Hey, New Member need someone to hear me

[pinkocean]

Hi this is my first time writing here and I think I need some help. I have written a long one. This is almost for the first time I m mentioning everything at once. Thank you

I want to talk about my small dick. I m really affected by it ever since I realised I had a small dick. About me, I m 20 year old and I have a penis of about 4 inches erect and flaccid just looks really embarrassing. 

I think its about all the sexual problems I have along with my small dick.

When I was in 5th grade, I was molested by a guy in his late 20s. He forced himself on me and started making out and he didn’t let go off my hand. I remember it very clearly. I ran and puked it out. I didn’t know who to tell this too. So I kept it as a secret. 

When I got in 7th grade, my uncle had started living in my house, we later started sharing a room together. I was a fat kid back then, he used to sleep next to me and would press my chest and pull them and rub his hands. He would also spank me whenever he would feel like and hold me from behind. I always felt uncomfortable but never understood what it was. I started pushing him back and once even told my dad about it, he just laughed it off. In later years, I would fight him if we touch me. 

I also never masturbated properly. Since I was a kid I would hump on the bed, I still do. I feel really filthy about it but I m sort of addicted of it and cannot stop doing it like that. I m trying to stop it right now in my life. 

Back to school. When I was still in school all was fine and I wasn’t worried about my dick cause I would always feel it would grow more. 

But during my 10th grade I realised I had a small penis and from there my series of lying and low self esteem begin. 

My first girlfriend was the first one to see my dick. Other than her nobody else had ever seen it. (Ofc except family) I was still hoping my dick would grow. She didn’t understand how small my dick was because she had no idea about sizes and we also didn’t indulge in sex, so size was not a question. 

We broke up soon. 

Later I found out about Omegle the website where people masturbate or chat on video online. I started seeing man, boys with really big dicks. I didn’t stand a chance against them. So I started acting as a girl online. I would press my chest together to make it seem like a boobs. And I would show strangers my ass and would act like a submissive bottom. I had no idea about what I was doing. I didn’t completely liked it but it felt like atleast I could satisfy someone. 

I felt like I would never be able to go out with a girl with a dick so small. So I thought I would go out with men and offer to be their bottom because my dick cannot satisfy anyone !

So when I was 17, I started using grindr.

I started talking to a lot of men who would say filthy things about me and humiliate me and I would enjoy and would want more of that chat but when it came to taking action I was really scared. 

So I would just delete the app whenever someone would tell me to come to their place. 

Until one day, I finally decided to go. He was in his 40s and I don’t remember what he looked like. 

At first when we started I couldn’t handle it and started crying and bleeding. Then I was almost done and about to go home when we put me on the bed and started thrusting his dick again. I didn’t want to disappoint him so I just screamed and asked him not to stop till he came and after he did, I was broken, I didn’t have in me to stand straight. 

I hated it. It sucked. But only that felt like the right thing. 

All my friends had girlfriend and had sex life. I didn’t have any so I started lying about it. 

I would make relatable comments that would make me feel included. 

I also made up a girlfriend and pretended that she cheated on me or some other reasons to other people. That lie still haunts me. People still think she was my girlfriend. 

I started just being a very private person after I turned 18 and would just lie about things to pretend to be normal. 

I met a girl when I was around that age. She later became my girlfriend. I was really scared of showing her my penis but when I did she was really nice about it. She didn’t once make me feel like anything were wrong with me. I felt really comfortable in my skin for the first time in life.

Last year December we broke up and things haven’t been same. 

I was really jealous that once she will have sex with other guys she would hate me. Make fun of me. And the first time she had sex with someone all I was thinking about is how little she must have felt when she was with me. How she could have done way better than me. 

 

After the break up I downloaded grindr again and went out with a guy. Later, I went to an orgy where I took meth and ghb and 2 dudes fucked me. 

I really don’t think I m sexually attracted to men. Everytime, even when I was 17 and saw the men for first time, I was a little high. I just wanted to feel used and validated by somebody. I knew their validation wouldn’t mean anything sober and I wouldn’t be able to take it sober. So I had to be a little numb. 

I have a fear I cannot satisfy anyone and that makes me do all of this. 

After the orgy, I was really really high. I couldn’t feel much although it hurt a lot, I was just numb. 

Yesterday night, I went out with a guy again. I was again high on drugs and ended up tripping on his bed. At some point I was really drugged and he was just trying to insert his dick in me and it felt very off. I couldn’t believe all of my life choices ended up to this. 

