I'm tired of being so small

[Notdoneyet]

I've kinda thought along the same lines. The more guys she's had the better the odds she's already had her 'best one'. That's a hell of a thought for a future spouse.

I've read 9 or 10 relationship books trying to understand all this a little better. One of the books had quotes at the beginning of each chapter, along with the original source. I've never been able to get one of those quotes out of my head.

"With the advent of todays sexual revolution, what society in general and men in particular have to come to terms with is the fact many young women today will have the best sex of their lives before marriage." Helen Girly Brown in a mid 60s Playboy interview.

I'd change that to read "before they meet their husbands." This sh-t matters to a guy. Like I said before, I don't have to be her first, or her biggest or her craziest, just her best.

This issue is just like any other for women. They haveto balance their

hopes and wishes against every facet of a relationship

before decidingona mate. Do any of you guys think a woman would

choose t live in poverty just to have the benefit

of having a guy with a huge schlong?

[Perseverance]

I've kinda thought along the same lines. The more guys she's had the better the odds she's already had her 'best one'. That's a hell of a thought for a future spouse.

I've read 9 or 10 relationship books trying to understand all this a little better. One of the books had quotes at the beginning of each chapter, along with the original source. I've never been able to get one of those quotes out of my head.

"With the advent of todays sexual revolution, what society in general and men in particular have to come to terms with is the fact many young women today will have the best sex of their lives before marriage." Helen Girly Brown in a mid 60s Playboy interview.

I'd change that to read "before they meet their husbands." This sh-t matters to a guy. Like I said before, I don't have to be her first, or her biggest or her craziest, just her best.

Jeez I feel the same way. For once in my life I'd like to claim that title. It's different for us I think and it's a bigger deal because of the torture we have to go through. I think there's plenty of normal guys out there that could give two shits.

I don't know how if feel about the future of my relationship if I was told I wasn't the best sex. Fun and feeling wise. Such a drive killer.

Supposed to accept it right. Just know you're not the best at it with the person you share everything with. Meanwhile deal with the onslaught of negative shit in society regarding your manhood and how worthless it is.

Those situations Jessie finds himself in with people mocking small dicks all the time (which to me is crazy) I can't wait for that to happen when I'm around.

I'm going to lose it. I'm practically begging for someone male or female to body shame men or women for the fact of the matter.

Point out all of their flaws and apparent lack of compassion.

[IrmaJean]

But do you really know how intense her reactions were with another man when you aren't her and you weren't there?

Is needing to be "her best" really about her or is that more about something within yourself? Maybe there would be less need for that if you felt more accepting of yourself?

Edited January 17, 2014 by IrmaJean
adding

[gone]

Irma I've heard about what she told her friends when they were talking. This was before we had been introduced. We live in a small town, we have many mutual friends. What was described about this particular 'hook up' didn't sound out of line for her at all.

I think wanting to be her best is about both of us. Honestly, what kind of man would I be if I DIDN'T want to be her best? If I didn't care about her opinion of me?

I've had an uncomfortable feeling she was condescendingly giving me a mental 'pat on the head' for effort.

I've described before about how proud parents will put a picture up on the fridge that their kids had drawn. It's a horrible, scribbled, childish first effort that no one else would give two cents for. But the parents love it and wouldn't take money for it.

I've always kinda felt my efforts in bed were just like that. I've always felt like I was an apprentice. Like I was trying my best but just wasn't measuring up physically and skill wise. I was always on the outside looking in at this inner circle of confident, experienced, well endowed guys she'd had.

I try to tell myself that SHE was the one who wanted that second date. She was the one who gushed to her friends about how I opened doors for her and stood up when she came or went from our table and pushed her chair in.

But the fact remains I've just never been able to get her to that sexual intensity that her previous guys had.

I won.......she settled......Yay.

[gone]

>>>>>>heavily snipped<<<<<<<

.

