Would'nt ya know it

[58corvette]

I think your getting out of it what you have also put into it Random.

And you have Listened, Learned, been Curious, Helped Others; all of this & More has helped you with Your Own Self Realization.

Doing Well My Friend; Keep Going.

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

I felt so good the other day, I actually started thinking about the future. Ah well, it only lasted a day. Acceptance and kindness - yes I have experienced it recently - ironically from two men (MEN - all demons according to me up until about six months ago!). One, my therapist. Two, a new special male friend. Early days yet, but I managed to F--k things up royally the other day so now I am suffering the consequences and waiting to see if the damage can be repaired. And my disability insurer wants to send me to some shrink to assess me. Yah, like they'll be unbiased and write up an honest report! And i finally gave in and gave my ex everything he wanted, just to rid myself of him - and now he wants more. Argggggh. One day at a time. Shall we write a soap opera together? I think everybody on this site could be a regular!

I'm sorry to here things are rough for you. ..I was feeling the same quite honestly about women when I came in here. Ex was still crushing what was left of my heart, mom was moody, and those dating sites don't get me started on those lol. I was starting to get a very sexist view on things myself from being hurt so deeply.

But I had a few women friends that looked after me just for that spot.. and then I came here.. changed my whole outlook. Athena and so many others ladies .. can't mention you all too many lol. You gave me hope and changed my attitude on things. I was getting very bitter, feeling so rejected. You changed my life. This site changed my life.

Please remember how you felt the happiness.. you can and will get it back with time We will have set backs all of us. But together we will keep growing! I found we can have the happiness by ourselves even.. slighty feeling the peace. I know it is possible now.. just got to keep reaching for the goal.

[58corvette]

Hey Athena;

Your Being Honest Girl & That's What Counts. I Respect That & Your Still Learning A Few Things Yourself along the way as well.......

Ya we all could write & Star in A Soap Opera Together; And People would Probably Enjoy it & Many Of us Would Realise were Never Alone & Many People we May think Have it Together; DONT.........................

"DAYS OF OUR LIVES"....... No wait that one's already taken.....HMMMMMMMMM

[randomperson]

Hope you are doing well

[58corvette]

Thanx Random My Friend;

I am doing Ok. I hope you are Continuing to do well yourself?

I still Have Many Issues. Lots of Stress & Confused on Several Fronts.

Right now I have been Thinking about the Many people that have come & gone from This Site; Those that are Still Here & those that are new Here as well.

Part of the Stable Influence (if you will) is the fact of just seeing & Knowing Malign & Allan remain Here for Everyone in the Best Possible manner they themselves know how. People Need some sort of Calm, Steady, Stability & Influence in their Lives I believe.

I have not made Headway, or Moved Forward in Some aspects of My Life that I know I Must. I wake up Daily still to this Day; wondering just what the heck I'm doing?

My Life took a Different Direction since I had my Three Children; Now All Adults & Trying to Find their Own Place & Direction in Life. I Continue Now to Search for My Own? Whatever that may be?

They give Me Hope & that is part of what Keeps me going. I need to Give them Hope Back. I'm not doing that good of Job of it. But I must of gave them Something at Some Point to have a Belief in Me as Well......

I have been in Mental institutions in the Past. You see People Come & Go. At School it is The Same. The Workplace the Same. Part of Life & Moving Forward I guess.

So For Now I'm Still Not on The Streets, at The Salvation Army or in a Mental Institution. As I thought I would be at this time. I'm with My Daughter; who Continues to be Very Driven & Goal Oriented on a Daily Basis. As She Goes to School to Complete Her own Education & Goal of becoming A Elementary School Teacher. HELPING OTHERS...........

She will Graduate for Now with Her College Class with an AA. And Continue Her Education. She's been Having Her Own Night Mares about who to invite with the Tickets She Has Available. To See her Walk with Her Class. I eased her Mind a bit on that Issue.

