Would'nt ya know it

[Lindamomof7]

Hey Jim. I'm not on here as often, glad I caught your post. I wish you well in sorting out your priorities for yourself and your family. Please stay strong and stay focused on getting yourself well and obtaining what you so desire in life. I know the job market is tough but like I have always told you, think outside the box and fight for yourself!!! You can do it Jim, you are strong and smart go grab that dream, it's right in front of you... (((JIM))) :-))

[Guest ASchwartz]

Jim, you're getting great advice and support here. I just want to add that its not lazy that you are feeling, its depression.

Allan

[Sherzade]

I am thinking of you Jim, which means i am supporting you. See it as a hug when you feel low and not as an expectation.

(((Jim)))

Be gentle to yourself.

[58corvette]

Well my Son talked to me today about what to do now that money is gone & we have to leave Hotel. Although im not looking forward to it for several reasons; looks like I will be staying with my Daughter & her boyfriend.

My Son will be staying with some friends. For both of us it's better than the Streets. I am just So Sorry, Sad, Frustrated, Embarassed, Ashamed & (many other Thought & Emotions) that things did'nt work out for My Son & I.

I will miss his Company & Him Tremendously. He is slowly coming around so that gives me Hope for him up the Road. For Me Who Knows?

I hope still that both of us can get back together under Better Circumstances, With Jobs & A Place of Our Own Someday.

Still going to my Daughter's Completley Broke & Not feeling Confident At All with my Mental Issues is Quite Scary.

Despite Both of Our Issues & My Son's Addiction; I am just going to Miss Him So Very, Very Much.................He has been My Company & Friend through some Lonely Times the Last Few years.

God Please Help Both of Us & Someday maybe we can Both See Bright Days without so much Pain'

I will Miss You My Dear Dear Son:( God PLease watch over & Help Guide Him

[randomperson]

God be with you and your family during these difficult times.

[Athena]

Jim,

Is it possible for you to think of this as a new beginning? Can you allow yourself to be grateful for your daughter's kindness? Gratitude is one of the most powerful positive emotions out there. It would be nice if you could at least sometimes bask in the warmth of it.

I am happy that being on the street is not your only option. I hope things start turning around for you soon. You could sure use a break.

[Sherzade]

Hello Jim. Better news but i can imagine your frustration and disappointment.

You have a roof, a base. This is important. Better than the street. Is there anywhere where you can look for mental and emotional support? It would be great if you could start working on your self esteem. I think that your sense of worth is really damaged and you need help to restore it.

You are humble enough to accept your daughter's help and that is positive.

Hold on to hope. Hope for happier days. But one thing at the time. Now moving to your daughter's and saying goodbye to the physical closeness you had with your son.

We will be around if you need.

Hope to you.

[58corvette]

Dear Athena; Of course I am Grateful for My Daughter's Kindness, More than you may ever know. I Love & Cherish all Three of My Children from the very Moment They were Conceived.

For me Athena it's just that I feel very much a Failure in so many ways to Myself & My Children. The Day I will be able to Bask in Warmth is when I am Strong Again & My Three Children All Get Along.

Her Boyfriend is 20+ yrs. Older than her & she was Barely 17 to 18 when this all started. I was away from my Children at the time thanx to EX, Courts & Manipulation. To me he is Like a Substitute Dad to Her. He is only a Few years Younger than me. And he is Manipulative. Everything is His & My Daughter goes to College.

Plus he has already Caused Problems with My Two Other Sons & Their Mom & Alienated My Daughter From all of them. So this is really about Something that I Think May make Matters even Worse with My Daughter. Although I believe My Sons Hope it opens up her Eyes to Certain Things.

I Know you mean well Athena & Have My Best Hope & Interest at Hand. And it is better than Streets; (For Now). I just hope you understand I am Very Grateful & God knows I need a Break; But I Need to Be Very Very Careful & Aware so things just dont get any Worse for me & My Children that This Disasterous Divorce Caused So Many Years ago for all of us.

Sherzade you Hit The Nail On The Head Again. I have So Much to Work On With Myself & Hope to Some Day Get back My Sence Of Self Worth & Meaning in This Life Of Mine.

