Quest for my normal

[shanrucas]

Hi everyone,

Hotspot, Im sorry you are not getting much sleep, it surely isn't going to help with the stress. I hope that you can get some rest and soon. Hows the counseling going, are you still finding time to go? For the time being I will slip a little something in your cocoa....more mini mellows..hehehe.

Watercolor, Im so glad you are doing a little better, and that you shared with your family, even if you didn't go into detail, it was a start. The feeling just does't go away that easy, but good times can still be around the corner, you just have to take care of yourself.

Mom is stable I guess thats the best I can say. I don't know how she does it. These long weekends are taking its toll on me, but I am trying to do my best, I seem to be slipping back into a state of depression, I see my pdoc this week...I need to find that balance, my energy level is very low at this point.

Shannon

[Elijah]

Thanks Shannon for telling me that, I had begun to think I might not be up to being a part of this thread.

Hotspot, what you have written in some ways I suppose rings true. None of this is going to make sense. It is like an equation that does not have a definite answer. The journey of attempting to figure it all out is really the answer possibly.

I read here that you are a fireman. This is perhaps quite childish but since I have come to live in this part of the world I have been fascinated with the shiny red fire engines and the uniforms with hats you all wear. I could never be brave enough to be a fireman. There is a firehouse a few blocks away from where I am living now. I love hearing them go out. When I would ride by and they had their doors open I would stop and take a peak. Do not laugh but I had a few dreams of being all dressed up and riding on one of those shiny firetrucks. Do you have one of those dogs with all of the spots? Do you drive the fire truck?

Your offer to visit me is a kind one. I would love to have a real fireman visit me. I do not think I would ever get to meet one any other way. I know that you are busy if you could not it would be OK. If you did come to visit me would you mind coming all dressed up with your uniform and hat? Would you mind letting me try on your hat? I would like to have a picture of me wearing one. Fireman Jedidiah has a ring to it does it not?

[brodman]

ut oh Jedidiah likes shiney things maybe we oughta devote some time to that hehe

shanrucas hope you get to feelin better

hotspot good to see ya back wondered what happened to ya Linda and I had you buried in the snow by your kids till spring. New job went ok was weird one of the motion sensors in a mausoleum kept goin off got told it does that even though its been checked and checked changed and still has some unknown problem Domino does fit in the golf cart was tight squeeze he made it though. He was actin weird there he kept going to this grave and sat staring at the stone. I remembered to bring food but it was more snacks then food ordered chinese they deliver any place. Really is an easy job I took strolls a few drives ate and ate some more watched movies and the ball drop talked on the phone. Those stones in the old part of the cemetery are something else they make most of the ones in the new part look cheap driving those mini roads in a golf cart is like havin my own mini grand prix besides Domino actin weird and all the raccoons possums and rabbits comin out of nowhere it is a easy job wished Id gotten sooner

[Hotspot]

Not getting enough sleep surely is not helping the stress you're right about that. The counseling is going, to where I'm not sure. The real problem is that I had already felt like I was living there. Add in the new kid's sessions which he still won't go in by himself and it seems like I really signed a rental lease of some sort. All the kids except one is back in school today. My wife is out running errands. I so, wish I could persuade this kid into taking a nap, he looks as exhausted as I feel.

Shannon, I'm glad your mother is stable getting you to be as well will only help. Here's to hoping the psychiatrist can help even things out for you. I wish I could be of more help to you.

OK, where is Linda do I need to dispatch search and rescue?

Hi, Watercolor nice to see someone else has joined in.

Brodman, I would welcome being buried in the snow right about now. The snow here is steadily melting away until we get socked again. The job at the cemetery is the sweet setup I imagined you having. I would assume having someone around at night is a precautionary measure than absolute requirement. Taking walks, driving on mini paths and eating away does not sound all that labor intensive. When I worked at the Cemetery odd things happened like the mausoleum experiences you mention. Back then there weren't any motion sensors but we would find the doors open. Mausoleums where the last visitors hadn't been to visit in months even years. Mausoleums that hadn't had any needed recent maintenance. The doors being open though was weird. Items also had a strange way of being suddenly moved which could never be explained.