I will go later to see her at at the Dinner Afterword. At which time I will see My Own Mom. Something I do not look forward to AT ALL. But I need to get Past that & Just keep in Mind this is For My Daughter. I also will see others from My Past on My Ex Wife's Side. So it will be a bit Awkward for Me as Well. But these same People have come to realise My Ex Did & Continues to Do & Behave in a Selfish Manner along with Lies.

It's All Sad. I always Want & Hope for The Best & For People & Family Just To Get Along. It just doesn't seem to Happen. So I'm Still Here, Life Goes On & I will continue to Hope that I Find Direction & Meaning Again in My Own Life.

[Endlessnight]

Dear Jim. You are such a brave man. You give and give and that takes a lot out of us sometimes but you continue to do it. I admire you for that. (((((hugs)))))

Right now I have been Thinking about the Many people that have come & gone from This Site; Those that are Still Here & those that are new Here as well.

Part of the Stable Influence (if you will) is the fact of just seeing & Knowing Malign & Allan remain Here for Everyone in the Best Possible manner they themselves know how. People Need some sort of Calm, Steady, Stability & Influence in their Lives I believe.

I agree with you. Change always upsets me, it kind of throws me off kilter. Stability is important to all of us, knowing that someone or something will be there for us no matter what. Maybe we need to learn that change is natural, and instead of fearing it should try and make peace with it? I don't know if i'm making much sense or not...

Wanted you to know that i'm thinking of you and wishing you good things. Take care. M.

[Athena]

Hi Jim,

I'm still here. Thanks for the update. I do worry though how you are going to get out of the state you are in. I fear that unless you take some proactive steps, somebody else will decide the next step for you and you may not like it. Would you consider doing charitable work? It might add some meaning to your life and make you feel a little better. It will also get you in front of people who know people who might be able to get you paid work.

Anyway, just a thought, for what its worth (I kind of already knew this type of thing was good for the soul, but I also read that it was one of the recommended routes out of depression).

[randomperson]

Still here too just get in so late I don't have time to write.

Drying clothes is the only reason I am still up now.

Enjoy the graduation it doesn't come often and says much about you as a parent with the skills you have taught her.

I know what you mean about coming and going. Life is fluid. New people come in old ones leave.

I am finding out if you don't go with the flow it will break even the strongest person. I am not one that has learned that lesson easy. ..so much I still have yet to learn. I hold on to people I love even when it is there time to go. It has been a real challenge learning to let go. Thing is sometimes they come back. But it is never in our timing. Sometimes I think our timing is not always right anyway. That sometimes they leave because they need to for either their growth or ours.

Whether I am on all the time or not I am always thinking of everyone here. Still carry the lessons I have learned with me everyday. When I struggle I use this place as my mental happy place. I know I have people that are here for me. Know me good and bad and still care and believe in me as a person. That alone means everything and keeps me going.

I agree with Athena going out and doing charity work might help lift your spirits and help you build new networks.

[Endlessnight]

I agree with what Random wrote:

Enjoy the graduation it doesn't come often and says much about you as a parent with the skills you have taught her.

You are a good parent Jim and i'm sure your daughter loves you very much.

Random, you said what I was trying to say in my previous post on here (sometimes the words just won't come out right!):

I know what you mean about coming and going. Life is fluid. New people come in old ones leave.

I am finding out if you don't go with the flow it will break even the strongest person.

Whether I am on all the time or not I am always thinking of everyone here. Still carry the lessons I have learned with me everyday. When I struggle I use this place as my mental happy place. I know I have people that are here for me. Know me good and bad and still care and believe in me as a person. That alone means everything and keeps me going.

Random, so many of us have been helped by this forum, by the people on it. It does make a difference to know that someone is listening, and cares enough to answer our posts.

Jim, You have so much inside to give that what Athena said about volunteering for some charity work sounds like a good idea.

Wishing everyone well...((((hugs)))) to all.