Random My Friend On A Very Personal Note I Want To ThanK You So Much for Being My Friend & Confidont & Other Things Between You & I. You Truly Are Such A Kind Hearted Well Meaning & Giving Person. Whatever Lady that ever Finds You Will Be One Lucky Lucky Lady Indeed.

Besides Athena, Random, Sherzade I want to Also Thank Dear Linda & Shannon. Along with Endlessnight, Ken, Allan, mscat who have all been with me from the Start of this Ongoin Post.

Your Help, Kindness, Understanding, Advice & Caring Means So Very Much To Me.

You Are ALL The BEST PEOPLE I COULD EVER ASK FOR. I Truly Hope I can give you Good News one day with All This Mess.

And God Knows All Of YOU ALSO DESERVE THE VERY BEST LIFE HAS TO OFFER. I knew this Day was Coming Now I just have to Try to Make The Most of It & Pray it has a Good Decent Ending; for Another Beginning.

At 52yrs. Old I just Feel So Damn Incompetent with Myself & My Children. I could of understood this in my Late 60s to 70s maybe but not now, not at this Age & Point in My Life.

I just Hope I Live Long Enough To Have Grandchildren & Enjoy Them & Give Back Something to This World, Myself & Others.

When I am Alone it is All So Overwhelming. I Hate Being A Loner & Alone & Now Depending on Others with My Life.

God Knows all I ever Wanted was a Happy Family Life, Marriage, A House, some Animals & To Enjoy My Later Years with That. It just doesnt seem like it will ever Happen Again at all.

You People Are The BEST. THANK YOU SO VERY VERY MUCH.

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

I want to tell you something I hope will renew your spirit.

You know I have been on a fairly rough ride last 2 years.

It was crazy I was on top of the world best I had ever felt and been in life and in a 2 months everything changed.

Things was starting to look very grim recently.

I worried my mother was about to die, about to lose my job, and had no hope in finding a GF.

Let me tell you what happened in just a few days.

Mom went to the Dr., not 100% sure but they think she doesn't have anything short term life threatening.. plus boss just approved the catalog which means my job is likely in good shape for at least several months more... plus I had a successful date!!!!!! First fun date I ever had. I thought it went bad as she ignored my call but I went up there and it didn't it went well.. she smiled when she saw me walk up!! in fact my main problem now I have a second woman I don't know wanting to latch on to me openly on Facebook and I'm not sure how to respond as I never encountered anything like this... but I will sure take that tiny tiny problem over all the others anytime lol.

Just when things seem the worse.. everything can change in that short of time. Course as I found same can be said in the opposite.

I hope this message gives you hope my friend. Even if everything goes south again for me.. and I know it could.. I will try to carry the heart of this message deep in my soul. That things can change for the better just as quick as they can for the bad.

[Sherzade]

At 52yrs. Old I just Feel So Damn Incompetent with Myself & My Children.

I am so sorry Jim that your dreams didn't come true and that a cloud named failure haunts you like a ghost.

Each one of us have difficulties that challenge us. The only reasonable way to deal with it is (as far as i am concerned), cry like a baby for some hours, feel really sorry for oneself and then accept the challenge and work with it.

I think that one of your challenges is to forgive yourself. You tried your best but the result was not what you hoped for. It feels like an end or THE end, but it is not. 52 y old may feel old but you are still young. You still have many many years in front of you. This may feel overwhelming at the moment and this is when your other challenges comes into play: recover from depression and restore a respectful sense of yourself.

When I am Alone it is All So Overwhelming. I Hate Being A Loner & Alone & Now Depending on Others with My Life.

I hope you let me suggest to you that a person that finds being alone so overwhelming usually has a tendency to be dependent on others. I think that you mentioned in a past post that you felt (emotionally) dependent on your son. If not, i remember thinking that. What i am trying to say is that being/feeling dependent on others seems to be a pattern of yours? And if this is so, this current events may actually help you look at something that you may want/need to face sooner or later.

Let me tell you that i am very dependent on others as well and that i feel completely lost when i am on my own. I could easily end up in a situation like yours. I am trying to end my therapy for some years now but i can never manage the anxiety, so i don't

Meanwhile i sing...