Some believe in ghosts, spirits I'm not sure if I really do. After seeing what I had it made me surely rethink it all. Domino sitting staring at a headstone sounds weird I wouldn't be too concerned unless he started barking at it. You know dog's have great hearing and sight who knows what those 4 pawed kids sense that we can't.

Jedidiah, there isn't anything childish about being into the shiny red emergency vehicles. I think everyone is into something. Some like their sports players others like their actors and musicians. Little kid's are really not the only ones fascinated by the engines and garb trust me. We have had people 4-5 times your age wanting a peak. btw we don't wear hats wearing a hat going into what I do wouldn't help or protect. Those are helmets.

I meant what I said I would come visit not a problem. I work in the City stationed not far from where you will have further surgery. I don't mind coming "dressed up" Kid not only would I come in full bunker gear I'll bring my entire crew into your room if you wanted. I know from visiting others that certain floors we can't come on immediately after your surgery. Once you've been moved from the ICU or CCU depending on where they put you I could come. I wouldn't mind you trying on my helmet, that helmet has definitely gotten around. Sorry, I don't have a Dalmation. I don't drive the rig either. btw you also don't have to be brave to be a firefighter you have to be insane. :eek:

When you've fully recovered from surgery if you wanted you could come for a tour of my house. You could take all the pictures you want and if you are good we could take you for a short ride on an extra shiny rig.

Drop me an email or have Brodman, keep me filled in and we will work things out.

[shanrucas]

Jedidiah,,I hope you do keep posting on this thread, I like talking to you, you have so much on your plate. Hang in there. I think it would be great if Hotspot came to visit you and/or gave you a tour of the fire house you'll love it. Guess what, Im a volunteer firefighter too, like hotspot said you don't have to be brave, just insane..I love being a firefighter though, love driving the fire engine, I even I have my own vintage fire engine in my garage, its a 1958 Dodge 500gallan engine. I went to restore it to its orginal color and equipment, it still works and everything.

Brodman,,weird goings on in the cementary,,keep Domino close by. It sounds interesting and spooky. Linda had it pretty rough over the new years weekend, spent it at the er...I hope she is resting and getting better. Now thats who I call a brave person and an inspiration.

I hope everything is going ok watercolor, I hope we hear from you soon.

Hotspot, Im glad you dug yourself out of the snow. Be patient with the counseling, I know it feels like you live there, but it also takes a while to get through all the issues. I hope that your new addition will be able to sleep soon, poor kid he's been through so much Im glad he is with you guys, maybe he will feel safe enough to sleep soon., I truly hope so.

I had to laugh at myself today..All weekend I thought mom's hospital bed gave out, I had to hand crank it all weekend...then Crystal came in to relieve me, she called me on my phone to tell me that bed was unplugged from the underneath....duh.

I wish everyone a good and pleasant day.

Shannon

[Elijah]

I hope Linda is feeling better, is she still in the hospital? I hope not they are horrible places.

Brodman, sounds creepy what Domino was doing near the tomb stone. I am glad he can stay with you those nights you spend at the Cemetery. I am sorry I fell asleep on you and Hotspot. Enjoy having dinner with the senior tonight.

Two firefighters in one thread is really neat, what are the chances of that occurring. Shannon you even have an engine in your garage! I am accepting Hotspot's offer he and his crew are going to come visit me after I have surgery. When I am well again if that happens I am also going to go to his firehouse. I am very excited about it. Hotspot told me on skype video call last night he use to drive the engines years ago. He is a lieutenant now and is chauffeured around. I do not know if there is a certain look all firemen have but he really looks like one.

I am glad I joined here. I have met some very nice people.

[brodman]

Im hopin Linda feels better soon too.

Not problem fallin asleep man it is funny how you go right out in middle of sayin somethin. I thought you might wake up while Hotspot and me were laughin. What was kind of cute is as soon as you fell out on us I saw angel put her head right on your chest all could see then were her ears back of head goin up and down. I think shanrucas wanted extra workout this past weekend with her mom's bed and her crankin away unneededly At least its not broken for real. She must have thing for shiney things too with firetruck in her garage I really do think we need to devote time to this shiney thing love you guys have

so yeah gonna take the old lady for our dinner out to her favorite returant shes really lookin forward to it. Its good thing Im not going now because I would want 1 of everything on menu Im starving. Gonna have to pick up some bacon egg and cheese on roll sandwiches quart of juice Im goin to meet the new shrink this mornin think I told ya that will go see him then go into work. Hoping he isnt a tool I can do with a tool free morning. He sounds old on phone but not toolish he called to remind me of appointment Then I gotta go drive the old people all around 8 dr pickups and drop offs and have to take group to banks lunch supermarket

everyone have good day I gotta get goin before I pass out from hunger

[Hotspot]