I really wish I had a bigger dick and these problems wouldn’t exist.

I have more to share but this feels good for now. I read many peoples post in here, thank you for helping with some motivation. 

 

 

[Victimorthecrime]

@pinkocean thanks for sharing your story.  I really think the internet has made SPS worse. You’re only 20. Try not to let this ruin the best years of your life.,

[geronimo]

@pinkocean, so sad to read these horrible people abused you.

You are trying to get over a break up still which could happen to anyone. 

Listen to the inner you if you can that is saying clearly from what you write that this is not the right way for you. Best of luck 💛

 

[geronimo]

10 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

 I really think the internet has made SPS worse.

Yep, these apps that are vile because they take no responsibility for anything. I hope one day they get sued into the ground.

[TheDane]

can I ask where you are from? country wise...

[Lukaz]

SPS can be difficult to deal with I understand why you got into bottoming but those guys using g and tina etc are slags who sleep with loads of ppl bareback so you need to be careful about HIV and other SIT's. Perhaps if you are going to continue with that life try to get on prep but in all honesty avoid the chem scene. it is a dark path that is easy to walk down and not so easy to walk back.

You and others here are not gonna live the playboy/pornstar life that the big dick guys have but you had a gf and things worked for a time so do not give up hope. It is a challenge and can feel unfair but many people have challenges and work to overcome them. If you do sleep with guys perhaps you can use it in a positive way, i.e. no drugs and only getting sucked off by guys. That might give you some more experience in a dom/top role which can help with you self esteem (you know there are hungry guys out there that will suck pretty much any dick). 

I think the main issues for many of us is that our condition means we will likely face more rejection than the average dude which does not help when our self esteem is in the shitter but believing in yourself and believing you are more than your dick and you deserve better than a size queen is something worth fighting for even if the fight is difficult and attritional and with unfavourable odds. 

Keep fighting, don't feel ashamed to masturbate, keep away from chems/hnh shit and work on your fitness.

Good luck! 

[pinkocean]

Thank you for all the support you guys are showing. This is really helpful

[pinkocean]

On 4/24/2020 at 11:36 PM, TheDane said:

can I ask where you are from? country wise...

India but now studying in EU

[Victimorthecrime]

1 minute ago, pinkocean said:

India but now studying in EU

How are you doing @pinkocean?  

[pinkocean]

I m doing okay honestly. I visited the forum again today because I felt like talking to someone about my day. 

I m just going to lay it down here.Thanks. 

I went out on a date-walk with a girl today. I had a nice time with her but I lied about things or actually hid a certain things while talking to her. I feel very guilty of that. She's been really nice and sweet to me. Most importantly, she's been honest. I don't want to lie to her,  I wish I could open up more freely. I wish I could just tell her I have this problem. I m not looking for any sexual advantages from her but there is just a certain angst in my chest. 

I thought of showing her this forum. Do you guys this a good idea ? How would she react ? Is it just too much to share with a person you know only for a little while ? What if she stops talking ? 

I don't have anything serious for this girl but I don't want to lie anymore. I don't want my self esteem to be build on lies. 

Like always, thanks for hearing me out. 

[Victimorthecrime]

22 minutes ago, pinkocean said:

I thought of showing her this forum. Do you guys this a good idea ?

That is the worst idea I have ever heard in my life 🤣😂.  
But seriously, don’t get too deep, too heavily on a girl too early. Remember she’s a friend not a therapist. You don’t want to scare her away. I know because I made that mistake too many times when I was younger.  
 

Glad you are doing ok. 

[pinkocean]

3 minutes ago, Victimorthecrime said:

That is the worst idea I have ever heard in my life 🤣😂.  

hahaha, I don't know, I was just thinking. Thank you being honest 😛

[Victimorthecrime]

@pinkocean your welcome. And thanks for having a sense of humor. Good luck in your studies.  

[Klingsor]

16 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

Remember she’s [...] not a therapist.

Never say anything to a girlfriend that makes you appear vulnerable or weak. Small dicks are perceived as a lack of dominance - a lack of TESTOSTERONE - hence weak. Appearing weak is an indulgence only women are permitted.

As a man with a small dick you have two options: totally retreat from the world (which most guys aren’t in a position to do) or work every single day on making yourself physically intimidating. Men only respect dominance so if you lack it in your dick you have to compensate with the intimidation factor. It won’t make the SPS go away or help much with women, but it will limit the amount of disrespect you have to put up with from classmates, friends, coworkers, etc. which will definitely help with your confidence level and give you a simulacrum of the “big dick energy”.

