Quest for my normal

[Hotspot]

Let's All Hold Hands and Sing Kumbaya that should make everything all better.

[shanrucas]

Ok....Im done, Ive had it. This does not feel like a safe place anymore. I appreciated the life line this thread had provided for me in my isolated life. But if its going to start getting ugly I don't need that, I have ugliness right here in my home everyday. Quite frankly I could use a little hand holding and kumbaya singing, I know its a fantasy, but I have had enough of reality. I have opened my life up and now I feel vulnerable, I am angry and the thing of it is I not even sure why I am angry. I had one of those difficult days and a lack of sleep and I log on here for some support and all this ____is happening. I guess I should just take a break, I don't know..Im just to_____right now to know what I am doing. It just goes to show that no matter where you are or where you go there is always going to be a pile of___waiting for you to step in. I will just go back to my cave and isolated life, even the friends I have in this town have abandoned me, so what the hell. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to have my own pity party, Im just plain ole angry. This thread has had a long run, maybe its time to put it to rest. I know I could use the rest.

What really frustrating for me is that these words do not express what I am really feeling. I keep trying to verbalize it but this is the closest I can come to it right now, not thinking with a clear head.

Thanks to everyone that have supported me and got me through those dark times, but I am learning to live in the dark and call it friend.

Later

[Luna-]

Please, guys, STOP.

This thread has been going for THREE months, 41 pages and 7155 views. That is truly impressive. Thanks, Shannon. It’s been fantastic, a safe and congenial place, both for those who posted and those who just read. It’s too good to break apart over an argument. Is it worth losing what you had here because of an argument stemming from a misunderstanding?

What’s happening now is purely upsetting and isn’t helping anyone. Anger just feeds itself. We all have enough stress and difficulties in our life. No-one needs or wants more, especially not here.

No more arguing. If you have a retort or anything other than supportive words to say, DON'T POST IT. There is nothing to gain by continuing and too much to lose. Please only continue to post here if you are willing to talk about this calmly and resolve and reconcile.

There are a number of options.

1. We can sort out the misunderstanding here in this thread and then move on to make this place what it was before.

2. We could extract and move the argumentative posts to another thread and resolve the argument in the new thread, leaving this thread to continue as it was before, with the argument removed.

3. Shannon and Linda can start a new thread and recreate the space. You could even set some ground rules at the beginning about keeping it safe.

4. We simply close this thread down. Unfortunately this leaves anger hanging in the air between people, who then lose what they found here and may leave, with a bad taste in their mouth.

5. A combination of the above

6. There may be other options, please suggest.

Please stop and think. This isn’t worth it. Arguments can be resolved and will be, if we are willing to talk through them calmly. One of the moderators can facilitate this, if needed/wanted.

Who’s in?

[finding my way]

shanrucas, here is a (((((((( hug )))))))) :(

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Everyone,

All of this controversy and anger is much like what happens in the outside world. The idea, here, is to learn better ways to cope with it. Many people feel exhausted by the things that happen in life. Sadly, that negative stuff is sometimes unavoidable. All of us have choices. We can withdraw from this site, other sites and we can self isolate by staying home and avoiding others. To repeat, I believe and know that there is a better way and that is to work on how to cope with situations like this. That is something that can be learned here.

For example, its OK to be angry and to express it with words but not with curse words not not with insults. Expaining in a calm way is much more helpful to all concerned. What do you think?

PS: I posted an article on equine therapy right here on mental help. net.

Allan

[58corvette]

Again To all;

I apoligise for a Word (Innappropriate I used) & missunderstanding that was taken out of context. My Bad. I agree the world is Tough enough. This should be a place where everyone can continue to Feel Safe, Help, Be Helped & try to understand our own Issues & Insecurities.

So I have done all I can to correct a Mistake & make ammends. For Now I have taken my own necessary steps so as to avoid any future conflict. And I to need to just to stay away & avoid any unnecessary situations that may dissrupt my own Life.

That is part of why I have issolated & shielded myself.

If I could take back replying to a post that I myself missunderstood I would. I am Sorry for the dissruption of others Lives.