A 58 engine very nice Shannon too bad you reside in Oregon. All I have are die cast collectibles worth a nice tidy amount still not the same. My father had a 37 Pirsch and a 54 Maxim pumper. He sold them decades ago but as a kid I loved playing in them.

Brodman, I hope your meeting with the counselor went well. You'll have to let us know how the meeting and dinner went. I suppose it was an egg eating morning. My wife made me an omelet for breakfast.

Our new kid's caseworker finally called today inquiring about how school is going for him. This woman is completely clueless and I have little patience for her. The schools were closed until yesterday for the holidays like what planet is she residing on. Put her on speakerphone so, my wife and I could both hear. Thankfully my wife did most of the talking because I wanted to let this clueless woman have it. She still keeps getting the kid's age wrong and called him 3 different names in a 20-25 minute conversation. I mean jesus at least get the basics right. She talked with the counselor right before calling us and he told her again the kid is not ready to attend school. A home tutor would make much more sense until he has gotten some severe issues under control. She doesn't really know the kid, wants to dismiss recommendations from those that have taken the time to get to know the boy.

She called back about 3hrs later informing us the elementary school wants the kid evaluated before attending. Real shocker there since he has not attended school since last Spring. She asks if we will take him for the evaluation because she is too busy. The counselor had already told this clueless woman he thought an educational evaluation would be best done before attending school was attempted. He had also told her he thought it best to have the evaluation done at his office. This kid does not speak much and does not speak at all beyond profanity with most new people. He also still runs away from females. Sending him into an office with a complete stranger to be evaluated would be a waste of time and only serve to stress the kid out.

Having the counselor and myself there would probably yield a better result in participation from the boy. This clueless woman barks back about well you both can't follow him every where. She obviously does not care or want to understand how traumatized this boy is. On fri I will take the kid to the evaluation she set up and sadly watch as he erupts into a panicked upset disaster.

Anyway, I'm off to help with some compound fractions then to have some tasty dinner I smell cooking away.

[shanrucas]

I haven't heard anything on Linda,,gonna check around. If I found out anything I will let you guys know.

Jedidiah, I am happy that you are getting a sense of belonging. I think its great that you have visits from Hotspot and Brodman. A little less lonely that way, you gotta let me know how the tour of the firehouse goes. I wish I could be there, I love firehouses.

Brodman, I hope your new counseler isn't a tool either and that your first meeting goes well. I wish you were here to drive me and my mom places. We have only one wheelchair transportation Company and its very, very expensive and mom has to pay it out of pocket. Just to the clinic which is maybe 8 or 10 miles from home it costs her 72.00 round trip. Would like to get our own van, but I can't afford it and because I don't have a job I can't get a loan. Maybe I should do some modifications to my firetruck, LOL.

Hotspot..I just can't believe this caseworker of this kid. How does she even get to keep this job. yes, I understand that children services are overworked, way more cases that caseworkers, etc, etc. but still is no excuse for her to not have this kids interest at heart, and not pay attention to what people who know more about him have to say, and not even knowing his name...thats why there are files, how hard is it to have the file of this kid sitting in front of when on the phone talking to people about him, grrrrr. You got me going on this hotspot..maybe its a good thing I am here in Oregon.

Good day to all,

Shannon

[Elijah]

Shannon, you know what one of my presents for Christmas was? A remote control firetruck that shoots water. It also has a ladder that raises by pushing a button. It has flashing lights and makes a not too bad recreation of real fire engine sounds. I enjoy driving it around the house. I wish I could bring it to the hospital with me. Angel, my furry friend lets me drive it under her and through her legs. I am not a great driver and sometimes it gets stuck. Angel grabs it from the bumper and pulls it out of what I have gotten it stuck in.

