About being small and being small

[IrmaJean]

Hey, don't worry about hogging the limelight. I am in a similar place to you in that I have to start taking certain steps to get my life in order.

Yes, Recluse, I have definitely noticed a positive change in you recently as well. Good for you! Maybe you can also try using David's plan of action?

[Recluse]

Hi Irma, I will give David's list a shot in the next day or so. I think it can be helpful in getting my situation together.

[David O]

Good morning ND, I'm not yet back in my ofice so haven't been able to take the time to respond appropriately and in a reasomned manner. I didn't want you to think i had abandoned our work here. I'll be back in this afternoon and should, before day's end respond to you and also to Performer-UK and anyone else that wants to join us.

Thanks for being patient-- long weekend,

David

[David O]

Good morning ND,

Thanks for being patient and I apologize for how long it's taken me to get back on.

In looking at your list of concerns and their rating and then combining the ratings woith how you sopend your day, it seems that one possible solution which would affect >75% of your concens (with the exception of penis size, which likely you see at the core of your issues):

Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness-- 8

No job, money worries --------------------10

Stuck in my home all day------------------ 3

No friends or support system--------------- 8

I cannot try to get freinds untill I have money, and a plausible story to account for the last 10 years, and my total lack of assets or accomplishment.

Negative thoughts about the future, my environment and the world as a whole- 6

Penis size, impotence, ------------9

Suicide as an option---------------------6-9

obesity, not fit to fuck or work-------------6

have started to cut calories and excercise with stationery bike 13 days today.

Have recently sorted my sleep patterns and no longer sleep during the day.

would be getting work. Being employed would get you out of your home (reduces ruminations and self absorbtion with issues), bring in money, address your concerns about being alone and isolated from others, increase the potential for making connections with others who could become part of your social and support network, improves your perceptions about the future and other concerns.

I know all to well that this is overwhelmong and even debilitating, to have to much weight on you, and I think the best way out is to start being engaged in your own life-- ACTIVELY. What this would mean is that we start with job hunting as a first step, which would involve some or all of the following:

• Get your reseume together, clean it up, make it up to date and research what newer reseumes look like. If you've been out of work for awhile, look into functional resumes.
  
• Spend 6-8 hours per day looking for work. Make looking for work a full time job iteslf. Look at want ads, look online, beat the pavement, send your resume and cover letter out daily to at least 5-10 places (you never know what will turn up???), ask around. Be aggressive about this search and no matter what, muscle thru any feelings of disappointment if you hit walls along the way.
  
• If you're feeling depressed and Nearly Dead, devote 1 hour per day, preferably in the late afternoon, to ruminating about this alone. Go into you basement or attic, or closet or any other private space and do nothing more than obses and ruminate about how life has not worked out. Spen all the emotional energy you can muster for this "therapeutic hour" and thence it's done, walk out and think no more about it until the next rumination period. If thoughts insert themselves you'll need to tell yourself that you have a "therapy hour" in your closet or basement devoted exclusively to this issue. Don't deviate from your schedule, as it's important that you focus on how you feel and how life has dealt you a blow-- you will discover many things in these moments of quiet devotion to "self pity" (sorry for how harsh this sounds-- that's not my intent here).
  

ND, let's start just with this step first and then we can move on to other areas. It's my view, and this has been shown in our 30+ years of work with the severe and persistently mentally ill, that often simply forcing yourself into the world has great healing and therapeutic factors. This strategy is one of behaving your way to a nw feeling and thinking as opposed to the hollow thinking your way to a new feeling and behavior approach that leaves one empty sometimes. For many, learning new ways of thinking about issues is crucial (as in CBT) but for others it's the other way around-- BCT (my reworking of the initials for CBT), and I think that based on what you've said, the BCT approach will be better as a start.

ND, I'm sorry this is so curt, I'm on my way to work but will check in later today. I didn't want to leave you hanging and waiting too long. Again, i'm sos soory this is painful and difficult in a way that has left you this isolated. My hope is that over time the behavioral changes will begin to show improvements in your mood, cognition (negative self talk and distortions) and engagement with the world.

Recluse and Performer-UK, hopefully you guys will join us and between the 4 of us we can get some motion flowing for everyone and a stronger support group right here.

Good luck and write back,

david

[nearlydead]

Hi David,

I have been actively searching for work since early november 2009, as this is when I started claiming state benefits. Because I am on state benefits I have to show and prove how Im looking for work. I do have a trade, however I have not worked in that trade for 18 years, and so my skills are out of date and technology has moved on. I then did 8 years as a full time scuba instructor, but again this route is a dead end due to ear trauma. I have not worked at all since 2000, living of the money I made from the sale of my house. I also have no academic qualifications.