Obsessing about being her best, giving her the best orgasms, you'll just kill your brain with too much of that shit. >>>>snipped<<<<

I HAVE NEVER GIVEN HER AN ORGASM. Other guys have. In the 25 years of marriage she's been with me she's never orgasmed.

Unless she lied to her friends before she even met me, I know for a fact some other guys had given her more than one.

I don't know which of those guys would have been the best, I only know I'm not.

I don't think I'm her worst. She's told me she was with a guy so big she hurt when she walked the next day, and I'd heard from others she'd referred to that as her "absolute worst". Again, this was before she even met me.

I'm not stupid. I've never wanted a penis the size of a thermos bottle. All I've ever wanted to be was whatever it took to arouse her like no other guy has. I've never even been close.

Open disclosure:

1st true love that took her virginity: around 10 times (This was in collage)

2nd guy once

3rd guy once

4th guy twice (she told her friends he was the perfect size, but he had to move because of his job)

5th guy once

me 100's

She's been asked to marry three times, I was her fourth. I told her once I figure I was her smallest. She didn't deny it at all, she just deflected with a question "Should that matter?" Ummmm, it would appear so, so yeah.

[ShameOnThem]

"All I've ever wanted to be was whatever it took to arouse her like no other guy has." That sounds excessive, at least to me. I understand wanting to please her, but why does it have to be the best of any men she's ever had sex with? In my opinion, this aspiration isn't founded in any real-world sensibility, it is just purely your pride. Having some pride is a good thing, having too much pride is never a good thing. If you aspire to have better sex, you can make communicate with her and make changes to improve the pleasure for the both of you. If you aspire to have the best sex of her life, you are setting an unattainable goal and you will never be happy. IDK, maybe just aim for good sex, and someday you might get to best sex.

It sounds like you two need to communicate better. If she says "should that matter," clearly it is way more important to you than it is to her. That doesn't mean it's not important, because if you are unhappy then you should talk about it, but have you ever thought that maybe she is completely satisfied and happy with your relationship as presently constituted? Just don't try to talk about it with her unless you are prepared to accept her answers. If she says that orgasming from PIV sex is not important to her and she is happy, then you have to be willing to accept that answer as complete truth. I know what I'm saying is hard, but it's important that you both feel happy. I know that the same feelings ruined my last relationship, not because of anything she said or did, but just that I couldn't get over my own insecurity. It made me question her truthfulness in her saying she was happy with me, and it made me miserable.

sorry for ranting/spilling my guts, but it's just my two cents.

[gone]

Shame, you've really got some good points in your post. You're right, she acts like this is no problem at all. She's enjoyed 6 or 7 years sex free. This bothers me a lot. Of course she isn't bothered, she loves me and has given me the best sex of my life. This is a position I'd love to be in. I had the best sex of my life the first 10 years or so of my marriage.

Except for the last time, I've never failed to orgasm. She's never failed to NOT orgasm.

I want to apologize to everyone again. I know this is getting boring. I'm going to try to not post about this ever again.

I'm sorry guys, but I simply cannot comprehend how something like this can "not matter" to you when you're in love with the woman you're with. It's like trying to understand latin, or Einstein.

To me (and some other 'old farts' out there) this IS the most intimate thing a man and a woman can do. And you're using the most intimate parts that are on your body to do this. It's not pleasant to accept the fact that other mens penises have been in my wife, but it's intolerable that those guys penises have given her pleasure in this most intimate act that I never will.

If size doesn't matter, why is there even such a term as micro penis? Shouldn't matter, should it?

Something else that really bothers me (for some reason)....

There's a guy walking around out there that WAS her best. He had the perfect size, the perfect knowledge, it was the perfect place and the perfect night, and he hasn't thought about her in 27 years. He was able to accomplish in one night what I haven't been able to do in 25 years of marriage. He became something without effort that I'd give anything to be, and he likely hasn't thought about it since.

Sometimes I just shake my head and wonder why......

Lets let this die, Sarah and I will be ok....

[Jessie]

You captured it well.

I cannot give a women what billions are able to….