XXX

[58corvette]

Thanx Sherzade. Once again you are Correct in every way. And when I left a few years back & lived on my Own for Two Years; No matter how hard I tried I was always So Alone & being so far from my Children & some Family made matters worse.

I was just never able to Establish Myself & the fact that the Casino Industry was so Hard & Unstable & Economy was getting bad made matters worse.

So when my Son begged for Help at a Time I was so Vulnerable Myself I thought it was best to Move back near my Three Children & Dad. I think I still did the right thing & made the right Decision; But I never thought My Son's Addiction was So Bad, My Brother would Threaten my Life when my Dad was Dying & My Son & Daughter would Disslike & have nothing to do with each other. Or I would have so much trouble finding a job.

That is still one of the Hardest things for me Right Now. The fact that I will be moving in with My Daughter & Her Boyfriend who has nothing at all to do with My Son who I have lived with the Last Two Years. And he has nothing to do with them either.

Basically I have my Three Children left in my Life. But it is so Fractured. I dont know I just dont see any Positive in this Move or Situation. And with my Mental Issues & now Penniless I just have no Control or say in My Life at all at this Moment.

Damned if I do damned if I dont. To Be or Not To Be That is The Question? You Bet i am Dependent, Weak, An Emotional, Physical, Mental Train Wreck. I am so tired of Starting Over, Not Having Anything, No Stability & being So Unstable Myself.

The only Time I had it Together in My Life for a Period of Time was when I was Married with Children & Family was Around & I Felt Wanted & Responsible, Loved by a Wife.

Now although I Know my Children Love me, I just cant get it together. This Insecurity I have had since I was a Child Myself. And when My Older Brother Died when I was a Teenager I was basically Gone & No One until I found Love in My Life (So I Thought) with my Ex Wife.

So ever since that Treaded Day Over Seven Years Ago now when my wife left me & took Children & I lost My House. I said then My Life was Over. It was Like I had Four People Die all at one time & I Died to.

I need A Lot Of Help & I know it. I know i can enjoy Life & Im Afraid To Die or End It All Myself. But to keep Living This Way is so Bad to. My Son is Doing Better but I know His Addiction will be Something he has to Fight for The Rest Of His Life. And My Mental Issues are Like An Addiction To & im Tired of Fighting It, Trying to Figure it out. And Relying on others while being so Damn Insecure & All Alone.

I have a couple days left now in this Hotel that has been my Home for Over 8 Months. I have been here to see All Four Seasons & it has been my Place where No One Can Harm Me. Now I will be going to a Place with Strangers (My Daughters Boyfriend & His Daughter) and My Daughter who I have not lived with for over 7yrs now.

And From what I have seen & know of her Boyfriend I just wont be able to be Myself & he will end up Expecting more than I can Handle. He is one of them People that welcomes you with open Arms but there is always something in it for him. Just Like My Mom who thinks she Always does something for you & you Never have done anything for Her & Owe Them. And you end up the Bad Guy.

Like I said My Two other Sons think this Somehow will be a good thing for me & Believe it will Open Up My Daughters Eyes to How Manipulative & Bad for Her this Boyfriend really is.

I just Never Wanted to Be a Part of this Mess & have kept my Distance due to All of this with Her Boyfriend. So I will go & Try & as I told her if it doesnt work out I will move out. Of course I dont let her Know Myself what I think of Her Boyfriend or His Intentions. My Moving & Living there May? force that Issue. I hope not. I just dont Need More Termoil or Instability in My Life that's already a Wreck as it is.

And who am I to Judge Anyone. Ya Until (If Ever) I get My Life Back On Track & Figure just want I want or Who I am I will never be able to Feel & Be Someone I Need & want to be.

Im just Living A Daily Never Ending Nightmare of My Own Making in My Own Trapped Caged World.

Benjamin Franklin; "Death & Taxes". But boy did he Live An Amazing Life in between.

My Energy is Just Gone. I dont even look forward to Packing up My "STUFF" from this Hotel & Moving Out to A Place with Strangers.

I definitley feel & am a Caged Animal that Lives in My Own Cave. Privacy is going to be different for Sure.