Hotspot, I do not understand why this lady that is supposed to be helping the child is not. It must be horrible for that child to have someone like her in control of his life. It is not by chance he is with you and your family. I do not understand why children are treated the way they are here. Treating a child with such indifference will not produce a confident well adjusted adult. Getting another's name correct is one of the easiest forms of showing interest and respect, for this lady to not be able to get both his name or age correct is the epitome of lazy carelessness.

Brodman, how was dinner? How did meeting the counselor go? I am very tired but I am trying to stay up. If I go to sleep it will be one day closer to my being a prisoner again. My host mother was starting to pack my suitcase for me, she asked what other items I would like to take with me? I wish Angel could come and everything in the house. I would need a much larger suitcase.

[watercolor]

Hello all.

I'm not sure if this might be an inappropriate question in some way, but what happened to Linda? Is she okay?

I'm not doing so well, but I'm still here. I had a bad night yesterday, started feeling kind of sad and in response stupidly drank until I was very sick and in a stupor. I'm still slightly nauseous. Not proud of that kind of behavior. Fortunately, I don't do that often, but I think I have very self-destructive tendencies in general. I'm not exactly sure why. The last time I was hospitalized, the doctor admitted she had just assumed that I had been abused in some way as a kid, though I guess I'm fortunate in that respect and haven't been abused. Like I said, I'm not destructive all the time. I mean, for example, I was a very, very motivated student (maybe too much so, to the point of being obsessive) and things like that, but when I seem to lose control it can be kind of disastrous. Sometimes I think a part of me enjoys hurting myself with a kind of morbid recklessness, and I am afraid that someday it's going to kill me.

[shanrucas]

hi there Watercolor, Linda is having a bunch of tests yet again tomorrow or today depending on your time zone. So I think she is resting because its all to exhausting, I hope we will hear from her soon.

Sorry you had a bad moment there, there was a time when I was younger when I had that self destructive behavior, I would like to think I am over it, but there are times that I do things that are not in my best interest, just not as often. I think the responsibilty of taking care of my mom has had something to do with it plus the fact that I am so into my horses that its been like therapy.. Is there something you are passionate about? Anything you would like to learn to do? Having my horses and taking my dogs for walks has acted as a distraction when I feel like Im on that downward plunge on the rollercoaster

Hmm Jedidiah it sounds like you are developing quite a passion for firetrucks. I think thats great you have one to drive around, I would love to see Angel play with it too. I can imagine facing surgery and the whole recovery process must be scary, but they wouldn't be pushing if they thought you didn't need. We need you around. I will be thinking of you...maybe I will go out to my firetruck the day of your surgery and hit the siren for you for luck but I need to know what time so that I can wish good thoughts for you as well.

Shannon

[Lindamomof7]

Good Morning everyone ...

I sure missed alot and am trying to make sure I can keep up with the posts. I think I am up to date ... whewwww

I'm ok, better today have to drink some barium vanilla stuff before my ct scans today. When I did it as a kid when it took them 2 yrs to figure out I had an ulcer at age 10 I can still remember getting sick drinking this vanilla stuff. Gee I wonder why till today i cant drink a vanilla milshake.... It all comes back to me now

What a waste of New Years for me I am su frustrated, overwhelmed and cautious about all of this physical medical stuff not overloading me too much of my mental stuff :confused:

It actually did though, the stupid male Dr's ..... Ugh hate men in control!!!!

I did one of my total shutdowns for a couple of days. Scared the hell out of my family because I even stopped my meds and stopping coumadin is not good... But thats the stubborn strong defense mechanisms I seem to have that I need to work on. I totally close up, shut off anything and everything in my head.

Watercolor I think you mentioned something similar with drinking? I dont drink but at times I do the same thing similar to my shutting down but reverting to drinking, I think the therapist mentioned "splitting" Maybe you can google it and read up on how and why we do this.

Brodman, I totally believe in the spirits as I and my children have seen those spirits of our dead relatives around us. Especially kids have the ability as well as animals so I would really listed to Domino it sounds like he is in charge at the cemetary. myabe that is a topic you could read up on to help relate it to your job and to divert some attention and focus on something. there is nothing wrong with learning anything new even the supernatural :eek:

Hey Hotspot watch out more snow on the way.... That really sucks about your new kid's situation. Can you reach out to someone higher over the caseworkers head? Can you also make a request and demand a real "trauma" specialist? I truely believe there is a difference between counselors/therapists and true trauma specialists.