I mean the stigma, the pity, the humiliation, the rejection, thats all shit too but not being able to give what others can… sheesh..

[dvnJ22]

Sorry john, but your wife sounds like a bitch. You should confront her.

[gone]

Sorry john, but your wife sounds like a bitch. You should confront her.

I'm intrigued. How so? What should I confront her about?

[dvnJ22]

I'm intrigued. How so? What should I confront her about?

Have you told her what you told us here? If not do it.

[gone]

>>>>>Have you told her what you told us here?<<<<<<<<

I've bought a little of it up years ago, but nothing recently.

What would that have to do with her being a bitch?

>>>>if not do it<<<<<

Why? Out of the blue, what would that accomplish? When I stopped having sex with her she asked me to go to a therapist. I did for three or four visits until he said he wanted to see the both of us. That didn't work out.

I think now days she thinks I'm impotent. I've done nothing to dissuade that.

[dvnJ22]

What did she say when you brought it up?

[Victimorthecrime]

For what it's worth I would suggest defrosting the relationship w your wife. She has stuck by you, no evidence of cheating or anything intentionally malicious, I would open the door to being closer even if it is not PIV. What do have to lose?

[gone]

Victim, we're as close as we can be without sex right now. It's not like we're coldly avoiding each other. This only bothers me, not her. But even if I tried to start sexually thawing things out, nothings changed. I'd just be right back to 7 years ago.

dvnj22, I'm not sure exactly what you want. There wasn't this grand confrontation. It was small statements and actions by me leading up to her saying she thought I might be forming some sort of sexual inferiority complex (she was exactly right) and she wanted me to see someone before it got severe.

I seen the shrink until he wanted to see us both. I had three conditions I wanted her to agree with. She didn't agree, I stopped seeing him and that's where things stand now. Neither one of us has bought it up again.

I think I've led her to believe I'm not capable of having sex, she's probably happy to let sleeping dogs lay.

Again though, how is she a bitch? What made you type that?

[ShameOnThem]

Again though, how is she a bitch? What made you type that?

She doesn't sound like a "bitch" to me, but there is something wrong with both of you acknowledging a large issue in your relationship in the past and then completely ignoring it in the present since you couldn't come to an acceptable resolution. Having a sexless marriage doesn't sound like it's ok to you, and you need to do something about it. I was going to suggest a sex therapist before, and it sounds like it may still be a good idea to get help from one. I know you may not want to share them with us, but if means getting help or not, it may be worth compromising on your conditions of getting therapy as a couple.

You gotta remember that, at least in my humble opinion of things, there is going to be a lot of resentment towards women among the group of men that frequent this forum. I don't think you should take it too personally when someone lets their own resentment spill over onto the person you love. We are going by a few anecdotes that we hear, you have known here for years, so I would think that your opinion is the only one that matters.

[gone]

She doesn't sound like a "bitch" to me, but there is something wrong with both of you acknowledging a large issue in your relationship in the past and then completely ignoring it in the present since you couldn't come to an acceptable resolution. Having a sexless marriage doesn't sound like it's ok to you, and you need to do something about it. I was going to suggest a sex therapist before, and it sounds like it may still be a good idea to get help from one. I know you may not want to share them with us, but if means getting help or not, it may be worth compromising on your conditions of getting therapy as a couple.

You gotta remember that, at least in my humble opinion of things, there is going to be a lot of resentment towards women among the group of men that frequent this forum. I don't think you should take it too personally when someone lets their own resentment spill over onto the person you love. We are going by a few anecdotes that we hear, you have known here for years, so I would think that your opinion is the only one that matters.

I've listed them before.

1 She had to keep the information between the three of us.

(therapist, me and her) My wife has an inner circle of 3 or 4 friends that she is totally incapable of keeping anything from. They will get together and talk a couple of times a week. They share everything. I wasn't willing to have everything we said in the meeting hashed and rehashed in her girls group.