[58corvette]

Dear M., Athena & Random;

Thank You So Much For Your Reply's, Concerns & Suggestions. Always Appreciated. I know I have Not Been Of Much Help to Others Here Lately.

And M. I especially Want to Let You Know I have been Following Your Post & Know Things Have Been Quite Rough for You Lately. Yet You Have Not Hesitated With Encouragement & Kind Words For Me as Well. Thank You.

Dear Athena; You Keep Me On My Toe's & Make Me Step Back, Look & Think About Things FOR SURE. I Agree That Charitable Work Would Be Helpful To Me in Many Ways. I do Like Helping Others. It does have A way of Soothing The Soul. Becoming More Proactive is Correct......................

Random; As Always My Friend. Thank You; Ya Just Thanx My Friend..............

Tomorrow I get with My Oldest Son to Move his Stuff out of My Storage. Him & I Failed; (For Now) in What we Set Out to Accomplish. But were Both Still ALIVE; So Hope Remains..............My Twin Son Will Be Picking Me Up; Since I Cant Drive My Van Now at this Time.............

My Twin Daughter See's Her Mom Today; (She's Not Looking Forward To That); Something She Must Do For Her Continued College Education At A University. Both My Daughter & I Know this is a Way For Her Mom to Save a Little Grace For Herself with My Daughter & Her Family at This Time. She(My EX) Has managed to Put Both My Daughter & Myself in Predicements which are No Good & Unconfortable at The Same Time. She Continues To Be Very Selfish & Wicked in Her Ways. Someday Much of This Will Eventually Catch Up To Her & Bite Her On The Bottom. Still Very Sad For ALL Involved.

Anyway; I Need To Continue To Believe There's Still Light & HOPE..............

[Sherzade]

I am also around, however not so visible.

I am glad that your daughter made it through. You must be so proud of her! She is your daughter and she made it. Congratulations Jim.

So I'm Still Here, Life Goes On & I will continue to Hope that I Find Direction & Meaning Again in My Own Life.

I think that meaning is more a personal state than a condition of life. I think that meaning comes through being embodied and active. The meaning of life is the meaning that we attribute to it.

i too suffer from hoping that one day, in the future, i will find meaning and direction. I don't think i will. Meaning and direction is me being embodied, now.

I hope that you find satisfaction in your now, even if not total. Now you are sad but also happy. Make some space for both (happiness too)

I think of you Jim with much respect.

[randomperson]

It does always seem like one trial after another. There has to be some trick to just making it through not holding on to the problems. ..yet to totally figure that one out. Yep think lot of us have ex issues. Heard on person once say they are ex for a reason.

[58corvette]

Sherzade; Nice to Hear From Ya. I Know Life Continues to Be A Mystery......

When My Children Were Very Young, There Was A Movie That Came Out Called; "The Never Ending Story" Don't Know if Any Of You Ever Heard of it Or Seen It? It is about a Boy Named Sebastian who Finds a Book & An Escape from his Own World & Goes into Another World That is Basically Losing "HOPE". He Must Find A way to Save it & Not Only Give Them Hope Again But Himself & Meaning For Life. And it is Basically "A Never Ending Story (I Believe) We Must all Figure Out & Overcome.. So The Story Continues......

I Was Able to get My Oldest Son's Stuff Out Of My Storage; With The Help From My Twin Son (Who is Permanently Disabled) & His Truck. My Oldest is Doing OK; Still Surviving. But his Living Conditions still aren't the Best. He seemed a bit Distant from me as well. I don't know it's just Continues to be a bit Sad for me to see Him in these type of Conditions. I still think at Times he got The Worst of His Mom's & My Afflictions I guess would be the best Word for it.

My Twin Son Despite All He has been through Himself; Remains Focused. As A Parent it Remains Tough for Me to see Him Disabled (His Back). He can not do many Things Now Physically; Very Limited. But He Remains Optimistic on His Goals & Future.........He Also Goes To College & Majors In Computer Animation. Very Proud Of Him As Well. He Has Overcome Quite A Bit in His Life.

