually. So, what should I do? Everyone tells me to live my life. My God, it's not like I am not sorry. It's not like I don't regret everyday being such a jerk. So, what do I do? No fair saying take joy in all the beauty around you because I am trying and that doesn't work.

[Sissagwaad]

Quite right. Trying does not work. Actually saying that to ourselves is like seeking a cop-out isn't it? Well I tried, shrug, so like I've done my part..

As Yoda is quoted, 'Do or not do,' there is no Try.

Formal education's purpose is to teach people how to learn from life, to continue growing, learning and valuing every experience, and looking forward to learning more. Its about how to discover ones own answers, on ones own. Not having someone tell one what to do, that does nothing for the student really. The best answers, solutions, are the ones the 'student' is fascilitated in discovering for themselves. Don't you think?

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Hi soregretful,

the good news is that cognitive therapists will likely give you homework.

I understand that it is frustrating when people tell you to embrace life and enjoy things, when you feel that isn't possible. It's like telling a depressed person to cheer up. If they could just cheer up, they wouldn't be depressed.

I heard that you don't want to feel like this, but you don't see how you can get away. I also heard that you enjoy helping other people. I was interested in how you feel about the person you helped, though. Because in all fairness, you must think he's a dumbass.

What can you do. Are you still in therapy? You can talk to your therapist about cognitive therapy and homework or do some research about CBT therapists in your area.

The reason I mentioned cognitive therapy is that it works on principles that you learn to apply for yourself and that gives you a tool you don't currently use.

I think it's also important to accept that there is a mental problem. Having a mental problem now, your mind is biased towards a negative setting, instead of judging information fairly. It's not only possible to "have" a negative thought, it's possible to question what it's purpose and validation is and to sort it out. There's a method for it that can be learned.

S

[Sissagwaad]

Hi soregretful,

the good news is that cognitive therapists will likely give you homework.

I understand that it is frustrating when people tell you to embrace life and enjoy things, when you feel that isn't possible. It's like telling a depressed person to cheer up. If they could just cheer up, they wouldn't be depressed.

I heard that you don't want to feel like this, but you don't see how you can get away. I also heard that you enjoy helping other people. I was interested in how you feel about the person you helped, though. Because in all fairness, you must think he's a dumbass.

What can you do. Are you still in therapy? You can talk to your therapist about cognitive therapy and homework or do some research about CBT therapists in your area. Exactly. Choose to be involved again, in exploring learning and growing, rather than wallowing in 'regrets' It is simply a choice. I would suggest it isn't necessarily frustrating when people, pretending to be an expert on us, suggest that we could embrace life and the lessons which confront us, but yes 'can be' if one imagens another has power over us, or is attempting to 'tell one' what they must or should do

The reason I mentioned cognitive therapy is that it works on principles that you learn to apply for yourself and that gives you a tool you don't currently use.

I think it's also important to accept that there is a mental problem. Having a mental problem now, your mind is biased towards a negative setting, instead of judging information fairly. I am biased towards keeping it simply as an emotional maturity issue, and resistance to explore the beliefs one is freely holding onto

It's not only possible to "have" a negative thought, it's possible to question what it's purpose and validation is and to sort it out. how is it useful, the belief behind the thinking, and realizing one's freedom to hold, to alter, or to drop beliefs which no longer serve one's quest. There's a method for it that can be learned.S

I fully agree, and applaud your newly expressed desire to learn.

I do suggest also checking out what I hold is a 'university' that teaches what i believe is the most simplified, effective, approach. to becoming a successful expert on oneself, and happy, The Option Institute.

The founders books were required reading in hundreds of Universities, and a special TV movie produced and aired, called Son Rise, which depicts their initial success with their own natural son. I've never taken a 'formal' course myself, although that is available too. Enjoy

[soregretful]

I just dont want mm to fall in the same trap as I did. He is only 16 and just a kid. I am a little older and dont know if I can be happy having done this. To tell u the teurh I may have done a lot more looking than anything. I dont even know anymore. But the fact I even looked makes me sad. I so badly want to have my own family but I am not good enough for anyonee. I hate that this comes up after I start dating. I am of no worth to myself, so how can I be of worth to others? I just hate going through life having fone this. Though ut may have been an innocent mistake. I still dont know how to be happy.

[soregretful]

I just don't know. I may be immature and emotionally biased but it is so hard to not see everything in a sad light. I just feel like my life is over. How could I exploit kiddos like that. I love kiddos. U think it can work out where I have any or is it too screwed up? Where do u find cognitive therapists?

[soregretful]

I need some relief soon. I just want this to fade out. Ideas? Can't relax..... tired of this. Done so much good for so many.....why can't I get a break? Nothing in life is fun.

[soregretful]

I am so sorry God!