I am applying for all sorts of low pay/status jobs from shop work to security guard, all jobs that I have no interest in doing. But I've not got a single interview yet. I have no choice but to keep looking and take whatever crap job gets offered as the state benefits do not cover my outgoings. I will be skint in about 2-3 months, then homeless. At that point it may be the push to die that I need.

I understand the other benefits to working aside from low pay. Socializing, out of the house, building for the future etc. But for every upside I can see a downside. Working with other losers, working 40 hours pw and being only marginally fincialy better off, having to answer questions about my past and personal life, being put in front of women who may want relationships etc

I considered voluntary work, but dismissed it because, it would cost me to work that I cannot afford, and I would still be socialising with even worse losers.

One of the main problems I face if I have to rejoin the world (Which I have to) is how to handle all the social interaction. People will ask questions. What have you been doing for the last 10 years? Why do you have no friends? why no family? why dont you shag debbie on isle 12? why i've never lived with anyone,? why I have no girlfirend? why? why? why?

These are the questions that people ask in getting to know someone for the first time. Questions that I have no answer for.

Whenever I think about this now, I keep coming back to this "effort Vs reward" thing. I realise that my life has to get much more fuckin worse than it is already, before my life gets any better. I dont see it. So it comes down to "faith". I have to just believe its all gonna get better.

But yeh, for now Im looking for work. I hate it, and Im not optimistic, but realistic.:confused:

[Recluse]

asfsadfa

[IrmaJean]

ND, are you calling these people back and asking if they've looked at your resume? I know my H will frequently put applications in a pile unless something stands out about them or the person continues to ask about the job. Try making a case for yourself.

[nearlydead]

OK, knee jerk reaction over. I do see the benefits of working even in a shitty job. Ideally I would like to get back into the , as this is good pay in the UK. I call back all sent cv's to jobs that Im actually interested in. I have also contacted local explaining that I have been out of the for 10 The next best job would be in B2B sales, I have no expierence in this, but can talk the legs of a donkey if need be. I have enough brains to bullshit my CV, so I should have enough brains to bullshit all the other excuses and questions that require answering. I think I can get a job, its just what job and when. All the other bullshit I'll have to deal with at the time. Little steps.

This sulking for one hour a day in the closet, not sure about that one, as one of my biggest problems is getting locked into a loop of negative thinking. Once a negative though comes into my head, it leads onto another. I have roughly 3-4 hours of a negative diatribe that I can just fixate on for days.

One of the changes I have been working on is to police my thoughts as burns says and then conciensly stop them dead in thier tracks. Not sure about opening that door, incase I cant shut it again.

Do like the idea of BCT, action leading to thoughts, distraction etc, I can think a little on that. Cheer's all.

Rec, I sent you a message, cheers

[David O]

OK, knee jerk reaction over. I do see the benefits of working even in a shitty job. Ideally I would like to get back into the Print, as this is good pay in the UK. I call back all sent cv's to jobs that Im actually interested in. I have also contacted local printers explaining that I have been out of the trade for 10 The next best job would be in B2B sales, I have no expierence in this, but can talk the legs of a donkey if need be. I have enough brains to bullshit my CV, so I should have enough brains to bullshit all the other excuses and questions that require answering. I think I can get a job, its just what job and when. All the other bullshit I'll have to deal with at the time. Little steps. Yes, little steps, that's all we're looking at for now. Take the steps for a few days (5-10) and then we can see where you are.

This sulking for one hour a day in the closet, not sure about that one, as one of my biggest problems is getting locked into a loop of negative thinking. Once a negative though comes into my head, it leads onto another. I have roughly 3-4 hours of a negative diatribe that I can just fixate on for days. The point is that you designate the time to ruminate (60 minutes only!!!!!) and then once the time is over, you walk out and it's done through thought stopping. Essentially, once you've gone thru an hour of self inflicted emotional harm, you force yourself to stop, in this way you keep your "habit" w/o letting it rule you. Later we can look at ways to control the habit then to remove or isolate it even more.

One of the changes I have been working on is to police my thoughts as burns says and then conciensly stop them dead in thier tracks. Not sure about opening that door, incase I cant shut it again. You know best here (I'm only an outsider looking in from a distance)-- Burns does put forth excellent strategies. If, however, you're afraid that you won't be able to stop yourself, create an incompatible behavior or activity to compete with the diatribe you speak of. For example, once the hour is over, you get out of the house and take a jog/walk while you listen to your favorite music. As you're jogging and listening, you fully engage by singing along, thereby involving the brain centers (such as Broca's area, Brodman;s area 41 and 42 and other centers of language and cognition) in the process. Once these centers are involved via incompatible behaviors and activities, it becomes more difficult to ruminate and get stuck. You can also begin learning a new language immediately after your hour by playing tape/CD you can get free from your local library.

