Sissagwaad Posted June 20, 2011 Report Share Posted June 20, 2011 its just one of those things being a guy. I remember how awful i felt in school if i was asked to stand to answer a question, and i had one of those boney moments Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted June 20, 2011 Report Share Posted June 20, 2011 More than ever I am convinced of the emotional part of thism I mean a card with no pictures of people' date=' but a very emotional message arouses me? I am so confused. [/quote']Maybe it is an emotional need and connection that you are longing for, SR. How do you feel about your relationship with your girlfriend? Do you open up with her and share deep thoughts? Is she available to you in this way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted June 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2011 Definitely, I need an emotional connection. My girlfriend is great at this. At the same time, I love those two boys more than anything and I don't want to just give up that connection. I am still wondering how anyone could like someone that knows about the Chippendiddys....I don't even know what happened, but I hate so much that I even know about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sissagwaad Posted June 21, 2011 Report Share Posted June 21, 2011 Definitely, I need an emotional connection. My girlfriend is great at this. At the same time, I love those two boys more than anything and I don't want to just give up that connection. I am still wondering how anyone could like someone that knows about the Chippendiddys....I don't even know what happened, but I hate so much that I even know about that.Lets attempt a dialogue again SR: What would happen, or would it mean, if you didn't hate so much, about what happened? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted June 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2011 Sissa,I could get on with my life if I didn't hate so much. To tell the truth, I may have never even gratified myself because I am incapable of it in the recent past. I may have just looked this whole time and just been upset about looking. Why I know this is out there, I don't know. That is why it is so hard for me to love myself....I am the one that found this...why? I can't even say it's something I wanted to see. The fact other people are labeling the video as disgusting makes it hard for me to like myself. That really is all that I can think about anymore though. It pisses me off because I am the one that found this out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sissagwaad Posted June 22, 2011 Report Share Posted June 22, 2011 Sissa,I could get on with my life if I didn't hate so much. To tell the truth, I may have never even gratified myself because I am incapable of it in the recent past. I may have just looked this whole time and just been upset about looking. Why I know this is out there, I don't know. That is why it is so hard for me to love myself....I am the one that found this...why? I can't even say it's something I wanted to see. The fact other people are labeling the video as disgusting makes it hard for me to like myself. That really is all that I can think about anymore though. It pisses me off because I am the one that found this out there.what would it mean, or happen, if you cut yourself some slack?(also, maybe you can explore why it is you think, what other people think about anything, has to effect how you feel about yourself?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted June 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2011 What does the biology mean? If u can arouse yourself with a picture of a person in a speedo does that mean u might possibly be ruined? What if u see normal things too and they work? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted June 28, 2011 Report Share Posted June 28, 2011 SR, all "biology" means to me is how you've trained your body to respond to certain situations. This can either come from positive reinforcement or can be entirely unintentional. I'll give you yet another personal example. In my case, I have an addiction to CP and repeated gratification reinforced that behavior. When I told my therapist that I hadn't let myself view CP in five weeks, she told me that I went against my biology. However, she also stated that she doesn't believe that that's who I am, and that I'm likely not a true pedophile. This means that biology can be changed. In your case, your biology is telling you to become aroused when you experience deep love. This can surely be changed. The fact is that while the boys may arouse you, you don't want to have sex with them. However, your girlfriend does arouse you, and you actively want to become intimate with her. That's all that really matters.SR, in NO WAY are you ruined. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sissagwaad Posted June 28, 2011 Report Share Posted June 28, 2011 It means your human, that is all.2nd question...it doesn't have to mean anything at all.Again, what if you got no verification about anything from anyone outside of yourself? (would you be unable to function, or comfortably rely on your own inner compass?)