soregretful Posted July 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2011 Here's my thoughts (for what they're worth)I was wondering....Maybe youre stressing because of what happenned to your uncle? - And it may be that you remember these sites cus you're dwelling on them.I would love more than anything to not dwell on them, Jai. If you have seen some of the same things as me, how do you NOT dwell on them? Staying busy doesn't seem to work for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sissagwaad Posted July 18, 2011 Report Share Posted July 18, 2011 sr, different people will dwell on different things, each for their own reasons.Ultimately SR you will choose to recognize, and to appreciate, that no one but you tells you what to think or to do. If you dwell on anything, then attempt to convince others, that you are helpless in determining what you think or dwell on, well, that is just plain irrational my friend. What might you expect to benefit in persisting in claiming to be so helpless?You know, my thoughts on why so few bother to engage with you and your issues is possibly because many think you must be putting them on, like you must be pretending being so upset, at one time even threatening considering suicide, claiming being so wrought about nothing really.I'm sure its not because they are disgusted with you, but more that they think this is plain silliness.......(but I know, it has been painful, stressful and real for you, what you've been doing to yourself) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted July 18, 2011 Report Share Posted July 18, 2011 SR,I am my jailer on this oneBeautifully said. Now, if you could find yourself innocent and let yourself out.Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted July 18, 2011 Report Share Posted July 18, 2011 I am my jailer on this one. Nothing I did was illegal....Hi soregretful Like Allan said, if you could find yourself innocent, and let yourself out....All prisoners have a release date, so whens yours ?Just wondering Hope that your day is kind to you Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted July 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 I don't know how to forget. I don't want to wake up and think about this every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sissagwaad Posted July 19, 2011 Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 I don't know how to forget. I don't want to wake up and think about this every day.ok...so, what are you 'doing' about learning how to be in charge of yourself, and your mental abilities? Share if you will what action you are initiating or pursuing towards learning to empower yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted July 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 I don't know how to forget. I don't want to wake up and think about this every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted July 19, 2011 Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 I don't know how to forget. I don't want to wake up and think about this every day.Hi soregretful Have you tried this .........When you wake up and you find yourself even begining to think about "this" pinch yer hand, and say STOP, either out loud or to yourself. Then look around you. and everything you see, whether it be the curtains, or a table lamp, think about those objects instead, as in what colour they are, or texture IDK all the boring little details you really wouldnt normally take notice of. Its really just another form of distraction - sometimes it helps me when I really dont want to think about something - you know just give my mind a little rest. (hmmm, I hope that makes sense)Hope your day is kind to youTake care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted July 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 I will try anything! I have a girlfriend waiting for me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SomethingOrOther Posted July 19, 2011 Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 Forgetting and not thinking about something are not the same thing.People would find it rather puzzling if you forgot that your grandma is dead. The reason you wouldn't think about it all the time is that you learn to accept it and move on with life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sissagwaad Posted July 19, 2011 Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 Exactly.......a choice.......there are lessons to learn about becoming free'r, liberated, in ones ability to choose ones focus,.....and thusly ones emotional experience of any present moment.Are you openly embracing what it takes to be a student, effectively? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sissagwaad Posted July 19, 2011 Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 If you are serious about learning SR....you might want to check out some of the recent 'private messages` i passed along Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted July 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 If you are serious about learning SR....you might want to check out some of the recent 'private messages` i passed alongI don't seem to have them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted July 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 Forgetting and not thinking about something are not the same thing.People would find it rather puzzling if you forgot that your grandma is dead. The reason you wouldn't think about it all the time is that you learn to accept it and move on with life.I like the comparison. Forgetting is what I wish I could do....though I seemed possible beforem I am having a hard time not thinking about it because I can't accept it. I think that's the key. As a teacher especially....icant accept that I know this. It just seems unacceptable that I do.but I do like the terminology. I want to not think about it all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted July 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 My psychiatrist says to engross myself fully in therelationship. I want to and am actually doing what a dream boyfriend would do. But I still can't quite shake the memories when they were so easy to get rid of before. I am emotionally ready to get married but I don't want to give half my self. I can't wait to try to have a family...so should I just go for it and hope this fades? I have confessed and am accepted by my girlfriend. Should I take a leap of faith? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 SR, think about where you'd be if you DIDN'T have your girlfriend. I hate to say it, but I think you'd be dead. You talked with her shortly after you called the suicide hotline. I think the point is that you need her. If she's willing to forgive and ignore any past actions even though she, herself, is an abuse survivor, I think that she also needs you. She's certainly seems to be exhibiting that behavior.I think that with time, you will be able to put all this behind you. You have the chance at a very happy life with a very happy family. Don't blow that.By the way, I know you've answered this before, but I just forgot. Do you suffer from OCD? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted July 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Yes I do. I am not sure how that diagnosis was made. It's not like I can forget this but are you saying most people could? Believe me I want to make this commitment. So whatcha think my online pals? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sissagwaad Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 guaranteed, it will. getting busy, and remaining busy with other activities, leaves little/no time for any other mental dallyings. the key word is 'fully,' as in fully commit to yourself, to enjoy the moment, fully. (and, just 'do it,'....forget about that notion of and whining about 'trying.' simply do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sissagwaad Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 in other words, give up 'making excuses,' .....reminds me of the excellent read, 'excuses be gone' Explore Modelling yourself after the 'do-ers', not the complainers, and excuse makers....study what others 'do,' and adapt what works for you....one day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Yes I do. I am not sure how that diagnosis was made. It's not like I can forget this but are you saying most people could? Believe me I want to make this commitment. So whatcha think my online pals?It's not that I'm saying that others could or would forget it. I'm saying that others would learn to live with what they did and move on. I am almost certain that you have OCD. It really adds up. On a side note, I'm starting to think (once again) that I also suffer from OCD. Escaping pedophilia is constantly on my mind just about every second of every day, and it's been suggested to me that that's probably making it a much larger and harder process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted July 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 Hey guys and gals,I just realized how many hits this had...u r great for ur support. I have told all the people this may effect and they are all ok with it. I have my future right there but still a prisoner to thoughts. Oh I am so close...still a little worried about becoming intimate because of some of the things that have happened. Want to go for it and hope it fades. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 Hey guys and gals,I just realized how many hits this had...u r great for ur support. I have told all the people this may effect and they are all ok with it. I have my future right there but still a prisoner to thoughts. Oh I am so close...still a little worried about becoming intimate because of some of the things that have happened. Want to go for it and hope it fades.First off, I want to point out a change in your thought process. I don't know if you're aware of it or not. When you first started posting here (I think this was in your first thread,) you hated the fact that so many people had read your thread and failed to reply. You saw it as people who were disgusted with you and who wanted nothing to do with you. Now, you seem to realize that we all do want to help you. So congratulations on that.I know that some people may disagree with me on this, but are you taking any SSRI's (antidepressants?) My new therapist was explaining to me today about how if you take minor doses, they only help with depression. However, he said that if the dose is increased a bit, they can really help stop obsessional thinking. Just something for you to consider... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted July 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 I was on them for a while, but not anymore. Just Luvox and Orap. Not sure what those are for even. I just want to get better. Meaning I don't think about it all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 I was on them for a while, but not anymore. Just Luvox and Orap. Not sure what those are for even. I just want to get better. Meaning I don't think about it all the time.I don't know any names of the drugs because I'm not on any yet, but it may be worth looking into them. Do you know if the dosages you were taking were small or large? How long were you on them? They won't fix all your problems, but I think they can definitely get you on the right foot. I seem to remember my therapist mentioning Xanax was really good for anxiety, but I'm not totally sure. Do you still see a psychiatrist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sissagwaad Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 :confused: Hello !!!!Originally Posted by soregretful I was on them for a while, but not anymore. Just Luvox and Orap. Not sure what those are for even. I just want to get better. Meaning I don't think about it all the time. Just??? you take lethaL drugs??? and you don't bother, arn't interested enough, in yourself, to investigate? ask questions...be discerning?:confused:You avoid educating yourself about the 'so called medicine/cure all' pill(s)?Instead of 'thinking,' or doing something educational.....You spend hours recounting and embellishing your 'regretfulness,'....claiming to be 'trying' and 'i just want to get better'....somehow? meaning i (avoid,) don't think about or check out what these lethal drugs may or may not be doing to me....just take pills, so to be able to claim, and irrationally hope or expect, not to have to actually "do" anything about educating myself, and possibly growing and becoming more emotionally mature?:confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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