Would'nt ya know it

[Lindamomof7]

Jim check out my FB posts this morning. One talks about the "now"....

[58corvette]

I think part of being Myself & Remaining who I Truly am is being able to Write, be on this Site (where I am Accepted Generally for Who I am without being Judged) & just get things off my chest. I Truly am Thankful, Grateful & Thank God I found this Site with So Many Good People.

Anyway I woke up a bit Down & Thinking some Negative Thoughts. You know when you have a feeling about someone & your hoping it isnt True but in your Gut you know something Just isnt Right. That's what I still feel & see on a daily basis with my Daughter's Boyfriend. And Further up the Road I Truly Hope my Daughter does'nt Crash & Burn with this Guy or Herself. Because she is a Kind, Caring & Very Driven Young Woman at this time in her Life.

Of course I cant say Anything due to my own Situation & Her's. I know why My Two Son's thought this would be a good thing for Both My Daughter & I. I did things around this place yesterday & spent a lot of time looking for his Keys that we think his Grandkids may of done something with. Anyway he mentioned he had Old Keys somewhere & when he did I figured there might be Spares with them. I found them & sure enough there were Spares. Saved him Time, Money & Inconvience. There was no Thank You for that or stuff done around here.

My Daughter was away with a Best Friend from out of Town; So I was a bit unconfortable anyway with just Him & his Own Daughter. But I could tell as I listened to him with other People he makes it seem Like it was All Him. And it is. It's about Always looking Good to Others; what he does for others; & Looking like the Perfect Father to His Daughter & Perfect Boyfriend To My Daughter. It's just Phony to me. I dont look or seek recognition; but this Guy makes sure it's always Him. My Daughter does Quite a bit around Here For Him & His Daughter. Besides her Own Workload with School.

They have it made with her & They know it. I just see up the Road when my Daughter becomes less Naive, more Aware & into the Workforce; things will Start to Crumble. But for Now I Must Bite My Tongue, act Unaware & Try my Best to Focus on what I Need to do.

Ok; that's off my chest. Now once I had My Coffee this Morning & it is a Beautiful Day Outside; I was able to get the Ol Mind & Body Going a Bit. One of the Best Things about being Here is Getting My Butt Outside & Enjoying the Outdoors & The Dogs. Pets & Animals are our Friends & Their Love & Companionship is UNCONDITIONAL. Although im still Lonely, Broke, with To Much Time on My Hands; just having them around Helps Ease Things. Good for the Soul. That's it for Now. Just needed to Write, get things out of My Mind, Off My Chest to Others I Know Understand & Care.

Thanks; Jim

[randomperson]

You might be right about him. I kept trying to prove myself wrong about so many people so many times, saying I am a doubter trying to see good in people.. only to get burned in the end.. one thing that has made me so untrusting.. such a negative person..

But as you said I don't think it would be wise to bring it up right now to her.

Focus on healing and growing closer to your daughter.

That way if something does happen you can be there for her.

You do seem much better I am very glad!

[58corvette]

Thanx Random. Hope your Doing ok as well!!!

[Athena]

Hi Jim,

I haven't been around here as much lately but was thinking about you. Hope you are starting to feel a bit better about things. Try to stay positive. I am just coming out of a very bad place and looking back I wonder what drove me to choose to be so angry, freaked out, sad, etc. Perhaps nothing positive in my life at the time. That seems to be changing. Seems so for you too. Please try to keep focussing on the good things. It sounds like you are starting to.

[58corvette]

Hi Athena;

Good To Hear Ya as well. I know things will work out for you & your Children.

Im doing Ok. Still many issues; but just good to be at a place with Yard & Animals. Good for the Soul. And being around my Daughter Again.

[randomperson]

Both of you please keep us updated on things

Glad things seem to be getting better for many of us.

[58corvette]

Get together yesterday. Partied a bit; Been Awhile. Always Good when im able to be around my Twins.

But Today is SLOW MOTION & just a bit Down & Dragging......................

[Guest ASchwartz]

58, you said you partied a bit, what do you mean?

Also, are you feeling let down today?

Allan

[58corvette]

Hi Allan;

I had some Margaritas (Mixed Drink) & Everyone got a bit Tipsy & had a good time with each other. Along with Good Music & a Barbecue.

So yesterday I was just Tired & Worn out from Partying.

This morning I still feel a bit Tired. As far as other things; I'm feeling a bit Depressed I think from my Own Ongoing Situation with No Job, No Money & The Loneliness that Continues to Haunt & Overwhelm me at times.