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

This is the first time I have read the latter part of this thread.

Often when we are hurt it is hard to forgive we just see the pains.

So many times pain comes simply from not understanding each other.

Allan is dead on in his post.

To brodman I am sorry you have felt ignored or hurt in some way by many of us. I did not see the post that got everything stirred up but I am sure things just got mixed up. Often typing that is what happens. You have been a blessing to Elijah and to many who your words encourage. How is he BTW?

Writing as much as we do things will stir up time to time. We are human.

What is different about this forum.. about us is the power that comes from forgiving, accepting who we are, from the warm fuzzies lol.

Sure it won't happen from every post thus is life. But for many of us this is our life line. We are all that keep each other hoping.. going forward.

Might sound cheesy but I have come to believe in each of us in. Everyone has unique strengths and points of wisdom. Ugh I sound like a Hallmark card. I am usually so negative.. what are you guys doing to me haha.

[IrmaJean]

Everyone has unique strengths and points of wisdom.

I couldn't agree more. You wrote a genuine expression of your feelings, Randomperson, and that's a beautiful thing.

[randomperson]

You tend to use what you get a lot of to try to help in someway. I used to feed off of my pain and anger. If someone said something that hurt me I would store it up.. try to make it where the world hated me. Honestly a lot of the world does.. it isn't such a nice place lol. But I realized I was killing myself inside.

Odd thing I am learning. Most people do not want to hurt each other, or if they do there is a deep rooted emotional reason that comes from them being hurt in someway at sometime in their life be it recent or long ago.

Still doesn't mean everyone will be best friends. Sometimes things just don't work out that way. But it helps me to understand where the pain comes from.

It also helps take away the self inflicted guilt that comes when I get rejected or hurt in some manner.

It takes a big person to give a heart felt apology. It is just hard to do.

Anytime I hear those words I realize that and accept it with grace.

[tash28]

Shannon, linda

I do hope you are both ok. You are both valued members of this community that has offered lots for advice and support to different people. I think you are very kind and thank you for all your advice and support you have given me.

I really liked coming to this thread and reading what everyone was up to and sometimes this thread would put a smile on my face when I was feeling down.

I really do hope shannon that you change your mind and stick around.

All the best

Tasha

[shanrucas]

I want to apologize to everyone for my outburst. It was uncalled for, I reacted to the negativity that was going on with people I thought of as friends and I am ready to accept the consequences of my actions.

I guess I felt some how envolved since I think I take ownership in this thread, maybe to much so. My anger I think is from deep with in and does not really have anything to do with what was going on with others, I won't say I was triggered, but rather I was tripped and flipped. I hold in my feelings of depression and anger as to not upset my mom, I thought I was coping but I agree with allan and what he said about coping and I think my coping skills are more damaged than I thought, yet something else to work on.

I appricate those who intervened and did their best to mediate, I hard thing to do through the written word, but I recognize that and thank you.

I value everyone here and I hope we continue on with this thread, it is my lifeline and I had hoped it was for others as well. I don't want anyone feel that they need to disappear into the woodwork and stop posting here. I care for you all and don't want to loose anyone.

Lets move on, Shannon

[Elijah]

This all makes me sad. I was only beginning to post in the thread but enjoyed doing so, as much as reading it. I am sorry several of you feel hurt. I hope Shannon, Linda, Hotspot and Brodman can return to doing what they gained comfort and support from. I wish I had something better to offer as assistance.

[brodman]

(((((((((((((((Shannon)))))))))))))))))))

btw nice to see ya marshmellow butt Jedidiah

[Lindamomof7]

WOW!!!!

Ok I posted a few days ago asking about the PM or what communication got from Brodman as I too was at first confused by the out of the blue goodbye post.

I truely believe there was miscommunication in understanding Brodmans post. Yes Brodamn it was a simple quick post as you said but it was clearly a very powerful post that because it came out of no where, it came across as you almost being disappointed in us. Which to me was the furthest from the truth and I think everyone could agree with that.