2 She had to tell the absolute truth when asked a question by the therapist.

She would share almost no information with me about her past. She has no idea even to this day that I know so much about her sexual past. I've never sought out info, but some of our mutual friends 'shared' with me trying to keep us from a relationship........now that I think about it, I guess they had a point.

Anyway I told her I wouldn't ask any prying questions, she'd made it quite clear her past was off limits for me. But I said if the therapist asks a direct question, you promise me you WILL answer it, and truthfully or all this is for nothing.

3 I asked her to answer a simple question: What's cured? When do we say we're done? What are we looking to accomplish?

I said "because I don't think I can go back to blissful ignorance, happily waving my penknife around like some of your ex boyfriends bayonets." "So what resolution are we working towards here?" "Think about it and tell me what it is you'd like to see happen."

She just looked sad and nodded her head and walked off.....and never mentioned any of this again.

Guys, I don't want to be rude. I don't want to not answer a direct question, but the majority of folks here have to be getting real tired of this. This is something that's been going on for years, and was years in the making before I shut down. It's not gonna get solved....ever. I'll try my best to never bring this up again.

We now return you to the rest of this SPS forum......

[dvnJ22]

Victim, we're as close as we can be without sex right now. It's not like we're coldly avoiding each other. This only bothers me, not her. But even if I tried to start sexually thawing things out, nothings changed. I'd just be right back to 7 years ago.

dvnj22, I'm not sure exactly what you want. There wasn't this grand confrontation. It was small statements and actions by me leading up to her saying she thought I might be forming some sort of sexual inferiority complex (she was exactly right) and she wanted me to see someone before it got severe.

I seen the shrink until he wanted to see us both. I had three conditions I wanted her to agree with. She didn't agree, I stopped seeing him and that's where things stand now. Neither one of us has bought it up again.

I think I've led her to believe I'm not capable of having sex, she's probably happy to let sleeping dogs lay.

Again though, how is she a bitch? What made you type that?

I said she sounds like a bitch because she just stringing you along, and just wanted a nice husband. She views you as an object, not a human. She gives you so much pain, why is she still with you? Money? Security? It sounds like she is using you.

[ShameOnThem]

I've listed them before.

Guys, I don't want to be rude. I don't want to not answer a direct question, but the majority of folks here have to be getting real tired of this. This is something that's been going on for years, and was years in the making before I shut down. It's not gonna get solved....ever. I'll try my best to never bring this up again.

We now return you to the rest of this SPS forum......

If you don't want to talk about it, we absolutely don't have to, but I'm not tired of discussing it. Screw everybody else(sorry), if it's going to force you to confront issues that wouldn't otherwise, it could be helpful. Maybe there is somebody who's reading this who is feeling similar things.

It sounds like trust is an issue for you. I know I have those issues as well, and I don't have any answers, but it may be worth talking about. If you don't inherently trust her to not lie to the sex therapist, how would you ever be sure she wouldn't just tell her friends everything anyways? Those two things seem to form a no-win situation. If you can't trust her to be truthful at any time, you won't be able to confront your issues as a couple and things will not get better by ignoring them. Putting myself in her shoes, if you said those things to me I'd be pretty bummed as well. Your holding it against her that she had previous sexual partners because you feel inadequate. She may not feel comfortable talking about her past for reasons other than your penis, and you're really pressuring her for no apparent gain. What do you expect her to say if she "tells the truth" or talks about her previous sexual encounters? Because it sounds like you have already decided what she thinks and is not telling you. Stop me if I'm wrong, but she never said she was unhappy. If she's actually happy and you won't believe that she is because she doesn't moan enough during sex, then that's gotta make her feel pretty bad too. Also, when you make statements like she has to answer "What's cured? When do we say we're done?" before you even try therapy, you are setting yourself up to fail. This is a problem for both of you, and it's not fair to expect her to answer those questions before seeing what therapy is like. The idea is to get better, not to get "cured," whatever that may be. I know I don't know much about your relationship, but I find it hard to imagine it is in really great shape if you guys can't communicate about this issue be intimate. If she is as understanding and patient as she sounds, and you love her, it's worth fighting to fix what's broken. Even if that means doing something that is uncomfortable making yourself vulnerable. If you can't trust your own wife, how can you trust anybody?