The Next Day I went With My Daughter, Her Boyfriend & His Daughter To The Ocean (I Love So Much) Next to My Hometown. Saw Dolphins Swimming Amongst The Surfers. A Very Rare Occurrence. We Than went to Eat at my Ex's Sister Husbands Restaurant Where He Works. I Have Not Seen Either Of Them in About 10yrs. So That was GOOD for My Soul. Her Family Has Become More & More Aware Through Time I was Not To Blame or Did the Things She Said Or Accused Me Of. Her Actions Affected Many Lives; TO THIS DAY.

From There we went into Hollywood & The Famous Walk Of Fame; Sunset Strip & Grauman's Chinese Theatre. Many Different People & All Walks Of Life. Over To Ritzy Rodeo Drive & Beverly Hills. It Never Ceases To Amaze Me Just How Close Rich & Poor Are; Yet So Very Far Away. For Me it Continues to be a Rat Race & Fish Bowl in L.A.....So it was Nice to Get Back to A Place where there is Room & Space to Breathe Fresh Air & Enjoy Wide Open Space & Nature. If I could Combine The Best of All These Places I Would. It Comes Down To $$$$$$$$$$. And the Ability, Foresight, Focus & Determination to Make That Happen. Sometimes it Seems So Clear & Easy. I guess Since I Have Not Been into Material Things & $$$$$$ That Has been part of My Downfall & Curse. Never Did Seem To Fit in Anywhere in Particular.

Anyway The next Day I was Supposed To Get My Stuff Out Of Storage; But A Little Situation & Bad Weather has For Now Prevented That. My "Stuff" Will basically Be Outside (Much Of It At Least) on the Property I am Now at With My Daughter. So Although I wont Have To Pay Storage Fees after Two Years; I will have to Figure Out What To Do with Much Of it. Another Unfortunate Condition of The Last Two Years after I Moved Back From My Apartment I Lived Alone in For Two Years As well.

So Best to Just Try to Continue To Live Day To Day & Not Think So Far Ahead.........And Yes ATHENA; You Are Correct in Many Ways of Where I am & The Position I Have Put Myself in. In The Meantime I will Continue To WRITE, Let it Out & Attempt To Get This Brain & Body Of Mine In Order.........

"The Never Ending Story"

[Athena]

Jim,

Wow, that sounds like a pretty good few days.

Your twin son sounds like an inspiration. Sounds like somebody that would be good for you to spend more time around.

Do I detect a slight hint of ....Happiness....?

[58corvette]

Perhaps I Left out The Most Important Event & Situation Of Those Two Days. As My Twin Son & I were Traveling Back From Delivering My Oldest Son's Belongings to His Current Residence. At An Underpass Below The Highway Was A Homeless Man with A Sign. Without Words Or Hesitation We Both Gave Some Money, Bottled Water & Snack Bars To This Gentleman.

All My Children Have That Instinct in Them & we Have Been There. It is Always Just A Step Away For Any Of Us At Any Given Time. If Just For That Day it Gave this Person Another Day Of Hope For Himself & Belief In Others. Something Good can Come Out Of This. Tomorrow He May Be Doing It For Me As Well............................

[shanrucas]

We have a few of the homeless who hold signs asking for help in town. But there is a man that sticks out to me, who lives in a tent in the trees just below the cementary where I walk my dogs. As far as I know he has been there at least a couple of years. He gets up early in the morning and walks far down along the high picking up things that have been thrown out. He never hardly ventures into town, never holds as sign asking for anything. He is a silent man, a harmless man, when I have come acrossed him while walking the dogs he politely stands aside and just gives an nod and then goes on his way. I don't know how or what he survives on, but I get a sense that he is at peace with him self. I can't help but find inspiration in him as well as admiration. He is truly a modern day Jerimiah Johnson.