Do like the idea of BCT, action leading to thoughts, distraction etc, I can think a little on that. Cheer's all.

Rec, I sent you a message, cheers

[nearlydead]

The job hunting thing I am already active in, and have been for a couple of months, not sure on how I can force that situation.

Engaging all the senses of the brain such as sight sound touch smell visulisation, imagination, etc are things I've played with teaching theory and motor skills in diving, so I will give the sulking hour a go.

As an PADI instructor I used to teach pupils new motorskills and knowledge skills without telling them the full story in order to get them to accomplish tasks. Theres obviously more "pro theory" behind these tasks than meets MY eye. So Ill have a go. Cheers David.

I could email you a copy of my CV with my personal details edited out.

[David O]

The job hunting thing I am already active in, and have been for a couple of months, not sure on how I can force that situation.

Engaging all the senses of the brain such as sight sound touch smell visulisation, imagination, etc are things I've played with teaching theory and motor skills in diving, so I will give the sulking hour a go. This may be a language barrier, but English not being my 1st language, what does "give it go" mean?

As an PADI instructor I used to teach pupils new motorskills and knowledge skills without telling them the full story in order to get them to accomplish tasks. Theres obviously more "pro theory" behind these tasks than meets MY eye. So Ill have a go. Cheers David.

I could email you a copy of my CV with my personal details edited out.

[nearlydead]

"give it a go" I mean "give it a shot, make an attempt, have a go, give it a go."

Basically I'm saying "I agree to do as you suggest"

[David O]

Fantastic! Please let us know how it's going in one week. In the meantime, feel free to add to other threads so that you can stay with us and feel a part of the family.

Beune exito (good luck)

David

[nearlydead]

I will report back to this thread monday 25th. Good luck all.

[nearlydead]

Hi David, monday 25th.

Have continued looking for work (as I was already). Sent CV to three companies, chased with phone calls, all declined. Cold called a few trade jobs. One I have to call wednesday (Possibility of unpaid training which Id take if offerd.) Other than that no go at the mo.

The hour long rumination has not gone well. I can more or less keep my brain in order untill the hour at 5pm. Unfortunately I have not been able to pull myself back out of it, which has resulted in me just going to bed early as a way to stop the negative thought cycle. I have tried getting on the excercise bike with ipod after the hour session. This helps but as soon as my brain idles, I return to the ruminating which was the reason behind my negativity on the board yesterday.

What therapeutically am I supposed to gain from the rumination? the I'm very good at beating myself up in this hour, but dont seem to have the discipline to put a stop to it. Once the dog bites, I find I wont let it, let go.

OOOOoops, I mistakenly wrote my response right on your post, my apologies. See below for my response. Again, I'm sorry.

[David O]

ND, I'm glad you wrote back in. I was wondering how things were working

Have continued looking for work (as I was already). Sent CV to three companies, chased with phone calls, all declined. Cold called a few trade jobs. One I have to call wednesday (Possibility of unpaid training which Id take if offerd.) Other than that no go at the mo. ND... I've interviewed thousands of people over the last 30+ years and voice, style, words used, etc., are significant factors in whether an interview is given, sight unseen. I'm wondering, not suggesting or implying, if this is a factor? I also want to say that I've been thru periods in my life when I couldn't find a job for several months, even tho I cold-called. Irrespective of this, while I know this is tough, keep plugging away and maybe even set an aggressive standard of sending/calling a certain number of people per day. Also, you had suggested that we look at your resume, please pm me and I'll give you my business -email and if you're comfortable, I can look at it.

The hour long rumination has not gone well. I can more or less keep my brain in order untill the hour at 5pm. Unfortunately I have not been able to pull myself back out of it, which has resulted in me just going to bed early as a way to stop the negative thought cycle. I have tried getting on the excercise bike with ipod after the hour session. This helps but as soon as my brain idles, I return to the ruminating which was the reason behind my negativity on the board yesterday. OK... this was an experiment that often works, but if the ruminations are too deeply ingrained the strategy is not always effective.

What therapeutically am I supposed to gain from the rumination? For some people, the prescription of the symptom results in them slowly resisting the ruminating behavior (nutshell response) the I'm very good at beating myself up in this hour, but dont seem to have the discipline to put a stop to it. Once the dog bites, I find I wont let it, let go.