I Live in My Own World In My Own Mind & I Think Way to Much all the Time & Dont Do Enough. The Last Job gave me some Money but Not My Dignity. And I was Depressed Every Day with it.

When My EX lived with My Daughter & Her Boyfriend I heard from them How she Did Nothing around House to Help them. But from My Two Sons I heard Differently. And both of them were there for short Periods also & it ended up being Dissasterous to for them.

I just dont see how it will be any different for me. I dont have a good feeling about this at all. And Part of My Fear is it will End up Allienatting Me from My Daughter as well. Then what will be gained? that already happened Seven Years Ago with My Divorce & Seperation from Children.

It's Like a Vicious Cycle That Must Change But I have'nt been able to. So once I ge off Computer I will Go Back into My Own Lonely Stupid Confussed World Again & Wonder Just what the Hell I am doing.

My Daughter Needs A Dad, My Son's Need A Dad & I Need My Children. This just is'nt the way we need each other. Dependant on Others in Order To Live & Survive.

[Lindamomof7]

...................

[58corvette]

Thanx so much Dear Linda;

I Truly Hope So. Nothing is More Important to Me than Family, Peace, Harmony, Mutual Respect & Understanding.

It is just "The Boyfriend", His own Past, Tendencies, Intentions & Alienation of My Daughter from My Own Two Sons & Others that Bothers Me in all this.

Believe me if Somehow this makes Things & Family better in the Long Run & My Children & Myself Happier I will be the First to Feel Good Again. But I have been so Naive, Insecure & Taken in my Own Past & Present that I will Remain Cautious & Pessimistic. I know that's bad; but I just know I need to.

If I even Get a sence He is Trying to Manipulate Me & My Daughter with My Own Two Son's I will Leave as soon as Possible. He knows of my Son's Drug Addiction & Has Already taken Him & my EX to Court over Money Matters.

And went Ballistic on My Twin Son (Who Harms No One) when he did'nt Move Rocks Properly on his Property; Something Very Trivial.

He Befriended My Mom & Dad (My Dad was Another like My Twin Son) & My Little Brother. And from what I know now they have nothing to do with him either.

So I look at all this Mess & Something Just is'nt right with him. I senced it a few years back when I was Living Alone & Away from my Children & Family. All I know is that if it does'nt work out with Him & I & my Daughter stays with Him; She will then be Alienated from ALL her Immediate Family. And I will have Again Lost My Daughter.

Best case Scenerio is things do get Better with My Oldest Son & Daughter & My Three Children Can Feel Safe, Comfortable, Love & Respect One Another Again & we Can All Be Together Again.

The last Time that Happened was Two Christmas's Ago when My Dad was Dying & My Twin Son was just out of Hospital Recovering from his own Near Tragic Death & Permanent Dissabilty. My Daughter's Boyfriend was Not Their that Day cause Both My Son's & I felt Unconfortable around him.

Ya this is A New Beginning For Sure & I am Grateful. But at what Cost? I will find out.

When I first came Back all I wanted was to get a Job & Have a Place of my Own with My Son & than Shortly after my Other Son after he was in his Wreck. It Did Not Pan out at All. So who knows maybe this will be what it takes for Something Like that to Happen.

I wish i could see into the Future but I cant..........I know this All Keeps Sounding Like A Broken Record & I am going in Circles. I know my Daughter means well & Possibly she did initially with My Two Son's & Ex when they lived with Her & Boyfriend. All I know is The Outcome & Everytime with Everyone of Them it Turned into a Dissaster.

So if it does for me(Turn into Dissaster) & things Remain as they are I will have to make Decisions Again. Streets or Salvation Army. Hopefully things will get Better for My Oldest Son by than & I have another Option.

I will be seeing a Lot more of My Daughter & a Lot less of My Oldest Son for Sure. And that Saddens me Again. My Own Mom's Disdain for her Own Children Kept them away from Seeing My Own Dad as well. Than when my Own Brother Manipulated Things for his Own Benifit I was the Next Victim in Line with Mom. He Lives with My Mom so she only see's One of Her Own Four Children Now.

And My Divorce caused My Own Mess with My Children. Then when Things just started to Come Together The Problems with Both My Son's & Daughter's Boyfriend has kept us apart. It's One Big Soap Opera & What a Mess that Never get's Better & Never Ends.