[Endlessnight]

Dear Jim. It's nice to hear from you again, and to hear about what you have been doing. Your day at the ocean, seeing the dolphins sounds great. I'm so happy you were able to enjoy yourself. Your twin son sounds like a wonderful person, as is your daughter, and both are testaments to your good parenting Jim. You must be very proud of them. I know you feel some sadness for your oldest son, you want to help him but are unable to. Sometimes it's out of our hands.

Giving to the homeless man as you and your son did shows how caring and good hearted you both are.

I wish happiness and peace to you and your family always.

Take care, M.

[58corvette]

Thanks For Your Replies;

Athena; I'm Not Sure If It was or is Happiness as Much as Perspective of The World Around Me as I see it Sometimes. I Have A Long Ways To Go as Far as Fulfillment & Happiness. I Have Way To Much Missing In My Life & As You Stated; "PROACTIVE". I Must Do Something About It........I Do Spend As Much Time With My Twin Son As Possible. When He Was In His Near Fatal Accident 1 1/2yrs. Ago. My Oldest Son & I were At The Hospital Everyday For Him Through His Two Surgeries & Recovery. I Used To Write (On A Napkin) Daily Sayings & Inspiration's For Him To Keep Him Hopeful. He Uses That To This Day As A Source Of Strength & Inspiration For Himself.

Dear Dear M. Thank You So Much. You ARE A Sweet & Wonderful Person. You Have A Kind Heart & Gentle Soul. I Am Proud Of My Twins For Sure; They Both Have Been Through Quite A Bit In Their Young Lives. My Oldest Son Called Me Yesterday & Wants To Take Me To A Pro Baseball Game. So I Think He is Slowly Coming Around & Trying His Best As Well to Stay On The Right Path. He Was Put Into A Position During Divorce That NO ONE His Age Should Have To Deal With. He Ended Up Becoming Addicted To Pain Medication During His Work As A (Very Good) Mechanic & It Slowly Eroded Who He Truly Is As A Person & His Capabilities.

So I Think I Instilled Something In My Three Children. Although To This Day I Continue To Struggle With My Own Mental Issues, Who I Am & The Direction I Must Find As Well.........

And As I Said M.; All My Children Have That Sense & Compassion To Help Whenever Possible To Those Less Fortunate. We All Have Been There Ourselves & Continue To Receive Some Form Of Help From Others As Well. So To Understand & Give Back A Little Is Just Knowing It Means So Very Much if Just For That Moment Or Day.....

I Wish The Very Best To You & Your Family As Well M.

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

All of you are some of the kindest people I know. And I know it is who you are. This site lets you be who you are. I can tell you are growing closer to your children and they care dearly for you. I am glad!

PS Always loved that movie that and Flight of the Navigator, the songs as well. Watched it as a kid.. when my mom was being beat and I would escape into an imaginary world. Lived there for many years in a way. Funny just thinking about it I can still almost slip back into it and find some joy. Best part of my childhood

[58corvette]

Random My Friend; Thanks So Much For Your Kind Words & Sincerity. Back At Ya My Friend. I Remember "Flight Of The Navigator" Very Well. My Oldest Son Was Also A Child When That Movie Came Out. Any Form Of Escape From Harsh Realities Is Good. I Am So Sorry To Hear Again What Your Mom Endured. NO ONE Should Ever Have To Deal With Such Cruelty.

Yesterday My Twin Daughter just Mentioned To Me How She Dealt with Me & Her Mom's Bitter Divorce. She Focused Her Energies In A Positive Way By Concentrating On School & Sports. To where She Told me it was Devastating To Her Twin Brother. But Now He Himself Is Able To Focus & An Agreement They Made With Each Other (As Twins) And Brother & Sister Has Helped Both Of Them Remain Focused To This Day.

I Had A Very Good Day At The Ballgame With My Oldest Son; He Seems To Slowly Be Improving; And I will Always Continue To Hold Out Hope For Him As Well. He Burned Some Bridges Along The Way; Including With My Twin Daughter; So Of Course As Long As There Is LIFE There Is HOPE for Repair Of That BRIDGE As Well.