And some Anxiety (Fear). You know I continue to be Grateful for not being Homeless, & believe me I try my best to pull my weight around here by Helping out, fixing Things, Doing Dishes, Cleaning up & just contributing. And it is Nice to be able to go outside & enjoy Nature. Especially Since I sat around that Hotel Room for So Long & Did Nothing Basically.

So I guess im just a bit ashamed & dissapointed with myself still. I know im still going in Circles (Getting Nowhere) & I need to break this Cycle. I guess if I knew I could get a Job that I would Enjoy, Make Decent Money & Start Moving Forward in My Life it would'nt be so bad.

But My Reality is where im at Right Now & I need to Continue to Work at Changing My Situation & Mental State Of Mind & Attitude. And My Routine.

[randomperson]

You have nothing to be ashamed of! You quit your job to be with your family and help when they needed you.. that is heroic. The job market is tough right now. Everything money related you would take care of if you could.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.. you should be proud of yourself.

Look how many you help and continue to help. Even now when you are still hurting you help me and others on here... and no telling how many where you are. You are much loved by many.

I am finding the key is to see what others see in you. It motivates your mind and counters the negative thinking. That is why this site is such a blessing. I really feel different. Do I still have emotional problems, you bet lol.

But I am getting better.. slowly. Even with the backsliding and crazy things that happen in my life.

A tree fell in our back yard do to a storm. All I had was a rusty hand saw to remove it. Instead of letting it upset me.. I looked at it in a different way. I was proud I was able to clear it out and saw how much better the yard looked without it. Small things like that are brand new to me.

Much of it was do to you and others helping me see myself in a better light. Not being ashamed of who I am as much as I was. I hope over time I can help you as well.. you need to see yourself as we do

[58corvette]

Random as always my Friend; Thank You. And Believe me you Do for Others as well.

I also just got done doing things inside & outside my Daughters Place. Why she is busy (As Usual) doing other things; (In A Positive Way). My Daughter & I work well together. I was talking to her earlier today about how I need to start (And Continue) to do a bit more & she should start Slowing Down a bit. Again I Mentioned to Her "BALANCE" is the Key.

In the meantime Daughter's Boyfriends-Daughter (Confusing I Know) just started Spring Break from High School & she's a bit Lost; so I tried to Help ease her mind about things & just let her know that's why they call it a "Break" so you can Relax & Do as you wish.

It is the Little things as you said & your Correct. Im glad your doing well Random & Recognising so much with Others & Yourself as well.

Thanx. Sincerely;

Jim

[58corvette]

Time for some Venting;

Financially I'm in a Mess & no need to go into Detail; but my Intentions Were Good & Well Meaning. The Combination of My Oldest Son's Problems & The Trust I held with Him & His Mom Has Backfired On Me Again.

To a Degree I have Myself & My Own Insecurities & Naivety to Blame. My Oldest has picked up some Qualities of my ex that I recognised but wasn't Strong Enough or in good Enough Position to Put a Stop to the Bleeding.

Now I'm Deeper in A Rut with no relief in Sight. This Tunnel has No Light at The End that I can see.

On the Positive, I'm not Homeless & being around my Daughter Has Helped. I try my Best to Contribute on a daily basis in return. I'm definitely Down, A bit Pissed, & Frustrated at the Moment. I still like to think I helped at least keep my Son Alive & Not Homeless as Long as I could. But It Took it's TOLL on Me For Sure Financially & Emotionally.

Here is what I wonder now at this time. Should My Oldest Son ever Get his Act Together & Away From his Addiction; I hope he can look back & see the Financial & Emotional Toll it took on Me & A Few others. Should He not & continue this Path he will never have a Conscience & have qualities of his Mom that Continues to Screw People & Loved ones without any Remorse.

So on Many Front's I'm Still A Mess & it will take quite a while to dig out of this Deep Dark Tunnel.

As far as Hope i have been Fortunate to get to Know A Very Special Person that is Helping Me Believe Again in Other Aspects of My Life & Understands & Accepts me for Who I am. That Alone is keeping me going.

[Waiting]

Hi Vett,

I am glad to see you are still kicking. I am glad you met a special person.

[58corvette]

Hi Waiting;

I guess im glad were both kicking still & you know I feel your pain.

Believe me that Special Person has helped make a difference & continues to give me Hope.

The Reality of my Financial Mess is a different story However. And when I woke up this Morning it's still here. I have to admit this recent setback makes me just want to give up. I just flat out dont know what to do anymore & I dont know what's going to Happen to me & how im even going to Pay.