I am seeing one now and what a difference in the expertise they have and knowing they have the confidence to handle some tough situations especially yours Hotspot I would really fight for that since things are not going well with them "understanding" he has "trauma" .

My therpaist also works with the prosecution office, police and the different government agencies that handle children's cases of trauma so I am sure there is someone near you that could help you just the same? PM if you would like some more help and maybe I can get a referrel for someone in your area.

Shannon I heard about your cranking up the bed and the plug was out? I just laughed when I read that eithere here or on FB. Sorry that was too funny. Have you recovered from that yet??? Amazing how something so simple could be missed. Now I know why when I call technical help for something they mention that first to check the plugs

Ok Hope everyone is well I will let you know about the results from my tests. Doesnt help that I just learned my grandmother died of some stomach cyst or something while being operated on at my age. Hmmm :confused:

[brodman]

Hotspot no wonder why the kid is a mess with a caseworker like that she dont sound clueless she sounds worthless. I think should have let her take the kid for the evaluation when the idiot could fit it into her schedule then she could see for herself and maybe grow a caring bone. I doubt it would change a jerk like her though. What the hell is her big rush to get him in school so he screws up and then what she can throw him some place else

Jedidiah now I know you cant fit the dog into the suitcase but why cant you take the firetruck Id stuff that case full of everything and think if you get it stuck anywhere that hot nurse could always help you get it unstuck maybe wont be up to playing with it at first but after surgery and your recoverin more things you have less bored and scared youd be

Shanrucas they dont have senior centers where you are? Here the members pay $100 for the year and then $2-$4 bucks each trip or $10 bucks for unlimited trips a week I dont think there is any place I have not taken them to either seniors here get around usin bus service lots

Me and the old lady had nice dinner together She was really wantin to go. We had surf and turf which is like resturant theme I guess She had salad petite steak with lobster tail steamed mixed veggies and baked tato I had soup salad steak twin lobster tails with jumbo shrimps green beans and fries then we had coffee and cake for dessert. She had good time said it was best night in long time The shrink guy in the mornin wasnt too bad he is like grandpa though he wasnt tool which was good I dont know about goin back told him Id think about it. Sometimes I feel like all the old people are surroundin me

[watercolor]

Hello. Linda, I am glad to hear you are doing okay. I am looking up "splitting" now on Wikipedia. I have heard this term though I had forgotten it somewhat, and I do think it is something I might do sometimes. Maybe I do have the bad habit of seeing things somewhat in extremes. I guess that would be splitting, maybe? Like sometimes, for example, I see myself in the extreme of being utterly hopeless and bad and hate myself and sometimes I--now, this is a little embarrassing to admit, though I don't do it nearly as often--entertain too much (not actually believe) the idea that I might be unusually gifted in some way and feel energetic and good. Is this splitting or something like it? There's other things I do along those lines, anyway. I'll read more about this. I have noticed from reading so far that Dialectical Behavior Therapy is mentioned as a treatment for this kind of behavior. I am happy to say that I am enrolled in a DBT group starting in a couple of weeks. Though I am nervous about the group and about how well I will do in it, I think overall I am looking forward to it. Anyway, thanks Linda for bringing that term up so that I can look into it.

[watercolor]

Hi Shannon. I think it's cool that you find peace and comfort with horses. Personally, I'm a little bit wary of horses. I have this image of myself being kicked or something! I would probably be too afraid to actually ride one though I did once when I was a kid. I do wish sometimes, though, that I had a pet or something to keep me company, especially when I'm feeling down and lonely, which can be quite a bit. My brother, without my even prompting it, has told me that I should get a dog. Though I think I would enjoy the comfort and friendship of an animal companion, I don't get one because of the responsibility. I do have some mallard ducks though! I go out every day and feed my 13 wacky ducks who live in my family's pond. Of course, as much as I love my ducks, I realize our relationship is probably not like you with your horses' or a like someone and his dog. I mean, there are horse whisperers and equestrian therapy and stuff. There's no such thing as a duck whisperer or duck therapy, I'm pretty sure. And when you look at a horse or a dog, you see love or at least some recognition in their eyes. My ducks, when I come out there with a bucket of corn and feed, look at me with their eyes and I see "FEED US!"