I Had A Couple Hours Sleep Than Got All My Stuff Out Of Storage After 2yrs. Since I Moved Back. I was Able To GIVE Much Of My Furniture To My Twin Sons Best Friend; And The Remaining Furniture To My Best Friends Daughter. Both Are Young, On There Own With Families; So It Did My SOUL Good To Know It Went To A Good Cause & Will Be Put To Good Use. The Remainder Of My Things For Now Has Been Put In A Storage Container Here At My Daughters. So Of Course I Have Mixed Feelings & Emotions About Everything As I Continue To Downsize & Run Out Of Both Material Items, Possessions & $$$. But Just As I Remain On This Site, I Also Remain ALIVE, Have SHELTER & FOOD In My Stomach. So I Remain With Hope That I Can Start Over AGAIN & Someday Find PEACE, LOVE, COMPANIONSHIP, WORK & STABILITY In My OWN LIFE.

[randomperson]

Picks me up to read your message. You are the inspiration. Again we all have made great progress. We might slip at times but we get back up and get a little stronger each time.

[Athena]

So Of Course I Have Mixed Feelings & Emotions About Everything As I Continue To Downsize & Run Out Of Both Material Items, Possessions & $$$. But Just As I Remain On This Site, I Also Remain ALIVE, Have SHELTER & FOOD In My Stomach. So I Remain With Hope That I Can Start Over AGAIN & Someday Find PEACE, LOVE, COMPANIONSHIP, WORK & STABILITY In My OWN LIFE.

Jim,

You truly are a strong person, infinitely more so than myself. Perhaps you draw your strength from the past, from decent parents and a decent family life. The way your kids turned out, it sounds like you must have had a pretty good childhood and so had good examples to follow. I think strong positive memories truly help people get through tough times later in life. Am I way off or do you get your inner strength from somewhere else? (I kind of have a personal interest in this subject:))

[58corvette]

Athena; Thank You For The Compliment. I Truly Believe You Yourself Have Your Own Inner Strength, Will-Power & The Ability To See Many Things As They Really Are.

I Believe I Did Draw Much Of My Own Inspiration & Family Values From My Parents & A Good Stable Upbringing Myself. When I was A Baby I along with My Three Older Siblings at The Time were put into a Foster Home for One Year; when My Parents Had Their Own Personal Difficulties. They Had To Battle The State To Get Us Back. They Did & Remained Together for 60yrs of Marriage Up Until My Dear Dad's Death Early Last Year. I Have No Memories Of That Time as I was Only A Baby.

So My Childhood Was Good. Many Good Memories. As I said Before Many Of My Issues Growing Up Were My Own Personal Demons. Up Until My Older Brother's Death in 1975 My Senior Year In High School at The age of 17yrs Old. Although My Family had our share of Good Stable Times After That; We Or I were never The Same. A Few Other Events; Tragedies & Divorces Continued To Deteriorate Our Family Happiness & Harmony.

So Once Again Your Are Pretty Much Right On The Mark & Not Off Base. I Think Part Of My Other Inner Strength (If There's Much Left At All) is My Own Belief That Things Can Always Get Better & There is Hope With Other People & Myself. I Call It My "Pilot Light" the Little Flame inside Your Heart Or Soul That Must Remain Lit in Times Of Struggle, Trouble & SURVIVAL.

So Yes I believe At Some Point All Three Of My Children Did Pick Up On The Family Love, Bond & Values. Especially As More Years Have Gone By Since My Own Divorce. They Have Since Experienced The Negative Affects & Lies Their Mom Portrayed. She Is Very Selfish & As A Parent it is Something that Eventually Shows Through To Your Children. You Never Stop Being A Parent & as Children Ourselves We Become Aware Of That The Second We Have Our Own Children Till The Day We Leave This World.

So I haven't Been The Best Example With My Own Instability & Job Loss; But I do Remain With My Values & Any Type Of Love I can Give. Even As Adults They Continue To Pick Up On That As A Form Of Strength & Guidance In Their Own Lives.