With all of the posting going on, it was a very positive, supportive, helpful and intriguing thread. That is why I think there was misinterpretation as I to at first was feeling defensive of our little "family" here. I can only assume Jim felt the same way and since we do post on another thread, Jim as well as others are all part of this unique family.

Hotspot I was waiting to hear from you what Brodman was talking about. As I said in the PM, it is great you guys frequent another forum or communicate other then here just as Shannon and a few others do as well. But I do feel there was a lot of testosterone fueling the fire around here and as Shannon and I are very trigerable (is that a word?) I think it has been wonderful for us to communicate so much here on the forum.

BUT, then came this and clearly Shannon is upset at all of this and for me, I am just to flat, fragiel and unemotional to really feel the anger Shannon was expressing. So that could be a blessing for me but not for her.

SO..........

Here we go again, lets start anew and I would like to start with I have had a terrible week. Made an emergency appt with my therapist and trying to down play all the triggers I have and feel vulnerable.

I wont go into details about one of my main triggers because it has to do with a policeman who was murdered in my old town and seeing all of the town police rally for this terrible tragedy, for me it is a reminder of the harrasment, abuse of power, hypervigilance against the same local police I felt all because my husband and I witnessed athe police almost kill a man in the middle of street in front of my house and they didnt know we were watching.

Needless to say they were bullies with a badge and because they had the badge beat our neighbor who was in his 60's all because of road rage on the part of the detectives in a minivan undercover.. All because "they could"....

So the rallying, support given to a policeman in mourning which occured only a few hundred ft from my old house, has really sent me into protection mode.

All of the police rallyed with the police who lied and beat a man almost to death in court and did publicised fundraisers etc. So all of the old feelings of us being in the news, on the front page of papers everyday is all hitting too close to home for me and I am not handling it.

Pretty ironic police almost kill a senior citizen and lie and cover it up and then trageically a polimen gets gunned down and killed a few hundred ft away, years later. Must be some bad energy there....

Ok sorry if this triggers anyone.

Hope this gets this thread up and going again and please dont think I am not supportive of police but I and my family have been traumatized by police because of their control and manipulation of the system and I hope no one misinterprets this as I hate any person who unselfishly risks their lives everyday to help others....

[Lindamomof7]

Hey Jedidiah How are you??? I have been thinking alot about you and the guys were keeping us posted on how you were doing up until a few days ago....

(((HUGS))) to you in your speedy recovery

and (((HUGS))) to everyone here... we are adults and we will get through this....

Hey Brodamn how are the old ladies doing? and how is Domino doing with that grave site??

[shanrucas]

I am so happy to hear from you all, even though I miss a couple of you have posted and only hope to hear from you again.

Jedidiah, Its so good to hear from you, I am glad you felt up to posting to us, continue healing and taking care of yourself.

Brodman, thanks that has to be the biggest hug I have gotten in along time. I definately want to hear more about the adventures of Domino the wonder dog.

Linda, I figured something was going on, such a traumatic experience and one that would be hard to heal over, but it also shows that karma has a strange way of working itself out. I am so grateful we don't have bully police officers in my area, we have had a few but they never lasted long. I guess our community is lucky that way. Other than Linda, I have missed you in the last few days and only hope things are going to be ok with you.

Love, Shannon

[Elijah]

Hello,

I am still a prisoner in the hospital. I have had a lot of kind visitors. I wish Domino could visit me. I really like my dog Angel but she is not a clown like Domino.

I had different pizza tonight than anything I have eaten before. On the television they repeatedly showed a pizza pie with cheese baked in the crust. My counselor tonight brought me in an extra large stuffed crust pizza with toppings from a place called Pizza Hut. It did not taste anything like New York pizzerias pizza. It was tasty, too bad none of you were here I would have shared. After the pizza I then had some ice cream. I bet Luna would have helped me eat up the pizza pie with ice cream. I know Brodman could have eaten it all on his own.

I am tired now.

[IrmaJean]

Sounds yummy, Jedidiah. Would you believe I didn't even like pizza until I was about 30. :eek: I hope you get some rest and are feeling better soon. Take care.

[Lindamomof7]

Hey Jedidiah So glad you are well enough to be eating!!! Especially a stuffed crust pizza!!!