[Lindamomof7]

Hi watercolor, hey ducks are great. they quack at you even when you arent talking or paying attention to them!! I grew up on the water with white and mallard ducks so I know how calming or NOT they can be.

I think a dog is a great idea they truely are mans or womans best friend... :-))

Yeah I think what you are describing of splitting is probably more in lines with what I was thinking more so then Allans description. I find their description is more of some really bad Borderline personality issues... My own opinion...

But, I do what you are talking about as well. I think for me it is more internal like my happy to wanting to die. 2 extreme thoughts conflicting with each other and I think that is where the "splitting" comes in. And I think it is totally a defense mechanism that I learned to protect myself physically and mentally. And I associate it with black and white thinking. It is similar to resposes that go hand in hand with the extreme alternate feelings.

Have you looked at the DBT online course?

I also tried DBT in a womens outpatient setting and I didnt like it because I guess I wasnt learning much and couldnt understand the complicated way they present it. So dont get discouraged, just keep reading up on it and you will see what you do or dont do. The only thing that really helped me was to understand that not all miscommunication or disagreements is negative conflict ending in estrangement or total alienation. I grew up with that and I realized that that is not how realtionships should be.

So maybe I did learn something and it has given me a new perspective on working things out rather then just always closing the door on people. Again, I think a form of splitting or black and white feelings...

I am happy you are taking some inititative in trying something new and I wish you the best of luck with it. Keep me posted on how you do

[shanrucas]

Hi everyone,

Linda I am so glad you are back,,,missed you and I wanted to make sure were ok. Yeah..I thought everyone would get a kick out of the bed thing. Hotspot, remember training.."try before you pry"..I guess I forgot that simple rule, sheesh.

Jedidah I think Brodman is right, be sure to take the firetruck with you..you might get to the point in recovery where you will feel up to playing with it, I hope all is well.

Brodman, yes with have senior centers in the form of assisted living facilities and you have to be a resident to be able to take advantage of the transport..mom is way past being able to live in assisted living. I believe in the spirits too, I forgot that when I was young i saw a uncle who had passed away long before I was born, but I could describe him perfectly..freaked out my grandmother.

Watercolor I think I will look up "splitting" as well, sounds interesting. I hope you are feeling better today. Hang in there.

Well I saw my pdoc today. He wants me to have some lab work done. He wants to make sure that my pholic..something isn't to low and that something isn't to high, sorry can't remember the proper names, but if they are out of whack it could be killing off my neuro transmitters:eek:. He said don't bother with over the counter pholic vitimins because I would have to take a 150 of those a day..yeah I don't think so..he said that there is a drug (again can't remember the name) that I will have to take if things are out of balance. This could be why I have had so much depression and anxiety lately, though he said it is more likely my situation.

So in the meantime anymore stupid stuff like not checking to see if something in plugged in first, I am just going to use the excuse that my neuro transmitters are not transmitting.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

Shannon

[Lindamomof7]

Hey Shannon are you talking about folic acid? yes that as well as thyroid, and vitamin levels could attribute to depression. Luna would be the knowlegable one to ask as she is a nurse.

read through some of the diferent "splitting" defintions. I dont think all are what I was talking about. If I remember I will check out some of the online sites I was visiting when I was reading up on it.... I think black and white thinking are appropriate to read also....

Ok I'm off for the night, kids need the computer for homework.....

[Elijah]

I am going to take the firetruck with me.

How nice Brodman that you both enjoyed having dinner together. I would like to know where do you put all that food you eat? I had lobster many months ago for the first time, it was not bad. It seemed like a lot of work to get the food out of the shell.

Besides the new counselor being an older gentleman did it appear you would be able to work with him? How old is he?

[Hotspot]

Linda, hoping the test results come out in your favor. I am also hoping we don't get as much snow as the last storm.

Shannon, hoping your results lead to your getting something that will be helpful. btw still have rookies that want to break every door down.

Brodman, nice to hear you had a nice meal with the elderly woman. Having the new counselor not be a tool is a major positive. What difference does it make that he is "old"? I would rather an older person that's been around than someone just getting out of school without experience any day.