[Wayless]

Looking back, it seems, for 70 years, I always made this error.  Some women, always the ones I became involved with, are looking for a weak man to dominate.  A psychologist told me that about my first wife about 1970, but I didn't believe him because I saw myself as intellectually superior.  The psychologist said I needed to find a submissive woman.

My parents told me several time the way she treated me embarrassed them.  I was blind to it.  I thought I was patronizing them.

Women wanted me to submissive to them, but dominant with our peer groups, men and women.

Pretty much always lead to disaster too.  Didn't really understand it as it played out in real time.  I thought being totally open was what a relationship should be about.

[TheDane]

On 5/13/2020 at 1:58 AM, pinkocean said:

India but now studying in EU

stop the presses!!! are there gay orgies and meth in India? (asked the 1st world person)

[Klingsor]

7 hours ago, TheDane said:

stop the presses!!! are there gay orgies and meth in India? (asked the 1st world person)

SPS (especially flaccid anxiety) is so quickly dismissed as a fag/queer/homo thing, yet no man will ever dare ask WHY, especially considering homosexual men don't have vaginas - which voids all the ramblings about female genitalia. Furthermore, it's the more hypermasculine homo's that are obsessed with it...the bisexuals, "str8 but curious", etc., not the transsexuals or truly effeminate homosexuals. But I don't expect an answer, it requires too much uncomfortable thought - much simpler to blame faggots and women en bloc.

[TheDane]

44 minutes ago, Klingsor said:

SPS (especially flaccid anxiety) is so quickly dismissed as a fag/queer/homo thing, yet no man will ever dare ask WHY, especially considering homosexual men don't have vaginas - which voids all the ramblings about female genitalia. Furthermore, it's the more hypermasculine homo's that are obsessed with it...the bisexuals, "str8 but curious", etc., not the transsexuals or truly effeminate homosexuals. But I don't expect an answer, it requires too much uncomfortable thought - much simpler to blame faggots and women en bloc.

you are very clever klingsor(not being sarcastic .I'm serious here) the social experience of the century would be to have you enrolled in a university level sexology class along with a lot of 3rd wave feminists.

[Klingsor]

On 5/14/2020 at 11:37 PM, TheDane said:

you are very clever klingsor

No it's just observation and logic.

 

 

[Klingsor]

.

[LaLa]

1 hour ago, Klingsor said:

No it's just observation and logic.

 OK, but people who aren't clever cannot observe in the same way and draw often totally stupid conclusions; their "logic" (as they would call it) is not logic at all.

@pinkocean, how have you been doing in the meantime?

Edited May 15, 2020 by LaLa

[TheDane]

  17 hours ago, TheDane said:

you are very clever klingsor

No it's just observation and logic. Men's rights activism and feminist activism are two halves of the same turd. In fact, meet the female counterpart to a typical redpill, MRA, MGTOW, alt-right, etc:

 

dont agree. at least not where I am coming from. there is no mens (just give up the apostrophe 's already like the rest of us) activism. 

[Victimorthecrime]

I tried once to give up the apostrophe but I just couldn’t.  

[Klingsor]

18 hours ago, TheDane said:

 

 

dont agree. at least not where I am coming from. there is no mens (just give up the apostrophe 's already like the rest of us) activism. 

Then support legalized rape and caging women in breeder farms, there are plenty of internet communities that advocate explicitly for it. You won’t be an alpha but you can have his leftovers after he’s reamed his harem out and they’ve bore him 50 children. Exactly the same as it is now...you won’t see a Tinder stud complaining about the status quo. But at least it won’t be a bitch telling you what you can and can’t have.

Where I come from there is no such thing as feminism. It doesn’t exist. Shrieking harridans don’t defend the status quo, it’s the boys I went to school with who made sure I was recognized as a member of the “can’t get pussy” club because i refused to be a lickspittle or punching bag. And it’s actually the beta males, the dingleberries who slavishly court jester for their betters that are the vicious ones and end up acting just like the women they hate...they hone their cheap shot skills to a razors edge because they know they’re losers.

[Victimorthecrime]

The problem w grassroots movements, particularly internet based ones, is anyone can grab the label and start yammering.  Such has been the fate of MGTOW, MRA.  There is however a segment of them that I align with. Those are the guys that while they disagree w some of the far Left and radical feminist voices, absolutely do not hate women but rather have just decided to “go their own way”.  To opt out of society’s sex role game and to firmly reject the pussy beggar model of male-female relations.  Count me in.