I Hope That Made Sense Athena & Helps You In Any Way for this Very Personal Subject. Family Is So Vital & I'm Seeing It Deteriorate More & More in Our Ever Changing Society.

Random; Again My Friend Thank You For Your Kind Words & Own Inspiration. Many Times I Believe We Can Feed off & Be Inspired By One Another.

Thanks Again Everyone; Always.

The Best To You

Sincerely; Jim

[Endlessnight]

Dear Jim. You truly are an inspiration to all of us as Random said. You have been through so much yet you still think of others first. I'm so glad you and your children are re connecting in a good way. They seem to be wonderful people, just like their father.

What your daughter said about how she coped with the breakup of your marriage reminds me a lot of me...I too turned to sports and school as an escape when my parents were breaking up. I remember after the break up we moved to another flat and when all the furniture was delivered I realised a little rocking chair of mine, that I had had since I was a child, was missing. When I asked my father where it was he told me he had given it away. I cried and cried over that chair and my father couldn't understand why I was so upset. It was as though I were saying goodbye to a part of me that I didn't want to let go of. I know it must have been hard to have to get rid of a lot of your possessions, yet you turned it into something good. I hope that, through your sadness at this period of your life, you might find some peace and comfort in getting to know your childen better and sometimes starting fresh without all the past baggage can be a good thing. I hope it might be so for you.

I wish you well Jim.

your friend, M.

[58corvette]

Dear M.; Thank You So Much Again For Your Kind Words. I Truly Do Believe My Three Children Have Good Hearts. Through The Years I Have Seen My Oldest Son Change From One Of The Most Amazing Children I Have Known. So Full Of Life & Socialism. He Got Along with EVERYONE & Had An Uncanny Ability With Adults as A Child. I remember I used to Always Wonder if he Could Keep That Ability Up As An Adult? Sadly I Believe Do To Circumstance, Life, Divorce, & Drug (Pain Killers) Addiction; He Hasn't. It breaks My Heart Deeply. Because he Was Truly Such A Beautiful, Inspirational Easy Going Child Himself. So Different From me As A Child & So Easy To Bring Up As A Parent.

But he Continues To Hang On Himself & Survive For Now. So That Gives Me Hope in Itself. I Just Know He Has So Very Much To Offer PEOPLE & This World. He just has become Very Jaded & Has Seen The Very Dark Side Of Society. The Path He Chooses; Is A Fragile One Indeed. Straight, To The Left Or To The Right.

My Twins On The Other Hand (For Now) Remain Focused & Their personal Life Goals Remain Intact. I Believe They Themselves Draw Strength & Inspiration From One Another. My Twin Son Remains The Peaceful Or (Moderate) One If You as far As Family Harmony. He Makes All effort To Get Along with Everyone & Does. My Twin Daughter & Oldest Son Remain At Odds. But I Know They Do All Love each other Deeply. It's Just Love Can be fragile when it Comes To Hurt, Words, Fear & Anger. Such is The Case Here.

So I understand M. when You mention Your Escape from Such Terrible Separation & The Value, Comfort & Importance That ROCKING CHAIR Had For You.

I am Holding On The Best I Can & Continue To Believe I can Start Fresh Again. Although I don't See or Understand It Most of The Time Myself; Because i get So Wrapped up In My Own Little World; I Know I need To Continue To Be Around For My Children; No Matter My Own Circumstance...

I am Not Really Sure How I Inspire ANYONE. But If My Words Or Actions Have Some Sort Of Meaning to Just One Person & It Can Make A Difference Just For That Day; It Gives Anyone Hope & Meaning In This Life.

I Know Everyone here On This Site is Searching For That; Including Myself. And I Continue To Be Inspired By You M. & All Others That See The Good In Others & Yourself.

Thanks Again So Very Much To Everyone & For This Site.

May All Our Journey's Continue...........................................