Right now im feeling Used Again. It's like Both my Ex & Oldest Son said Thanx for the Help with your Retirement Money & have Now Left me High & Dry on my Own to take Full Responsibility for the Debt now Incurred. And Both of them walk away Scott Free.

I BLEW it AGAIN & TRUSTED them Both. Im trying to Contain My Anger & when I do that I start Getting Down even more.

It just continues to Amaze me how my Ex has managed to get away with So Much & Stay out of Trouble with Courts & Authorities. She is Now Teaching My Son how to Work The System as Well. Both of Them Have Now Worked & Bilked Me For Sure.

This is A Major Setback & Blow to Me. It's to bad because I was just starting to Believe & Have Hope for Myself Again.

Im not suprised At ALL my EX managed to SCREW me Again. I am Highly dissapointed in My Oldest Son & it will be Sometime before I can Ever Forgive Him. He Managed to Do me in Financially & now all I hear from Him is how his Mom Tried (B.S.) & how bad off he is to Financially & Owing People.

He Put Himself There with His Drug Usage, Addiction, & Abuse & I was the Sucker that Stuck it out with him & Now im in Financial Ruin Myself. He Sucked Me Dry To The End. Just like His Mom.

Just Put a Big S on my Forhead. I may never Learn not to Repeat my Past. For Two Years I Protected His Rearend from People & Covered for Him Financially. He will always be My Son; But the Anger I have now & his whole Attitude towards it all is Very Bad.

Nothing Now will Change my Reality. I cant even drive & No Money. This may take years to recover from. And I know I have to start Somewhere. This Sucks & Hurts Real Bad.

I just dont want to see My Son or even Deal with him at all at this Point. And he is the Biggest Reason I came Back to begin With. To try to Help Him. There were People Here who Tried to Help Me & Advice me about this. Right now those people were right. I took the wrong road. And Now im Paying The Price $$$$$$ Big Time.

Need To Find That Cave; Crawl In & Fade Away. This is Just to Much

[Endlessnight]

Hello Jim. I am sorry you are feeling depressed right now and I understand why...but don't be so down on yourself. As Random said, you are a wonderful person. You always have time to help others (here and in your life) so I hope you know you are dear to many of us here. I'm glad that you have found someone that can make you happy and I wish you the best always. Take care,

M.

[Athena]

Hi Jim,

I'm so sorry you've had another setback. I keep waiting for a switch to go off with you, something that changes the direction events seem to be taking you in, and your bleak outlook. I hope your new special friend can be that switch for you. It is amazing what power kindness and acceptance from another can have.

I hope you have a nice Easter with your daughter.

[randomperson]

Hey just logged on been really busy with all the changes. I'm sorry to hear that your son disappointed you.. I know how much it hurts being betrayed myself by people I love.

The emotions you feel are tricky. You do feel like it is your fault because deep down in your heart you knew there was a risk.

But you did nothing wrong Jim. You risked everything to try to save your son.

What would you be feeling now if you had not tried and something happened to him?

Do not blame yourself for someone else's mistakes.

I made the same mistake you did.. I gave over about 1000.00 to my ex to save her daughter.. few months later was when we stopped talking. She did to me the same exact thing.. and deep in my heart I knew likely it would end like it did ...So I know what you are feeling. Such a mix of emotions.. sadness, betrayal, anger, hope/no hope.

Most of the time I just thought what is wrong with me.. on so many levels.

Why can't I find love (no it doesn't fit in this context exactly) but it does fit why did I get betrayed, why do I keep making the same mistakes, Why on so many things..

But the people here showed me, you showed me.. it wasn't anything I did wrong.. nor is it anything you did wrong.

You have to step away and look at it from a perspective that he didn't do it to hurt you but rather that he is hurt and that is why he did it.

At the same time you have to let him make his mistakes for awhile, because it seems he will make them regardless right now with all the stress and pressures he is under. Step back and be there for him emotionally if he needs support but don't sacrifice yourself.. your health.

Focus on positive things and getting better at least until you get out of the storm. ..I hope he does come back to you with all my heart. You risked everything for him and I am sure one day he will see that. I look to the story of the prodigal son.. it is never to late. There is always hope.

[58corvette]

Dear M. ; Thank You So Much for Your Kindness. I guess Sometimes as People & Human Beings we are unable to See Ourselves "Out Of The Box" so to speak. Your Words, Feelings & How you Expressed them to me; Mean A Lot. I will Continue to Try My Best to keep that in Mind.