[Wutty3]

Sorry John...but the forums are kinda slow and I'm not getting tired of this at all. I promise I'll quit on this thread after I have my say though.

You said:

>>>>> When I stopped having sex with her she asked me to go to a therapist. I did for three or four visits until he said he wanted to see the both of us. That didn't work out.. <<<<<<

It would seem to me that any therapist would need to see both sides of the story before trying to help you. It's kind of like going to a doctor. A doctor needs to know all the details of your symptoms before he can try to cure or mitigate your "illness". In your case you feel like your sexual relationship with your wife is "ill" (non-existent) Your wife is part of that sexual relationship and therefore part of the "illness". She wouldn't abide by your preconditions. Preconditions in my opinion ("I'm not a therapist and I never stayed at a Holiday Inn Express",...those of you in the U.S.A. probably have seen the ad. on TV and will know what I'm referring to ) are NOT a good idea in a situation like this. These things need to be hashed out in front of the therapist with the only precondition from you that you both show up. The therapist should, I would assume, lay out any other preconditions during the first visit by the both of you. "rules of engagement" so to say. The therapist couldn't get the whole story so his hands were going to be tied at best.

This is kind of off topic but not really. Has your wife been through menopause? If so, that may be part of the reason why she's indifferent about sex now.

I'm going to go against my policy against unicorn turds and butterfly farts this time and put forward some some sayings to ponder...

Life is like riding a bicycle To keep your balance you must move forward.

The strive for perfection though admirable is in the end an exercise in futility. Be mindful of this in your pursuits. It's OK to be "good enough"

Keep an open mind but not so open that your brain falls out.

You are not your penis...your penis is a part of you. To think otherwise is a self-defeating proposition.

There will always be people that are better/better off than you and people that are worse/worse off than you. That's part of life.

YOU gotta run what YOU brung and run it the best you can.

You will win some and lose some but you can't win if you don't even show up to race.

I suppose that you can be happy with the way things are now if you think that the results of therapy will do no good or will make things worse than the status quo.

Ok I'm done now...

[gone]

I said she sounds like a bitch because she just stringing you along, and just wanted a nice husband. She views you as an object, not a human. She gives you so much pain, why is she still with you? Money? Security? It sounds like she is using you.

I suppose she did want a nice husband. But she's treated me great. She's never said no to sex, I've never heard about a headache. I can tell when she's exhausted, and I didn't pursue sex when she was worn out but she's never told me she's too tired.

I just know she was an enthusiastic participant with other guys, and kinda just didn't expect much with me.

BTW, she makes just over twice my annual salary. She's an administrator, a department head at a large school corporation. She bosses 1 girl and two guys. She really doesn't need me for security. She's not perfect, she CAN be a real bitch at times. I run away.

If you don't want to talk about it, we absolutely don't have to, but I'm not tired of discussing it. Screw everybody else(sorry), if it's going to force you to confront issues that wouldn't otherwise, it could be helpful. Maybe there is somebody who's reading this who is feeling similar things.