Jedidiah, I agree with Brodman pack that suitcase with whatever you want. It's better to have several things to occupy your time than very little.

Anyway, Linda the new kid is seeing my counselor who is a trauma specialist. It is the county caseworker that is the menace with a quarter of brain and a speck of heart. Her supervisor isn't much better. This unfortunately is how the foster care system operates. Our other 2 foster kid's caseworkers aren't any better. We have not heard from one in almost a year. The other one calls once in a blue moon and only because we are in the final stages of adopting him. My wife and I can not wait until it is over and he is legally ours. Before we got the new boy we were really looking forward to only having to deal with one caseworker. The counselor suggests I take the kid on fri for the evaluation and let whatever happens happen like I originally thought. My wife got a fax with the information this afternoon and sure enough the evaluator is female. It should be an interesting 5-10 minutes fri morning.

[shanrucas]

yeah Hotspot, rookies what can ya do, they are so eager. I am hoping that my neuro transmitters are ok, just a little beat up, hoping though maybe something is off balance and I can be put back on track.

Linda, yes folic acid is it sorry for the misspelling. Except pdoc used a bigger word for it. He said that if it is to low I would have to take something to bring it back, I asked him about over the counter folic acid, he said that I would have to take 150 pills a day of the over counter stuff, bummer. Will see. Right now I am trying to figure out how I am going to schedule getting labs done, this week is out.

You sound in good spirits Jedidiah considering all the stress and worry. I have faith you will get through this because you are stronger than ya think.

Brodman, can't wait to hear how the counseling went. It's so hard sometimes to find a good fit.

Shannon

[Lindamomof7]

Good luck with that evaluation Hotspot. Unbelievable, they just dont get it do they???

Jedidah yes take whatever you want to the hospital. Myself, it is a shiny new convertible mustang that I have a real desire for. I had a convertible chevelle when I was in high school and I loved it. Must be a sensory thing. But I have been trying to get stable enough to be able to even get a part time job so that I can get one. My husband luckily supports us so this can be an incentive for me getting better. But it just shows even materialistic things cant change the path of how we feel. So I wait some more........

Shannon you must really be low??? Wow do they have folic acid IV?? I know the Dr mentioned an iron IV for me if my levels dont improve. So this could explain alot for you ... It always goes back to physical stuff doesnt it???

Good luck with the counselor Brodman. Experience I think can be good. I had a therapist right out of grad school and yes she was nice, friendly, etc but I am finding out now because I do see a very experienced therapist that my other therpaist was just to inexperienced. Its not like just reading blood work results etc with a new Dr this is something totally different and I feel expereince is everything....

Hey watercolor I woke up early from a pretty heavy duty dream and it was about me being very "black and white" and very rigid about my feelings of something I felt so strong and right about. It was pretty interesting but I had to wake up it was becomg very intense.

This dream was similar to what I experience when I drive and people dont follow the rules of the road like using a blinker. It totally flips me out and I find it so rude and ignorant and of course dangerous but I guess it is how I cant let it go. Right is right, wrong is wrong...I guess it reverts back to my past of being taken advantage of and when we drive, ugh thats all drivers do whatever it takes to get where you are going. And living in NJ we get alot of ahole drivers!!!

So anyway thought of you after my dream :-))

[brodman]

Shanrucas, here they also have senior centers that are like day care for old people. A lot of the old people I drive around live on their own or with family in private residences some live in assisted living buildings Some are members of the senior center but never go to any of the craft exercise or other classes they have for them at the senior center they just become members to use the transportation I guess they dont have that where you are its big thing around here that sucks you dont got no help for your mom where you are

Anyway I already met the shrink he was ok only old hes 60 somethin cant remember exact age now. Told him Id think about goin back thats how it was left

Hotspot howd things go with the kid? It started snowin here already so I didnt have to go drive the old people have to go watch the dead people later. Jedidiah is already at the hospital in his room he called.

[Lindamomof7]

Hi everyone...

Had a busy day starting first thing this morning with my primary Dr. Visiting a special needs school for my sons high school years and then therapy.

Didn't find out the results of my Ct scans but she wants to send me to a soft tissue disease specialist at UPenn. She says my body is not liking me at the moment and is attacking it. Pretty interesting.....

Hope jedidiah is well and I hope everyone had a great day....