figuring things out

[58corvette]

I just replied after Malign's Reply & Started to Send it & read your Responce.

I will just say your NOT ALONE; Malign's responce is Correct for Me Also.

And you being Onto Something I believe is also good for your Own Realization Again. Along with My Own.

Yes More Growth, More Relationsips, (Balance, Balance, Balance) & More Growth.

The Best To You Again.

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

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[randomperson]

.. thank you Malign for your kind words.. forgot to say thank you so busy whining lol.

I never looked at today like that either. And thank you too Corv!

Valentine's day is always a hard day for me. Only once out of my entire life have I had a date on one.

I will admit I was playing with fire and got burned as they say. I caused all of the stress this time to myself.

I found one root problem I have never looked at before.

What makes me want to be in a relationship so bad? ...I don't know.

Is it the fear of being alone?

Athena.. your right. I need to stop beating myself up even when I do make mistakes.. because it simply gets me into more trouble.

What causes me to always revert? I know what I need to do and how I need to feel..

[CantGiveItAway]

To my understanding she didnt respond to your friend request yet. I know alot of people kinda use fb frivolously and have people on their friends list that they dont really consider friends anyway. Like you said you dont even think you feel like you want to have a romantic kind of relationship with her. So do you think you could just let it hang out there and try to forget about if she responds or not and if she does and wants to be friends then great and if not or if she doesnt respond right away just kind of keep going on about your business. I think it might help to just let her do her thing for awhile and see where things go. If shes truely your friend she will be there for you and it shouldnt be where your just there for her all the time, she should want to have your back.

[Athena]

Random,

Do you have a friend you can just go and hang out with, male or female, just go out for dinner/movie/drinks/live music, whatever, just to connect with a nice normal human being and talk about other stuff that's not so heavy? Just get out and decide to have some fun?

Happy Valentines day:). Think I'll go get into that extra chocolate I bought to hand out/eat. Here's a bunch of Hersheys kisses flying over to you, hope you like them--------> (not sure how to show something flying over the internet)

[randomperson]

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[randomperson]

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[randomperson]

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[58corvette]

Ok bud I could'nt help But Notice You Edited Quite A Bit & that's it. I Just Hope your OK????

The Best To You; ALWAYS!!!

Sincerely, Jim

[randomperson]

Ok bud I could'nt help But Notice You Edited Quite A Bit & that's it. I Just Hope your OK????

The Best To You; ALWAYS!!!

Sincerely, Jim

Thank you my friend. I'm not sure what to say right now.. I know a first for me right lol

Not even really sure how I feel. There is a lot happening that is effecting me emotionally but it is things that shouldn't bother me as much as they are, more happening by the day it seems.

I started whining about it.. then I realized I don't have the right honestly nor is it doing me any good. That is what I changed.

I have been through worse at this exact spot where I am today, and everyone here is going through so much more than me right now. But I am hurting and stalled in my personal growth at this spot... or growing still and not seeing it.

[58corvette]

You know Random you are Correct; there are quite a few of us going through some Very, Very, Tough & Scary Times at the Moment. A few that Both you & I have Interacted with over the last few Months.

But it does'nt make it any less important or not give you the right to continue to Express & reach out for Help & Advice yourself. However If you also feel it is doing you no good; You Have All The Right In This World to Edit or Do Whatever it is that Helps YOU continue to Improve for your own Personal Growth.

One of the things that happens from time to time Here (& Out There in our Physical World) is when Something is (Written, Posted, Expressed, Felt) by say a Woman that only another Woman can Help with. So although we would sometimes like to Reply for whatever Reason it is best not to.

I Think & Feel the same goes for us as Men. There are times when we just want & need to hear from Another Man that can Relate or Help us to Understand & feel some Kind of Bond & Connection to what we are Feeling or Going through at the Moment.

At least for Me at Times. Sometimes things are Posted where there is A Lot Of Anger Towards A Man & It is Completely Justified. But I have been on the Other Side of The Fence & Lived & Dealt with my own Anger & Frustration Issues with a Woman; Again Justifiably.

It is Something we Continue to Try Our Best To Understand as People but of Different Gender's. But we still Need, Long & Want Each other. I know for me it is So Nice to know A Woman Cares, Understands & Listens.

It Gives Me Hope. At the Moment my Life is So Messed up & the Issues with My Son that I have kind of Put that Hope for a Relationship(with a Woman) on The Backburner. But that Does'nt mean That Daily I Continue to be very Lonely & Long for the Love, Compassion & all the other Wonderful things A Woman has to offer.

I may be way off Base here my Friend in what I feel or have written? I know your Going through some Heavy Duty times & Issues in Regards to your Mom, Work & Relationships in General.

Believe me; I still Feel like all im Doing is Spinning Daily in an Endless Cycle & Circle to No Where in So Many ways. Anyway I have Rambled A Bit here Myself Right Now. I just hope I Somehow made Some type of Sence & or Connection to a Fellow Man, Person & Friend who has helped me with Understanding & Personal Growth.

The Best To You Random; ALWAYS

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

You guys are what keeps me going right now. You were right on track.

I had a really really rough day.

Nothing super bad but for me it felt that way. Just got to hang in till a little after 3 then work is over. Might write about it in a bit.. got to get some work done and breath first.

[randomperson]

Ok so I asked that girl out at work and got rejected today.. wasn't as bad as I thought.. but it did put me on edge. Then things were said where I ended things totally with my ex and her family.. no going back. What hurt most is what they said. Negative things about me and who I was that was all true. Said I push things and worry too much if I don't hear back.. lot of other things I would rather not talk about.

I needed to do this long ago to really start healing in that area but it is not easy especially today. She was the one hope I ever had for healing the one woman who seemed to halfway accept me being an emotional wreck.