As i have said in the Past Death & Divorce To Often Tears A Family Apart from Peoples Own Selfeshness, Greed & Ego's.

Life is Short I know & I will Always Wonder why People Cant Figure that out as A Family & Just Get Along For Everyone's Sake. My Dad Knew that when He was Dying, My Twin Son Learned that with His Own Near Death Experience & I have Known it for Years. Just cant get my Own Act Together to Make it Right..................................................................

[Lindamomof7]

...............

[Athena]

Jim,

You just sound so low right now and, as you say "going in circles". What do you have a passion for that makes your heart all warm and fuzzy? Can you go do that now? It doesn't have to be something big. It could be listening to your favorite album with a special coffee or favorite drink. And what might make you feel good about yourself? May I suggest going to the new members area, or a new "urgent need" thread, and trying to make a difference in somebody else's life. I've seen a positive spirit in you, in the past - perhaps you could share that with somebody else here. Or check out what is happening in one of your friend's lives and being there for them. No matter how bad we feel, I think we always have a little spark of wisdom to pass out to a friend in need. And you usually feel better after and at the very least you get out of your own head.

Just some things that may be worth trying - these have helped me in the past.

[58corvette]

Continued Packing.........Dear Linda Thank You So Much Again; I am Truly Hoping & Praying what you Say & Feel Comes True. Thanx for being here for me From The Get Go.

Athena;

I have a Few Passions. Tomorrow I may go to Softball Game & Watch My Son & Dear Friend who Gave us a Place to Stay before we came to Hotel.

I know i sound very down & pessimistic Indeed it's just Overwhelming me right now being Penniless & Away from my Son in a few days. Despite both our Obvious Problems I Truly Believe we kept each other ALIVE,

That Damn Divorce & Court System Cut Everything Short for Me with My Children & I just want Some Peace of Mind with my Dear Three Children without Limitations. I saw so little of them during important years for Them & I.

The Damn Courts even had me Limited for a bit to One Hour at a Mall to see Twins once a week. And that was only because I ended up in Mental Hospital for Depression after they were Taken From me.

Just a Lot of Unresolved Issues Still Hanging over our Heads & if My Oldest Son & Daughter ever resolve their own issues with each other it will Mean The World To Me..................................................

[58corvette]

Early Morning Right Now; Lately it is always as the Day the Ends & Sun goes down that I feel most at ease. During the Day; Probably cause im not working with no money I feel the Most Stressed. In the Middle of the Early Morning to Daybreak the Most Down, Scared & Filled with Anxiety.

Funny how the Course of a Day Affects our Emotions. Something weve been Programmed & Programmed ourselves over the Course of Our Lifetimes with Work, Life & Responsibilities.

I just read Online about the 7 People who Won The Lottery & The One Guy in the Office who because he did'nt have a few One Dollar Bills & Did'nt want to Borrow from anyone; Missed Out. Along with the One Office worker Sent to Buy Lotto Tickets & was cut off in Line by Someone; so he had to buy the Next ticket; The Winning Ticket. How Ironic it all is With Twist Of Fate.

Years ago when I was working at a Factory Supporting My Family Of Five I missed winning the Biggest Lotto (113 Million) by One Number. I got 5 out of 6. And after That The Rest is History. I also met a Mom & Son who Won The Lottery on a House I was working on of theirs when I did Carpet Work. The Husband & Father of those Two Died a Week before the First Payment. They would have taken it all back for The Life Of Their Loved One.

If I Won Lotto Today & Looked at These Post & The People I have Been So Fortunate to Get To Know & Have Cared So Much About Me & My Life. I would take The Opportunity to Meet You All In Person. I wont go into Detail about Who, Why or What. But You Know who You are & You Truly Mean So Much To Me.

ThankYou

Sincerely; Jim

[Luna-]

Jim, I am going to move your thread from Urgent Need to General Support, so we can keep the Urgent Need forum for new urgent needs that can more easily be seen.

Do continue.

[58corvette]

OK Luna. Thank You

[58corvette]

Just as im getting ready to Move out of Hotel away from My Son & To my Daughters; I was moved from "Urgent Help" (Understandibly) To "General Support".