ND, can you look at this article in the NY Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/17/books/review/Pinker-t.html?ref=books

Now, here is where I'm going with this.

http://www.hypnoanalysis.com/symptom...l_symptoms.htm

If we were face to face, this would be my next step, hypnosis. In the absence of his, begin reading everything you can on self hypnosis (not as effective but worth looking into). Your local library is an excellent start, as are some sites on the web:

http://www.hypnosisnow.com/selfhypnosis.htm

http://www.wellspringreiki.com/wellspringhypnosis.htm

http://www.mindtools.com/stress/Rela...lfHypnosis.htm

http://ezinearticles.com/?Self-Hypnosis-Techniques&id=3549208

ND, this is not the best medium for working on these issues. I feel terrible that we are limited by location and the web. I know that money is an issue, but hypnosis would be an excellent avenue to pursue-- it is short term treatment and only a few sessions can be extremely powerful. We've used it for pain management and even have had clients undergo major surgery or dental work while hypnotized, absent any anesthesia.

Please do send me your qualifications brief.

David

[nearlydead]

Hi David,

I sent you a PM.

I have dabbled with hypnosis in the past. I gave up a 40 a day smoking habit using nicorette patches, and a hypnosis recording which worked for me. I dont know if the hypno worked, but I understand this is common with hypnotherapy.

I will try and get "The Hidden Brain" from my local library, and read further, I have also read some NLP based books including Bandler. I also have an MP3 of a relaxation program which I used to use, but the guys voice started to get on my tits, so stopped using it. Using the tips described on the sites you linked to I will record my own version, stating 3 goals for the session, and some self written affermations to back up the 3 goals. I will draw this up tomorrow, and see how it go's.

I understand and have used the process of induction with varying success to sort of stop my brain. How or what should I be putting into the statement of goals and trance phase? What should my affermations be based around? Targeted goals such as excercise, job hunting, cleaning etc? or around the fluffy stuff like self confidence, specific obcessive thoughts?

Is there a self hypnosis program to help with my spelling:rolleyes:

I did not know there was a distinction between an hypnotherapist and a Hypnoanalyst. I will look into this for more infomation.

I will post back in a couple of days with an update.

[nearlydead]

http://www.uvm.edu/~chwb/counseling/mindfulness/mindfulnessaudio.html

Self-Hypnosis = 1. Induction. 2. Trance Phase 3. Session Ending.

The above is a link to some hippy lentalist yoghurtmiester's site. The first MP3 recording is the basic "Hypnotic Induction" used in various forms by hypnotists. Its only 10 minutes and it seemed to work for me the times I have bothered to try it.

I always thought that Hypnosis was just about the relaxation bit above. Now I can develop a "Working Trance Phase". Before reading those links posted by David O, I didn't know thats what they called the "Working Therapy bit".

Have any of you out there used or got any expeirence of Hypnosis. Any of you know a shorter way of writing hypnosis. I know its a bit Vulcan Mind Meldie, but its also another tool to put in the box and develop. He Who Dare's Wins, chaps.

[IrmaJean]

I don't have any experience with hypnosis, ND, but I can explain a bit about Vulcan mind melds...

Anyhow, I just wanted to chime in here to say that I like your attitude and willingness to gather more tools to help yourself. Good for you, ND, and good luck with all of this.

[nearlydead]

Thanks Irma, I like the idea of being able to attack this thing with some practical action. Hopefully it will produce some results.

[David O]

Have any of you out there used or got any expeirence of Hypnosis. My first real experience came about when my professor underwent abdominal major surgery under self induction-- made front page news.

Any of you know a shorter way of writing hypnosis. I know its a bit Vulcan Mind Meldie, but its also another tool to put in the box and develop. He Who Dare's Wins, chaps. I wish there was a shorter way. I think having someone actually design one for you would be best, someone you knew and trusted well. In the past I've used Hammonds Hypnotic Induction and Metaphor.

I'll look at your CV as soon as I get it. Good luck ND.

[curtailed]

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1210687204734530548#

[David O]

Hi ND,

Look at this and see which format best suits your needs and those of the places you want to work in. Once you look at the samples, begin crafting your resume based on what you believe is best, then send it my way again. You already have the makings of a good resume, all that's needed is a format that is conducive to the reader's ability to pull it out and read it among 10-20-30-40-50 other ones.

http://jobsearch.about.com/od/sampleresumes/a/sampleresume2.htm

http://www.quintcareers.com/best_resume_format.html

http://www.resume-resource.com/format.html

Good luck,

David

[nearlydead]

Thanks David, I'll check out those links, and put together another CV.

Last night I was researching some Self-Hypnosis stuff, and found this site. It has transcripts for both Inductions and Therapy sessions. Along with information regarding affermations and metaphor. Link below for those who are interested.

http://www.hypknowsis.com/HypnosisHypnotherapy.html

[nearlydead]

Good day today, secured training at a company, if it works out there could be a job in it. fingers crossed!

Also got an appointment for my op. Legs crossed for that one:eek: