I'm tired of being so small

[Perseverance]

I am trying but how am I supposed to feel when I rarely get any positive feedback. Instead I look to when she referred to my penis as "cute" or when she called it a "pp" or when I had to see her crack up at a small dick joke. This shit hurts extremely. This constant beating I take is wearing on me and I'm just looking for something... Something where I can hear a comment and laugh it off and no feel so ashamed.

[gone]

Ok but you sound depressed, do you love her? If so it's worth it, but from what you've said it sounds like you regret it, and resent her.

Do I sound depressed? Maybe I do...I dunno anymore. Yes I really do love her. If I didn't I wouldn't give a flying "F" what she thought about me or if I was pleasing to her at all.

In a way, I do regret even meeting her. She deserves better. A guy full of confidence that could please her fully.

Resent her? Brother, I gave this a lot of thought. I envy her. I'm extremely jealous of the fact she had a successful, active sex life before she met me. I didn't before I met her.

She was chased, courted, escorted, dated, sought after. I went out some, but no one was craving my body I guaran-damn-tee you. I don't know, maybe I resent that.

John

[ShameOnThem]

I feel you there, I know it doesn't take much for someone to say something that seems innocuous to them, but that makes me go into a state of anxiety and haunts me for weeks. Your desire for positive feedback and your feelings when she makes "cute" or "pp" comments are things that you should discuss with her, and I think it would be helpful if it were done in the realm of therapy. A therapist can help you two communicate with each other effectively so that you are not turning it into a fight and neither of you can choose to ignore something/withdraw. At some point, you are going to have to trust in her word that she won't betray your trust by divulging things said at therapy. If she won't give you her word, bring it up to the therapist first thing, they should understand why it's an issue for you and help you two work through it.

>>>>I've gotten this whole conversation thing mixed up, sorry guys. I gotta work on my reading comprehension.

[gone]

I'm still alive. Last night was very uncomfortable. She is merely mad about the doctors visit. She said that can be fixed. She said my old doctor wouldn't have let me get by with that, and she wants me to start going back to him. I flat said no, not when her friend would be sitting in on every exam. This isn't over, I will prevail.

She's never seen me almost out of control mad at anyone before. There hasn't been but a tiny, handful of times in my life I've been this way.

Her first boyfriend, the one in collage had the balls to come to the showing and come through the reception line. She had told me all about how he had pursued her, how she had fell in love with him when young. He had the gift of her virginity, they had sex 9 or 10 times when he started cheating on her. She caught them together, he told her if he'd realized he would be fu-king a 12 year old he'd never have started to date her. He was referring to the fact she's never been a buxom girl. She was very small in collage I guess.

He hurt her real bad, she told me her heart was broke. She made light of it and said it was just puppy love and she'd gotten over him quickly. In all this, she'd adamantly refused to tell me his name. She's NEVER told me any details of her past. Except for this one event from her past, she was extremely closed mouth. One of her friends had actually repeated some of this to me one day, but she didn't know I didn't know his name and told me.

I was standing beside her when this guy came through the line. I heard her say his name when she gave him a little hug and thanked him for coming. She started to turn to me to introduce us.

Have you ever had a time when you were so surprised you could hardly think? I'd started to put my hand out, then I dropped it and just bored holes into this guy with my eyes. He held his hand out to shake mine for about 5 hours (seemed like). I stood there, my shoulders bunching up. I could feel my legs tightening up.

I'm ashamed to say all that went through my mind was HERE HE IS!! RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ME!! THE FU-KER THAT TOOK HER. THE ONE THAT WAS IN BED WITH HER OVER AND OVER AND JUST THREW HER AWAY. HE'S SEEN HER NAKED, AND SHE'S TOUCHED HIM. I COULD JUST REACH OUT AND CRUSH HIS ADAMS APPLE AND HE COULDN'T STOP ME.

I was out of control in my mind, shaking. She quietly said my name a couple times. Shit for brains finally put his hand down and moved on. I don't know why, I was shaking and my knees went weak. She said I looked at her like I didn't know her. My two boys came up and asked us both if I was ok. Sarah told them to take me back to the seat with them. As I sat down, my stomach was a little upset. I was nauseated, it took 10 or 15 minutes for me to come back around.

I hate it when I'm like that. I'm especially ashamed because the years haven't been good to him. He's went through some very bad health problems and drinks heavily. He honestly looks 70 years old, and all I wanted to do was hurt him.

She was shocked. She asked me how I knew him. I told her Well, you'd told me about the whole thing, you must have mentioned his name, and it's not one I'd forget. She looked thoughtful and said No, I never mentioned his name I'm sure. Then her mom called her back up to talk to some of the family.

She thinks I need help. At this point, I don't know what to think.....hell maybe I do. When I go back to my (new) doctors office, I might see who they recommend to talk to. I really can't afford it, but I think this is a serious business.

Really, all this means is I'm even crazier than I thought I was.

Deep inside I still want to hurt him.

John

[gone]

I am trying but how am I supposed to feel when I rarely get any positive feedback. Instead I look to when she referred to my penis as "cute" or when she called it a "pp" or when I had to see her crack up at a small dick joke. This shit hurts extremely. This constant beating I take is wearing on me and I'm just looking for something... Something where I can hear a comment and laugh it off and no feel so ashamed.

Perseverance, I understand what you're saying. Does your girlfriend ever complement you on other things, give you positive feedback on any other aspects of your lives together? Maybe she's just so comfortable with you she feels safe with saying those things.

John

[dvnJ22]

Do I sound depressed? Maybe I do...I dunno anymore. Yes I really do love her. If I didn't I wouldn't give a flying "F" what she thought about me or if I was pleasing to her at all.

In a way, I do regret even meeting her. She deserves better. A guy full of confidence that could please her fully.

Resent her? Brother, I gave this a lot of thought. I envy her. I'm extremely jealous of the fact she had a successful, active sex life before she met me. I didn't before I met her.

She was chased, courted, escorted, dated, sought after. I went out some, but no one was craving my body I guaran-damn-tee you. I don't know, maybe I resent that.

John

And ended up with you, if you don't please her sexually - then sex mustn't be very important to her? Idk

[gone]

And ended up with you, if you don't please her sexually - then sex mustn't be very important to her? Idk

I don't think it is now. I think women can compartmentalize, change their priorities. At one point I think it was important, but when the clocks ticking they reprioritize and start thinking along the lines of having a family. She was looking for a working sperm delivery system not great sex.

She settled.

[IrmaJean]

Maybe it could be helpful to look at the anger you're feeling and what it means. It sounds consuming and that can be difficult to cope with. As for "needing help," I tend to believe we all do, in some manner and at some point in our lives. I know I have. So rather than make a judgment about yourself for your experience, maybe it would help to talk with a professional so you can better understand yourself? You're being honest about your feelings and that is a great place to start. I hope your feelings of anger ease. Take care, John.

[gone]

Maybe it could be helpful to look at the anger you're feeling and what it means. It sounds consuming and that can be difficult to cope with. As for "needing help," I tend to believe we all do, in some manner and at some point in our lives. I know I have. So rather than make a judgment about yourself for your experience, maybe it would help to talk with a professional so you can better understand yourself? You're being honest about your feelings and that is a great place to start. I hope your feelings of anger ease. Take care, John.

Thanks. I've acknowledged the fact this just wasn't right. I've agreed to see someone. I've got a new physical appointment.

This is a whole new ball game. We talked for over two hours. She knows I know everything about her past. She's also aware that there's nothing wrong with me physically. She was real unhappy with that. I don't know if she's missed the physical sex, but she's missed the intimacy.

She's not blameless in all this and we hashed all that out too.

She wants this all to get worked out. She asked "What will happen if the person wants to see us both?" I said that might not happen. It's me that was out of line. She said "No, there's more to this than just that one incident. I think they'll likely want us both in there at some point." I just said we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

She was quiet for 10 or 15 seconds and then said "Just so you know, anything that we say or do in there won't be repeated. It'll stay between us. I really want things to work out."

This was 10 minutes out of a 2 hour conversation. The quiet during sex came up with the gasping, moaning thrashing. The comment about another guys size being the 'perfect size' came up.

This is all done now...Time will tell.

John

Edit: I want to thank everyone for bearing with me. I know this gets old. I won't have much new to post for a while. (I can imagine everyone rolling their eyes and saying thank God)

There's a great core bunch of folks that post here.

[Jessie]

never once rolled my eyes john.

hope it works out and very interested to hear more…

[ShameOnThem]

never once rolled my eyes john.

hope it works out and very interested to hear more…

ditto. Hope you guys can work through your issues. It sounds like you really love each other deep down.

[IrmaJean]

Good news, John, that you and your wife talked. Wishing you both all the best.

I'm glad we could be here for you. Talk and express yourself as much as you need, if it helps. I enjoy listening and supporting others. Take care.

[dvnJ22]

This was 10 minutes out of a 2 hour conversation. The quiet during sex came up with the gasping, moaning thrashing. The comment about another guys size being the 'perfect size' came up.

So she admits the sex isn't good?

[gone]

So she admits the sex isn't good?

Another great question. No, she never admitted anything. We kept veering off onto another tangent.

This isn't solved by any means.

Honestly, REALLY...the only thing that's happened is we've both acknowledged that there's a problem.

I'm going to try to fix it so I don't kill someone, especially if some moron grins, laughs or spouts an insult.

It might be all that gets fixed is just me. I'm not raising any hopes at all that things get fixed sexually between us. I don't know how that would happen. But I hope we'll be a little closer.

[dvnJ22]

Another great question. No, she never admitted anything. We kept veering off onto another tangent.

This isn't solved by any means.

Honestly, REALLY...the only thing that's happened is we've both acknowledged that there's a problem.

I'm going to try to fix it so I don't kill someone, especially if some moron grins, laughs or spouts an insult.

It might be all that gets fixed is just me. I'm not raising any hopes at all that things get fixed sexually between us. I don't know how that would happen. But I hope we'll be a little closer.

She never says your penis is a problem or not one? Weird.

[gone]

It's always been statements about how much she loves me or enjoys being with me. But I have to admit, when I think about it she has never made a reference to my penis directly. I dunno, I've never made a direct comment on her vulva.

I will say one thing though, on the flip side she has NEVER lied to me either. She's never blown blue skies and sunshine up my butt. Not even little white lies.

That doesn't mean she answers every question, but she'll either keep quiet (awkward silence), or she'll say I'm not going there or something to that effect.

[LouisZ]

I hate to say this, but from many accounts, if a woman lover never tells you that she loves your penis...she probably doesn't.

(She may love you, etc)

If a woman really loves the penis she eventually will actually vocalize it.

I don't know about others, but I really would love to hear that.

[gone]

>>snipped<< if a woman lover never tells you that she loves your penis...she probably doesn't.

If a woman really loves the penis she eventually will actually vocalize it.>>snipped<<

Makes sense to me, LouisZ.

[newguy]

No women is gonna love my, disappointment of a 3inch penis

[markos77]

I remember reading that study and honestly you have to take it with a grain of salt. I'm 5'10, 7inch Pencil dick (girth is more important right?) and I've never had issues with women. Attracting them at least--- confidence and doing the moves correctly, that's a very different story. But I'm not 6'3 and don't have a fat cock. And yet it's still never been a problem with cute girls.

I've had my dick called out by two women among the hundred or so I slept with. But let me tell you I was totally fucked up by one of them. She was a shortish Turkish girl and I suppose assumed all American men were sporting 9 inchers. Her "American Dream" as she called it. (Turks aren't small people but generally aren't as big in stature or bone structure as white or black Americans.)

Anyways, my pencil cock let her down and she immediately expressed a bit of disappointment. I was too insecure to carry on. I should have railed the piss out of her but didn't. Her comments later, when I angered her got to my core. And then I read that study. And I didn't sleep with another woman for 6 months. (I've gone to rehab for sex addiction.)

I know you've been told it a hundred times, but go for Asians, Latinas, and smaller Jewish girls. I've bottomed out only on these groups of women and they absolutely hated it to the point I've been dumped over it multiple times (and as mentioned I'm not even that long considering a lot of men out there).

Point--- this study is kindve solidly inaccurate.

[Jessie]

http://www.my-rss.co.uk/feeditem.php?feed=0&word=&search=&item=404561

They were talking about this case at my work today- dunno what to make of it

[ShameOnThem]

That's pretty crazy. I personally think it's kind of funny. He obviously gets off on SPH(whatever, to each their own) but he probably either doesn't want the public to think he is less-endowed or just wants to discredit the witness. Also, just because someone's penis is small while flaccid doesn't mean that it can't also be averaged sized when erect.

[Jessie]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWvN3iNPb7U&list=UUY9ytrcjZeGHbjWlFz4Tnxw

"DESPITE what some women say about size not mattering…."

"ACTUALLY for the large MAJORITY of women penis size DOES matter"

This is from a certified sex educator.

This explains why my exes were so unhappy.

I'm so ashamed I made them so unhappy.

My only defence is that I didnt fully understand then how important an issue it is to women.

[Jessie]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4sbCJslqMA

… somehow this offends/depresses me even more…. none of them would 'give me the benefit of the doubt' to use Karens own quote…

[Victimorthecrime]

What has become of Western society? Women used to carry the moral standard, now they openly pine for deep penetration w/o regard to any other consideration. SMH...