Ah Yes Athena; You Seem to Be Doing So Very Well Lately; & Quite Strong. The Switch & Events you Speak of must have Happened with you. And I Hope you Yourself Continue to Follow in Such a Strong & Positive Direction. Believe me; Im Trying. That is Why I continue to be here & Post. No One wants to Stay with such Bleak Outlooks. The Power of Acceptance & Kindness from Another you Speak of; Did this Occur for you Recently? Or Did a Switch (Due to Events) Change Your Own Direction? Or Both?

I had A Very Nice Easter with My Daughter & Her Boyfriends Family. I also Enjoyed Conversation with My Special Friend & it is Slowly helping that Boundry & Wall I have put up for myself. Believe Me if the Switch Lights Ill Know.

And Finally My Dear Friend Random;

You AGAIN Hit the Nail On The Head Buddy. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

Your A Good Man.....

I Hope You All Had A Nice Easter & The True Meaning That Goes With It!!!

Sincerely & The Very Best; Jim

[randomperson]

You seem to be feeling much better I am very glad!

Many of us seem to be improving some.. what a blessing and an answer to prayers.

[58corvette]

Doing OK Random;

Still have Clouds of Uncertainty & Doubt. Just A process & Steps that i need to Continue to Take. Jobs; Finances; Transportation............................Now Further Debt.... I have Never really Owed People or others; so at this stage of the Game it's a Bit Frustrating & just Having The Ability, Opportunity & Mode of Transportation is Making it a Bit More difficult. On Several Fronts.

It's Basically Trying To Fit The Pieces Of The Puzzle all Together Again.

Humpty Dumpty type Syndrome........

[randomperson]

True it is a process.

By far I am not fixed myself. I never can seem to let things go.. something I still need to work on. Likely my biggest issue I need to work on right now as if effects other problems. I always think of the things I did wrong and want to go back and do things different, wondering how much of life changing problems was my fault.. which is pointless and counter productive.

It is like a puzzle: looking at the big picture it can seem impossible to solve, but piece by piece slowly it can come together with time and the correct type of effort and support.

[58corvette]

Hey Random;

Personally; I think you are doing very well. Just reading your words & Self Awarness for me is Showing you are Learning & Moving Forward.

It's kinda Funny cause Sometimes I Look & think about us two & if you Combine our Puzzle Together we would be Doing Pretty well as One Person.

But were not; which is Part of Life's Mystery & Puzzle. So that's why we continue to be here on this Site & Hopefully Continue to Help One Another.

When I woke up this Morning; One of My First Negative Doom & Gloom Thoughts was "What the Heck am I going to do & what the Heck am I Doing"? In Regards to my Financial & Transportation Problems & Situation.

It now Continues to Overwelm me a Bit. Just FRUSTRATING.

I think your Doing well in regards to Learning From The Past & Letting it go; Moving Forward. At Those Times you Speak & Write of; Would you really do anything Different? You did the Best you were Capable of at the Time; Correct? And you Are AWARE of it now & Have LEARNED.

[randomperson]

Always great to hear from you. I totally agree.

Your last line especially is something I needed to hear again.. thank you.

For me I wonder just how much I do grow at times because often we repeat past mistakes. I think that is what discourages many of us here. ..But yet we are growing.

Last few months I realized that. It is real progress we are making. We are growing together and that gives me a peace I have not had in many years.

Almost to the degree of when I thought I found love and a family.. which is a peace I never thought I could find on my own. Almost that is haha.

Still have such a long way to go though. I have been self aware of my problems for years, trying to improve.. I can honestly say this place all of you have been the difference why I have made progress

It is strange how different we all are but how much we can relate to each other.

[Athena]

Ah Yes Athena; You Seem to Be Doing So Very Well Lately; & Quite Strong. The Switch & Events you Speak of must have Happened with you. And I Hope you Yourself Continue to Follow in Such a Strong & Positive Direction. Believe me; Im Trying. That is Why I continue to be here & Post. No One wants to Stay with such Bleak Outlooks. The Power of Acceptance & Kindness from Another you Speak of; Did this Occur for you Recently? Or Did a Switch (Due to Events) Change Your Own Direction? Or Both?

I felt so good the other day, I actually started thinking about the future. Ah well, it only lasted a day. Acceptance and kindness - yes I have experienced it recently - ironically from two men (MEN - all demons according to me up until about six months ago!). One, my therapist. Two, a new special male friend. Early days yet, but I managed to F--k things up royally the other day so now I am suffering the consequences and waiting to see if the damage can be repaired. And my disability insurer wants to send me to some shrink to assess me. Yah, like they'll be unbiased and write up an honest report! And i finally gave in and gave my ex everything he wanted, just to rid myself of him - and now he wants more. Argggggh. One day at a time. Shall we write a soap opera together? I think everybody on this site could be a regular!