Who knows maybe these Changes & Moves are a Good Sign of Things To Come. If I can Stay Away from ANYTHING URGENT thats Good.

[Lindamomof7]

.................

[randomperson]

Hope your feeling better today know you have been going through a lot.

Pretty soon I will be too busy to write in the day, but I will still get on a night and check up on everyone

During the brunt of the storm you just have to grab on to something and keep it from sweeping you away until it calms. First thing you have to do is forgive yourself for feeling bad and discouraged at times. Your going through some tough times and not doing anything wrong.

This place saved me. You and many others here saved me. I used it as my refuge. A place to vent, to get support, answers, to feel like I am ok.. that I am not broken. Let us help keep you balanced during this time of transition in your life. Maybe you can't say everything you want to your daughter's BF, but you can use this thread to let off the extra stress when you need.

[58corvette]

Unfortunatly no word on Work. I have had a few bites but no job. The Jobs in this Area are Terrible. And Now that I am out of Money & My Van will need to be Registered, Licenced, Smogged & Insured is going to make it that much tougher to Commute.

I moved away from an Area where Employment was Getting Worse (& Gaming Industry which I was in Suffered Accordingly) to an Area which is even worse for Employment. I did this to be Close to My Children Again as you know.

Im not Moving Away Right Now. I cant. So somehow I must get out of this Deep Deep Pit I put myself into.

Reinvent & Change Accordingly as you said Dear Linda.

I Freaked out a few Hours Ago, Called My Daughter to Make Sure im still OK to stay? she said yes & her, I & her Boyfriend will go over a few things the night I arrive? I called My Twin Son & he told me not to worry they just want to make sure im confortable.

OK I hope so? I know im the Guest so I want to make sure their confortable & im not a Burden.

I talked to My Son about my Concern's (its not going to be that good for him either) where he's going. I just told him if it does'nt work out for me maybe I could stay in Van where he's at?

I dont know; I just feel like Crap & kind of a LowLife for my Son & I getting into this Situation & Putting ourselves at such a Predicement as this.

I will try My Best to Focus on a Goal we set a few years back now. To get a place together. So if Both of us are able to Overcome & Deal with our Individual Demons & Issues that can still be possible.

My Children are all I have left. The Alternative at this Point is Nothing but Streets or Shelter Help?

But that's why I came on this Site to Begin with. MENTAL ILLNESS. I know they're are Many People Out There(With Mental Illness) on the Streets, Mental Institutions, & Jail. Im just Praying I do have Strength to not end up there or Worse.

I tried to Get Intervention Help (with TV show) & Heard Nothing. I wished I never would have watched that Show; It gives To Many Others A False Sence Of Hope. That Need it just as Bad or Worse than those on Show.

The Fact is it has been My Mental Instability Throughout My Life that has caused these Problems & Ongoing Situations PERIOD.

And Linda I know you & others are Here & Trying Your Very Best To Help Me.

ALWAYS APPRECIATED & THANK YOU

This Time Tomorrow I will be Getting Ready To Check Out Of My Home The Last 8 Months & Seperate From My Son. GOD PLEASE GIVE ME STRENGTH. And HIM AS WELL. I Pray He To Has Strength & Makes it as well. He has been through Enough Hell.

Yes there are No Atheist In A Fox Hole; FOR SURE.. Can we blame anyone in this Life for Whatever they Believe or Dont Believe. WE ALL WANT SOMETHING TO BELIEVE IN. That it's Going to be OK while where on this Earth & any Afterlife

The Last time I tried to Help Someone that I Feared for Her & Children & Did Best I could Immediatly was Athena from her Urgent Post.

She made it & has been here to Help me Now. Athena I am So Happy & Proud You Made it. Should I get through This & Still Be Able to Come Online to This Site; I Will Continue To Help Others The Best I Can.

[58corvette]

Random I just read your Post you wrote a few minutes before me.

THANK YOU MY DEAR FRIEND

[randomperson]

Random I just read your Post you wrote a few minutes before me.

THANK YOU MY DEAR FRIEND

If you need to talk we are here.