It sounds like trust is an issue for you. I know I have those issues as well, and I don't have any answers, but it may be worth talking about. If you don't inherently trust her to not lie to the sex therapist, how would you ever be sure she wouldn't just tell her friends everything anyways? Those two things seem to form a no-win situation. If you can't trust her to be truthful at any time, you won't be able to confront your issues as a couple and things will not get better by ignoring them. Putting myself in her shoes, if you said those things to me I'd be pretty bummed as well. Your holding it against her that she had previous sexual partners because you feel inadequate. She may not feel comfortable talking about her past for reasons other than your penis, and you're really pressuring her for no apparent gain. What do you expect her to say if she "tells the truth" or talks about her previous sexual encounters? Because it sounds like you have already decided what she thinks and is not telling you. Stop me if I'm wrong, but she never said she was unhappy. If she's actually happy and you won't believe that she is because she doesn't moan enough during sex, then that's gotta make her feel pretty bad too. Also, when you make statements like she has to answer "What's cured? When do we say we're done?" before you even try therapy, you are setting yourself up to fail. This is a problem for both of you, and it's not fair to expect her to answer those questions before seeing what therapy is like. The idea is to get better, not to get "cured," whatever that may be. I know I don't know much about your relationship, but I find it hard to imagine it is in really great shape if you guys can't communicate about this issue be intimate. If she is as understanding and patient as she sounds, and you love her, it's worth fighting to fix what's broken. Even if that means doing something that is uncomfortable making yourself vulnerable. If you can't trust your own wife, how can you trust anybody?

Sorry John...but the forums are kinda slow and I'm not getting tired of this at all. I promise I'll quit on this thread after I have my say though.

You said:

>>>>> When I stopped having sex with her she asked me to go to a therapist. I did for three or four visits until he said he wanted to see the both of us. That didn't work out.. <<<<<<

It would seem to me that any therapist would need to see both sides of the story before trying to help you. It's kind of like going to a doctor. A doctor needs to know all the details of your symptoms before he can try to cure or mitigate your "illness". In your case you feel like your sexual relationship with your wife is "ill" (non-existent) Your wife is part of that sexual relationship and therefore part of the "illness". She wouldn't abide by your preconditions. Preconditions in my opinion ("I'm not a therapist and I never stayed at a Holiday Inn Express",...those of you in the U.S.A. probably have seen the ad. on TV and will know what I'm referring to ) are NOT a good idea in a situation like this. These things need to be hashed out in front of the therapist with the only precondition from you that you both show up. The therapist should, I would assume, lay out any other preconditions during the first visit by the both of you. "rules of engagement" so to say. The therapist couldn't get the whole story so his hands were going to be tied at best.

This is kind of off topic but not really. Has your wife been through menopause? If so, that may be part of the reason why she's indifferent about sex now.

I'm going to go against my policy against unicorn turds and butterfly farts this time and put forward some some sayings to ponder...

Life is like riding a bicycle To keep your balance you must move forward.

The strive for perfection though admirable is in the end an exercise in futility. Be mindful of this in your pursuits. It's OK to be "good enough"

Keep an open mind but not so open that your brain falls out.

You are not your penis...your penis is a part of you. To think otherwise is a self-defeating proposition.

There will always be people that are better/better off than you and people that are worse/worse off than you. That's part of life.

YOU gotta run what YOU brung and run it the best you can.

You will win some and lose some but you can't win if you don't even show up to race.

I suppose that you can be happy with the way things are now if you think that the results of therapy will do no good or will make things worse than the status quo.

Ok I'm done now...

>>>Has your wife been through menopause? If so, that may be part of the reason why she's indifferent about sex now.<<<

In fact, she is starting now. But remember this all happened 6 or 7 years ago. She's seemed to be indifferent even then.

I'd probably relented on the last condition if we'd talked at all, maybe discussed the second. But guys I'd have stood on the first. I'm sorry but I would NOT have participated or even opened my mouth in those meetings without a firm understanding that what happened in that room, what was said and discussed stayed in that room.

She never said she was unhappy, but she never said she was happy (or glowing, or breathless or anything else) either.

>>>your holding it against her that she had previous sexual partners because you feel inadequate.<<<

I'd have immediately have denied this two weeks ago, but something happened recently, and I had to do a double take when I read this.

>The strive for perfection though admirable is in the end an exercise in futility. Be mindful of this in your pursuits. It's OK to be "good enough"<

No, it's really not ok. I really don't feel any different about this. I'm comfortable with the fact other guys can be ok being second or third or fourth on the list of lovers. I can't. I really just can't.