Keep being strong and getting better. I'm not going thorough what you just went through but I am dealing with lots of medical stuff here and it seems some signifaicant tests are in my near future which do require the hospital which makes me torn because I haven't always had good experiences there but I am trying so hard to not be negative and stay positive.

I assume that is what you are going through as well, trying to stay positive. So keep up the good work and I guess there are many here on the forum rooting for your speedy recovery (((HUGS)))

[randomperson]

Hello,

I am still a prisoner in the hospital. I have had a lot of kind visitors. I wish Domino could visit me. I really like my dog Angel but she is not a clown like Domino.

I had different pizza tonight than anything I have eaten before. On the television they repeatedly showed a pizza pie with cheese baked in the crust. My counselor tonight brought me in an extra large stuffed crust pizza with toppings from a place called Pizza Hut. It did not taste anything like New York pizzerias pizza. It was tasty, too bad none of you were here I would have shared. After the pizza I then had some ice cream. I bet Luna would have helped me eat up the pizza pie with ice cream. I know Brodman could have eaten it all on his own.

I am tired now.

Great to hear from you! Glad you are doing better

[brodman]

hopin this gets through good usin iphone and tryin to eat lunch at same time but here goes

Jedidiah I like havin you back I think we need to pick on irmajean a little with her not liking pizza till 30 BUT BUT above all I have to pick on Irma Linda and you a little by sayin how could you leave the most important details out What kind of toppins were on that xlarge stuffed crust pizza AND what flavor icecream did ya have? were there any toppins cherry, whipcream, sprinkles, nuts sauces of any kind? this is all extremly important information LOL Seriously dude Im glad you are eatin more gonna have to stuff you like a gobble gobble

Linda maybe you should request cough cough demand some very special food for when you have to go to hospital for inbeteween the times when you can eat or after its all over or somethin

Remember Jedidiah I told you about all the videos clips I have of Mr Domino aka clownboy? K well Ive been spendin time puttin them together sometime over next few days should have it all together in one long slideshow set to some interestin tunes will burn disc for you film clips are from when I first got him home through now its got a little of everything places hes been things he does even have small clip of him at the shrink guys office this pooch sure gets around

[Luna-]

Jedidiah - so good to see you again.

I smiled when I saw you mention me - yes, you bet I would have adored eating pizza and ice cream with you. I love both. I agree with Brodman, we need details about toppings and flavours. Has Angel been brought in to visit you?

You know, if you're up to it, other people here on the forum might also love to hear how you are. Many people don't check this thread, so you might want to start one? Just an idea, up to you.

[Lindamomof7]

Hey Brodman glad to hear from you.... where is hotspot?? Hope he is managing his hectic life ok...

I love pizza and unusual toppings so please tell me more!!!!

Oh ice cream? oreo is my favorite!!!

[Elijah]

Hello Everyone,

Thank you for the good wishes.

Leave it to Brodman to joke me about the details. I would really like to see a movie of Domino.

The stuffed crusted pizza was like 4 pizzas in 1. There was a section without toppings, vegetable section, meat section, combination section. My counselor was not sure which I would like and thought I should try them all. My ice cream was Neapolitan. I had a scoop of each flavor. I added rainbow sprinkles and whipped cream. It would have been nice to share with all of you.

I wonder if Irmajean enjoys ice cream. I knew Luna would be a sport and dig right in. Dogs can not visit me.

Luna, I do not feel entirely comfortable posting at this site any longer. I am only posting in this thread because I know those in it do not have a problem with me. I appreciate others care but I have been advised to keep my upset and stress to a minimum.

[Luna-]

Are you up late Elijah? I'm up early. It's 5am. I've not managed to fall asleep so I've given up for the night. For sure I would dig into the ice cream, Any left? Hmmm, didn't think so.

And of course, if you feel uncomfortable posting elsewhere, then don't. I'm glad you feel OK posting here so we can keep in contact a little.

Are you in a room by yourself? Are you still on Intra-Venous and monitors or are you finished with that part? Tell us more about the hospital? Hope they don't restrict your visitors.