(trying to stimulate you to think SR, out of the tidy boxed up ideas you've made up for yourself,) lovingly....with hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted June 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2011 This is just important because I want to make a commitment to this girl but not if all I can see are speedo kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sissagwaad Posted June 28, 2011 Report Share Posted June 28, 2011 That's entirely up to you my friend.Fear is the only enemy, and it is all illusionary. Learn to take charge, be the leader, (of you,) just as you are in class Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted June 29, 2011 Report Share Posted June 29, 2011 You want to make the commitment, and she wants to accept it. I understand your frustration when you say that "all [you] can see are speedo kids," but you sound like you've calmed down a little bit. If you are feeling a desire to love and be loved, there is more to your life than "speedo kids." If you want to commit to your girlfriend, and the two of you want to have children, go for it. Love is an extremely strong emotion, and if it can be so prevalent even through these rough times, there is hope, my friend.Love and hugs,MM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted June 30, 2011 Report Share Posted June 30, 2011 MM,Bingo!!! You have hit the nail on it's proverbial head. SR, I could not have expressed it better than the way MM said it. Way to go, MM:)Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted July 1, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 MM,Bingo!!! You have hit the nail on it's proverbial head. SR, I could not have expressed it better than the way MM said it. Way to go, MM:):)AllanI am just worried that my biology won't work correctly. That is a terrible thing to be thinking about when trying to be intimate with someone! I just don't know what to do anymore. Life seems so meaningless. Even if I had kids, could I live this down? It's like if someone watched homosexual porn and they were able to stimulate themselves to it, would that be hard to live down? I don't know anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sissagwaad Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 I am just worried that my biology won't work correctly. That is a terrible thing to be thinking about when trying to be intimate with someone! I just don't know what to do anymore. Life seems so meaningless. Even if I had kids, could I live this down? It's like if someone watched homosexual porn and they were able to stimulate themselves to it, would that be hard to live down? I don't know anymore.Do you or don't you want to get over your difficulties or not?Is it not obvious, if you continue to worry, be fearful, rather than focus on simply enjoying the moment, completely, fully, you are simply dividing your attention, and depriving yourself, and whoever is in your company from your complete attention? Arn't you the do-er of you? Who else but you chooses for you what you do?Habits are formed by practice. Either you focus on practicing what you want to experience, ??or you don't. You are the chooser for you, no one else.(or are you just so obsessed with (fearing) what you don't want, that you're going to continue to ignore your true desires/wants?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 I am just worried that my biology won't work correctly. That is a terrible thing to be thinking about when trying to be intimate with someone! I just don't know what to do anymore. Life seems so meaningless. Even if I had kids, could I live this down? It's like if someone watched homosexual porn and they were able to stimulate themselves to it, would that be hard to live down? I don't know anymore.At the moment, you have far more reason to believe that your biology works than it not working. The mere fact that you are attracted to your girlfriend and WANT to become intimate with her suggests that your biology is working correctly. It's true, some people have trouble maintaining erections during intercourse, but that's often either due to a disease such as ED or can be attributed to being nervous. The truth is that if you don't try, you'll never know. This whole time, you've been depressed as hell because there was a CHANCE that you pleasured yourself to legal images children. It eventually dawned on you that you may have NOT pleasured yourself to these images, and from what I can gather, as time has passed, you've become more unsure of this. Isn't that what you're doing to yourself now? You have little to no evidence that you cannot become intimate with your girlfriend, and that's eating away at you.As far as your comparison to someone watching homosexual pornography, I don't quite understand what you mean, so I'm going to offer two responses. Are you talking about a straight man looking at gay porn, or a gay man looking at gay porn? Many straight men have homosexual inclinations, and will sometimes watch gay porn. It's like a fetish. Most of these men merely fantasize about doing so, and would not actually become intimate with another man if presented the opportunity. If you're talking about homosexuality as being immoral, the vast majority of religions may say so, but even as a religious individual, I don't agree. Marriage and sexual relations are meant to display the deepest love possible between two individuals. A man can love a man and a woman can love another woman all the same as a man can love a woman and woman a man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SomethingOrOther Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 Marriage and sexual relations are meant to display the deepest love possible between two individuals. This is also a belief, though. Do you think it would help you to make more of a distinction between sex and love? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 This is also a belief, though. Do you think it would help you to make more of a distinction between sex and love?Well, it's true that there is meaningless sex, and a lot of it, but it simply remains as that: meaningless. SR has found someone who he deeply loves, and I don't think he's looking for anything meaningless out of that relationship. He's entered into a loving, MEANINGFUL relationship with his girlfriend, and they would both like to have children. That's not something to be taken lightly.So yes, I better clarify my original statement: Meaningful sexual relations are meant to display the deepest love possible between two individuals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sissagwaad Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 MM comments:At the moment, you have far more reason to believe that your biology works than it not working. The mere fact that you are attracted to your girlfriend and WANT to become intimate with her suggests that your biology is working correctly.Telling SR anything is relatively meaningless, compared to SR's freedom and power to choose whatever beliefs he will embrace from moment to moment.Nothing we tell him will succeed in deterring him from holding onto his bone. Its as if every constructive suggestion is an attempt to 'take this bone of contention' from him. He seems quite adamant in remaining soregretful, vs filling himself with gratitude, and this he can do. It is rightful for him to continue to do so. SR does whatever he chooses, and its perfectly ok with me. Nothing stops me from continuing to love and respect his right to choose whatever emotional experience of the moment he does. This is life. This is freedom, This is as it is meant to be...... hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SomethingOrOther Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 So obviously sex isn't what makes it a meaningful relationship. I was more aiming at the idea that deep love necessitates sex. But it's probably useless to mention it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SomethingOrOther Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 Sissa, at some point someone will have to get you to understand that it's not very polite to talk about people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 So obviously sex isn't what makes it a meaningful relationship. I was more aiming at the idea that deep love necessitates sex. But it's probably useless to mention it.Spot on. As I've stated once or twice in my own thread, I'd never enter a relationship for sex. I'd only have sex with someone who I already know I love. Anyway, my original statement wasn't so much intended to directly help SR, but was included because I wasn't sure about the statement he made as follow: It's like if someone watched homosexual porn and they were able to stimulate themselves to it, would that be hard to live down?. I wasn't sure if he was talking about a straight man or a gay man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sissagwaad Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 not sure where you were going with sex and love soo.As well, i have no idea what inappropriateness you feel I've committed, in this public forum. Would you like to discuss these beliefs privately?I was making the suggestions with respect and with the implicit desire that SR notice and learn about himself, his freedoms, his ultimate responsibility about the notions he seems to hold onto for dear life, as in stepping back and realistically examine what really would be the downside in dropping some of his harsh self judgementalisms he seems to continue to afflict and limit his right to joyful existance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 MM comments:At the moment, you have far more reason to believe that your biology works than it not working. The mere fact that you are attracted to your girlfriend and WANT to become intimate with her suggests that your biology is working correctly.Telling SR anything is relatively meaningless, compared to SR's freedom and power to choose whatever beliefs he will embrace from moment to moment.Nothing we tell him will succeed in deterring him from holding onto his bone. Its as if every constructive suggestion is an attempt to 'take this bone of contention' from him. He seems quite adamant in remaining soregretful, vs filling himself with gratitude, and this he can do. It is rightful for him to continue to do so. SR does whatever he chooses, and its perfectly ok with me. Nothing stops me from continuing to love and respect his right to choose whatever emotional experience of the moment he does. This is life. This is freedom, This is as it is meant to be...... hugsSissa, I understand where you're coming from, but it's not as black and white as one would hope for. You've made the same exact suggestions to me, and while they may be totally correct (I truly believe they are,) it's difficult for many to just take on a better outlook and stop thinking/talking about themselves in a demeaning manner. I think that while taking on a better view of oneself is the ultimate goal, practical advice and reasoning must first be offered. To me, it sounds like SR has calmed down a bit since he first joined these forums. Slowly but surely, I think he's beginning to reason with himself. He's mostly moved on from saying that he's evil, deserves to die, etc, and has instead started asking "Do you think I could____" and "Is it possible" type questions. If he's asking questions about positive possibilities such as "Do you think I can become intimate with my girlfriend?" rather than saying "I can never become intimate with my girlfriend," it suggests that he has some hope. It's true that asking questions such as "Do you think I've ruined my biology?" are useless and are a result of cotastrophizing, it's better than his old habits, in which he would have said "I've ruined my biology and can never be happy with a woman." He also seems to be less sure that he ever gratified himself to the images than he initially was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SomethingOrOther Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 The belief that talking about people like they are not taking part in the conversation is impolite? I have no intention to explain this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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