Then at lunch boss said the catalog didn't turn a profit. That is my job security. Also mom can barley move right now.

I'm struggling hard.

[58corvette]

Ok; And at Least your Trying. I Know & Understand it is Hard to Hear & or Accept at The Moment. But You Are Trying & Doing what you Feel is Best in All Aspects.

Maybe the Lady who rejected you as her Own Issues? As far as your ex & her family; what they feel or stated in regards to you or your Personality in know way makes them any better than yourself. Eventually many things come back around. Im Sure they Themselves are Far from Perfect & you yourself could just as easily say Negative things about them as well.

So now you move on with more Insight into Others.

As far as your Job, Work, & Security your also giving it your Best Correct?

Your Mom; is they're any Others or Resourses that can Help?

Random I realise My Own Words may not be of any Help at all right now & Man can I Feel Your Pain & Struggles. I understand if you dont want to Write or Respond at the Moment.

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

..no I was needing someone to talk to. Most just don't understand me like everyone does here..

The rejection wasn't too bad she was dating that guy out of state just didn't call it that. It was cold and blunt but respectful and a clean cut.. can't ask for more

Just put me on edge for the rest of the day.

Thing is I wonder if I caused all this on myself..

Got our weekly meeting with the boss in a few minutes I barely feel like talking and not sure I am as prepped like I normally am. Not looking forward to it.

[randomperson]

Meeting went ok.

So glad there is a 3 day weekend. Got to drop some stuff off for work somewhere close to where I live then heading home.

Thanks corvette.. you were there right when I needed you as you all are.

Not feeling better but it is nice to know you guys are here for me.

[58corvette]

Glad To Hear All Went Well!!

No Problem Bud; You've Been Here For Me As Well!!

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

Home finally found the place no problem.. one thing that went well today.

So told mom what all happened with mixed reactions, part of the time she was telling me how this wasn't a bad thing that it was a fresh start, the other part lecturing me what I could do better. Ended with her looking at me and saying 'your attitude is coming across to others'.

Maybe it is but I'm trying so hard. I'm trying to do right trying to keep hope.

I'm just struggling.. hurting.. a bit scared and very nervous.

I left that part of the house I have had too hard of a day to be lectured the rest of the night.

Oh and to top it off my radio station that normally picks me up and gets me feeling better went off the air today replaced by a talk radio station lol.

[58corvette]

UNDERSTOOD. And Dont Blame ya Whatsoever.

[CantGiveItAway]

Try to see if there is some time you can find for yourself this weekend where you can just be and not feel pressured to have to think about anything good or bad, even if its just sitting in your front or backyard looking at the sky for 10, 20 minutes acouple times and try to give your mind abreak.

Hang in there and try to get some good rest this weekend.

[randomperson]

Sorry I kinda lost it Friday. Lately I just can't take a lot of stress like I used to be able to do. Mom helped later that night. First I have been on since Friday. I did do as you suggested just got away. My friends that are close by were having struggles themselves I spent time with them, helped them.. and in the process it helped me.

I overreacted Friday... all of it had just built up, plus I knew I truly ended it for good with people I cared for likely not to talk to them again which for me is difficult.

Seems like my emotions are over exgagerated lately and I'm not sure why. ..but I'm better. Not perfect, not fixed by a long shot but better. Sorry for going back and forth on such a emotional roller coaster.

[58corvette]

Happens To The Best Of Us Random; & You are One Of the Best Of Us. We all need to let it out in the Best & Only Way We Know How..........

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

Well one thing that family kept stirring me up and in a way keeping in touch was just asking for trouble. Hopefully now I can truly start healing. If not I know there is something more to my emotional problems and I can work on figuring out what it might be and how to fix it.

I knew their father for about 6 years I just didn't want to let go of that friendship, they still reminded me of him.

[randomperson]

First day of the strategic planning went well I think.

I was finally starting to be at peace with things, totally at peace.

Then somehow my mother found a long time back I helped my ex by giving her some money to keep her from losing custody of her child. She insisted I write them back. So to keep peace I did.. but she doesn't know what that did to me.

I felt at peace I left on my terms didn't give them a chance to reject me leaving was mutual. Now they get to have the last word and I have to suffer through having my last message rejected. I was for the first time thinking I had a grasp on all of this until I did that. Mom also said something that was unlike her that disturbed me. I won't go into it but I found it very unlike her.. hopefully I will just forget she said it.

Oh plus mom forced me to get a grave marker for myself. Not sure why it upset me so much but it did. She tricked me to taking her to the funeral home to get something done for my grandfather's lot.. then she dropped the bomb. I said no over and over and refused.. but she would not budge until I did it. I felt very controlled. Like I don't have my own life.. like the one simple thing how I die I can not even control. It really left me feeling down and reinforced the negative feeling like my life wasn't my own to control.

I tried to explain why too and she didn't care, it was all about her peace of mind. She said "I know you will never have it done if I leave it up to you"

Now I don't even feel I have that as something I did myself.

Why do people do things like that? 2 minor things for her to 'give her peace' that made a huge impact in my emotional health and the way I feel about things. Right now I need to feel I have some control over my life, to feel empowered to get stronger.

Hopefully I will snap out of it again. I was shocked how I was recovering and feeling better before I had to write my ex's sister last night..

[Athena]

It is horrible feeling controlled by others. Can you just tell your mother how you feel? Write it down, verbalize all the feelings, use this thread as a starting point? It is hard talking to somebody who doesn't appear to be listening, or who you have got so accustomed to not listening. Eventually you just stop defending yourself or even bothering to tell them anything. Lately, I have found telling people how I feel once I've sorted my thoughts out on paper actually seems to get across to them.

Worth a try, maybe:rolleyes:?