I'm preparing for a real knockdown drag out fight when she gets home. I really pissed her off with an event that happened during the receiving line at her dads showing. (yeah, old family friends show up, even old boyfriends). I'd hoped this slipped her mind. Then I went in for a full physical yesterday. You might remember I changed doctors about a year back because one of her close friends (who's a nurse) went to work for my old doctor.

I was worn out, in the exam room, just been told to strip and wait when my phone rang about another problem at work. When the doc came in I just said lets skip the physical, I'm fine. Draw blood, I'll pee in a cup and we'll be done.

Well later when we'd just got into bed and were talking a little, she asked about how the doctor visit went. I tried to 'wriggle' out of her questions and make it sound like I'd had a through, every nook and cranny exam. But she asked so many questions she tripped me up. She was NOT happy when I came clean (furious, actually) and said "you know how important it is for you to get a complete physical! it's too late to go through this tonight, but I want to talk to you alone about the physical and your actions the other day at the funeral home."

Keep me in your prayers, this is going to be a doozy.

[dvnJ22]

I suppose she did want a nice husband. But she's treated me great. She's never said no to sex, I've never heard about a headache. I can tell when she's exhausted, and I didn't pursue sex when she was worn out but she's never told me she's too tired.

I just know she was an enthusiastic participant with other guys, and kinda just didn't expect much with me.

BTW, she makes just over twice my annual salary. She's an administrator, a department head at a large school corporation. She bosses 1 girl and two guys. She really doesn't need me for security. She's not perfect, she CAN be a real bitch at times. I run away.

Ok but you sound depressed, do you love her? If so it's worth it, but from what you've said it sounds like you regret it, and resent her.

[Jessie]

just my perspective….

if you have a woman willing to compromise on an inherent shortcoming, who is a self earner and is decent and not out to rip anyone off.

who is faithful, loyal and loving.

I would NEVER leave such a women.

I totally understand the pain of not being able to sexually fulfil your partner.

Its a dagger in the heart.

But guys like us dont have quite the same options as other guys- c'mon now.

You can lambast me or you like but there it is. Its not negative - its honesty

She seems to love him and I wouldnt walk away for that.

Why would the next women be different. Wouldnt she have to lie a little? Compromise a little?

Proceed with caution and count ones blessings.

ask yourself- do you want Jessie's life?

[Perseverance]

But do you really know how intense her reactions were with another man when you aren't her and you weren't there?

Is needing to be "her best" really about her or is that more about something within yourself? Maybe there would be less need for that if you felt more accepting of yourself?

Well considering I know no one(friends) smaller than me I'm going to go ahead and assume I'm the smallest she's been with. Assuming more girth was more pleasing to her.

It's about both of us. Like what was said before, what kind of bf would I be if I didn't try and be her best? You bet it's about me as well. Maybe I wouldn't have to take shit so serious. You know how easy it is to laugh something off when you know it doesn't apply to you? She didn't ask to have to deal with my insecurity. But I told her. I laid it all out there for her in the first month. I told her all my problems. So she shouldn't be shocked at what me getting upset sometimes or of I try and find ways to feel better about myself.

And no. I don't accept myself. Just like no women accepts her natural form when she wakes up in the morning. If it were that simple for anyone.

[ShameOnThem]

"...what kind of bf would I be if I didn't try and be her best?"

There's nothing wrong with trying to be her best, but that's not what it sounds like you are doing. You have resigned to the fact that you can never be her best so you aren't even trying to be her sexual partner at all, even though you can still be good and make her orgasm(that's what the sex therapist would help you both with). It sounds to me like your pride is excessive and negatively affecting your life. You have to do something about it, because things aren't going to get better if you can't get past your own disapproval of yourself.

I hope your argument goes well. I hope that you both give each other a little bit of leeway due to the stress caused by a death in the family. Funerals aren't easy for anybody, and without knowing anything about the problem that arose, I hope neither of you use this difficult part of both of your lives to bring up other issues you have been bottling up.

Good luck with everything.

-Chris